A Free Evening!

I just lost everything that I typed when I performed a "spell check" function.. What a drag! Well, I was just talking about the nice relaxing day that I am having sitting next to the fire and catching up on recorded shows. Yes, I had a day off from running, swimming and working out. I did so some yoga. I'm trying to figure out how this spacing is working and why the spacing jumped down three inches when I choose a color. I'm wondering why Charater Fucking Cable company has to scream these fucking commericals at me. Morons! A fucking man thought of that I'm sure! Men need to be heard - big babies! That explains all the bells and whistles on these stupid extreme super-size gas guzzlers they feel the need to built and sell and these idots buy them. Is it really necessary for the car door lock to fucking honk everytime it get locked and unlocked? Men are loud and ignorant and need to be heard! These old white rulers of the government and church need to get out of Dodge. We are tired of hearing and looking at you. McCain, will you please retire? Kerry - get over it! Go home! Let's send some women to Washington..some young brilliant ones.

McCain and Kerry? NO, Don't run in 08

Come on McCain, you are the only one impressed with yourself! And Kerry, same with you. Give it up! Just how egotistical are you? It's time for a complete change in Washington. Personally, I'm sick of looking at old, old white haired men. We need young fresh blood. I prefer a woman..but apparantly "women" yes, women in America are not ready for a woman president! Yes, too many woman still listen to their husbands.. Yes, even though this is 2006, women still feel men are more important, smarter and more valued in society. Well, you know why that is don't you? Because women have let the men get away with it. Men, through the ages, are ignorant and weak and fear that they must dominate and control so she doesn't leave. All men ultimately are looking for their mothers in wives. Men want to be pampered and babied. Men take longer to recover from a cold and miss more work due to illness then women according to studies report on the "Today" show. Women can tolerate pain better...well some better than others. Most in general are toughj. Women can juggle numberous tasks at the same time. Men have trouble eating and talking or driving and talking. In my own observation, men become child like at an earlier age then women, especially when they have a wife readily available to take care of them. It's ironic to me, when they are young men must be leaders, dominate, controlling, loud, entertaining and babied...then when they get older they quickly become senile and shuggle along as their wives lead the way. That is my typical observation. Not all men are like this. I have observed highly educated men well up in years who are cute and interesting and in their own. They have their own look and a ready humor and kind eyes and are giving and interesting. I love those types of men; I can learn from them. I can listen all day. They are professors, authors, and artist. Musicans, I love musicans. I think I might have met someone I could have fun with. She and I will be going out (as friends) Friday evening or maybe Wednesday. I have gotten over my other crush. She is very young and still a little egotistical...that is not a complaint; it's more of an age thing. I believe we become a little more passionate and compassionate with a little age under our belts...or experience? A few hurts, perhaps? Anyway, today will be a lovely day. Maybe I'll go to the gym later on or swim. Or clean! I hate to clean but I need to vacuum. Sing and play my guitar. Watch recorded TV. Look for my orders to arrive. My yoga music CD. I could do yoga today; more, I have already done some. I have a very nice body and I need to keep working at keeping it lovely. That is very important. Yesterday after dringing "many" margaritas the night before, I ran 13 miles. Yes! And was fine all day yesterday and went out to a friend's house for a movie yesterday evening. But, today I'm feeling like I am fighting off something. So I may just rest and stay in this evening and not go to meditation. We'll see.

Sunny and thirty something...

That's me. Sunny and thirty something! Actually, I was speaking of the weather. But, weather or not...I'm ready to rock and roll tonight. I have a crush on someone. She drives me insane with want especially when she makes plans with someone else. Right now I have so much energy and my heart is racing from desire that I can't close my eyes and rest.. so why try before going out in a few minutes. I need to walk my dog again...and she just disappeared..in the house; in another room. she was just begging me for something. I guess I missed my window of opportunity to coax her down the dreaded steps again. Ezekiel, where are you? You are supposed to be helping me with my love dilemma. Help me for god's sake! I can't stop this feeling.. Just what am I going to do? Don't you love? Just what is going on here? Why can't I get her out of my mind? Sometimes when I'm around her.. I think the hell with it. But, then I miss her as soon as she is out of sight. Help me for god's sake! Yes, I'm thirty something. I could stand to lose a couple of pounds and get more firm. I need your help! The dog is back; I have to walk her now!

