I see families and couples that are happy. It's a novelty to me. I never had that growing up. There was always arguing. I never felt wanted and don't remember any hugs and kisses and cuddling. I remember an aching heart. Lonely. Like now at times.
I'm clueless about relationships and pick them apart, chase them away; they go on. I'm left lonely and hurting. No one comes to me or even meets me half way regarding affection for romance. I don't think that I can acknowledge or believe being loved.
Someone has to make and take the extra effort. I'm lost in that department. I stay at a distance. A distance I have always known. I'm probably very hard to get along with. I absorb and analyze until I'm crazy. I hang on until I blow. Then, alone, I'm comfortable again; safe in my own knowing-where-everything is world but only for so long then get lonely again.
Yet, I still make myself uncomfortable by pushing the mark and taking on feats that make me anxious about being able to complete them. So then I bail. I can't commit.
Sometimes I'm not good company especially having been around loving couples. I don't get it. I hurt and ache and wonder why in my 60th year I've never witnessed or had compatible only combative relationships, by which I initiate. I only knew fighting and arguing not joy, laughter and cooperating while growing up. My heart bleeds. Old habits are hard to break.
I just don't understand why all loves presented to me stay at that distance I have always known and therefore redeem safe? While my heart aches.
It makes me want to rush the rest of the way through this life and get back here in another life, another time. Quickly! I have my next life all planned out. I'm a lesbian again only next time it's as normal as normal is. I have wonderful happy, loving, supportive, encouraging parents, who both hold, kiss and cuddle me. I'm a happy loving kid because I am loved and shown and see love around me. My relatives are wonderful - not like now.
I don't understand families now in this lifetime; they are mean and hurtful, secretive, manipulating, controlling, demanding and carry on only about themselves. I was the odd man out. I never do fit.
I'm tired now - so I'll sleep on it and dream of love, sweet love.
It's why as spirits we come here to earth - to find love. I never knew that. My dad spit and snorted when the stupid word "love" was mentioned. They were angry! He proudly admitted marrying so he could rent the farm he wanted to rent. That was what our supper tables were like. Physically I was find and got good healthy meals but emotionally I was hurting. I sat in silence and listened to accusations and arguing and shouting. I had no allies, no sweet anyone with arms to crawl up into and hide. I shivered with cold and lack of warmth and it stuck with residual effects a life time's worth.
I learned at a very early age not to count on anyone. Not to trust! Don't expect love and it's probably why I don't find it.
I love my friends. I miss the married woman I was seeing because among other things she held me and kiss my head and I knew she loved me. I never got my head kissed as a kid but I saw wonderful loving women show love that way to their kids.
So life goes on and sometimes I wonder why? Hey,I get the point! I'll remain lonely and alone - it's the way I began and I guess the way I'll end - this lifetime. So what was the lesson. So why does everything have to be so cold and cruel and loveless. Why do so many people hate - usually themselves and it gets projected onto innocent people.
I don't understand. So, I'll sleep on it and maybe just maybe I'll have that loving sweet dream again; the one where she loves me.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Think enought of yourself to just stop
smoking and eating so much! I mean you are all that you have. You were born with this wonderful body and your messing it up? Why? Why do you hate yourself? Or worse yet - are you feeling sorry for yourself. Well, that just perpetuates the whole mess of things. Knock it off!
Make up your mind to be fit and be the best that you can be. And start right now - immediately! No whinning! You are a grown up now a big pampered baby! Stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself.
Hey, if ain't no different then trying to make up your mind what type of pie you want to buy or what flavor of Ben and Jerry's.
Get stubborn with yourself! Get mad! There's determination in "mad". I'll get you! Hey, I've gone through it and believe me it only takes that one time. Once you get over that hump, you've got it made.
When people knocked me down - I got up bigger and stronger and better than ever - in an "I'll show them" attitude.
Hey, I'm my own best friend - I had to be and why not? No one is better than I am!
Have you ever idolized someone and were very nervous and felt insecure and that you didn't measure up. For get that! Because in time you find out that they are not perfect and in time you may even recent them because you did feel that way about them. No one is god. We are all equal. Hey, I just don't need anyone that bad!
Another thing make sure you are independent. Make sure that you can support yourself and have your own savings. Don't ever give your life over to another human being.
There you are - that all worked for me.
Make up your mind to be fit and be the best that you can be. And start right now - immediately! No whinning! You are a grown up now a big pampered baby! Stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself.
Hey, if ain't no different then trying to make up your mind what type of pie you want to buy or what flavor of Ben and Jerry's.
