I do not believe in the bible because human being, men in particular (excluding women as mere servants) wrote it to their own liking that would serve their purposed.
People have been killed in the name of the lord defending religions.
In my opinion religious people are NOT holy being, but self-serving, greedy people.
Blasphemy... a contemptuous act or writing concerning the lack of belief in god.
www.blasphemychallenge.com check it out!
brian "saprient"...the Blasphemy challenge claims that religion inflicts fear into people. Post it on U2. "we deny the Holy Spirit".
Christians say. Paul de Virus says "Be careful you are playing with fire".
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with this because christian kids have been indoctrined with the fear of hell. If you believe in god you are errational.
Personally, I believe in spirituality. Brian was raised catholic and became a born again Christian and now he is a blasphemist.
a paster critic says atheism is misguided. There is even an atheist lobby in Washington. The atheist challenge will go on until the end of christianity..Brian and his wife is addament.
Join Nightline on www.abc.com to discuss this topic..
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tom R. Knutson is scientist not allowed to
report global warming to media. The White house wanted it kept quiet! Another scientist got his work watered down and he was most disturbed. One hundred fifty government scientist were quieted by the white house.
Global warming is melting polar ice and causing more servere hurricanes. rick Plitz did not like the plain English..the white house didn't want to pressure to do anything about global warming. In other words, in my opinion, the white house wants to protect big business.
Barbara Boxer and Obama and McCain realize that it is serious.
Global warming is melting polar ice and causing more servere hurricanes. rick Plitz did not like the plain English..the white house didn't want to pressure to do anything about global warming. In other words, in my opinion, the white house wants to protect big business.
Barbara Boxer and Obama and McCain realize that it is serious.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Marine, the movie
I think I'll pass. It appears to me that the Marine didn't get to spend enough time in Iraq blowing up things..to get it out of his system. So now state side his wife is kidnapped....
Such a male movie filled with all the typical male ego trip stuff...the rescuing hero and the helpless sexy blond in distress. Men fighting men. And the Marine has to be the hero.. makes me wonder if the Armed Forces department didn't fund this movie?
The whole existence of our humanity comprises of men dicking with other men, be it football or war men like to play with men. They love to punch and touch each other. Women are for screwing and having and caring for their children. Women are for bragging rights; like a trophy.
Recently I watched a major baseball champion parade and each player had his trophy barbie doll wife on his arm. Men do it to show off to each other...it's a one up type of thing. My wife is prettier than yours. My kids are better! I have more money!
It's the same with men in the corporate world and in politics..no different!
Isn't life grand...breaking your ass just to show up the other guy and feed your ego!
Personally, I think all men are gay at some level otherwise they would not be so competitive...it wouldn't matter! Let's face it, men prefer to hang out with their buddies..right?
Hey, I'm a lesbian and I prefer to hang out with women ... Oh, my gay friends prefer to hang out with guys.. so.....you tell me!
Such a male movie filled with all the typical male ego trip stuff...the rescuing hero and the helpless sexy blond in distress. Men fighting men. And the Marine has to be the hero.. makes me wonder if the Armed Forces department didn't fund this movie?
The whole existence of our humanity comprises of men dicking with other men, be it football or war men like to play with men. They love to punch and touch each other. Women are for screwing and having and caring for their children. Women are for bragging rights; like a trophy.
Recently I watched a major baseball champion parade and each player had his trophy barbie doll wife on his arm. Men do it to show off to each other...it's a one up type of thing. My wife is prettier than yours. My kids are better! I have more money!
It's the same with men in the corporate world and in politics..no different!
Isn't life grand...breaking your ass just to show up the other guy and feed your ego!
Personally, I think all men are gay at some level otherwise they would not be so competitive...it wouldn't matter! Let's face it, men prefer to hang out with their buddies..right?
Hey, I'm a lesbian and I prefer to hang out with women ... Oh, my gay friends prefer to hang out with guys.. so.....you tell me!
Monday, January 29, 2007
Hybrids and Electric...
Yes, the oil and the auto industry is controlling our "choices" when it comes to buying cars. I can tell you right now in plain English total Ethanol will never get off the ground and out of the farm field or waste pile. Why? Well, because the oil and coal people will want the biggest peace of the pie. I read the other day where Hydrogen fuel is derived from either coal or oil, I forgot which..probably oil. Well, W was pushing it wasn't he?
Yes, big business, special interest (lobbyist) want to control what we drive, eat, medications, and the quality of the air we breath. If there isn't money in it for special interest and the Bush dynasty; well, it's just too bad for the consumer!
Now you know politicians have to be getting a bit of the profits in kick backs are something. It all has to be more than just getting elected. Cheney broke that mold when he came to Washington.
I am not the only one who thinks this way. Recently I read many wonderfully articulated letters to the editor in Business Week about ditching the huge gas guzzlers which are sold so you burn the most gas possible. Remember, the more gas you burn, or the more oil your vehicle drips on the pavement and on your drive-way, is more money the auto and oil people make.
Think back, American auto makers have been making much money by building in necessary repairs. I know I owned one Ford product an Escort. It was brand new and at 26,000, it blew a head gasket. That Escort was my last American product. As a consumer I purchase a vehicle for dependability and convenience. As much as cars cost today, they should last to at least 100,000 with regular dealer maintenance, without falling apart. The American car makers know their products were faulty; I guess they thought the average consumer was ignorant enough or faithful enough to over look being ripped off. Instead of building a better product; they made even more money selling extended warranties. Oh, and on top of that tried to slip it in the payments unbeknown st to the consumer - just making fools of the consumer! And once more, the government (what ever happened to the Better Business Bureau?) let them get away with it and so much more and obvious unsafe cars. Through the years Fords have been notorious for catching on fire! An insurance adjuster told me. "Oh yes, that is very common!"
Recently I was watching 2057 on a science channel on cable and it depicted the future of humans, cities, and auto. But in my heart I thought as I watched that it will never happen this way if big oil has their way. Big business in this country wants to ripe of the consumer not sell us a good product for the good of the consumer and the environment. That is the American way for big business to make a buck by cheating people and jeopardizing their lives no matter what.. for the bottom line. Just how many homes around the world do corporate CEOs need?
I want to see a world by the people for the general people where everyone is treated equally where the whole world is middle class status.. no rich.. no poor! But, then the greedy male bastards can't be big shots if there are no peons to push around and that is what it is all about...being king.. being the big shot.. conquering! Just when is enough enough? Just when are some of these greedy ass people going to develop a conscious? Even hiding by religion is a tool to reap people off and make big bucks. Let me refresh your memory. If you think church and state is separate you are sadly mistaken.. it's not!
