Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Sales down.. temperatures up.. ill history of Ill. govs.

Finally, it's warming up.. into the 50's this weekend! It's time to begin half-marathon training for Spring race. Maybe on Friday. Tomorrow afternoon I'll swim.

Today I had to limit activities.. had to stick near-by to get the phone for an important and expected call. Got it too! Rode my bike with trainer and did some yoga poses. But need to do more. Read.

The week is going by fast and furious and I've got four books to read. "Team of Rivals" by Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin. Obama read it so I want to read it also.. it's only 700 pages.. piece of cake right.. I've only read the Foreword so far.. well, I'm in the first chapter now.

Time was spent yesterday picking up a friend from the airport and taking another friend with a bum leg to a doctor's appointment. So, I've gotten set back on my activities....

I need to work on my songs and work on my book too... I played my sax. I need to draw too. Clean house - what's that? Shop!

I miss my love.. should have called her already. Can't wait to see her this weekend. If she's not busy, maybe I can Friday evening? Or should I do that run on Saturday morning? Weeks are going so fast....soon Spring will be here! Yes, finally! Run in the sun.

Former Illinois governor Rob Blagojevick is on David Letterman this evening. I think he wants to be a star.. one way or the other. Interesting? I don't really like to watch David Letterman but I will this evening.. I guess. I'm taping Jay Leno.. he's my favorite. I'm watching.. monologue.. Letterman is not funny! Not funny! leans more on the stupid side.

I love drums... I would collect them if I had the room. Not a set of drums.. you know just drums. Hm. I'm listening to Blagojevick now on Letterman. The more he speaks the more guilty it looks. A conspiracy?

I really don't know what to think about him... but the history of Illinois shows a list of at least three crooked governors of the past: Otto Kerner, Democrat; Dan Walker, Democrat; George Ryan, Republican.
Three former Illinois governors have gone to prison in the past 35 years.

_Otto Kerner, a Democrat who was governor from 1961 to 1968, served less than a year of a three-year sentence after his 1973 conviction on bribery, tax evasion and other counts. He was convicted of arranging favorable horse racing dates as governor in return for getting horse racing association stock at reduced prices. Kerner died in 1976.

_Dan Walker, a Democrat who was governor from 1973 to 1977, served 1 1/2 years of a seven-year sentence after pleading guilty in 1987 to bank fraud, misapplication of funds and perjury. The charges were not related to his service as governor.

_George Ryan, a Republican who was governor from 1999 to 2003, was convicted of corruption in 2006 for steering state contracts and leases to political insiders while he was Illinois secretary of state and then governor. He is serving a 6 1/2-year prison term.

Daschle has been dashed!

Sounds like he was a lobbyst for drug and health companies. His wife is a lobbyist! Bad pick - try again. I think back taxes was a mere supposed to be innocense sounding excuse! Not buying it! I'm glad that he was in my opinion, encouraged to withdraw from the running! I guess most politicians are in cahoots with lobbyist. Anyway that is where the big bucks can be made. Daschle made millions I believe defending drug and health care in D. C. Talk about insider double dipping! Well, Paulson can from Goldman Sacks and they only pay 1% Federal Income taxes - see it paid off! And Wall Street greed got all the bail out money and stuck it in their pockets like they did company profits - no wonder so many went under!

Look too at TWA who had big name on Dome - they went under; then Edward Jones. Now Citi group wanting "City Field"!

Sticking profits in names on roofs to brag shows stupidity to me! All that money wasted each year and not drawing revenue! Egotisical! Then they cry like spoiled kids and daddy gives in to them.

Were Pelopsi and Frank that naive? Or in in it! I mean come on! Cheney made millions by finding war and destruction for his company! Even terror! It's those good old oil boys and I don't think they are finished yet! Just wait eight years after Obama rejuvenated the economy - they'll be back to sweep up the cash again. It's what they do best! Only thing the cash goes in their pockets and not back into our economy! Greed! Pure greed! And politicans act like they don't see it! Both parties turn a blind eye!

I think Geithner tax evader should have gotten pasted by too! He'll pick some decent college professor ... Why all these already rich lobbyist buddies? See told you - all in cahots!

And the audacity of Republicans saying we one bail out directly to tax payer's won't do! Man they want even more to the point of being as greedy and manipulative as the church! Oh they're in cahoets too! Preaching vote Republican from the pulpit! Bunch of controlling, manipulative crooks!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Seems to be an odd time in my life...

