I'm hosting poker this evening with eight poker playing buddies. They are all around my age, 58. And all of them have one or several of the following: Diabetes, high blood pressure, high chorlesterol, bad knees and enduring menopause (for some reason have opted not to do HRT? But I do believe in HRT). They consider themselves old. I put myself in a totally different category. For one thing this is 2006 and 60 is the new 40. Think it and it will be! So, I am very appreciative of my thinking. Once more it works! I feel like 38, look 48. My body looks good! I would date me! I guess that is the highest compliment anyone can pay themselves. I look in the mirror and tell myself I'm cute. How many young ladies do you know you actually think they are cute? I know, not many, I was once one of them. I'm past all that now. I guess you could say that I am unique! Which puts in a quandry. I have to go after the younger active ones on the dating web site; they certainly won't come looking for me in my age group. I have to prove myself. I have up-to-date pictures. I should look good. I excercise every day and just talking about me makes me want to do yoga stretches, swim or run. My knees are good. I take two Glucosamine Chondroitin in the morning and evening daily.
I guess I'm used to hanging out with runners and younger people. All though, many of them are running on their youth alone and do not exercise. I almost feel scared at facing what I could be like. You see, I am very fortunate that I exercise on a daily basis. I have no complaint, no health issues. I am blessed, yes! I thank god and the universe daily for my many gifts.
I am blessed with good health but more importantly I am blessed with the knowledge on how to help keep and maintain my good health. I firmly believe exercise is key and proper attitude and nutrition. Good health doesn't just happen, it's created with from within by thinking healthy and expecting to be healthy. I exercise therefore, I expect to be healthy.
In the spiritual thinking environment we learn that we are in control of our world. We can create our day so be careful of what you wish for and be careful how you think. So, think positive happy healthy thoughts.
I know that I am very fortunate. I have my mind and heart wanting to exercise everyday. My young friend whom I run with wants to skip today she stands at work and her back and knee hurts. So'll we just go for coffee. I enjoy her company. I'll swim this afternoon. Just the thought of skipping a day of exercise is foreign to me. Now, there was a time in my early thirties where I didn't exercise but I got wise and wanted to be the best I could be at 40 and I was. I was running, bicycling and looking trim. I did a good thing for myself. I feel that my body is a gift, I have always felt that way. I cherish this gift and I want to preserve it for as long as I can.
I know that I am very fortunate and that is why I repeat myself: Being grateful for what we have and our good fortune is a good thing and an acknowledging our gifts give us gifts back in return. You see, now I know things can happen no matter what, but my friends expect to be sick at this time in their lives. Yes, they do. You see their parents were sick then too. They don't realize they have some control which is created by their attitude and thinking and general belief. They don't realize sixty is the new forty in 2006. And it is too late for them. They are who they are and they won't change. They have a certain picture of how 50 looks and they are there. So, god help me sometimes I'm a little nervous around them like it's going to rub off. They do not compliement and I usually keep quiet but I was trying to lead and teach by example I have given up on them. They do not want to see. It might be one of the reasons I left my long term relationship. I have a different mind set. I know that I am in a world of my own..but my world works wonders for me and I love it very much, therefore I love myself. It's just the want it works. Some people probably take better care of their cars. Okay, I won't get into preaching any further. Libras teach by example. Well, here I am...but no on is paying any attention and getting on the bandwagon, not even the younger ones. Well, a few are my running buddies admire me. I love 'em. I'm not conceded; I'm good grateful to be conceded. No big head here! And if there is, well honey, I deserve it.
I am truly enjoying my life and love being active that is why I have to find a like minded spirit lover no matter what her age. Also exercising puts me in a good mood and in touch with my inner soul. I appreciate life and the body of my mind, body and spirit.
Namaste!
Friday, March 17, 2006
A Haunting
Earlier this evening there was a phone call with an 800 ID. Maybe a calling card call. I didn't answer it. I screen all my calls. They left a message.
Several weeks ago I believe telemarketers called and didn't hang up soon enough and a message with a young man's voice was barely audible.