Who is exempt from paying taxes? The church! Who is exempt from paying work men's compensation? The church. Any church, any religion is exempt from paying taxes. So, they owe the politicians. Jerry Farewell tells his parishioners who to vote for and what bills to demand congressman to pass or not pass.
Now, it would be totally okay with me if big business did this Reagan Trickle Down policy that he espoused; but, that doesn't happen. Instead the money flows up into CEO pockets. In fact, big business is cheating the American tax payer by off shoring and out sourcing well paying jobs. Evidently they don't care about the future status of this country. If people can't make a decent living and prices and the cost of living keep rising.. we will end up living in a third world country. But big shot CEO people (mostly men, of course!) don't care!
In years past your boss or the end of the company may have made twice or even three times your salary that you, the worker, made. Now, today, the difference is more like 400 times as much as the employee makes.
Write your congressman....oh forget that... it will fall to deaf ears because both parties are for big business and getting a piece of the big pie in the sky. Look at the 2004 election both Bush and Kerry came from rich families, both graduated from Yale, both are member of Skull and Bones the secret society who I think want to rule the world.
Did you know that Enron (by the way just where is, conveniently timed death, Ken Lay, friends of the Bush Dynasty, probably bashing in the sun on a tropical isle sipping pina coladas) ran power grids around the world. Talk about control! But they were stupid and greedy and failed but not before stealing the future of their employees (by stealing their 401K money and losing it and going off to another country with it). Where is our government to protect us from these crooks.. Hello, they are right there with them..
Yes, big business, special interest (lobbyist) want to control what we drive, eat, medications, and the quality of the air we breath. If there isn't money in it for special interest and the Bush dynasty; well, it's just too bad for the consumer!
Now you know politicians have to be getting a bit of the profits in kick backs are something. It all has to be more than just getting elected. Cheney broke that mold when he came to Washington.
I am not the only one who thinks this way. Recently I read many wonderfully articulated letters to the editor in Business Week about ditching the huge gas guzzlers which are sold so you burn the most gas possible. Remember, the more gas you burn, or the more oil your vehicle drips on the pavement and on your drive-way, is more money the auto and oil people make.
Think back, American auto makers have been making much money by building in necessary repairs. I know I owned one Ford product an Escort. It was brand new and at 26,000, it blew a head gasket. That Escort was my last American product. As a consumer I purchase a vehicle for dependability and convenience. As much as cars cost today, they should last to at least 100,000 with regular dealer maintenance, without falling apart. The American car makers know their products were faulty; I guess they thought the average consumer was ignorant enough or faithful enough to over look being ripped off. Instead of building a better product; they made even more money selling extended warranties. Oh, and on top of that tried to slip it in the payments unbeknown st to the consumer - just making fools of the consumer! And once more, the government (what ever happened to the Better Business Bureau?) let them get away with it and so much more and obvious unsafe cars. Through the years Fords have been notorious for catching on fire! An insurance adjuster told me. "Oh yes, that is very common!"
Recently I was watching 2057 on a science channel on cable and it depicted the future of humans, cities, and auto. But in my heart I thought as I watched that it will never happen this way if big oil has their way. Big business in this country wants to ripe of the consumer not sell us a good product for the good of the consumer and the environment. That is the American way for big business to make a buck by cheating people and jeopardizing their lives no matter what.. for the bottom line. Just how many homes around the world do corporate CEOs need?
I want to see a world by the people for the general people where everyone is treated equally where the whole world is middle class status.. no rich.. no poor! But, then the greedy male bastards can't be big shots if there are no peons to push around and that is what it is all about...being king.. being the big shot.. conquering! Just when is enough enough? Just when are some of these greedy ass people going to develop a conscious? Even hiding by religion is a tool to reap people off and make big bucks. Let me refresh your memory. If you think church and state is separate you are sadly mistaken.. it's not!
Who is exempt from paying taxes? The church! Who is exempt from paying work men's compensation? The church. Any church, any religion is exempt from paying taxes. So, they owe the politicians. Jerry Farewell tells his parishioners who to vote for and what bills to demand congressman to pass or not pass.
Now, it would be totally okay with me if big business did this Reagan Trickle Down policy that he espoused; but, that doesn't happen. Instead the money flows up into CEO pockets. In fact, big business is cheating the American tax payer by off shoring and out sourcing well paying jobs. Evidently they don't care about the future status of this country. If people can't make a decent living and prices and the cost of living keep rising.. we will end up living in a third world country. But big shot CEO people (mostly men, of course!) don't care!
In years past your boss or the end of the company may have made twice or even three times your salary that you, the worker, made. Now, today, the difference is more like 400 times as much as the employee makes.
Write your congressman....oh forget that... it will fall to deaf ears because both parties are for big business and getting a piece of the big pie in the sky. Look at the 2004 election both Bush and Kerry came from rich families, both graduated from Yale, both are member of Skull and Bones the secret society who I think want to rule the world.
Did you know that Enron (by the way just where is, conveniently timed death, Ken Lay, friends of the Bush Dynasty, probably bashing in the sun on a tropical isle sipping pina coladas) ran power grids around the world. Talk about control! But they were stupid and greedy and failed but not before stealing the future of their employees (by stealing their 401K money and losing it and going off to another country with it). Where is our government to protect us from these crooks.. Hello, they are right there with them..
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Fifty-three percent of men are with a spouse. There are are 51% of women living outside of marriage and working and handling their own finances.
Bridgeforth, a financial coach, says more and more women are becoming more savvy with handling their financial situations. Women are becoming more self-sufficent and independent then ever before.
The sad story is that seventy percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. So more women have learned that they need a bit of savings for an available back up plan.
There are about hundred on the list of the most popular places to work but Google is the number one company to work for and is located in Mountain View, California. While at work employees can do laundry and eat three meals a day. At Google, employees enjoy the healthy benefits and are encouraged to use the gym and get massages and benefit from the many other enmities that are all free at Google Google is a "green" minded company and generously will kick in $5,000 for an employees purchase of a hybrid car. Ideas are launched in one of the thirteen four star restaurants. So, no wonder employees easily reject other work offers and why not? Google hired 5,000 people this year and have to reject thousands more because it is the best place in the country to work. People want to work at Google; they can practically live there. They can bring their pets to work too. What a wonderful place to work with wonderfulbenefits. So you know they must have the smartest and brightest employees if so many are desiring to be hired.