Quiet Evening, Early Evening

Day is done and I'm ready for bed...I'll hold my pillow close, my arms wrapped around it and think about my loves. I listened to the Ezekiel tape again today after I bought a new tape player to replace the old broken one. Was it a sign? Was it important that I play the tape again. Ezekiel says the age problem is my problem that this new society, the modern society is not that age conscious. And they are not - at all. He suggested I need to make the move, otherwise it goes on like it is; just caring about each other, but neither party making any moves. Personally, I think Ezekiel might have been mistaken? She has a crush on another, or did... Then there is my lover - she is very warm and caring and after the loving holds me very close our hearts together beating in syn. She cares about me I know. I love the closeness; the sweet affection so welcomed. I can't change things now, neither can she..but we treasure what we have..so warm. I saw her yesterday..and I still feel her closeness. All I can say is thank god and the universe for her, for my love last summer and for future loves because they are truly gifts..since I missed out on loving women in my 20's and 30's and yes, even 40's. I'm just getting going..I love them so much. I never should have been with men - at all! Family, church, government and society, the straight society are so wrong. I could never give my all with a man..I went though the motions. I'm so at "home" with a women, it's wonderful..she sighs and tenderness touch my soul and heightens my needs and desires. It's magical! Oh what I have missed all those years....god it's not fair! The longing was awful all those years..my heart ached and ached and ached. If I would have had just one woman all those so many years ago, I never would have ever been with a man. It's just not in my make up. I'm sorry for all the men I was with, searching for that magical man who would change me (yeah right!) and set me straight, but knowing in my soul it would never happen. I love women, soft, warm, tender, caring, sweet, lovable women..I'm home. I'll miss her next week. There's another love that I have. I love her dearly and she knows it. My heart is out there for her to do or not do with as she wishes. I love her very much. In my eyes she can do no wrong. My eyes are tired I woke up too early this morning..thinking of the good doctor. I love her still and miss her..it's been a year or more since I got a glint of her and her me in passing. Before I go to sleep, I'm watching Bill Maher and his panel of Candy Crowley and another person said that if the Demcrats would have lost the American people would have been up in arms and acusing the republicans of fraud. And they all agree as I, that we should have gotten paper receipt to take with us showing how we voted. Yes, WE should have gotten a paper receipt...a paper trail. The race was close all around on all issues except raising minimum wage which passed by a far 74% yes ahead of the no's. Sleep well my loves, it time for me to sleep now and dream sweet dreams of all my loves. Thank you so much universe for allowing me to have a second chance...I'm youthful, active, happy, and fun loving and so enjoy my many wonderful friends. Life is wonderful! I recall the day of the biathlon, I prayed on the way there and asked that the day be magical and it was so magical. I went alone. The day was exceptionally beautiful...my bless magical days are clear and bright and sunny. The run went well, but twelve miles into a 22 miles bicycle race, I got a flat and wasted about seven to ten minutes finding a pump from another rider to pump it up; which was to no avail. So, I rode that last ten miles on a front flat tire at speed of 16 MPH and downhill at times at 22 MPH. Later after the race she and I chatted we soon discovered we have similar or matched needs, if you know what I mean. I saw the pain and felt her hurt. I called her the next day and invited her over. Within a couple of hours we were together. Magical! That was in the nineth month and we still see each other in the eleventh and life is good and I am very blessed. I love magical moments. I want more, I want to love even more women. I know that sounds loose? Or too carefree? But, I need to experience all the pleasures of life and I believe that my love for another is a gift. No really! I am a very caring loving person. My eyes are closing..it's time for bed. I have a very busy, fun filled day planned for tomorrow. I will watch her play even if it's raining; she brightens my day and lightens my heart. Thank you universe for all of my blessing. I may just have to make another appointment with the channeler who channels Ezekiel. I think he's cool! I just want to check in with him. He is truly my spirit guide, or one of them. Life is good! Thank you! My loves are so precious to me...thank you

So Far So Good!