I'm dating....that's it... I'm dating. She not loving, or romantic. Doesn't hug or want to cuddle! I invited her on a vacation...she coldly put me down.. my friends noticed. "Wasn't her response rather business like!" Hello! All business - doesn't trust anyone.. always ready to catch someone at something. She creates her own unhappiness! I might be finished..sooner than I think with this. If you hurt her.. she'll continue to see you but make life cold for you - all that instead of talking it out! Hey, it's more dramatic.. guess she can hash it out then.. analyze it!
I happened to to send the dejection letter along on a forward.....and yes, I heard remarks, so it's not just me! There are no sweet, cuddling love words. It's all one sides....and you know how long that lasts!

I find I'm crying more...feeling rather depressed, lonely. Oh well, if it wasn't so far I'd gather up my stuff and go.. but don't really want to drive two days by myself or fly a lay-over flight alone either. And winter weather is unpredictable anyway.

Maybe next year. Maybe next year it will be warmer.. maybe go later in the year. It was only 60 degrees down there anyway.

So I am a little sad when your friends are feeling your pain and see the "business like" matter too! It's not right. I'm too nice!

It's it funny. All I ever needed and wanted was affection.. plain and simple and true. Instead it seems I have attracted the macho, put-downers, correctors, cold, bossy.. types Hm.

The good doctor.... I miss her

My heart is beating, almost pounding, for she asked about me..my friend who is a patient says she always does...even told my friend she had to tell me she couldn't see me anymore! My friend said maybe by now you could... I said no that I couldn't because I still feel the same way. God love her heart - she asked about me! Our hearts hurt that day.....she said so..I was dying inside...I wanted to stay in her arms forever where I felt safe and loved. A lifetime of love felt in only moments.

Last time I saw her was four years ago last September 20th, '04. I still love her!
Recently, she popped into my mind and heart again.. probably when my friend was there to see her. My friend said she looks the same. I miss her! Nothing has changed...I'll never be able to see her because I feel the same way.

Funny how things happen.. how conversations pop up. Another friend, my ex, was hurt at work this evening. I had just happened to call her when she was on the floor and her PCL was hurting badly. I offered to come get her.. but had no access to the building..she said our good friend and co-worker was on her way.. we all met up at the emergency room. She'll be making a doctor's appointment and getting an MRI. The Xray showed no broken bones. We didn't think there was. She heard a snap or was it a pop...she said it sounded like a rubber band.. not good. Her job requires climbing up and down a ladder and working in the direction of her left for hours at a time.

I was sad this evening..since yesterday. The woman I'm seeing doesn't love me...doesn't want to even.. doesn't meet me half way.. but sex is so good. I wanted a magical trip out of town.. she didn't but I love her. Anyway.. she's not bending.. I can tell. If I wouldn't call her.. she wouldn't call me. Sometimes I just don't know. I wished she loved me or at least pretended she loved me. Why is it so hard to get affection, caring and sex in the same person? Why? I've been seeing her for seven months now and we are not progressing. I used to see her during the week.. at first she told me she had fallen in love with me and would follow me anywhere.. now it's like I'm being punished.. Well, I did mess up Thanksgiving. I uninvited myself. Well, hey, I don't do families. Well, as a precursor she made me afraid of hers intentionally, or unintentionally but all the same.. all negative. So, like...after I declined she said she was glad that I did because the alcoholic brother showed up. Oh well. But, she had backed off even before that... if I would have felt her love and closeness I would have been there for her. She can't communicate. She turns herself off. No affection...she did hold my hand during the movie and play though.. good - very good! I guess that's it. I think she wonders why I care for her.. so I don't know. She doesn't hug me back and that hurts. It hurts my heart.

I want the good doctor to hold me and put my face in her hands and look into my eyes and kiss my cheek..even if she must say "I can't do this!". I'll always love her tenderness. I'll always love her. I'll never forget it and her sweet kindness. It's funny.. I waited a lifetime for minutes that will last many lifetimes. I know we must have loved in a past life.. it just feels like it. Maybe it's why she still asked about me. I sure miss her. I just wish I could feel her arms around me.. once again. No, I can't see her as a patient... I still feel the same way. There is something so loving and healing about her. I miss her!

Oh well, at least I get to hear that she still asked and that she is doing okay. Funny how I just can't get love right.. not all in one package.. how it hurts. After four years of woman experience ... and hopefully emotional maturity....I still love her... I wonder would I be any different - or she?