Get stubborn with yourself! Get mad! There's determination in "mad". I'll get you! Hey, I've gone through it and believe me it only takes that one time. Once you get over that hump, you've got it made.
When people knocked me down - I got up bigger and stronger and better than ever - in an "I'll show them" attitude.
Hey, I'm my own best friend - I had to be and why not? No one is better than I am!
Have you ever idolized someone and were very nervous and felt insecure and that you didn't measure up. For get that! Because in time you find out that they are not perfect and in time you may even recent them because you did feel that way about them. No one is god. We are all equal. Hey, I just don't need anyone that bad!
Another thing make sure you are independent. Make sure that you can support yourself and have your own savings. Don't ever give your life over to another human being.
There you are - that all worked for me.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Rainy Riding
I've been riding, prehaps too much. I needed an evening for rest and centering. Got wet riding yesterday. Got wet riding today. Actually, we were luckier today. We were enjoying great BBQ at a great new Mid-Town Restaurant. I guess I was just tired. Evening going to the movies seemed too much. My head's stuffed us. I'm tired. My eyes hurt. So, I'm here - resting. I'll get to bed early and sleep even if I have to take a sleep aid.
Yes, once again I have committed to an event. But only a 10k this time. But my last two times that I ran six miles were awful. I had to walk alot. I just need to cruise. And I hope the route is not too hilly. I'm just looking forward to breakfast afterwards. There are about eight of us from our running club entered.
I'm tired. I'm conjested. I'm slightly loney. I'm running in neurtal. I find that I have highs and lows. I guess like everyone else. I think I'm more in love with the thought of someone loving me - then anything.
I enter relationships and end them and they go on and live happily ever after.
Yes, once again I have committed to an event. But only a 10k this time. But my last two times that I ran six miles were awful. I had to walk alot. I just need to cruise. And I hope the route is not too hilly. I'm just looking forward to breakfast afterwards. There are about eight of us from our running club entered.
I'm tired. I'm conjested. I'm slightly loney. I'm running in neurtal. I find that I have highs and lows. I guess like everyone else. I think I'm more in love with the thought of someone loving me - then anything.
I enter relationships and end them and they go on and live happily ever after.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
So Grateful!
Whew! rode bicycle in the rain today while riding 45 miles. Yes, I'm gearing up for the up and coming Tour de Cure diabetes charity ride. That reminds me I sent to send out a reminder to folks to support me.I rode with a group of very nice people, from various riding groups today. All were very nice nad welcoming and friendly. I had fun! I recognized riders from other rides. So conversation was easy. We followed the city's designated bicycle route down to the river and took the scenic route. Well, "scenic" is debatable - yet we are very grateful that we have it.tomorrow I will ride down there and meet another group of friends and ride up the trail for a ways. I pushed it today so I'm looking forward to lesiurely ride tomorrow.
I am so grateful and thrilled that I am so youthful and active and blow people away when they hear my age. Well, the normal 60 year old, let's face it, is obese, gray, sedentary and under a doctor's care taking multiple perscriptions for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes - you name it. I think that I was born to prove 60 doesn't have to be sickly! That's my slogan and I'm sticking to it. I love life. I love my friends and multiple activities that I am so fortunate to be able to undertake and enjoy. The word "no" is not in my vocabulary - but "reasonable" is! I am reasonable with loads of common sense.I love the thrill of the ride, the speed, the alertness that comes with it and is so necessary. It's great for reflexes and mental health and emotional well being.If only people knew that anyone can be a exercise program. Any program can be altered to fit your physical, mental and emotional needs. It's a shame so many over weight and unhealthy people do not know exercising makes you feel so young and alive and wonderful. It's fun, it's communitive - it's life!I wish right now to thank the universe for my wonderful physical being.
I am so blessed and I know it and appreciate it and certainly never take it for granted. I rode 45 miles today and probably will ride close to that tomorrow. Can't wait!On the Holiday I'm running a 10k with about eight friends. The other day when I ran 6 miles (10K) around the park - it was tough. Well, for starters I ate too big of a breakfast. I had to take a few walk breaks and was disappointed with my performance. I expect so much more from myself. That day after I ran the six, I swam for forty minutes, worked out of weight machines for thirty minutes, then rode spinning cycle for thirty. Trust me it pays off. That was Friday, yesterday that I did all that. And today I felt fine to ride 45 miles - in fact I felt better than fine. Oh, I forgot I did yoga too. But, than yoga is a natural included routine that I do everyday - even for just a few minutes to keep everything flexible.I'm not bragging - I'm grateful. I feel wonderful and I want you to feel wonderful too. Even if you just took a brisk walk everyday and build up endurance and distance you'll begin to feel better about yourself. What exercise does is increase endorphines that enhance mood and a sense of well being. I'll sleep good tonight. I didn't have any caffeine today. I purposely avoided the Cliff Blocks that have caffeine in them. I ate a banana and part of some pastry before the ride and nibbles on six energy blocks during the ride.