But this evening when I retreived the message the beginning sounded like my mother's voice. I quickly hit the three button and deleted it. Gone! Done! I'm not even curious as to what the message was. But, I know my mother. She tried nice voice at first and after a while she'll get pissed and hang up. And go away hopefully.
I wish she would just go to the hang-up part. I never want to see her again. I hope I don't have nightmares tonight. I usually do when I have thought about her during the day. There was never any happiness. I was trapped out in the country alone with these fools. God please help me find love and happiness.
I need my hollow heart filled. Why have a kid if you are never going to hug that kid. I was her helper. A flippin servent! She was never happy! Nothing was ever right! I was stuck with these people.
My eyes are closing so I have to go to sleep now. I fight sleep because of the dreams. I have fought sleep all my life to avoid the scary sad dreams.
Until the doctor held me - so close to her heart. I thought I died! I never expected her to hold me. I needed that so bad. I was at the end! I told Lou then about that time that I was this close (holding up my thumb and forefinger about an half inch apart). Some times I had to run miles to ease the pain.
When I want closeness and intimacy very badly I run too, and far.
I need to open my eyes and shut down my laptop. I'm having coffee with Kristi in the morning. She's a delight. A bit of fresh air and youthfulness.
Time to pray. God, universe, spirit guides, Ezekiel and Ramtha please protect and bless L,T, D, K and the young naked girl on the internet. Please keep her and them safe (oh, and me too), warm, healthy, protected from danger, recklessness, please keep theh girl safe from exploitation. Grant us love and happiness and wealth and riches. Grant me the compassionate affection and understanding that I need. I want to be in love. I love loving and being affectionate and I want that again. I used to think it was selfish to ask. Or, I thought, I guess I didn't deserve it, but I want to be loved. However, I want to maintain my identity, sense of self and freedom to maintain my healthy lifestyle. And compromise, there must be compromise. Love is about compromise.
Thank you for all of my blessings and this wonderful body. Thank you for their's too in case they forget to thank you.
Good night! Thanks for the good knees and good run today. You guys rock!
I have the power within don't I? See I'm beginning to discover that little secret the church doesn't want anyone to know about; thus they would lose control. They control with fear (sounds familiar? So does the government).
Please, I beg you keep my family at bay. Please! Tonight in my sleep I want to feel the doctor's arms around me and her heart close to mine.
Several weeks ago I believe telemarketers called and didn't hang up soon enough and a message with a young man's voice was barely audible.
But this evening when I retreived the message the beginning sounded like my mother's voice. I quickly hit the three button and deleted it. Gone! Done! I'm not even curious as to what the message was. But, I know my mother. She tried nice voice at first and after a while she'll get pissed and hang up. And go away hopefully.
I wish she would just go to the hang-up part. I never want to see her again. I hope I don't have nightmares tonight. I usually do when I have thought about her during the day. There was never any happiness. I was trapped out in the country alone with these fools. God please help me find love and happiness.
I need my hollow heart filled. Why have a kid if you are never going to hug that kid. I was her helper. A flippin servent! She was never happy! Nothing was ever right! I was stuck with these people.
My eyes are closing so I have to go to sleep now. I fight sleep because of the dreams. I have fought sleep all my life to avoid the scary sad dreams.
Until the doctor held me - so close to her heart. I thought I died! I never expected her to hold me. I needed that so bad. I was at the end! I told Lou then about that time that I was this close (holding up my thumb and forefinger about an half inch apart). Some times I had to run miles to ease the pain.
When I want closeness and intimacy very badly I run too, and far.
I need to open my eyes and shut down my laptop. I'm having coffee with Kristi in the morning. She's a delight. A bit of fresh air and youthfulness.
Time to pray. God, universe, spirit guides, Ezekiel and Ramtha please protect and bless L,T, D, K and the young naked girl on the internet. Please keep her and them safe (oh, and me too), warm, healthy, protected from danger, recklessness, please keep theh girl safe from exploitation. Grant us love and happiness and wealth and riches. Grant me the compassionate affection and understanding that I need. I want to be in love. I love loving and being affectionate and I want that again. I used to think it was selfish to ask. Or, I thought, I guess I didn't deserve it, but I want to be loved. However, I want to maintain my identity, sense of self and freedom to maintain my healthy lifestyle. And compromise, there must be compromise. Love is about compromise.
