One Down, One to Go!

I made it! I survived Thanksgiving! I have to apologize for the little white lies I have told my friends. I did not go to my brothers. I wasn't invited; once more, I didn't want to be! I am perfectly happy!

One down and one to go! Don't ask me why I'm glad Christmas is on a Sunday? I have no idea why being on Sunday makes it easier? Anyway, I'm bailing this year; I can hardly believe it myself. But, never-the-less, I'm bailing! They won't invite me; but, my mother will invite me anyway; how uncomfortable is that? She's assuming that way! She has always done that and put me in odd positions and situations.

My mother is being her usual painful self; I can no longer be in the same room with her; sorry, but I can't! Something happened to me and I can't do it anymore; maybe I reached a saturation point? The woman cannot take a hint! She's her old complaining, demanding, controlling, self-serving, manipulative self. How dare I not speak to her - for months! She has to win, she is obstinate that way! Trust me, it's a "win" thing; she has to rule!

If she knew what I wrote in the email to my sister-in-law she wouldn't have sent me cards. Oh, she is being nice; until she has me in her grip; I'm sure she thinks I need to be around to give my brother and sister a break from taking care of her. Oh yes! I know how her mind works; she is the most self-seving person I know and always has been. Oh, she's pissed, I'm sure; but she won't let on until she's got me reeled in! My mother must have control and direct the family or she isn't happy.

I could never confide in her without her broadcasting the issue to everyone; therefore, I learned at an early age not to tell anything. I gave up my life; I lived the straight life to please her, family and society. I was robbed! It's another reason I'm not speaking; she'll turn it around like I have some sort of mental illness. I do; its called Arlene syndrome! She is so condescending! I have to remove myself, totally.

In spite of it all; I had a good Thanksgiving, I entered a competitive run with seven of my friends. We all did good! I think Rita did the 3 miles in 21:xx; John in 25:xx; Charles was about the same. Jennifer and I came in together in 27:48 and Tracy right after us. Wendy and Brian went on to then run the 6 miles after they ran the 3 miles in under 20:xx I guess. They finished before Rita. The run made my day. We had a nice breakfast too, after we found a Bread Co, that was open.

I was going to drive Lou to the airport, she was flying to Florida to be with her honey for ten days; but, I thought we would hang around for awards, so she got someone else to take her. As it was, it was cold after the run and they decided to leave the run right away and head to the Bread Co., so, I'll check back tomorrow. I may have to call or go by the Recreation Center to check. Maybe the results haven't been posted yet due to the Thanksgiving holiday.

Okay, one down, one to go! The family didn't see much of me last year anyway; about forty uncomfortable minutes worth. And in past years, when Lou was with me, my nephew would pack up this wife and kids and leave as soon as we got there. Last year when I came to things by myself; they stayed and didn't leave right away. We had noticed there strange homophobic behavior for years. We also noticed that my nephew never brought his partner with him. He's near forty years old, for God's sake. I wonder why? He won't even talk to me about gay issues; he's so closeted! Maybe, I am leading by example, I don't know? I don't care? I only know I participate any longer in their deceit and pretend everything is alright world.

I've had enough of the self-serving lies and manipulations. I've walked the line for too many years. No more! Sometimes I can't believe it myself; that I'm actually going to defy her; it's as if I was defying the pope himself. I also can't believe I'm going to do it; but, watch me! Actually, I have no respect for the pope, so why stop there!

Don't ask me questions, it will be easier; only one person can because she would understand. However, she isn't available. So, I'm on my own; still, wish me luck! I'm praying. No, not praying for reconciliation, I'm past that point! I'd rather die!

I can only pray to my spirit guides to help me! It insults me that that woman does not let up; has no more concern for me then to pump up her own ego and pride. And that is all it is; trust me! It's all for show; trust me!