Oh yes, I was hungry when I got back home. But, it began to rain and rather hard as I got closer to home. I wasn't cold and I didn't really feel wet. The wonderful jerseys and riding pants that riders wear or ideal materials for all types of weather. I was pooped but after I showered had to go out again and pick up my run package for Monday for the 10K. Can't wait. I'm so excited I hope I get to sleep right away. Thanks again universe and spirit guides for helping me - I couldn't do it without your help.
Thanks Oh, just want to mention a couple of great book titles: "Many Lives, Many Masters" and "Same Soul, Many Bodies" by Brian L Weiss, M.D. These books will change how to value your life (you many lives). It's fascinating reading
I am so grateful and thrilled that I am so youthful and active and blow people away when they hear my age. Well, the normal 60 year old, let's face it, is obese, gray, sedentary and under a doctor's care taking multiple perscriptions for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes - you name it. I think that I was born to prove 60 doesn't have to be sickly! That's my slogan and I'm sticking to it. I love life. I love my friends and multiple activities that I am so fortunate to be able to undertake and enjoy. The word "no" is not in my vocabulary - but "reasonable" is! I am reasonable with loads of common sense.I love the thrill of the ride, the speed, the alertness that comes with it and is so necessary. It's great for reflexes and mental health and emotional well being.If only people knew that anyone can be a exercise program. Any program can be altered to fit your physical, mental and emotional needs. It's a shame so many over weight and unhealthy people do not know exercising makes you feel so young and alive and wonderful. It's fun, it's communitive - it's life!I wish right now to thank the universe for my wonderful physical being.
I am so blessed and I know it and appreciate it and certainly never take it for granted. I rode 45 miles today and probably will ride close to that tomorrow. Can't wait!On the Holiday I'm running a 10k with about eight friends. The other day when I ran 6 miles (10K) around the park - it was tough. Well, for starters I ate too big of a breakfast. I had to take a few walk breaks and was disappointed with my performance. I expect so much more from myself. That day after I ran the six, I swam for forty minutes, worked out of weight machines for thirty minutes, then rode spinning cycle for thirty. Trust me it pays off. That was Friday, yesterday that I did all that. And today I felt fine to ride 45 miles - in fact I felt better than fine. Oh, I forgot I did yoga too. But, than yoga is a natural included routine that I do everyday - even for just a few minutes to keep everything flexible.I'm not bragging - I'm grateful. I feel wonderful and I want you to feel wonderful too. Even if you just took a brisk walk everyday and build up endurance and distance you'll begin to feel better about yourself. What exercise does is increase endorphines that enhance mood and a sense of well being. I'll sleep good tonight. I didn't have any caffeine today. I purposely avoided the Cliff Blocks that have caffeine in them. I ate a banana and part of some pastry before the ride and nibbles on six energy blocks during the ride.
Oh yes, I was hungry when I got back home. But, it began to rain and rather hard as I got closer to home. I wasn't cold and I didn't really feel wet. The wonderful jerseys and riding pants that riders wear or ideal materials for all types of weather. I was pooped but after I showered had to go out again and pick up my run package for Monday for the 10K. Can't wait. I'm so excited I hope I get to sleep right away. Thanks again universe and spirit guides for helping me - I couldn't do it without your help.
Thanks Oh, just want to mention a couple of great book titles: "Many Lives, Many Masters" and "Same Soul, Many Bodies" by Brian L Weiss, M.D. These books will change how to value your life (you many lives). It's fascinating reading
Friday, May 23, 2008
Going to his head already..
Obama comes from no where and has only been around for less than one term in the Senate thinks he is going to talk to communist leaders and evil leaders all over the world and really get somewhere. Just who is this guy? It's almost a joke to me. He's going to stand up against the Arabian oil shrieks. Just who is this guy - the messiah? Oh please! If he gets to big for his britches he better watch his back. The Kennedy's thought they could come in and change the industrial millitary powers that be. Hm. Big business - is just that big business. These are very powerful "men" and who create reasons to go to war over a commodity. It's all about money and they won't let some little "thinks he's god" come along and try to stop them. Big business has everything in place and they won't stand for anything less.
I'm spectuating here, but someone I really don't feel that I am far off target. Obama just better hope he is not one.