These are the best times of my life and I am most graceful! Although the day is cloudy and gloomy, my spirits are lifted. My mind is clear and bright! It's a rest day for me in a way just in case I may be coming down with something I'm taking it easy today. For some dumb reason, I woke up at 3:33 AM. I think I have been up and about ever since. It's 11:26 only... and I need a nap. I woke up this morning with an upset stomach; well, sort of, kinda of. It's better now! It's a relaxing day for me. It's going to rain later.. I'll light a fire and L will come over and we'll watch Roseanne on HBO "Blonde and Bitchie". I never got to eat at all yesterday. I wanted to run in the morning so I couldn't eat. Then later on, I wanted to run in the evening so I couldn't eat. I just transplanted several plants. NO MORE PLANTS! I don't have any more room for them! Rain will be moving in later today, possibly thunder storms so I'll latch down the hatches and board up the windows. Well, they're not supposed to be that severe anyway. Today's a good day. This is the best time of my life! The past is forgotten - forever. I hope I never see any of them again! My friends are my family! I'm in part of a new phase of my life and I love it. I'm 35, so says my 35 year old friend. To the question, if I love a younger woman, she saids. "Why not, you're like a 35 year old". That was the best compliment of my life! I have the coolest friends! My ex said recently. "They see what ever you put out there." And you know that is very true. My youthful soul illuminates out from within, shines, and is reflected back from my friends. I believe what we put out there comes back, sometimes two fold. I am very fortunate to have wonderful friends of all ages. My age is merely a number..truly. We are or become what we believe we are and what we want to believe we are. I missed the lesbian life in my 20's and 30's, the evil church, family, and sociel influence had me living the straight life. I hated it! I was with him but secretly loved her...it hurt so bad! If only one time, just one time, I would have had sex with a woman I never would have gone back to a man ever again! The more arouses I make her, the more aroused I become. But, in the past, with a man - there was nothing. I only received and I had nothing thing to give. I hurt people and wasted both of our time because of igornant, hypocritical white ruling men of the church, government and the rest of society who are mainly gay themselves but just love to sneak! Evidently sneaking around is a turn-on. Actually, I think most men want it all. They want the wife and family for show, heritage, prestige, normal society appearance; but, secretly they want to sneak a young man lover. Personally, if you observe male behavior all men act gay to me. They watch sports with their buddies. They would rather hang out with their buddies than their wives. They complain about their wives, don't help out at home with chores or with taking care of the kids. They're gay! I worked with a guy, who was on the phone constantly to his wife. She definitely as the boss. Oh he just agreed with her and they talked talked. But, when a man walked into the room, a white co-worker or boss, suddenly he became very butch and criticized and verbally degraded women. What a hypocrite! But, guys feel they have to butch up around other guys so they don't come across as gay. Sometimes we so hate what is inside of us that we project outward and take it out on others - being hateful to others. Men more so than women, because men are projectors. They project every problem onto others as if it were someone else's problem not theirs. Many men are in denial. Many men are mere puppets and watch and do what the other guy does or listen to some radio talk show host whose an idiot! Men have to be heard; they are loud and need to be entertaining. It is so annoying. Women, especially gay women, are soft warm and wonderfully giving (most of them). NO wonder I hate men. I was forced to date them by society and its pressures. I feel that I wasted half of my life and yes I have taken it out on ignorant others. Why not! Stupid ass ignorant society made up of ignorant narrow minded Christians - just bullshit! And that bible and those stupid rules! I am a spiritual being. Be honest people! I think we all know the difference between right and wrong and we know to still within the law of the state and federal government. We do not need religion to control, command, or dominate us with their stupid ass rules. It's all bullshit! The power lies within each and everyone of us; but evil religion doesn't want us to know that. They tell us we are sinful and evil and need to be fixed and corrected, when it is religion that is truly evil. Oh, and they want your money! Oh, and have many children so they can spread their faith around the world. Of course they won't help you support them...they want YOUR money and give theirs to you. The Christians teamed up with the government to help get Bush re-elected. Oh, he made them all kinds of promises he never intended to fulfill. Just lip service for their votes. Well, finally people of America got wise. Yes, the people of America finally got wise and read between the lines and voted accordingly. Voted out were the selfish special interest group republicans. The Democrats now will run the house and the senate. Bush will still be an idiot but what can we do about that. I think his second term was rigged....and don't try to tell me it wasn't! There would have been mutuny if the republicans would have rigged the mid-term elections. There was too big a turn-out for change for them to even consider rigging it. Besides, I think the republicans know they dug themselves in a hole. Rove even looks like an idiot! cheney just has big business - his won - Haliburton and oil and his mind. Bush has no mind of his own.