Thank you for all of my blessings and this wonderful body. Thank you for their's too in case they forget to thank you.
Good night! Thanks for the good knees and good run today. You guys rock!
I have the power within don't I? See I'm beginning to discover that little secret the church doesn't want anyone to know about; thus they would lose control. They control with fear (sounds familiar? So does the government).
Please, I beg you keep my family at bay. Please! Tonight in my sleep I want to feel the doctor's arms around me and her heart close to mine.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Update on Match and my TV plus more..
Well, someone interesting and pretty cool is emailing me. I'm excited.
Also, It has been about a week I think that I have left on TV on 24/7 because the on/off switch acted like it didn't want to turn the TV on..so when it finally engaged I decided never to turn it off. Now, just so no one else inadvertently turned it off...
Video cameras in action...showing a youth selling a pug beagle (puggle) from a pet shop...they sell for 1500. smackers. Wow! This kids is going down. But, personally, I think he would blend in a crowd of like youths. They'll never catch him. The poor puppy! He was probably trying to impress his girlfriend.
Amazing! I won't try that with my new TV when the time comes..I'll do it the old fashion way..finance.
Do you know where your wallet is?
Happy St. Patty's tomorrow!
Also, It has been about a week I think that I have left on TV on 24/7 because the on/off switch acted like it didn't want to turn the TV on..so when it finally engaged I decided never to turn it off. Now, just so no one else inadvertently turned it off...
Video cameras in action...showing a youth selling a pug beagle (puggle) from a pet shop...they sell for 1500. smackers. Wow! This kids is going down. But, personally, I think he would blend in a crowd of like youths. They'll never catch him. The poor puppy! He was probably trying to impress his girlfriend.
Amazing! I won't try that with my new TV when the time comes..I'll do it the old fashion way..finance.
Do you know where your wallet is?
Happy St. Patty's tomorrow!
Somebody's Watching You
Remember the song lyrics: "I always feel like somebody's watching me". I can't think of the name of the song. But, I bet residents of Madison, IL are singing it since the police have strategically placed video surveillance cameras, that can scan for blocks, zoom in and overlap angles, all over that town.
Well, I guess the advantages are that it saves the tax payers money by saving the police department gas expenses. Besides, now they can cut down on personnel. One officer can monitor a bank of video screens.
It was said that in Madison crime has decreased extremely. Gee, I wonder if extramarital affairs have too? And sitting on the front porch in your underwear or making out in the car! Why lock the door? Might as well sleep with the windows open. Hey, why not walk around nude in the kitchen with the light on and curtains open to give the officer a thrill? Like in the movie "In the Heat of the Night"!
I'm not sure how I feel about this? I wonder if there are speakers connected to these camcorders? "Hey, get away from there!" or "This is the police. What are you doing there? That is not the car that is registered in your name!" or "Is that your wife?"
Personally, I think it's a little scary. In a way it reminds me of the telephone stories of way-back-when operators listening in on party line conversations. Operators were the sort of all the good gossip.
Do you think the police will get to feeling all powerful..and start handing out free advice. I had a bartender of a place I frequented often after I got off work at midnight..a friend would so the same. He was married. Before we knew it the bartender was telling us that people are talking as if we are planning our meeting there. His free advice made me feel guilty and I was innocent. It made me quit angry, he too. We were judged and declared guilty although we were innocent.
I wonder just how far the police will go with this...just wondering. What about the gay people wanting to hold hands. What if the police officer is prejudice? What if he is god?
Now, let me think about this. How would I feel if the police put up surveillance cameras on a pole in my neighorhood that monitored my front door along with everyone elses? I don't know. I might be tempted to moon him!
And the cameras are quit efficient and effective zooming in to read license plates or zooming out to scan an even larger area. Quit amazing! So, they could follow you and see where you are going. I think my privacy might be getting invaded just a wee bit.