I love my ex too.. I'll check on her tomorrow to see if she needs anything. I don't mind. We are family! We friends are family.. all of us!

It's late now.. better get some sleep. Tomorrow afternoon I'll draw my favorite model..hm. That might not be a good thing. I'll just want my girlfriend and she's got me down to one night a week now. See, she doesn't love me! I know she doesn't love me.. she tries to push me away.. sabotage our relationship.. It's a push pull kind of thing. Ezekiel says "plays games". Well, okay! I can play games.. Negative..why so negative... why analyzing and testing..all the time. Let's just have fun? I have no idea!

Well, I wish to thank the universe for all of my many blessings, my friends, my loves, the good doctor - who warms my heart - even from the distant past. I love her!
Thanks universe for keeping me healthy, wealthy and wise as the saying goes. I certainly appreciate it. I need to exercise more.. ride my bike trainer tomorrow.. do yoga.. when the snow melts.. run. I need to swim too! Maybe after art tomorrow.

Please take care of the good doctor, my other loves, my friends, me..keep us all happy, loved, safe, magical, physically fit, youthful, brilliant, talented, warm, loving, happy, kind, thoughtful of others, considerate and more. Make the moments - magical! Keeping in indirect contact like this with the good doctor is truly magical! Maybe I haven't seen the last of her.. there's been times when I have magically seen her on TV several times now.. like it's meant to be that I see her. She always pops up it seems when my heart acts.. and I need her. I hope she knows in her heart that I carry her always in my heart.. I love her.

The universe does help us and sends us signals when we need our closet spirit guides and friends. I was compiled to call my ex when she needed help. I will always be there for her...she knows that. It hurt to know my position has taken a backseat..not like the old days. It hurts. Of course it hurts. But, I'm here and I'll always be here.

Sometimes I feel very lonely. But we'll see what happens now from here on out.. I know the universe will guide and protect me physically and mentally and emotionally.. guess I'm on another quest.. of aid coming to someone's aid. I could use some more help and guidance.. did I mention love and affection and wonderful sex too? Help me out. I know I said affection when I put in my last request? not only in bed otherwise too. Oh you can make it happen. very soon. very soon. Thanks!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Blowing the money....wasting the bail out!

Thian fired from Meryl Linch.....for $1500. waste basket.. Citigroups buys a 50 million dollar jet..a super luxury jet.. not even built in this country! The whole Republican bunch knew it too! There was no oversight put in place! These fools are wasting our tax money.. and people are losing their houses.. while these greedy, sinful fools are wasting our money.. that should have rightfully been spent on us in the form of social benefits.. decent health care.. decent electric cars!

And then there's the fool Secretary of the Treasury who cheated on his taxes.. some more bull shit both houses let him get away with and yes have appointed him to the Secretary of Treasury position. He even looks like a crook!

As a tax payer.. getting ripped off at every turn.. I demand honesty in government and business... I demand that his so called government for the people by the people gets honesty and integrity. This fool Thian redecorated his office for one million dollars.. of bail out money. I think the damn fools should be made to live in a cardboard box and eat bread and water for a month and see how they like it.

Where do the likes of these greedy bastards get away with getting away with this crap and for years until its gotten to the point of being sinful!

Any middle class tax paying American who ever votes Republican again.. should have their head examined. Cheney and the Bush bunch were nothing but a bunch of crooks.. oh NPR won't say it! Rachel Maddow falls short of saying it.. too. They are all corrupted.

We have tax payers out there in America losing their homes while these fools got all the money.. we should have gotten.. Pelosi and Frank should be ran out of town with them.. and the person appointed as overseer isn't doing her job! Have they been bought too?

Just what is the fucking deal? Obama better start prosecuting some of these crooked asses or this kind of crap will never stop.. Get all the lobbyist out of Washington.. We all know that the Iraq war was nothing more than a Halliburton money making business adventure.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Pro-Choice Anniversary of Roe Vs Wade

On this anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.. in the 21st century.. with a brand new "for the people" president. A liberal president we still have narrow minded Repubicans. I guessed I had hoped they would all settle in the sunset with Bush! You know.. just go away! I just can't believe that Christians are still out there pushing their beliefs. They only alienate more and more trying to push their beliefs on others.. I mean demanding their beliefs onto others.. as if they were god themselves. God gave us each a conscious to make up our own minds.. and usually by adulthood or even our teenage years our minds are already made up to issues such as abortion.

If you don't believe in abortions I suggest you don't have one.. Mr. Preacher man! Other than that keep your own mouth shut!