One more day of campaign commercials!

I will be glad when all the bickering and mud slinging is over and the democrats take all the seats they need to gain a house and senate majority. There needs to be a change. Talk about check and balances! I believe republicans have screwed things up and now it's correction time. This country is in 43 trillion dollar debt, the middle class is shrinking, good jobs have been lost to overseas location where corporations can pay wages that are next to nothing, illegal immigrants enter this country at the rate of 3,000 per day and are taken jobs someday soon we will need because of lack of good jobs. The republicans care nothing of preserving the environment in fact allow auto manufacturers to build the biggest vehicles in history just to see how fast we can burn up the oil before anyone else can get their hands on it. Greed! Just greed! And I hate the church! I hate religion! In my opinion they are nothing but a bunch of holier than thou, money and power hungry hypocrites. Hell? What hell? That crap is all made up to control, manipulate and punish ordinary people. Yeah, just tell people they are all sinners and every emotion is wrong then you can fix and forgive them and take their money in the process. Hey people, you don't need any religion, the power lies within you alone You can learn to create your day and watch it unfold with magical moments - if you look for them. Life can be magical if we let it be. Be thankful for what you have And be happy! The church doesn't want you to be happy; they want you to be a miserable, shameful sinner so they can dominate, fix and rule over you and take your money. How dare the church tell me how to vote? I thought church and state was separate?

Saddam is sentenced..