See Hillary and Bill know how to work with big business - you have to compromise and do a little bargining and give and take. Personally, I think, if Obama does get elected he will be forced to learn real quick just how really liberal he actually can be. You know when you think of it - who really voted for Obama - college kids. Idealistic at best! And their parents are probably still footing the bill. Easy money.
I think we need people in there who know the inns and outs of Washington and politics.
"Recount" on HBO Sunday at 8:00 PM Central time will deplict the 2000 crooked pull tags in Florida. Oh please. Bush lost there but Cheney and daddy and Rove wouldn't hear of it. So, they fixed the numbers - it was obvious to me. And for some reason - the Democrats wouldn't touch it. There was cause enough to federally investigate this situation. But no Democrat had guts enough - or really rather - is too in cahoot with business - maybe - and let it go. 2000 Bush win was as crooked as the day is long. And then in 2004 they had more voting machines and that was a joke too because big corporations support Repubilcans and program voting machines. Just a simple case of mathematical addition.
See even doctors did cover ups when it came to Presidents health. Money speaks the words you want the public to hear. McCain is probably half dead but we'll never know. He needs a little make up or a little blond hair to match his wives. White men with white hair need to do as their wives and tan and blond. Gags - turns me off. Men sure like their throphy wives - don't they?
I'm spectuating here, but someone I really don't feel that I am far off target. Obama just better hope he is not one.
See Hillary and Bill know how to work with big business - you have to compromise and do a little bargining and give and take. Personally, I think, if Obama does get elected he will be forced to learn real quick just how really liberal he actually can be. You know when you think of it - who really voted for Obama - college kids. Idealistic at best! And their parents are probably still footing the bill. Easy money.
I think we need people in there who know the inns and outs of Washington and politics.
"Recount" on HBO Sunday at 8:00 PM Central time will deplict the 2000 crooked pull tags in Florida. Oh please. Bush lost there but Cheney and daddy and Rove wouldn't hear of it. So, they fixed the numbers - it was obvious to me. And for some reason - the Democrats wouldn't touch it. There was cause enough to federally investigate this situation. But no Democrat had guts enough - or really rather - is too in cahoot with business - maybe - and let it go. 2000 Bush win was as crooked as the day is long. And then in 2004 they had more voting machines and that was a joke too because big corporations support Repubilcans and program voting machines. Just a simple case of mathematical addition.
See even doctors did cover ups when it came to Presidents health. Money speaks the words you want the public to hear. McCain is probably half dead but we'll never know. He needs a little make up or a little blond hair to match his wives. White men with white hair need to do as their wives and tan and blond. Gags - turns me off. Men sure like their throphy wives - don't they?
Unload that BIG SUV
You know you should have sold it several months back already while you could still get something for it. But ego is powerful. CNN interviewed a guy who got 8 miles to the gallon with his Hummer. Do people have image problems? They must think more makes them look intelligent and rich.
I hate to break it to you - but "more" and "bigger" makes people looks greedy, selfish, insecure and down right uneducated. It's how I view smokers too. And half of them probably don't even have health insurance. And you know they don't exercise or eat healthy. How stupid is that? Anyone with half a brain know you have to talk care of yourself. Not complaining and get up and go for a walk - at least. Many people need to read Brian L. Weiss. Start with "Many Lives, Many Master" and then "Same Soul, Many Bodies". It should not be about material things. Anyone who spends a lot of money and is in debt of to their ass to impress people needs to see someone like Dr. Weiss. First read these books.
Anyone who drives a big ass vehicle, smokes or walks like a man turns me completely off! Personally, I like the professor or artistic looking types. I love people who have their own look about them that fits so well. Be thrifty and pay yourself every month by contributing to an ROTH IRA because if you save enough money and can retire before 59 1/2 you can begin to use a ROTH IRA without the penalties of a Traditional IRA if tapped into before 59 1/2.
You can tell I'm older, I'm even beginning to like "older" people. But, only those who are healthy, tall, straight and proud.
I hate to break it to you - but "more" and "bigger" makes people looks greedy, selfish, insecure and down right uneducated. It's how I view smokers too. And half of them probably don't even have health insurance. And you know they don't exercise or eat healthy. How stupid is that? Anyone with half a brain know you have to talk care of yourself. Not complaining and get up and go for a walk - at least. Many people need to read Brian L. Weiss. Start with "Many Lives, Many Master" and then "Same Soul, Many Bodies". It should not be about material things. Anyone who spends a lot of money and is in debt of to their ass to impress people needs to see someone like Dr. Weiss. First read these books.
