Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Fortunate

I am very fortunate! I think that I am one of the lucky ones or I am blessed? Is it luck? Or do I have some control?

If you read "Earth, Pleiadian Keys to the Living Library" by Barbara Marciniak, you would think that I actually have some control.

Be careful what you wish for, or think about, because wishing or thinking can make it happen. Well, I would think that my wish would have to be within reason! I don't think Sharon Stone will be knocking on my door anytime soon! Some things must remain as dreams!

I have been blessed with a loving heart. When I fall in love it is hard, fast and forever. The dynamics may change but the love remains. I love a good heart!

I am very comfortable in my own skin. I don't need anyone to make me happy. I spent a lot of time alone as a kid and I think that that is why I am not loney as an adult. I have learned to make myself happy and to be a good companion for myself. I have even gone on vacations alone.

I live in the Midwest and drove for two days to the east coast a few years ago. While driving all that way alone in the car, I did not feel lonely at all; actually, I had a wonderful sense of adventure and I felt a special presence within me, God, I think or my spirit guides. Anyway, I had a wonderful comforting feeling within me for the whole trip. Sometimes I get that same feeling when I am driving alone on a beautiful day with the windows down and listening to my favorite songs. A happy, loving feeling overwhelms me and I think, "You know, I felt this way, doing this very thing when I was 17." Nothing has changed; oh, more experience, but the core of me remains the same. I was the same at 38 and 48 too! It's the simple things in life! Another time that I feel content, secure and happy is when my home is all cleaned and straightened and I am enjoying a good book, drinking hot tea, and listening to classical music in front of the fire. Now that is living! It doesn't take much to make me happy! Actually, I can be visiting a book store and feel the same way. I have many special moments; and I have found that it is usually when I am alone that I appreciate them more.

I remember on occasion after a very deep snow fall; when the world seemed blanketed in silence, trying to walk in the knee deep snow down middle of the abandoned street; the only sound is the sound of my breathing and I am thinking - is this too cool? I felt elated! The world was a beautiful place! The trees were heavy with snow; and people were friendly, happy and amazed at nature's wonder. Twenty-four inches of snow had fallen during the previous night's thunder snow. The winter night sky had flashed with lightening and the rumbled with thunder. A thunderstorm in February? Faces dressed in amazement, peered out of windows at the sight of lightening, and the sound of thunder during a heavy snowfall. The world seemed so quiet and peaceful the next day as we ventured out and shuffled our way through deep snow. In that winter wonderland I felt the presence closeness of my spirit guides. Sometimes I feel that weather events are direct messages from the spiritual world remaining us that they are there, all around us.

I have felt the presence of my spirit guide many times, when I am driving in bad weather and make good decisions in altering my route in order to avoid trouble. I think that I came into the world with good common sense. I think common sense is the wisdom gained in previous life times that is carried over into our present life through our subconscious.

I am the most fortunate person I know, because I appreciate the gift of life, love and good health. I do all that I can to maintain my good health by exercising, taking vitamin supplements, and watching my diet. I believe that my body is a wonderful gift from God, and I do not wish to abuse it. I was born lucky, to be attractive enough, bright and middle class. Once more, and I think, importantly, I know that I am fortunate! I believe that we are here to learn, so I try to read all that I can to become enlightened in many areas. I believe that we are here not only to learn all we can, but to learn to love and respect others. I believe that what you put out there gets returned, sometimes two fold.

I have many good friends and I treasure them. Each and everyone is as unique and priceless as a rare gem. Rarely, not often, I fall in love with a special friend who touches my heart. I hold the thought her in my heart and cherish the time I spend with her. I love for keeps and I am here for you my dear friend!

I am in your corner rooting for your success and happiness. You are precious and take my breath away. When you come into view my heart fills; to hold you makes it melt. I'm the one who worries when you are late, or don't show at all. I may not tell you this, but if you watched me you would know. My loving you is a wondrous gift; being in your presence stirs my soul! I will always love you unconditionally; if not as your lover, your friend. You warm my heart and there will always be a special place in it for you. Yes, I am very fortunate!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Being Considerate

I know that you are reasonably considerate of other people just like I am right? I know that when you walk your dog, you take the little grocery store plastic bag along and pick right up after the poop is complete. I know you do that! It's easy! It's not messy well if you only feed your dog dry dog food just meant for him, it is. You are on your own with the table scrapes.