I wonder could they read the return address on a package left at my door? UPS would have no reason now not to leave the package. Well, that's a plus! I hate running down the truck right after I missed it. Or having to wait another full day after I sign that stupid slip. "Just leave the damn package! Jesus!" I'm sure my nieghbors have heard that enough.
Speaking of hearing. Do the surveilance cameras record sounds too?
It's amazing whenever the law tries to zone in on the crooks, the innocent have to suffer by losing more and more of our freedoms.
Now we have to take our shoes off at the airport security zone and they have no chair placed where anyone can sit and put them back on. The innocent have to suffer now because of that moran with the shoe bomb.
So, personally, I think the idea will catch on in other communities. There already are radar cameras along roadways that snap you speeding and automatically send you a ticket in the mail. I think they could go totally paperless and send it to you by email? Oh, they'll find your email address.
In a way it's all good and in a way it's all bad. Damn! And sneaking around getting a little on the side use to be fun! What about the guys doing the down low? What about rest areas, are there camera there?
I feel a case of paranoia coming on!
So, if you feel like you are being watched maybe it's just not your imagination!
Well, I guess the advantages are that it saves the tax payers money by saving the police department gas expenses. Besides, now they can cut down on personnel. One officer can monitor a bank of video screens.
It was said that in Madison crime has decreased extremely. Gee, I wonder if extramarital affairs have too? And sitting on the front porch in your underwear or making out in the car! Why lock the door? Might as well sleep with the windows open. Hey, why not walk around nude in the kitchen with the light on and curtains open to give the officer a thrill? Like in the movie "In the Heat of the Night"!
I'm not sure how I feel about this? I wonder if there are speakers connected to these camcorders? "Hey, get away from there!" or "This is the police. What are you doing there? That is not the car that is registered in your name!" or "Is that your wife?"
Personally, I think it's a little scary. In a way it reminds me of the telephone stories of way-back-when operators listening in on party line conversations. Operators were the sort of all the good gossip.
Do you think the police will get to feeling all powerful..and start handing out free advice. I had a bartender of a place I frequented often after I got off work at midnight..a friend would so the same. He was married. Before we knew it the bartender was telling us that people are talking as if we are planning our meeting there. His free advice made me feel guilty and I was innocent. It made me quit angry, he too. We were judged and declared guilty although we were innocent.
I wonder just how far the police will go with this...just wondering. What about the gay people wanting to hold hands. What if the police officer is prejudice? What if he is god?
Now, let me think about this. How would I feel if the police put up surveillance cameras on a pole in my neighorhood that monitored my front door along with everyone elses? I don't know. I might be tempted to moon him!
And the cameras are quit efficient and effective zooming in to read license plates or zooming out to scan an even larger area. Quit amazing! So, they could follow you and see where you are going. I think my privacy might be getting invaded just a wee bit.
I wonder could they read the return address on a package left at my door? UPS would have no reason now not to leave the package. Well, that's a plus! I hate running down the truck right after I missed it. Or having to wait another full day after I sign that stupid slip. "Just leave the damn package! Jesus!" I'm sure my nieghbors have heard that enough.
Speaking of hearing. Do the surveilance cameras record sounds too?
It's amazing whenever the law tries to zone in on the crooks, the innocent have to suffer by losing more and more of our freedoms.
Now we have to take our shoes off at the airport security zone and they have no chair placed where anyone can sit and put them back on. The innocent have to suffer now because of that moran with the shoe bomb.
So, personally, I think the idea will catch on in other communities. There already are radar cameras along roadways that snap you speeding and automatically send you a ticket in the mail. I think they could go totally paperless and send it to you by email? Oh, they'll find your email address.
In a way it's all good and in a way it's all bad. Damn! And sneaking around getting a little on the side use to be fun! What about the guys doing the down low? What about rest areas, are there camera there?
I feel a case of paranoia coming on!
So, if you feel like you are being watched maybe it's just not your imagination!
Pray She Contacts Me!
I sent a second match..email to someone. Not only is she attractive, but she intrigues me. She is loving and caring. I can see the warmth in her eyes.
I told her a little more about myself and I hope it helps her make up her mind to email me or not. I asked her please to respond ..either way, just so I know. It's helps. So I can move on.
