It's Cold!

I'm missing someone today; someone out of reach. Her heart is with another now.

My heart aches but it will just have to adjust. She's on my mind all the time. I'm been playing my keyboard for distraction; even bought a guitar. I went shopping and to the dentist!

Seems to me I've gone through most of my life longing for that far away unreachable heart. My heart as always found someone to latch onto. This too well past; but right now I hope it never goes. I don't want a relationship; I want to make love to her. I love the feeling of "wanting to". I've never had that before; the desire to love so affectionately and totally.

I just can't believe that I am like this? I can't turn it off! But, you know, I think I would rather love and hurt; then feel nothing at all.

I understand where she is coming from, more than she realizes; more than she cares. In my heart, I know she cares; its just that caring isn't safe.

I was the same way; or maybe I still am. I can give love; but, I don't know how to receive it. And the loves that really rock my soul or the out-of-reach loves that I have to pine over. I confuse longing with love I think.

Something for my therapist and I to ponder over. Anyway, I'm going for a run and thank my spirit guides, the universe and god for all of my many blessings and beautiful friends. I am so fortunate to have met such great friends this year adding to my long list of dear hearts I have known through the years.

I'm going to concentrate on creating a beautiful day and then watch it unfold.