I know you never throw any trash out of your car window; you always keep that little garbage bag into your car just for that. And it kills just about kills you to see all that trash lying in the curb; who would do such a thing? I always give the benefit of a doubt by thinking that it must have fallen off the back of the garage truck as it sped away.

Now, I wasn't even going to bring this one up, because I know that you would never think of doing such a thing and that is pitching beer cans or bottles out of the car window. I know you don't do that; but, boy somebody does, because I am having to dodge schattered glass lying everywhere along the roads when I ride my bicycle.

And I know you always use your turn single. Yes, I know you know where you are going but I don't! When I am driving, running, or bicycling I would certainly appreciate if everyone used their turn signle so I would know your intentions. It is just being considerate. If you do it I'll do it and then we will both know what the other is planning on doing and that creates a nice flow and less confusion.

Indicating your intentions is a little like turning on your headlights when it is dawn, dusk or when it is raining. Oh, I know you can see where you are going all right; but, it helps others to see you better so we don't run into you.

Please watch out for me will you? I'll be the one walking with my backpack on, riding my bicycle or running. It is good for my health and I can conserve gas and save a buck or two. Please do not speed or wipe around cars because it is against your principles to use the brakes or drive within the limit. Okay I've done it already myself, but I am more careful since I am out there, bare without my protective capsule surrounding me with reasonably ensuring my safety.

There is one last thing that I am thinking of and you might not have thought of it; but I think it would be a considerate if you did something about it. Would you please trim that huge bush you have in your yard. You know that one that hangs way over the sidewalk. Oh, it is very pretty and very healthy but has grown to be so huge! It's full, low and sticks way out there so much that I cannot walk, run or bicycle around it without having to step down off the curb into the street where I am jeoparding my safety.

"Oh that bush!" Yes that bush. See, I knew you have never even given that bush a second thought. You just thought that bush was just so pretty and marveled at how healthy it looked and oh how much it as grown! You forgot to look down and around. But, thanks for thinking about it now. After you trim it back then sit by your window and watch the smiling passerbys. It will make your day! If they are not smiling? I wonder if you forgot to sweep the sidewalk? Okay, now watch for the big smiles!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Jann

I love Jann Arden and I think maybe you will too, so buy her records and read her journal its on her web site. The address is her name.

I agree with a lot of what Jann thinks about we being souls and looking for soul mates; what she says about using our own energy of thoughts to create an event. Have you ever had a premonition and then what you were thinking of, actually happened? You are afraid you will run into to someone you really don't want to see and then you do. Amazing stuff..our thoughts!

That is the reason why I like to think happy, positive, healthy thoughts because, just as we are what we eat, we can be what we think. Be careful!

Just love yourself enough to be whole and healthy. Who cares if you do not have a lover. A lover does not make you whole, you make yourself whole. You alone are responsible for your own emotions. You alone own them, you created them, their yours...so be careful you will have to live with them until you change your thinking again.

No one on earth can save you, no one on earth can complete you; only you can heal and make yourself whole. You do have the power now if only you can muster up the energy to believe in yourself. Try it! What have to got to lose.

Do some reading! Go to the library and read about spirituality. Read "Ramtha" by J. Z. Knight; read all of her books! Be enlightened! The powers of the church and religion may have been fooling you so they are able to control you. Making you toll the line, thinking you have no power at all; making you think you will go to hell if you don't obey a church rule. Nonsense!

Watch "What the Beep Does it Mean" over and over again, for each time you do you will pick up more information.

Enlighten yourself! Do the homework! Read all of Barbara Marciniak's books too: "Earth", "Path of Empowerment", Bringers of the Dawn" these are teachings of the Pleiadians..read, you'll find out who they are.