I emailed another too and asked her for her picture. It seems this alarms some, those without pictures? I can understand if her profession makes her dubious but tell me that anyway. I would understand. This way, I haven't a clue what she looks like.
All I know is that I want femme; butch need not apply. But, some butch women do not know they are butch? How can that be?
There is a picture of a man in a crew cut and suit and tie and in his profile "she" states: I am a women, a feminine woman (?). I know who I am (?). I really had to chuckle at that one. A picture speaks a thousand words!
Anyway, something will happen because I am totally content and love myself immensely. I only have this dull ache in my heart that lingers daily and I want to fill it. I love loving and being affectionate.
My summer love was the greatest gift on earth, so far, for me. It was wonderful to be loving to her. So adorable! She's not what I make her in my head to be...oh yes she is..I saw through all that facade. I knew what lied deep within her heart. In time she may change.. I did. I made a complete 180. I use to run from anyone caring or showing emotion because I didn't know how to handle what I wanted so desperately. Then came Teresa.
The universe changed for me. Did I create my own reality? You bet ya! Teresa showed me love but couldn't come to me..so the universe rearranged things and sent my summer love. She brought me back to life. She made my heart beat again! I will care for her forever. She could contact me at any time and ask something, anything of me, and I would be there for her. She is genuine!
So wish me luck! I have a lot of love in my heart to give. Now, this time around I wil remain my identity. In the past I had a tendency to fold; to become inertia and float through life on "her" air waves like a timid butterfly. In the future, howver, I will maintain my independence and be true to myself; which mean, I will eat light in the evenings and early enough. And I will maintain my healthy lifestyle of running, yoga, swimming, bicycling and being myself. Actually, that is not really not much...is it? I believe in compromise too.
So wish me luck! As Kristi says: I'm "hot" and "Quit the catch". She's cute!
I told her a little more about myself and I hope it helps her make up her mind to email me or not. I asked her please to respond ..either way, just so I know. It's helps. So I can move on.
I emailed another too and asked her for her picture. It seems this alarms some, those without pictures? I can understand if her profession makes her dubious but tell me that anyway. I would understand. This way, I haven't a clue what she looks like.
All I know is that I want femme; butch need not apply. But, some butch women do not know they are butch? How can that be?
There is a picture of a man in a crew cut and suit and tie and in his profile "she" states: I am a women, a feminine woman (?). I know who I am (?). I really had to chuckle at that one. A picture speaks a thousand words!
Anyway, something will happen because I am totally content and love myself immensely. I only have this dull ache in my heart that lingers daily and I want to fill it. I love loving and being affectionate.
My summer love was the greatest gift on earth, so far, for me. It was wonderful to be loving to her. So adorable! She's not what I make her in my head to be...oh yes she is..I saw through all that facade. I knew what lied deep within her heart. In time she may change.. I did. I made a complete 180. I use to run from anyone caring or showing emotion because I didn't know how to handle what I wanted so desperately. Then came Teresa.
The universe changed for me. Did I create my own reality? You bet ya! Teresa showed me love but couldn't come to me..so the universe rearranged things and sent my summer love. She brought me back to life. She made my heart beat again! I will care for her forever. She could contact me at any time and ask something, anything of me, and I would be there for her. She is genuine!
So wish me luck! I have a lot of love in my heart to give. Now, this time around I wil remain my identity. In the past I had a tendency to fold; to become inertia and float through life on "her" air waves like a timid butterfly. In the future, howver, I will maintain my independence and be true to myself; which mean, I will eat light in the evenings and early enough. And I will maintain my healthy lifestyle of running, yoga, swimming, bicycling and being myself. Actually, that is not really not much...is it? I believe in compromise too.
So wish me luck! As Kristi says: I'm "hot" and "Quit the catch". She's cute!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Sunshine Kiss
I slept in this morning and was surprised at how long. I woke up feeling a little sentimental and appreciating my friends. Yet, my heart aches...for love lost.
I wish I wasn't sentimental. K goes "you hugged my pals..I love it". I mean something to her.