Personally I think a woman should be the only one in charge of her own body.. not some man..like he's going to carry, deliver and pay for raising the child. Bottom line: The only person a woman can count on to do that - right.. is herself! Only a woman knows if she is capable.. would you rather have your wife or your teenage daughter be denied an abortion and then sneak off to have a back alley abortion by some quack? Well, that is exactly what will happen if doctors can no longer preform abortion. It happened in the past before Roe vs Wade and it will happen again.

Are we going backwards as a society? How scary is that? Just because some conservative idiots think their way is the only way! I'm appalled of how backwards our society is in 21st century.

As it is now.. because of horrible Bush.. pharmatist and doctors can refuse to discuss, fill prescriptions,give out medicine, or perform services according to their own personal religious beliefs ( I say then get out of the medical profession if you are not going to treat everyone and then not even tell them beforehand..in other words deliberately hold back information because of your beliefs) So what we have is a monarchy.. once again.. like the witch hunt holy men back in the 1700's.

I guess Christians want everyone to be like Buggens who have seventeen kids and still thinking of having more... they want more! I don't get it? It's almost a sin! Anything to the point of abscess is a sin. Will what's worse is celebrating and praising these people. It seems rather incestuous and sinful to me...Now there's a sin for you. But then again.. I'm sounding like the preacher who protests against abortion.... I should mind my own business like he should! To each their own.. but.. like I said.. let's not celebrate it. Gees!

What I think is wrong with Christians preaching anti-abortion only puts young women at risk for searching and finding back alley abortions and dying from infections or bleeding. So the more Christians preach for life and won't quite until the laws are changed.. puts more young women at risk.. but I guess the likes of gods with the big mouths just don't get it! I'm sure the ones who preach the loudest are probably the worse offenders and are somehow trying to resolve their painful soul experiences.. maybe even from a past life.

Too bad people don't really think about the consequences of their preachings and how harmful they are to kids and people. The brainwashing.. for control and most of all monetary purposes.. if we weren't "sinners" I guess they wouldn't have any business...we they make the rules that make us sinners.. and there you are.. the almighty church. Heaven and hell.. into eternal damnation. No one can even prove there is a god much less a heaven or hell. It's a joke! Human creatures.. called men....created the bible.. and it's stories. What a forest!

Well, here is hoping most people are in their right senses and use birth control if they do not want to get pregnant and how about teaching males to be a little more accountable too.. you know it does take two! But, like I said women are ultimately in control.. maybe that's what men, these preacher men, don't like.. a woman in control! Well, be in control.. look out for yourself... so you never have to make that "abortion" decision.

And then we have schools not wanting to teach birth control and STD education to students.

What mess these Christians create. Again I suggest you mind your own business. And Bush had no business allowing the dealings of doctors and pharmacists up to their own digressions. Unbelievable!
Or they just don't care..

Just it make sense? If they are so pro life why didn't they protest the Iraq war? Why not protest drunk driving...guns? Oh guns..they like guns! See what a bunch of hypocrites they are? Picking and choosing the battles.

I say think what you want.. but keep it to yourself.. don't protest, riot or peach it from the pulpit. My consciousness.. my soul is none of your businesses.

Christians are nothing but womanizers, male authoritarian controllers and manipulators of others. Mine your own business. Do not make that young woman who gets into trouble risk her life because you forced Washington to change laws to satisfy your consciousness. Pro-life is a personal choice. My body is my body.. mine to do with as only I see fit.. but some stupid ass money grubbing control freak who has a big mouth!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Inclusiveness spoken by Rick Warren needs to include gays or just maybe he and religious sects WILL be ostracized! Maybe America is tired of bigots! Gays are not pedifiles as Rick Warren tried to preach!! Is that why he is a preacher? You know the ones who usually scream the loudest are usually the worse offenders! I mean look at airport stall Larry Craig! I'm too reminded of a certain large mouth preacher named Ted Haggard. See the DVD "Jesus Camp" it's a real eye opener.

So today it's okay to be gay! Atlas! This is America! Love is in, religion is out! You know how many women have had awful or non-existent sex lives because of stupid ass religious and other feeble male attitudes! Shame and guilt religiously preached! How sick is that! Men were strict and stern and any emotion but anger is not acceptable! Cold! No wonder the world was sick with wars of profit and greed! Hate is not an indication of strength but of ignorance and self-centerness! Harshness is dying in the world along with oil use and filthy rich greed!