Anyone who drives a big ass vehicle, smokes or walks like a man turns me completely off! Personally, I like the professor or artistic looking types. I love people who have their own look about them that fits so well. Be thrifty and pay yourself every month by contributing to an ROTH IRA because if you save enough money and can retire before 59 1/2 you can begin to use a ROTH IRA without the penalties of a Traditional IRA if tapped into before 59 1/2.
You can tell I'm older, I'm even beginning to like "older" people. But, only those who are healthy, tall, straight and proud.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
A Beautiful Day for Golf or anything
Damn, I feel like a bum today. It's 3:00 PM and so far today I only hit a few golf balls, drove through the car wash and put Armoral on some vinyl trim on my car. One side of the car's trim was very faded and porous. Maybe that side gets the sun more? I'll have to be more conscious of the direction in regards to sun in which I park. Hm. Interesting. It's the protective guards above each wheel well on the passenger side that's really faded and even rough to the touch. I hate that! You know I how I love my '98 Toyota Rav 4. Damn! I usually drive through the most expensive $10. car wash to I get all the added wax and protection I can.
I hit a bucket of golf balls and actually hit the 150 yard metal barrel. Well, my ball bounced up from the ground into the side of the barrel. But, I heard the clank, so that counts! I'll have a good game this evening. I can feel it already. I hope Lou joins us I miss seeing her in action. She and Sandra are good buds, I get a kick out of watching them. Secretly I hope I get to play with them and T&D and go ahead. I'm just due to hear their good humor.
I was missing M and sent her an email which will either probably make it or break it. I just want to do the afternoon delight thing anyway. Otherwise, it's all to complicated, married you know. I liked being with her because I could do anything I liked. She went along with anything. That part I really liked. I don't mean sex.. I mean when we were on vacation and just doing things.
I wonder if I'll hear a lecture from those two friends of her ex this summer at Pride? Who knows. She might even be seeing her ex. She wasn't that anxious to see me. I know her schedule is filled up. But, if I know her? Hey, we're in our 60's what the hell!
Although I realize 60 is the new 40. I only hope I learn something because it seems the mold has not been broken form one generation to the next. Even the same stupid religious beliefs apply except for college towns. Religion is taboo and even evil. A poor sap people trap only to be used, controlled and manipulated for priest's pleasures and monetary gifts so they can buy off molested and now grown up victims. Oh yes, billions of dollars in legal fees - that is where your hard earned money you give each week is going. Fool! You are a fool! You can teach your kids right from wrong, manners and how not to discriminate, cheat or lie. Besides monkey see monkey do...kids will mimic you anyway. People are stupid. Okay, they're not - but so many are click-est (clique).
People are stupid but actions of ducks is innate. I wondered why these women were in the street at a busy intersection has I was driving near my home. And then I saw them. Mother duck with five tiny wallowing babies following as precious and unknowing of their possible peril as could be. In a world of their own on a mission to get back to the lake near my home. All six lands were stopped as the ducks slowly, purposely walked across. You think they knew the good ladies were helping them out? Spirit guides at work! Animals are so precious. Ladies with cautious, caring smiles on their faces holding up their protective arms to warn and slow traffic to a stop. It was touching. One of the last few senses of innocence we have where people actually will risk their lives and step out into traffic to save our precious, innocent wild life. It takes a mother!
You know if people would only pretend to be that innocent and pure - look how wonderful the world would be.
I have another great story. I stopped into a Walgreen's on my way back from hitting golf balls and after I gathered a few items in a basket I got in line to check out. I looked up and down and across the way was a woman clerk slightly motioning to come to her. Next to her was a good looking strong, stocky, tall black gentleman I figured he was the manager. She reminded me of maybe a store owner's grandmother or great-grandmother from years back when I was a kid and stores were family owned. She was tiny, very thin, white with transparent skin. Every vein was exposed; some of which matched her rather reddish but more raspberry rose hair color. If she was a day she was pushing the century mark. She moved rather slowly and spoke softly. I found myself wanting to help her but she was doing fine. And then I wondered why should someone like her have to work and stand on their feet for hours.
But then I thought about it and thought that it did look natural enough. I wondered? Was the price of gas getting so high that now centurion have to work. But there's Medicare and Medicaid for her. Maybe she just wants to get out of the home for awhile. I trusted she probably lived independently.
I plan to be riding my bicycle until someone runs over me and kills me out right and instantly. What a way to go! Well, I'm feeling very wonderfully young now at 60, more like 40, so that final event (for this life time) can be put off a bit. I'm doing a ride Saturday right smack during the time frame that my running group meets. But, I feel I need to reach out and extend my connections. This ride sounds perfect. Meeting in the park then riding in the city for 20-30 miles then lunch - then I'll ride back home. I won't need gas on this ride.