Then when you get full of spirituality and believe in yourself and learn to love yourself, then read "The World is Flat" A brief history of the twenty-first century by Thomas L. Friedman. It is a real eye opener about world economy. Well, it involves you and possibly your job, or your children's future jobs or lack of.

My favorite book in the last few years is "American Dynasty" by Kevin Phillips. Yes, it's political but you will understand the economy and your government and how it all works together, or altimately doesn't work together.

Now, get that book in your hands and sit back, listen to classical music, burn some incense and drink a little tea and delve into that book. Read and become enlightened!

I Have a Birthday Coming Up Soon

It has been quit a year for me! I was merely existing in my mundane and I guess a little boring life. I had not worked for a year and kept it a secret. I was afraid of the demands that would be placed on my "free" time. I didn't tell my family for fear that Catholic guilt and the sense of family duty would enslave me.

So I became a little more deceiving than I had already been, which actually was not at all that difficult to do. They being Catholic and me being lesbian; well, they didn't really get that! The family just pretty much tuned me out and ignored my personal life. I found that I never mentioned things to them that were important to me for fear that they would not approve, be uncomfortable, not understand and not be accepting. Now, I wonder was I protecting them or myself?

People are so amazing! When gay issues were, on occasion, brought up by my partner, more so than myself, they would suddenly become trace- like deaf mutes! I soon learned to stop trying to connect with these people. They are obviously takers and not givers.

I was just pretty much a loner, mining my own business; yes, a little lonely but I thought that I was getting along reasonably well. I was beginning to picture the rest of my life and realized that it was so predictable. But, none the less everything was in place and all set - no excitement to it, though. Everything was good except except my whole life!

I realized that I was daydreaming a lot, like I did when I was a kid, and had no control of anything and I was scared and lonely.

Then one day it happened! Suddenly my whole world changed! It was like I was hit by a ton a bricks right smack dab in the head. I fell in love! She was the sweetest most considerate, and compassionate person I have ever met. She was like one of those older girls in school that I fell in love with because they were so beautiful, sweet and kind to me . Oh, how my heart ached for her gentle affection! I had not felt like this for anyone in many years. I didn't know what had come over me. My heart beat wildly all the time. I found that she was on my mind both day and night. And I loved it! I felt this strong connection with her as if our souls had connected before in a past life.

She did not know what I felt for her. Then one day when I was sad and told her that I was slipping out of my fifteen year relationship, she unexpectedly hugged me for a long time; as long as I needed to be hugged. I felt her warmth and love envelope me and encompass my whole being. I felt loved! Sometimes I think she might have saved my life.

Although unobtainable she gave her love and felt my pain that day almost a year ago now. I still think of her often. I miss her! Funny how only moments spent with someone can feel like a lifetime of love! My life changed that day, I changed. She doesn't know it, but I feel that she was my catalyst to change. After meeting her, I realized that I needed to make many changes in my life and that my own happiness was rightfully important. I realized that there was no reason to devote my life, sacrifice my happiness, compromise myself for anyone. Because no one else was more important than myself. No one was better than me and I did not owe anything to anyone!

Within several months I found myself living alone and loving it. I had my own space with freedom to do with as only I wished. I decided to move and buy a condo in the city. I didn't tell my family that I moved - well eventually I did but I didn't volunteer an address or phone number! Funny, I have no desire to speak to them nor they me. I don't miss them. I'll just leave it at that! As far as I know they have not bothered to try to find me.

I love my new home near all of my wonderful friends. My ex-partner and I remain friends and I am grateful for that. She is very important to me. She is a stable constant being and someone who keeps me grounded just by knowing she is there.

A few months ago, I fell in love. She is a wonderful, intelligent, and beautiful woman. We started out strong, and I assumed more than I should have and she pulled back some. And now I know it will never be the way it was. We are both too independent. Love is a wonderful thing but sometimes with love comes heartache; I believe you can not have one without the other and I am fine with that. I would much rather love and then experience heartache than not love at all. She is a wonderful person and I am glad to have her in my life. She has a good heart!

Yes, there has been many new experiences this year. This past year; my 57th year, I began running in competition and have won three awards out of four attempts. Not bad! It is fun for me because there is less competition in my age group which makes it a little more easier to win. I love the work out and I feel good about myself!