the stock market is setting records, gas prices are down. and we are being distracted by the war right before the mid term elections. What a plan! So are the forces of evil government in motion. Like directors and producers launching with a broadway hit! Eureka! The American people are ignorant pawns made to be manipulated and massaged into submission and trickery. Evidently, it works! And it it doesn't, the new electronic fowled voting machines can correct any miss caluated straegy by the republicans. Oh, they WILL keep their seats in the house...they will make it happen! Hey, they got away with it in Florida, why not a few more important states like Ohio. After all the CEO of Diebold, the maker of the electronic voting computers, told the government the would. Yes, the corporations are in charge and in cahoots with the republicans. You can't be surprised? Bush is a mere puppet and couldn't find his way across the street if they let him in charge he would blunder continuously. Remember how poorly he spoke in the first two years. He ha slearned to read better now. What about Foley? Will Mark Foley hurt the republicans in the mid-term elections? I doubt it. People will just make excuses for the poor sick gay guy on drugs. Yeah! Right! What about Ted Haggart, the scum of the earth preacher hypocrite? Oh, I guess over 30,000 will be blinded and pray for the poor sick boy! He is a hypocrite! Someone once told me that people who speak out the loudest about an issue are usually the most guilty of that issue! They are latent, that's all! The hate is so deep rooted within, that they preach out against it. They preach to others about what is going on deep within themselves. So, they are hypocrites. Why don't they just come out and be gay? Sadly they have been so brainwashed that homosexuality is wrong that they bust out in mid life. People, there is nothing wrong with being gay. The Christians only hate homosexuality because they were taught it was ungodly. God created homosexuals and god does not make mistakes. But yet the christians have to break a spirit down in order to dominate and rule over it. We have to be sinners to drum up the business of corrections within the church so they have reason to take your money. Parishioners are nothing more than pawns to be manipulated in the chess game of life directed by evil christians. I have no respect for them at all. It's all a scam people to manipulate for votes. In my opinion, gay marriage should be permitted and call gay marriage and come with the full package of tax extemptions as well as it does for heterosexuals. Another power play....that continous on and on is the big business of auto, oil and government. I do believe Cheney and company want to make the last nickel on the last drop of middle eastern oil. Talk about creed! The air with clean air and global warming.. the Bush boys and company want to make money anyway they can. Taking away your jobs and sending them to off score locations and having third world countries work them for next to nothing is the American way. Allowing three thousands Illegal Mexican immigrants in this country on a daily basis is another ploy to aid big corporations and use up all social services that are possibly available. They are schooled here and receive medical care free. While what is left of the American middle class near or go bankrupt to cover medical expenses that insurance companies suddenly in mid-stream decide not to insure when the insuree is under the impression that all charges will be covered. With the economy as it is, more and more people are living at the end of their means which can't last for long before they lose everything and end up poor all to gether. The average balance on a credit card is ten thousand or more and this is for young people too trying to get an education. they are stuck with thousands if not hundreds of thousands dollars of education bills. It's unbelieveable! What we have today is a government for corporations by corporations. We do not have a government for the people by the people. We, the tax payers, (all big business get the tax shelters) are footing the bill for everything while the rich get the breaks. You know, just as always nothing new. All we get is lip service. In 2004 when Kerry decided not to fight Bush over the "odd" win. I knew right then and there he knew the whole thing was fixed and was probably told by them and even his own to forget it. Frankly, I think that there is a reason why the Democrats are not organized or as tought as the republicans (or as sneaky) are; I think they are all in cahoots. I wonder if the middle east doesn't have us over a political as well as oil barrel. Are we being blackmailed some way by the Saudi's. We sure do not hear anything from them do we. And don't you wonder why all events are so timely as to lead up to another major events. What I"m talking about is...we never could have pinned a flimsy excuse (false actually) about going in to get Saddam unless it (including 9 11 ) was orchestrated. And don't you think it is very timely that Saddam Hussein get sentenced to death by hanging two days ( and on a weekend - so everyone gets a chance to catch the news) before the mid-term elections. As for as I am concerned it's all theatrics. Well, in two days, we will see the republicans keep their seats in the house. Oh, they'll see to it. Hey, when the republicans get campaign contributions from the very company that is making the voting machines, what else can you expect. Hey, it's not rocket science. Watch "Hacking Democracy" with Bev Harris who digs deep and outs the Diebold people about allowing the voting numbers to be changed without record or alarms in the election machines. No paper trails this time to slow or mess things up. Yeah, blame it on one system, so you can introduce your own pre-programmed system to suit your needs. Jeb Bush is governor in Florida for noting. And the company builder CEO promised to get Bush the Ohio vote. Lots of luck! So many people at the grass roots level really believe that they can make a difference - I say "Yeah, right!". Lots of luck! It's all wrapped up and packaged just the way they want it. And not until the economy and environment gets so dreadful will anything be done about air pollution because Bush keeps giving auto, oil and big manufacturers the leeway to freedom on attempting to reduce air pollution. They don't care! Besides sick people are good the economy. Fat people are good for the economy. The medical industry can make a killing on these sick people. And I hate these big ass super sized vehicles that are nothing more than extra large killing machines that can't be seen through or around or over or well, maybe under - soon. And the tinted windows suck! Rather on foot or in another vehicle eye contact between drivers or between driver and pedestrians is every important. Okay! Now that I have written all the cheery things about life, I think I'll do some yoga stretches and then meditate Peace!