I won't need to use gas on Sunday's ride either. I'm riding down to the river to meet friends and we'll ride some then go eat BBQ, then once again I'll ride back home.
But Monday I'll have to drive to the ride in another town and in another state. And I'll probably get another hell of a work out from the speed demon leader. Must we always be training? Or racing?
Okay, I'm done. Think I'll head over to the lunch place with my book and eat and read and wait until two other's get there. I hope L has her clubs in the car and she comes and joins us this evening. She said she would if she gets out on time.
Later that evening: Well, I met up with my dear friends. Bonus night! My ex Lou was there and she rode the cart with my very good friend Sandra.. I walked and played with them. It was perfect. I missed their humor. Especially Lou's. I was really missing her. And later at the 9th hole in the near dark. When we were about finished she said that she was really glad she came out to play. Her works been busy and hectic. I know how it can be, I used to work for the company myself. So I can sympathize with her. Anyway, when we parted I hugged her too and the other. I told her I was really missing her that it was good to see her. Early in the evening I spoke of Brian L Weiss's book called "Many Lives, Many Masters". Telling her it was very good and a fast read. Driving home I followed her past her place to say good night. We live nearby. She asked me about the book wondering that if it wasn't a library book could she read it. I said I'll put it in her mailbox tomorrow. See there is a special connection there between us. We have always said that if one of us goes we would still keep in touch anyway. We both believe in the after life, many lives and the spirit world. I truly believe in it. I firmly believe spirits on the other side watch over us and we might not realize it, but we can do favors for them - over there too. I know I have.
Okay here's the story, I'll keep it short and to the point. I believe at one point while seeing channeled Ezekiel ( well speaking with him) I must have opened myself up to helping those on the other side. Probably while driving home after a channeling appointment. My whole life changed. I ended a 15 year relationship with Lou. I said "it's bigger then both of us." For I believed it was - and it was. Some people get sick when they need a life change I fell in love. I still feel love for that woman. Anyway, I'm on my own. And then I meet up with M. I told M about Ezekiel. M tells me about Edy, a deceased friend and at one time lover. Edy was proceeded in death by Georgette her partner of 30 years. They died in 2003, and 2002 respectively. One day I found myself saying. "I think Edy watches over you." And then another time when M spoke of Edy I said. "I bet she would like to speak with you.".. Yeah, I actually said that. So I made an appointment for M. And yes, sure enough, while speaking with Ezekiel, he asked, is there someone you wish to speak to. "Yes, Edy" says M. "Well, she paces patiently behind you waiting to speak with you." So they spoke through Ezekiel. M asked if Edy saw Georgette? "No, and I miss her". Magic words! Ezekiel asked M what Georgette's last name was. And Presto! She's there Ezekiel says "Oh, she comes fast. They blend together". So the two women who were lovers in their human form where together again. Now, I don't know for sure but maybe Georgette was a little upset that Edy had an an affair with M at one time. Or, Edy fought for her life while Georgette said she couldn't fight her cancer. I think it was more that. I think maybe Georgette was a little upset that Edy fought so hard to stay on earth. Well, bottom line is, I helped reunited the two spirits in the after life. It was exciting when I listened to M's tape recording of the whole session with Ezekiel and heard for myself the reunion event. I said. "Cool!" And I knew in my heart that I had helped get M there to help Ezekiel reunite the two women. I am glad they are together and that they are happy. Isn't that a wonderful story?
So, from time to time, well mostly everyday, I ask the universe to give me magical moments and two was full of them.. the duck family being helped by wonderful smiling magical ladies, the little old lady working in Walgreen's with the wonderful youthful spirit she had. My playing golf with my wonderful friends Lou and Sandra and the three others. Plus I sent and received some great clarifying email from M. We needed to have the conversation to clear things up. She and I will get together again soon and we'll sort things out between us. We'll start out slow again and maybe I'll be able to incorporate her back into my life including my friends. She enjoyed that. It may still be okay. We'll start slow and branch out. I do really like my autonomy and free time to spend with friends and meet new friends. She is married so that give me the green flag to now totally be tied. She has a second life, maybe I need a second life. We'll see. A dual life?