I feel good about myself but I still have that need, well a little part of me does, to heal a broken heart and to give love where it is needed. I have to ponder this - for I believe that we want to help others in ways, that we ourselves are looking to be helped. This is really not about me loving and caring for her, I think it is about me and my own heart repair. I think I put out there what I myself would like in return. Just something to ponder in my 58th year!

I has been a life change and wonderful year hopefully I did not leave too much heartache in my wake.

It is going to be another great year, I can feel it in my soul. I have come a long way and the journey is becoming more enjoyable each year. They say 60 is the new 30, well maybe 40 ish. Anyway you look at it - I feel blessed!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Monday August 9th, 2005

I love to run, kayak and bicycle. I love to run because I can run hard for three to six miles and then I had it over with for the day and can rest and reapt the benefits. I feel like I have truly accomplished something and feel both mentally and physically great afterwards. Besides I can brag about it then and people are amazed and say. "I can't do that!".

I bicycled fifty miles the other day in about three hours and twenty minutes of riding time. Organized group rides such as Trailnet.Org rides are the way to go so look for rides in your area and support their efforts. I can brag about this to people and listen to the people say. "I can't do that!"

Kayaking is great fun and fairly inexpensive. Its a great way to escape and enjoy the beauty of our local rivers. It is not that hard if you float downstream but for a challenge try paddling upstream for three or so hours and people will say. "Why would you want to do that?"

I love to work out on the treadmills and weight equipment at the YMCA. I feel wonderful after a forty-five minutes work out and I get to listen to people who say. "I should do that".

I love to go to my doctor once a year after doing all this stuff and hear "You are doing very well. Keep up the good work!"

Life is good!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

July 28, 2005 GAYS ROCK!

Gays Rock! Thank you Judge Jane Phan with the Utah State Tax Commission for ruling that a Utah woman can keep her "GAYSROK" and "GAYRYTS" license plates. No the government can not pick or choose which subjects it likes or does not like. Besides it is a positive message. It is not hateful! It is friendly, agreeable and positive. And yes, I think that it is a victory for the car owner too, but you know what it should not have even been an issue!

"God created all people in his own image and likeness" and "Love thy neighbor as thyself" I don't know about you but I learned that in my elementary religion class. Since when are we, like the government, allowed to pick and choose who gets what rights and what freedoms over others.

We are all God's miracles! And don't forget there is still such a thing in this country ( and that is what makes it so great) as freedom of speech.

Personally, I think we need to all learn to get along and respect one another and teach our children to do the same. We should respect one another and the environment in which we live. Let's stop the abuse!

I recently went recreational kayaking in a beautiful river with small rippling rapids nestled in the mountainous region of my state. The River and surrounding bluffs were beautiful except for the liter I saw scattered here and there along the river bank and in the water. Beer cans and plastic bottle ties and sandwich bags and every kind of wrapper you can image lying along side the river bank in the rocks, bushes, and lovely trees. What a shame!

Where is the respect for nature? Most kayak and canoe outfits even provide trash bags to take along with you on the river for the purpose of keeping our waterways clean.

It takes many years for plastic to dispose so it disfigures our land for many years? If only we could have a little more respect for all living and non living things that make up our beautiful countryside.

I have another pet peeve to complain about while I am doing such a good job. And that are the people in boats who speed up and down the shallow waterways where kayaks and canoe are traveling. I know everyone has the right to be out there, we are all tax payers but I ask you to please think about the other guy and the results are your actions. Would you please slow down when passing small non-motored recreational crafts! It is called common courtesy guys! The passing speeding boats create such waves in the river that small kayaks and canoes nearly capsize. Can't we all respect one another and get along. What's the hurry! Someone may even give you a beer if you slow down long enough to be nice and say "Hi".

Where I do find many friendly people is on the bicycle, running and walking paths in many of the surrounding metropolitian area parks. Usually people are very courteous and friendly. Put a smile on your face and just see how many smiles are mirrored to yours. It works! Be friendly and people are friendly back to you. It doesn't take any extra time to to it and smiling uses less facial muscles than frowning. And we are instantly prettier and look ten years younger - and with your new workout body - go baby go! Remember age is merely a state of mind! Think about it! We create our own realities - no really! Think about it!