Bridgeforth, a financial coach, says more and more women are becoming more savvy with handling their financial situations. Women are becoming more self-sufficent and independent then ever before.
The sad story is that seventy percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. So more women have learned that they need a bit of savings for an available back up plan.
There are about hundred on the list of the most popular places to work but Google is the number one company to work for and is located in Mountain View, California. While at work employees can do laundry and eat three meals a day. At Google, employees enjoy the healthy benefits and are encouraged to use the gym and get massages and benefit from the many other enmities that are all free at Google Google is a "green" minded company and generously will kick in $5,000 for an employees purchase of a hybrid car. Ideas are launched in one of the thirteen four star restaurants. So, no wonder employees easily reject other work offers and why not? Google hired 5,000 people this year and have to reject thousands more because it is the best place in the country to work. People want to work at Google; they can practically live there. They can bring their pets to work too. What a wonderful place to work with wonderfulbenefits. So you know they must have the smartest and brightest employees if so many are desiring to be hired.
Christians and Muslins in London clash..
The Muslins in Britian have brought their beliefs with them and are demanding attention. At weddings the bride and women are in separate rooms while the men discuss the dowry. So I guess women are considered articles of property. Just how sad is that! Women are exclusively bought and owned by men in the Muslin community.
It seems the men can be persauded to do the evil deeds by being told they will be in high favor of Allah. The men who blew up the train in the London tunnel were considered Muslin martyrs! How scary is that? They can enter any country legally, and group and plan, and commit horrendous crimes and in according to their religious beliefs are considered martyrs and heros and will gain a high place in heaven! Gullible? You bet!
Scary? Extremely!
It seems the men can be persauded to do the evil deeds by being told they will be in high favor of Allah. The men who blew up the train in the London tunnel were considered Muslin martyrs! How scary is that? They can enter any country legally, and group and plan, and commit horrendous crimes and in according to their religious beliefs are considered martyrs and heros and will gain a high place in heaven! Gullible? You bet!
Scary? Extremely!
Sunny but very cold and windy...
It's 16 Fahrenheit degrees and very windy! I did yoga in lieu of going to the gym to swim and work out this morning. It's mid-afternoon. I'm doing laundry and listening to recorded Meet the Press.
Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) agree with Chuck Nagel a colleague that we need a new plan for Iraq. Nagel says no more troops sent to Iraq. Vitter says more, to Iran and Syria too. In my opinion that just means more money in the pockets of Halliburton, KBR and the rest of the warmongers.
Men sure like to fight, argue, direct and boss don't they. All this killing over different religious beliefs. Who cares! I think all these men should go out into a big open field like the British Red Coats and Colonist did in the 1700's and marched towards each other and just kill each other. They won't rest until they kill each other anyway; so just do it! Listening to all of this bickering, like kids, is getting annoying! If they were kids a mother would separate them, smack their faces, shake them and make them go sit in the corner.
I remember when I was a kid my brother was always pouncing me, preaching, thinking he knew everything.. and he was dumber then a box of rocks. That's the problem with males; they are loud, strong, and stupid but think they know everything.
I'm just very curious why men think they need to hold women down. Why do men think they have to dominate and control women. Are they afraid of women? This is so god like isn't it? Honesty, I think men really think they are stronger, bigger, better, wiser and more intelligent than women. Bottom like most these war like men are merely barbaric idiots and need to crawl back into their caves. I still think all the men who want to fight..need to meet out in the middle of the desert get into groups and march upon each other and fight until they all kill each other! There! End of problem! But, no they have to drag innocent men, women and children into it with them.. oh, it wouldn't be any fun unless they can kill innocent people! Hey, what a rush! Throw in some rapes too! Yea, just a much of murderers, no better than a pack of dogs! Actually, below animals.
Democratic Senator Schmur "Possitively American" about the Bailey's in America who "were" Republican in the 80's and believed Reagan's "Trickle Down" theory.
Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) agree with Chuck Nagel a colleague that we need a new plan for Iraq. Nagel says no more troops sent to Iraq. Vitter says more, to Iran and Syria too. In my opinion that just means more money in the pockets of Halliburton, KBR and the rest of the warmongers.
Men sure like to fight, argue, direct and boss don't they. All this killing over different religious beliefs. Who cares! I think all these men should go out into a big open field like the British Red Coats and Colonist did in the 1700's and marched towards each other and just kill each other. They won't rest until they kill each other anyway; so just do it! Listening to all of this bickering, like kids, is getting annoying! If they were kids a mother would separate them, smack their faces, shake them and make them go sit in the corner.
I remember when I was a kid my brother was always pouncing me, preaching, thinking he knew everything.. and he was dumber then a box of rocks. That's the problem with males; they are loud, strong, and stupid but think they know everything.
I'm just very curious why men think they need to hold women down. Why do men think they have to dominate and control women. Are they afraid of women? This is so god like isn't it? Honesty, I think men really think they are stronger, bigger, better, wiser and more intelligent than women. Bottom like most these war like men are merely barbaric idiots and need to crawl back into their caves. I still think all the men who want to fight..need to meet out in the middle of the desert get into groups and march upon each other and fight until they all kill each other! There! End of problem! But, no they have to drag innocent men, women and children into it with them.. oh, it wouldn't be any fun unless they can kill innocent people! Hey, what a rush! Throw in some rapes too! Yea, just a much of murderers, no better than a pack of dogs! Actually, below animals.
Democratic Senator Schmur "Possitively American" about the Bailey's in America who "were" Republican in the 80's and believed Reagan's "Trickle Down" theory.
Republicans.....
Always speaking of the enemy who is anyone who disagrees. Tim Russert, on Meet the Press, is speaking with former Arkansas Mike Huckabee a Republican candidate running for President. Of of course he is Christian, pro life, against homosexuals. He is against Barney Frank, gay marriage. He is against anyone trying to change the institution. Oh and now he thinks they should concentrate on saving heterosexuals marriages and save children from poverty. Gay couples should not be allowed to adopt children..he thinks the concentration should be based on the child's welfare. He doesn't know if you are born gay or not....frankly, I don't think he cares. He says people are who they want to be.. so I guess he thinks it is a choice. And he is against anyone trying to change the social status quo.
Tim asked him if he pardoned a rapist and yes I would say he did. What an asshole! Now he is denying that he did not pardon this guy. He said Tucker did and Bill Clinton knew about it.
But he does say Hillary Clinton is a formable candidate, strong and brilliant! Huckabee came from poverty too, like Clinton.
Tim asked him if he pardoned a rapist and yes I would say he did. What an asshole! Now he is denying that he did not pardon this guy. He said Tucker did and Bill Clinton knew about it.