Major - getting to see and spend time with Lou. I was really missing her. She is my life line. I cannot imagine my life without her. So, I pray now to the universe to keep her healthy, happy, and with me - in my life. She said tonight that her mother will be 85 that longevity runs in her family.. I told her about the 95, 93 year old couple on Jay Leno last night and well they were going. I said that's your parents. And you .. I'm counting on that. She said yeah and if we run out of retirement money we'll just all live together and share one house..like teenagers do. I said that sounds good to me. I do so appreciate her. Thank you universe for keeping her in my life, in my heart, and around the corner. Please keep her safe, pain free, illness free, please allow her company to offer her a good buy out when the time is right. Please let her be fine. And I know she is grateful and thanks the universe for all her blessings but in case she forgets consider my gratefulness here now for her. Thanks.
I hit a bucket of golf balls and actually hit the 150 yard metal barrel. Well, my ball bounced up from the ground into the side of the barrel. But, I heard the clank, so that counts! I'll have a good game this evening. I can feel it already. I hope Lou joins us I miss seeing her in action. She and Sandra are good buds, I get a kick out of watching them. Secretly I hope I get to play with them and T&D and go ahead. I'm just due to hear their good humor.
I was missing M and sent her an email which will either probably make it or break it. I just want to do the afternoon delight thing anyway. Otherwise, it's all to complicated, married you know. I liked being with her because I could do anything I liked. She went along with anything. That part I really liked. I don't mean sex.. I mean when we were on vacation and just doing things.
I wonder if I'll hear a lecture from those two friends of her ex this summer at Pride? Who knows. She might even be seeing her ex. She wasn't that anxious to see me. I know her schedule is filled up. But, if I know her? Hey, we're in our 60's what the hell!
Although I realize 60 is the new 40. I only hope I learn something because it seems the mold has not been broken form one generation to the next. Even the same stupid religious beliefs apply except for college towns. Religion is taboo and even evil. A poor sap people trap only to be used, controlled and manipulated for priest's pleasures and monetary gifts so they can buy off molested and now grown up victims. Oh yes, billions of dollars in legal fees - that is where your hard earned money you give each week is going. Fool! You are a fool! You can teach your kids right from wrong, manners and how not to discriminate, cheat or lie. Besides monkey see monkey do...kids will mimic you anyway. People are stupid. Okay, they're not - but so many are click-est (clique).
People are stupid but actions of ducks is innate. I wondered why these women were in the street at a busy intersection has I was driving near my home. And then I saw them. Mother duck with five tiny wallowing babies following as precious and unknowing of their possible peril as could be. In a world of their own on a mission to get back to the lake near my home. All six lands were stopped as the ducks slowly, purposely walked across. You think they knew the good ladies were helping them out? Spirit guides at work! Animals are so precious. Ladies with cautious, caring smiles on their faces holding up their protective arms to warn and slow traffic to a stop. It was touching. One of the last few senses of innocence we have where people actually will risk their lives and step out into traffic to save our precious, innocent wild life. It takes a mother!
You know if people would only pretend to be that innocent and pure - look how wonderful the world would be.
I have another great story. I stopped into a Walgreen's on my way back from hitting golf balls and after I gathered a few items in a basket I got in line to check out. I looked up and down and across the way was a woman clerk slightly motioning to come to her. Next to her was a good looking strong, stocky, tall black gentleman I figured he was the manager. She reminded me of maybe a store owner's grandmother or great-grandmother from years back when I was a kid and stores were family owned. She was tiny, very thin, white with transparent skin. Every vein was exposed; some of which matched her rather reddish but more raspberry rose hair color. If she was a day she was pushing the century mark. She moved rather slowly and spoke softly. I found myself wanting to help her but she was doing fine. And then I wondered why should someone like her have to work and stand on their feet for hours.
But then I thought about it and thought that it did look natural enough. I wondered? Was the price of gas getting so high that now centurion have to work. But there's Medicare and Medicaid for her. Maybe she just wants to get out of the home for awhile. I trusted she probably lived independently.
I plan to be riding my bicycle until someone runs over me and kills me out right and instantly. What a way to go! Well, I'm feeling very wonderfully young now at 60, more like 40, so that final event (for this life time) can be put off a bit. I'm doing a ride Saturday right smack during the time frame that my running group meets. But, I feel I need to reach out and extend my connections. This ride sounds perfect. Meeting in the park then riding in the city for 20-30 miles then lunch - then I'll ride back home. I won't need gas on this ride.
I won't need to use gas on Sunday's ride either. I'm riding down to the river to meet friends and we'll ride some then go eat BBQ, then once again I'll ride back home.
But Monday I'll have to drive to the ride in another town and in another state. And I'll probably get another hell of a work out from the speed demon leader. Must we always be training? Or racing?
