Strong words! But sometimes I feel that way. First of all I think about calling her but my head holds me back. I knew this day would come. And I knew I would feel miserable.
I'm just stuck in a bad place once again. If only we didn't move the relationship up a notch. If only we didn't plan trips. If only I didn't incorporate her into my circle of friends. I don't know that she is married - if we would have kept it on the "afternoon delight" plan. She tried to make it more. Just seems odd to me.
Anyway, doesn't matter she is not my type. Still I miss the physical contact, the touching. Oh well. My heart has to be in it. I certainly do not want to invite her here and then not bea ble to ...that would not be good. So I hold off. I stand off. And once again I have no idea what the universe has in store for me. I've asked for what I want.
But, you know what - it's raining so I guess I'll be staying in; but it's a good evening to read. I won't be lonely. I won't sit and think about my ex and how things have changed regarding our common, well used to be common, political discussions.
But, I have four books to read, pictures to draw (I'm getting better!). Oh I forgot I could go back to the Artist Guild this evening to that pastel demonstration. But, do I want to?
It's still early. I have time to think about it. In the meantime I think I'm rant and rave about
Religion.
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