But he does say Hillary Clinton is a formable candidate, strong and brilliant! Huckabee came from poverty too, like Clinton.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
For the People..
This is supposed to be a government by the people for the people. What we have is a government for a few of the Bush Dynasty's cronies to fill their pockets with tax payers' money and with borrow billions of dollars from China and Mexico and probably Japan and India.
We do trade with communist China and borrow money from them. And China is in cahoots with N. Korea looking for ways to build nuclear power.. and maybe other things ...and helping Iran. Uranium is even being back marketed.
But Bush and cronies still concentrate on sending as many troops to Iraq as possible so Halliburton, Blackwater, KBR, Titan, CACI and others can reap the monetary benefits with Bush's "cost plus" policy. Cost plus means, the more you spend the more you get to spend. So Halliburton is wasting money like crazy and jeopardy lives in the process. Please see the DVD "Iraq for Sale: War for Profiteering".
Today many citizens marched on Washington D.C. demanding we get out of Iraq. Well, we made, but Bush will then just send troops to Afghanistan or Iran. I think he is too scared to mess with N. Korea. We do a lot of trading with them.. China too. We are really beholden to China. When was the last time you keep up anything in a store that wasn't made in China?
As middle class (what's left of the middle class.. we are slowing slipping into poverty because of our present administration who care nothing about domestic policy for the people...but only draining all the oil out of Iraq before anyone else can get it!) citizens we need decent jobs, affordable education and health care but our present administration is allowing all major corporations to cheat the average wage earner and tax payer.
Are large corporation that short sighted that they cannot see they are shooting themselves in the foot by lowering our chances of making decent wages. We cannot purchase products if we do not have good paying jobs. Right now the average American is at least 20,000 in credit card debt..soon the market and the economy will suffer the repercussions. Yet, CEO such as Enron's crooked CEO's do not care. They live for the moment..selling off stock right before the crash and destroy finale. And once more our government not only lets this go on.....our government is part of it... encourages it.. continues to give large corporations even more tax breaks and continues sticking it to the average legal citizen.
And then Ford is whining and crying.. why? They have for years produce JUNK! And expected the American citizen to be too stupid to even catch on! The auto makers deliberately built in faulty materials to guarantee necessary repairs and extra cost... and so conveniently offer for extra cost of course .. extended warranties for even more added profits in CEO's pockets. American people are not fools as auto and oil and government and big business expects us to be we know you are ripping us off and we are insults. And young adults are continuing to be treated into joining up with armed forces actually still believing in the American patronage and loyalty to this government. What fools they are! And what a shame for our government to exploit our young Americans and everyone for that matter.
And then we have the stupid Evangelist Christians who actually believe the government will do them favors. The parishioners are stupid because they are trapped in a cult for giving of all their money and being treated into believing that they are sinners. Hey, the church can't make money if they can't find sinners to heal.. so they pick on homosexuals and they brainwash parishioners youth and make fools of people. You are being taken for a ride! Watch Alexander Pelosi's HBO documentary "Friends of God". Please. Watching this really makes me wonder if there is a god? Are you worshiping a "thought"; someone religious leaders of old made up to treat you?
Watch, "What the Bleep Do We Know" and the sequel "How Far Down the Rabbit Hole Do You Want to Go?" and J. K. Knight's Ramtha. We are the powerful ones! We have the power within us to create our own realities. We are all connected at the quantum level.
Just what will it take for power around the war to sit back and see just how primitive they really are! How barbaric! All these "male" leaders want to do is dominate and kill! Are they nuts? They would sooner destroy their own land and kill and see their people starve in order to build armies to what? Dominate? It's all about domination and greed!
Sometimes I am just embarrassed to be part of the human race! Christians are nothing but crooks, Politicians are nothing but crooks, our large corporations do nothing but cheat us and fill their own CEO greedy pockets. Our American auto makers and been living for the oil products and building and selling us unsafe, undependable junk since they began building cars. They killed the electric care in 1902 because Skull and Bones was already in cahoots in oil and govenement and even Rome. We are not stupid and we are getting tired of looking the other way and pretending you have our best interest at heart..when in all honesty you are nothing more than a bunch of crooks!
As American tax payers we demand the war to stop and our troops to come home and we demand government for the people finally! We are sick of hearing about Iraq's woes.. Bush, you are our president act like it!!!!!
We do trade with communist China and borrow money from them. And China is in cahoots with N. Korea looking for ways to build nuclear power.. and maybe other things ...and helping Iran. Uranium is even being back marketed.
But Bush and cronies still concentrate on sending as many troops to Iraq as possible so Halliburton, Blackwater, KBR, Titan, CACI and others can reap the monetary benefits with Bush's "cost plus" policy. Cost plus means, the more you spend the more you get to spend. So Halliburton is wasting money like crazy and jeopardy lives in the process. Please see the DVD "Iraq for Sale: War for Profiteering".
Today many citizens marched on Washington D.C. demanding we get out of Iraq. Well, we made, but Bush will then just send troops to Afghanistan or Iran. I think he is too scared to mess with N. Korea. We do a lot of trading with them.. China too. We are really beholden to China. When was the last time you keep up anything in a store that wasn't made in China?
As middle class (what's left of the middle class.. we are slowing slipping into poverty because of our present administration who care nothing about domestic policy for the people...but only draining all the oil out of Iraq before anyone else can get it!) citizens we need decent jobs, affordable education and health care but our present administration is allowing all major corporations to cheat the average wage earner and tax payer.
Are large corporation that short sighted that they cannot see they are shooting themselves in the foot by lowering our chances of making decent wages. We cannot purchase products if we do not have good paying jobs. Right now the average American is at least 20,000 in credit card debt..soon the market and the economy will suffer the repercussions. Yet, CEO such as Enron's crooked CEO's do not care. They live for the moment..selling off stock right before the crash and destroy finale. And once more our government not only lets this go on.....our government is part of it... encourages it.. continues to give large corporations even more tax breaks and continues sticking it to the average legal citizen.
And then Ford is whining and crying.. why? They have for years produce JUNK! And expected the American citizen to be too stupid to even catch on! The auto makers deliberately built in faulty materials to guarantee necessary repairs and extra cost... and so conveniently offer for extra cost of course .. extended warranties for even more added profits in CEO's pockets. American people are not fools as auto and oil and government and big business expects us to be we know you are ripping us off and we are insults. And young adults are continuing to be treated into joining up with armed forces actually still believing in the American patronage and loyalty to this government. What fools they are! And what a shame for our government to exploit our young Americans and everyone for that matter.