Okay, I'm done. Think I'll head over to the lunch place with my book and eat and read and wait until two other's get there. I hope L has her clubs in the car and she comes and joins us this evening. She said she would if she gets out on time.
Later that evening: Well, I met up with my dear friends. Bonus night! My ex Lou was there and she rode the cart with my very good friend Sandra.. I walked and played with them. It was perfect. I missed their humor. Especially Lou's. I was really missing her. And later at the 9th hole in the near dark. When we were about finished she said that she was really glad she came out to play. Her works been busy and hectic. I know how it can be, I used to work for the company myself. So I can sympathize with her. Anyway, when we parted I hugged her too and the other. I told her I was really missing her that it was good to see her. Early in the evening I spoke of Brian L Weiss's book called "Many Lives, Many Masters". Telling her it was very good and a fast read. Driving home I followed her past her place to say good night. We live nearby. She asked me about the book wondering that if it wasn't a library book could she read it. I said I'll put it in her mailbox tomorrow. See there is a special connection there between us. We have always said that if one of us goes we would still keep in touch anyway. We both believe in the after life, many lives and the spirit world. I truly believe in it. I firmly believe spirits on the other side watch over us and we might not realize it, but we can do favors for them - over there too. I know I have.
Okay here's the story, I'll keep it short and to the point. I believe at one point while seeing channeled Ezekiel ( well speaking with him) I must have opened myself up to helping those on the other side. Probably while driving home after a channeling appointment. My whole life changed. I ended a 15 year relationship with Lou. I said "it's bigger then both of us." For I believed it was - and it was. Some people get sick when they need a life change I fell in love. I still feel love for that woman. Anyway, I'm on my own. And then I meet up with M. I told M about Ezekiel. M tells me about Edy, a deceased friend and at one time lover. Edy was proceeded in death by Georgette her partner of 30 years. They died in 2003, and 2002 respectively. One day I found myself saying. "I think Edy watches over you." And then another time when M spoke of Edy I said. "I bet she would like to speak with you.".. Yeah, I actually said that. So I made an appointment for M. And yes, sure enough, while speaking with Ezekiel, he asked, is there someone you wish to speak to. "Yes, Edy" says M. "Well, she paces patiently behind you waiting to speak with you." So they spoke through Ezekiel. M asked if Edy saw Georgette? "No, and I miss her". Magic words! Ezekiel asked M what Georgette's last name was. And Presto! She's there Ezekiel says "Oh, she comes fast. They blend together". So the two women who were lovers in their human form where together again. Now, I don't know for sure but maybe Georgette was a little upset that Edy had an an affair with M at one time. Or, Edy fought for her life while Georgette said she couldn't fight her cancer. I think it was more that. I think maybe Georgette was a little upset that Edy fought so hard to stay on earth. Well, bottom line is, I helped reunited the two spirits in the after life. It was exciting when I listened to M's tape recording of the whole session with Ezekiel and heard for myself the reunion event. I said. "Cool!" And I knew in my heart that I had helped get M there to help Ezekiel reunite the two women. I am glad they are together and that they are happy. Isn't that a wonderful story?
So, from time to time, well mostly everyday, I ask the universe to give me magical moments and two was full of them.. the duck family being helped by wonderful smiling magical ladies, the little old lady working in Walgreen's with the wonderful youthful spirit she had. My playing golf with my wonderful friends Lou and Sandra and the three others. Plus I sent and received some great clarifying email from M. We needed to have the conversation to clear things up. She and I will get together again soon and we'll sort things out between us. We'll start out slow again and maybe I'll be able to incorporate her back into my life including my friends. She enjoyed that. It may still be okay. We'll start slow and branch out. I do really like my autonomy and free time to spend with friends and meet new friends. She is married so that give me the green flag to now totally be tied. She has a second life, maybe I need a second life. We'll see. A dual life?
Major - getting to see and spend time with Lou. I was really missing her. She is my life line. I cannot imagine my life without her. So, I pray now to the universe to keep her healthy, happy, and with me - in my life. She said tonight that her mother will be 85 that longevity runs in her family.. I told her about the 95, 93 year old couple on Jay Leno last night and well they were going. I said that's your parents. And you .. I'm counting on that. She said yeah and if we run out of retirement money we'll just all live together and share one house..like teenagers do. I said that sounds good to me. I do so appreciate her. Thank you universe for keeping her in my life, in my heart, and around the corner. Please keep her safe, pain free, illness free, please allow her company to offer her a good buy out when the time is right. Please let her be fine. And I know she is grateful and thanks the universe for all her blessings but in case she forgets consider my gratefulness here now for her. Thanks.
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