Trust and believe in yourself. We do have more power than what we think we have when it comes to creating our own realities.

Don't forget to be nice! Do something nice for someone else and watch what beautiful transformations happen in YOUR life.

Have a beautiful day now! Oh, and take the time to thank God for your blessings.....you have some ...just think about them.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Wednesday July 20, 2005

I am all moved with remaining boxes stuffed neatly in closets out-of-sight. Now if only I could find what I am looking for!

I love my new condo! It is smaller then the last one so there is last space for junk to accomulate. And really, why keep all that stuff you will never use anyway. Besides, I can't spend the money and accumulate the toys if I do not have the room. Or, if you buy one thing then you must get rid of another thing that you are not using anyway - like all those bicycles. One hybrid and one road bike should be enough. I'll sell the other ones or give them away.

So, what's D-Main Barney Frank going to do for government employees? Do you really think he can pull it off. Do you really think he and the other 52 representatives back and get passed domestic benefits for non-married couples?

Personally, I think the Right Wing Republicans will chew it up and spit it out. I think each and every one of us need to contact our representatives and demand this bill get passed. We as tax payers have just as much right by being tax payers alone, as any one else.

Personally I am a little frightened that Sandra Day O'Connor is leaving. We will miss her "swing" vote which was usually to the more liberal side of the pendulum. The new guy, old man's Bush's friend young 50 year old (just means he'll be there for 50 years) John Roberts Jr. will fit in neatly with Clarence Thomas (was he suppose to represent his people?) and the rest of the altra conservatives. I'm afraid quite frankly that many of the freedoms we have enjoyed will be taken away. And since when should the government tell me what to do with my body? Don't you think that that is a little personal? Just get off our high horse for one minute and really think about it? The chip in the back of the neck may be next! Who you like that too? Workers on the road holler about the employers'GPS tracking their whereabouts - that chip in the fleshy part of the back of your neck will do the same thing.

I guess it would be great if you get abducted? What if you are trying to escape an abusive spouse or lover and the law will not help you - he or she hasn't physically hurt you yet. So you run, you keep moving from city to city, job to job. You must keep moving and use cash only purchases because he has friends who have access to computers and files and can trace your credit card action and follow your GPS signal no matter where you go. You say I'd would just remove the chip. Oh, but he injected it one night after he drugged you and you have no idea that it is there! Or let's say it is a state requirement in order to pay taxes, get a driver's license or plates for your car. Let's say it is an ID requirement because there are so many known terrorist entering this country. All these things sounds like great ideas to me. But is it fiction or non-fiction? Is it something to think about in the future or you better be thinking about it now.

Think about it, in ways it could make your life easier. Like that movie with Tom Cruse "Minority Report", you could walk into Dick's or Dillards and they would know exactly what you bought last and if you came back for the matching pants. Wouldn't getting your driver's license renewed be so much simpler instead of getting so much more complicated! Be ready with your state issued birth certificate (a hospital copy of your birth certificate will not be accepted - there has been too many stolen from hospitals). So, even if you are not due to renew soon, go ahead and get that birth certificate because the way things are going one day (probably before Bush is out of office) you may need it to buy a gallon of gas, or a burger.

Now, we need a passport to get into Canada and Mexico right? But Mexicans don't need one to get into this country right? I mean they have their own special routes into the country. Like the blue light specials that are only available late at night. I hear it is very popular but hot and crowded, very crowded.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that things are getting so much more difficult and complicated for us good honest average joes, because the government is trying to "slow down" the illegals and terrorist. It is just too bad that we good guyes seem to always have to suffer two fold and the bad guys probably have already found ways to work around the more complicated new ways. They are always one step ahead, just like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Just like hackers that stay ahead of all the new spyware software. I think we all need chips!
Chips and salsa to go along with that Mexican beer I'm about to have. Pass me the chips please. And ponder this: Do you know where your birth certificate is? You better if you want to drive! Here's to you!