And then we have the stupid Evangelist Christians who actually believe the government will do them favors. The parishioners are stupid because they are trapped in a cult for giving of all their money and being treated into believing that they are sinners. Hey, the church can't make money if they can't find sinners to heal.. so they pick on homosexuals and they brainwash parishioners youth and make fools of people. You are being taken for a ride! Watch Alexander Pelosi's HBO documentary "Friends of God". Please. Watching this really makes me wonder if there is a god? Are you worshiping a "thought"; someone religious leaders of old made up to treat you?
Watch, "What the Bleep Do We Know" and the sequel "How Far Down the Rabbit Hole Do You Want to Go?" and J. K. Knight's Ramtha. We are the powerful ones! We have the power within us to create our own realities. We are all connected at the quantum level.
Just what will it take for power around the war to sit back and see just how primitive they really are! How barbaric! All these "male" leaders want to do is dominate and kill! Are they nuts? They would sooner destroy their own land and kill and see their people starve in order to build armies to what? Dominate? It's all about domination and greed!
Sometimes I am just embarrassed to be part of the human race! Christians are nothing but crooks, Politicians are nothing but crooks, our large corporations do nothing but cheat us and fill their own CEO greedy pockets. Our American auto makers and been living for the oil products and building and selling us unsafe, undependable junk since they began building cars. They killed the electric care in 1902 because Skull and Bones was already in cahoots in oil and govenement and even Rome. We are not stupid and we are getting tired of looking the other way and pretending you have our best interest at heart..when in all honesty you are nothing more than a bunch of crooks!
As American tax payers we demand the war to stop and our troops to come home and we demand government for the people finally! We are sick of hearing about Iraq's woes.. Bush, you are our president act like it!!!!!
Corporate support for gay and lesbian workers
is growing rapidly in America despite the criticism they get from conservative Christian groups. I'm getting to the point where I "hate" Christians! Sad isn't? Yes, in the name of god it's okay to hate, judge, kill in war times, and start wars all hiding behind the cloak of the lord. It's fraud at best! It's using the name of the lord in vain in the worse way. Christian leaders gather founders who are searching for a great good in faith and hope; they are being used and taken advantage of instead. They are told to donate money and vote a certain way..all in the name of god.
Corporations who support gay and lesbian rights are growing in numbers. There is a large market out there that they want to tap into to. They are not fools! Gay and lesbians are part of an ever growing large market.
I wonder, just for grins, if males determine who are born gay or lesbian; just as males determine the sex of the baby.. could they also determine their sexual orientation. Secretly, this could be true. Certainly, if scientist knew for sure..they would never broadcast this information because the most powerful members of society are males and they certainly would not want to diminish their standings and contribution. Men would sooner blame homosexuals on a mother's condition or misguided cell. Just my thoughts.
Here is another thought. We are all spirits here visiting on earth in human form. I believe in the spirit world we know no sense of time or gender but are merely loving spirits here to love one another....well, the good ones. They say if you are a horrible thug or murder when you die; you are still as a spirit, in the spirit world.
So, I believe that when we come to earth we don't care what gender we are..we love the spirit. In the spirit world gender and time are non-existent. Years can past in the blink of an eye in the spirit world.
Anyway, I believe that is why there are homosexuals. It's a flip flop; a crap shoot. It's not important in the spiritual world what gender you are; if you are straight or gay.. it doesn't matter. It only matters to Evangelist Christians who are looking for people to convince that there is something wrong with them. Give us your money and we will "fix" you. It's a hoax! It's a band aid at best. We are born gay! Speaking from personal experience, we can "pretend" to be straight; but, if you are gay - you are gay to stay!
And once more - there is nothing wrong with being gay! How does my loving another woman bother you? Life would be a lot easier if we could all be who we are! Love is love! Love is good! It's better and more god like than "hate" that Christians preach! Love is good! Wars have been created in the name of religion; in the name of god.
So my hats are off to the corporations who support the gay life style. These corporations are monetarily wise in their thinking. The gay community in the most part is a lucrative group with above average spending power so corporations are wise to cater to them.
Corporations who support gay and lesbian rights are growing in numbers. There is a large market out there that they want to tap into to. They are not fools! Gay and lesbians are part of an ever growing large market.
I wonder, just for grins, if males determine who are born gay or lesbian; just as males determine the sex of the baby.. could they also determine their sexual orientation. Secretly, this could be true. Certainly, if scientist knew for sure..they would never broadcast this information because the most powerful members of society are males and they certainly would not want to diminish their standings and contribution. Men would sooner blame homosexuals on a mother's condition or misguided cell. Just my thoughts.
Here is another thought. We are all spirits here visiting on earth in human form. I believe in the spirit world we know no sense of time or gender but are merely loving spirits here to love one another....well, the good ones. They say if you are a horrible thug or murder when you die; you are still as a spirit, in the spirit world.
So, I believe that when we come to earth we don't care what gender we are..we love the spirit. In the spirit world gender and time are non-existent. Years can past in the blink of an eye in the spirit world.
Anyway, I believe that is why there are homosexuals. It's a flip flop; a crap shoot. It's not important in the spiritual world what gender you are; if you are straight or gay.. it doesn't matter. It only matters to Evangelist Christians who are looking for people to convince that there is something wrong with them. Give us your money and we will "fix" you. It's a hoax! It's a band aid at best. We are born gay! Speaking from personal experience, we can "pretend" to be straight; but, if you are gay - you are gay to stay!
And once more - there is nothing wrong with being gay! How does my loving another woman bother you? Life would be a lot easier if we could all be who we are! Love is love! Love is good! It's better and more god like than "hate" that Christians preach! Love is good! Wars have been created in the name of religion; in the name of god.
So my hats are off to the corporations who support the gay life style. These corporations are monetarily wise in their thinking. The gay community in the most part is a lucrative group with above average spending power so corporations are wise to cater to them.
Beware!
We are so concentrated on the war in Iraq that maybe we are over looking other world wide obvious threats to our security!
For example: North Korea is aiding Iran in nuclear power building. China is building their technologies to shoot down satellites. Our country's national security is based on information transmitted via satellites. Satellites put out of service could critically cripple our national securities.
For example: North Korea is aiding Iran in nuclear power building. China is building their technologies to shoot down satellites. Our country's national security is based on information transmitted via satellites. Satellites put out of service could critically cripple our national securities.
Oil
From Business Week: Iraqis: Oil law won't favor Americans?