Like everyone else I have no idea where this life will take me from one day to the next. Funny, how I always reflect back instead of planning ahead. I should plan my next love, but I'm so stuck on the last one. She's enmeshed in my soul. Familiar places are particularly hard even going to the same threatre...sitting close leaning toward her...god I miss her.
Spring and summer will be hard...all the thoughts and memories. All the things without her...
She was there to help me through the transition; if that was her purpose, okay. But, I go on loving her. I can't shake this feeling. Why? Universe, tell me why?
L says if I meet someone new, it will go away. I don't know. I took one look at her and I was gone. Another T? Loving the inacessible.
Oh well, I shed my tear for today. "I'm done!" That's river talk! :) Wink! I wish I could blow you a kiss all over again!
I have a plan. Since it looks warm out but really isn't and I'm spoiled with warmth now...I'm playing my guitar then going to yoga class. Visit Emma before that.
My knees ache today.. I gunned it on Sunday. Showing off to the girls, when I was listening to my MP3...rock'n on! Lov'n it!
I love you...sometimes I wish you would read this stuff. I wish you would write in yours too...the one you used last summer....toy**** you know. Let me what is in your heart and on your mind. Are you happy? Please blog.
I wish it was last summer all over again....god how my heart is going to ache this year....K is sweet...only a friend...fire and ice....as far as you two would be.
You are so much more....so full of life. Complicated, sexy, complexed, mysterious and oh so wonderful! Pay me no mind...just being sentimental today. Oh god, the memories of you giggling at the back yard pot luck rips at my heart. I want to wrap you up and kiss you all over and hold you near forever.
A kiss of sunny warmth to my cheek
I wish I wasn't sentimental. K goes "you hugged my pals..I love it". I mean something to her.
Like everyone else I have no idea where this life will take me from one day to the next. Funny, how I always reflect back instead of planning ahead. I should plan my next love, but I'm so stuck on the last one. She's enmeshed in my soul. Familiar places are particularly hard even going to the same threatre...sitting close leaning toward her...god I miss her.
Spring and summer will be hard...all the thoughts and memories. All the things without her...
She was there to help me through the transition; if that was her purpose, okay. But, I go on loving her. I can't shake this feeling. Why? Universe, tell me why?
L says if I meet someone new, it will go away. I don't know. I took one look at her and I was gone. Another T? Loving the inacessible.
Oh well, I shed my tear for today. "I'm done!" That's river talk! :) Wink! I wish I could blow you a kiss all over again!
I have a plan. Since it looks warm out but really isn't and I'm spoiled with warmth now...I'm playing my guitar then going to yoga class. Visit Emma before that.
My knees ache today.. I gunned it on Sunday. Showing off to the girls, when I was listening to my MP3...rock'n on! Lov'n it!
I love you...sometimes I wish you would read this stuff. I wish you would write in yours too...the one you used last summer....toy**** you know. Let me what is in your heart and on your mind. Are you happy? Please blog.
I wish it was last summer all over again....god how my heart is going to ache this year....K is sweet...only a friend...fire and ice....as far as you two would be.
You are so much more....so full of life. Complicated, sexy, complexed, mysterious and oh so wonderful! Pay me no mind...just being sentimental today. Oh god, the memories of you giggling at the back yard pot luck rips at my heart. I want to wrap you up and kiss you all over and hold you near forever.
A kiss of sunny warmth to my cheek
Half-Marathon Coming Up!
I think I just misspelled marathon in an email I just sent...I hate that!
Anyway, I'll be glad when it is over....now I'm embarrassed over my misspelled word. I'm my worse critic...damn!
Well, I am extremely tired; I haven't slept well the last couple of nights.
Today I made up my mind to lose a few pounds...trying not to eat after six in the evening. Got to go, can't keep my eyes open..
Sometimes, I wish I still had my summer love. I miss being so in love.
Anyway, I'll be glad when it is over....now I'm embarrassed over my misspelled word. I'm my worse critic...damn!
Well, I am extremely tired; I haven't slept well the last couple of nights.
Today I made up my mind to lose a few pounds...trying not to eat after six in the evening. Got to go, can't keep my eyes open..
Sometimes, I wish I still had my summer love. I miss being so in love.
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