"Published reports in the Middle East said the proposal would provide for so-called product sharing agreements that would give international oil firms 70 percent of the oil revenues to recover their initial investments and subsequently allow them 20 percent of the profits without any tax or restrictions on transferring funds abroad.
"Without a decisive military victory, the U.S. occupation of Iraq seems to be about to grab its oil prize by establishing a new sharing arrangement," the English-language Yemen Observer said Saturday, echoing a frequent criticism that the U.S.-led invasion was aimed in part at capturing Iraq's oil."
Interesting!
"Published reports in the Middle East said the proposal would provide for so-called product sharing agreements that would give international oil firms 70 percent of the oil revenues to recover their initial investments and subsequently allow them 20 percent of the profits without any tax or restrictions on transferring funds abroad.
"Without a decisive military victory, the U.S. occupation of Iraq seems to be about to grab its oil prize by establishing a new sharing arrangement," the English-language Yemen Observer said Saturday, echoing a frequent criticism that the U.S.-led invasion was aimed in part at capturing Iraq's oil."
Interesting!
Ford needs to get with the 21 st Century!
For one thing Ford has the clunkiest, ugliest products on the market! They are of ancient design! No body but a back watered, country boy would want to buy something like that and the "guys" their products appeal too are broke. They are part of Bush's "let's make everyone body super poor as we give every business a break so they can get rich". Is this administration super greedy AND stupid? If we are as poor as a third world country WHO will buy your big obnoxious ugly undependable products? There comes a time where Bush, you are going to have to look at the big picture. But, I believe Bush just does whatever big business tells him to do
BPD
That's Borderline Personality Disorder. A constant switching of emotions from happy to sad without the clams in between that Bipolar disorder displays.
Using women have Borderline Personality Disorder that gets so bad that young girls want to cut themselves so they can concentrate of physical pain rather than emotional pain consisting of frees of abandonment.
There is medication and treatment for this disease. I wonder if divorce issues so common in modern families where more than fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce.
Using women have Borderline Personality Disorder that gets so bad that young girls want to cut themselves so they can concentrate of physical pain rather than emotional pain consisting of frees of abandonment.
There is medication and treatment for this disease. I wonder if divorce issues so common in modern families where more than fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Out of Reach..
The price of even a starter home is becoming out of reach for many first time buyers. I know thirty years back when I wanted to buy I couldn't has a hairdresser or banker. But, when I got the big telephone communications job things were many different. I worked as a clerk for several years than got a lucky break with affirmative action and eventually got a craft "man's" job. The men hated women and minorities coming into their honored domain. But, with that job I soon could afford a down payment on a modestly prices condominium.
But, today even with extremely creative financing that can later bite you back, first time buyers are struggling and it makes me wonder who can afford these enormous size houses we see springing up all over city and county area.
Recently I visited a friend who loves in south city and was reminded of how small houses were standard build up until the 1930's and even 1960's But 30, 40, and 50's built houses were extremely small. There was just room enough to walk sideways almost in a bathroom. Living room and bedroom have hard room floors but small with just room enough for a standard double bed.
And today, houses are extreme with ten feet are higher ceilings. Frankly I don't see the point. They are harder to paint and heat rises so then you need a ceiling fan to push it back down again.
I am very fortunate that I had a decent job with benefits. The way our government conducts itself with no ordinary citizen representation is despicable.
But, today even with extremely creative financing that can later bite you back, first time buyers are struggling and it makes me wonder who can afford these enormous size houses we see springing up all over city and county area.
Recently I visited a friend who loves in south city and was reminded of how small houses were standard build up until the 1930's and even 1960's But 30, 40, and 50's built houses were extremely small. There was just room enough to walk sideways almost in a bathroom. Living room and bedroom have hard room floors but small with just room enough for a standard double bed.
And today, houses are extreme with ten feet are higher ceilings. Frankly I don't see the point. They are harder to paint and heat rises so then you need a ceiling fan to push it back down again.
I am very fortunate that I had a decent job with benefits. The way our government conducts itself with no ordinary citizen representation is despicable.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
I love my young friend
and I missed her this evening. Well, I didn't make it to the park in time.. I got side tracked. when I got back home with my friend that I spent the afternoon with suddenly I got this huge ache in my heart for no apparent reason. I looked at the clock and it was six probably when she realized that I was not coming. Oh god that hurt my heart. I had to tell my friendthat I was with, that I love this young woman very much; that I wanted to see her and have a chance for one on one conversation. I missed my chance! She is precious to me.
I called her when I thought she was home. She said. "Hey, where were you!" We talked about all kinds of things for over thirty minutes. I'll see her Saturday morning. God, I feel bad! I love her.
It's like not spending time with your kids when you could be....or something similar I'm sure.
My friend was sitting here with me and I had to tell her.. I said suddenly my heart ached and when I looked at the time..it was probably when she was missing me.
God thank you for keeping her safe, happy, injury free, prosperous and in love. I'm sorry if I disappointed her.
Please keep me happy, prosperous, safe, injury free, and I want someone like the good doctor..please...please....please..please...I want to be in love.. madly with wonderful sex...she has to have the same heart and the same look.. The good doctor was everything to me.. I love everything about her...she is still in my heart.
Too bad life is not so cut and dried... but wouldn't it be wonderful if it were... I am having sex with a married woman ....and in love with another woman who is very young.
I do have special feelings for my..lover but we have a special arrangement.
So, I'm waiting for that a woman a little taller than me, blond shoulder length hair, slendar, a swimmers body, and the warmest loving heart that was ever loved to love me. Please hurry and get here I want to worship you.
I called her when I thought she was home. She said. "Hey, where were you!" We talked about all kinds of things for over thirty minutes. I'll see her Saturday morning. God, I feel bad! I love her.
It's like not spending time with your kids when you could be....or something similar I'm sure.
My friend was sitting here with me and I had to tell her.. I said suddenly my heart ached and when I looked at the time..it was probably when she was missing me.
God thank you for keeping her safe, happy, injury free, prosperous and in love. I'm sorry if I disappointed her.
Please keep me happy, prosperous, safe, injury free, and I want someone like the good doctor..please...please....please..please...I want to be in love.. madly with wonderful sex...she has to have the same heart and the same look.. The good doctor was everything to me.. I love everything about her...she is still in my heart.
Too bad life is not so cut and dried... but wouldn't it be wonderful if it were... I am having sex with a married woman ....and in love with another woman who is very young.
I do have special feelings for my..lover but we have a special arrangement.
So, I'm waiting for that a woman a little taller than me, blond shoulder length hair, slendar, a swimmers body, and the warmest loving heart that was ever loved to love me. Please hurry and get here I want to worship you.
In Cahoots....
I think I"m getting this figured out: Let's see, the government declared religions to be a tax free "business" and they do not have to pay work men's compensation or other employee benefits that other tax paying businesses have to pay...so much for separation of church and state..that alone tells you right there that there is no such thing!
Somehow it seems the Democrats are getting slighted And the Republicans stand behind religious principles such as pro-life, and against homosexuality and same sex marriage to gain voters.
See how it works! Ironic? I just watched Alexander Pelosi's HBO documentary called "Friends of God". Beginning on Monday it will be available to view anytime with "on Demand".
Alexander is the journalist daughter of Nancy Pelosi and she did a fine job depicting the "rightousness" ways of the Evangelists. Amazing! They are so correct and everyone else who doesn't believe their ways or god..be damned!
My question? Is there really a god.. I'm sorry but the more I watch documentaries such as "Jesus Camp" for kids and now "Friends of God" for young adults I shutter at the "cult" sounds and sights of all of this. And it makes me think that there isn't really a god. Hey, I was raised Catholic which is cluttered with the same beliefs as the Evangelical Christians.
It makes me think it's all about power, control and money. That people are being manipulated in the name of a "god" and his written word. A bunch of "men" wrote the bible. Amen. Period! Nothing more to say..except in today's world they would have been the "republicans" of their time.
It's big business at best people. Jerry Farewell tells his congregation who to vote for and makes sure everyone is registered to vote! Is this too scary! I wonder if he is getting a kick-backs from Halliburton.. like the rest of them?
Why do you think Bush wants 21,500 more soldiers sent to Iraq? And now he wants $2.4 Billion to be allegated to rebuild Iraq! Yes, this means big bucks in the pockets of Halliburton, KBR, Blackwater, Titan, CACI and probably many more who are filling their pockets with federal funds.. your tax money at work. Actually, I think Bush and Cheney have ran out of our tax money and are into borrowing big time from Mexico (Do I hear money for people through loose borders?), China, Japan and probably India.
Lou Dobbs on, I want to say "Rosie" but I mean, "The View" today said he is disappointed in both parties because they are too much a like.. for big businesses. There are 33,000 lobbyist for special interest in Washington D. C. I think then 33 lobbyist for each Senator and Representative temp them with deals, bargins, votes and other perks.
So it's a land of monetary promises. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Only these parishioners young and older do not have a clue.
What is scary too is that the most common Evangelical family has many children and home made clothes and home teaches their kids and not about evolution. No, human being do not derive from the ape but from scripture's Adam and Eve, who just happen to be already human.
And they don't believe in dinasaurs are global warming. I get the feeling that Jerry Farewell has been talking to Cheney and Cheney is protecting big business. In cahoots; they are all in cahoots.
Somehow it seems the Democrats are getting slighted And the Republicans stand behind religious principles such as pro-life, and against homosexuality and same sex marriage to gain voters.
See how it works! Ironic? I just watched Alexander Pelosi's HBO documentary called "Friends of God". Beginning on Monday it will be available to view anytime with "on Demand".
Alexander is the journalist daughter of Nancy Pelosi and she did a fine job depicting the "rightousness" ways of the Evangelists. Amazing! They are so correct and everyone else who doesn't believe their ways or god..be damned!
My question? Is there really a god.. I'm sorry but the more I watch documentaries such as "Jesus Camp" for kids and now "Friends of God" for young adults I shutter at the "cult" sounds and sights of all of this. And it makes me think that there isn't really a god. Hey, I was raised Catholic which is cluttered with the same beliefs as the Evangelical Christians.
It makes me think it's all about power, control and money. That people are being manipulated in the name of a "god" and his written word. A bunch of "men" wrote the bible. Amen. Period! Nothing more to say..except in today's world they would have been the "republicans" of their time.
It's big business at best people. Jerry Farewell tells his congregation who to vote for and makes sure everyone is registered to vote! Is this too scary! I wonder if he is getting a kick-backs from Halliburton.. like the rest of them?
Why do you think Bush wants 21,500 more soldiers sent to Iraq? And now he wants $2.4 Billion to be allegated to rebuild Iraq! Yes, this means big bucks in the pockets of Halliburton, KBR, Blackwater, Titan, CACI and probably many more who are filling their pockets with federal funds.. your tax money at work. Actually, I think Bush and Cheney have ran out of our tax money and are into borrowing big time from Mexico (Do I hear money for people through loose borders?), China, Japan and probably India.
Lou Dobbs on, I want to say "Rosie" but I mean, "The View" today said he is disappointed in both parties because they are too much a like.. for big businesses. There are 33,000 lobbyist for special interest in Washington D. C. I think then 33 lobbyist for each Senator and Representative temp them with deals, bargins, votes and other perks.
So it's a land of monetary promises. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Only these parishioners young and older do not have a clue.
What is scary too is that the most common Evangelical family has many children and home made clothes and home teaches their kids and not about evolution. No, human being do not derive from the ape but from scripture's Adam and Eve, who just happen to be already human.
And they don't believe in dinasaurs are global warming. I get the feeling that Jerry Farewell has been talking to Cheney and Cheney is protecting big business. In cahoots; they are all in cahoots.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
I love Jan Leno...
and his take on Cheney....smirking when Bush says. "We have to stop our dependency on foreign oil"
Leno coughs, covers his mouth, and mutters "Halliburton!"
Google Halliburton. It is very interesting..just reading the captions listed gives lots of information regarding Halliburton, KBR, Cheney..and so much more.
Leno coughs, covers his mouth, and mutters "Halliburton!"
Google Halliburton. It is very interesting..just reading the captions listed gives lots of information regarding Halliburton, KBR, Cheney..and so much more.
Sorry, won't be seeing Sundance's..
"Hounddog" movie which includes a scene of a 12 year old getting rape played by Dakota Fanning! The thought of the horrendous scene makes me ill. What sick mind thought this was a good idea to be put on the screen? A perverts?
I don't care if the scene lasts seconds and is in the dark..its the zipper coming down and the begging "No!" pleads that I that are horrible and bone chilling and most disturbing! Have all of our sensitivities just gone to the way side completely! Have we become a cock fight society where we enjoy seeing women and kids brutalized?
What kind of sick minds do we have making this type of movie; the same sick minds as the ones who will "get aroused" at watching something like this! Is it made to provoke perverts and give them more ideas then they already have? Evidently the producers care only about box office profits and not about their responsibility to the safety of kids in society! Kids are mistreated and taken advantage of as it is with child snatching, child porn, and child sex slavery. And then we wonder why?
If this movie gets disturbed officers should be standing outside of threatres with a picture list of all the known freed sex offenders in the area....
I don't care if the scene lasts seconds and is in the dark..its the zipper coming down and the begging "No!" pleads that I that are horrible and bone chilling and most disturbing! Have all of our sensitivities just gone to the way side completely! Have we become a cock fight society where we enjoy seeing women and kids brutalized?
What kind of sick minds do we have making this type of movie; the same sick minds as the ones who will "get aroused" at watching something like this! Is it made to provoke perverts and give them more ideas then they already have? Evidently the producers care only about box office profits and not about their responsibility to the safety of kids in society! Kids are mistreated and taken advantage of as it is with child snatching, child porn, and child sex slavery. And then we wonder why?
If this movie gets disturbed officers should be standing outside of threatres with a picture list of all the known freed sex offenders in the area....
Well, that raising of the minimum wage bill backfired
didn't it! Nancy Pelosi and others wanted the bill to only raise minimum wage about two dollars over ten years. But, Republicans wanted added to the bill a tax cut for businesses. So the minimum wage bill did not get past the Senate.
My opinion: Just raise the minimum wage..the consumer ends up getting charged more to compensate anyway. It's no skin off of business; they merely reflect the cost onto the consumer.
But what did past was: A huge tax break for businesses to hire "low income or disadvantaged workers." In other words....let's keep the poor down there where they belong....and let's not try to give them a break!!
My opinion: Just raise the minimum wage..the consumer ends up getting charged more to compensate anyway. It's no skin off of business; they merely reflect the cost onto the consumer.
But what did past was: A huge tax break for businesses to hire "low income or disadvantaged workers." In other words....let's keep the poor down there where they belong....and let's not try to give them a break!!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Bush
Bush said he has cut federal budget in half by 2009 and completely depict it in the next five years.
What are ear marks? Bills that don't get past.
Entitlements: Social Security benefits. Leave it up to Bush and it will be depleted. This included Medicare and Medicade. He never says how he is going to go about doing anything though.
And no child left behind? It's failing according to the teachers that I know.
Oh yeah, NOW he promised affordable and available health care. He said the government has an obligation to care for aged and young.
Standard tax deduction. People benefited by employers and non-employers will benefit. Family of four making $60,000. He is changing the tax code and there will be no deductions on a certain amount of income. The state should provide for the poor with Federal grants. And he plans on helping small business with association health plans. Better information technology. And past medical liablity reform to protect doctors from jump liabilities. Health care choices should be made by patients and their doctors and not by insurance companies.
Immigrantion: Borders patrol will be doubled with high technology. Temporary foreign passes for foreigners. Enforce immigration laws at the work site too. Resolve the status of illegals here without emenity and animosity.
Stable supply of domestic energy. To depend on foreign threatens our security. Clean coal technology, nuclear power and battery research for plug in cars and bio-diesal fuel, and ethanol. His goal reduce gasoline usage by 20% in the next ten years. By then will be cutting oil by three quarters. Stop oil all to gether by 2017. Economy standards need to be better .. of course, way out there by 2017; another ten years. They keep pushing dates out.
Oh, I know why the barrel of oil is down to $55.00; because of this speech tonight. See everything is so manipulated by republican's big business friends.
Cases in Federal courts:
Terrorist: We sure are taking a long ride on 9/11 aren't we. There has not been any terrorist attachs since 9/11. Odd, don't you think? Yet, the terrorist are threatening us still or are they. The attach gave government a wide range of big brother probing and protection; empathsis on probing.
Without war what would all those generals be doing? Why would we need all those fighter planes and helicopters. War is good for big business. Bush said the war on terror won't end until we stop them all?
What are ear marks? Bills that don't get past.
Entitlements: Social Security benefits. Leave it up to Bush and it will be depleted. This included Medicare and Medicade. He never says how he is going to go about doing anything though.
And no child left behind? It's failing according to the teachers that I know.
Oh yeah, NOW he promised affordable and available health care. He said the government has an obligation to care for aged and young.
Standard tax deduction. People benefited by employers and non-employers will benefit. Family of four making $60,000. He is changing the tax code and there will be no deductions on a certain amount of income. The state should provide for the poor with Federal grants. And he plans on helping small business with association health plans. Better information technology. And past medical liablity reform to protect doctors from jump liabilities. Health care choices should be made by patients and their doctors and not by insurance companies.
Immigrantion: Borders patrol will be doubled with high technology. Temporary foreign passes for foreigners. Enforce immigration laws at the work site too. Resolve the status of illegals here without emenity and animosity.
Stable supply of domestic energy. To depend on foreign threatens our security. Clean coal technology, nuclear power and battery research for plug in cars and bio-diesal fuel, and ethanol. His goal reduce gasoline usage by 20% in the next ten years. By then will be cutting oil by three quarters. Stop oil all to gether by 2017. Economy standards need to be better .. of course, way out there by 2017; another ten years. They keep pushing dates out.
Oh, I know why the barrel of oil is down to $55.00; because of this speech tonight. See everything is so manipulated by republican's big business friends.
Cases in Federal courts:
Terrorist: We sure are taking a long ride on 9/11 aren't we. There has not been any terrorist attachs since 9/11. Odd, don't you think? Yet, the terrorist are threatening us still or are they. The attach gave government a wide range of big brother probing and protection; empathsis on probing.
Without war what would all those generals be doing? Why would we need all those fighter planes and helicopters. War is good for big business. Bush said the war on terror won't end until we stop them all?
price of a charger
I wonder if the American auto industry is becoming wiser or more sly? Today I saw a commercial where two young guys are looking at about the hunkiest, bulkiest, hunk of a car I have ever seen, the Dodge Charger. Talk about 50's! And gas guzzling! and just down right ugly! These two guys are drooling over this homely pile of plastic and medal.
"How much is it?" Asked one 50's style (you know, like your father) young man to the other.
"$26,000!" Say the skilled young salesman.
"Is that all?" Exclaimed the ignorant young man who evidently never talked to a car salesman before. You never say. "Is that all! But rather say. "Oh my I can't afford that!" Then you get your mind prepared to sit three hours with the roll playing salesperson who runs back and forth to his manager and while pretending to be "working" for you at trying to save you some money..yeah right!
What floored me is that when the young man in the commercial hears the prices he says. "$26,000? Is that all? I'll take it!" And it's so ugly! It's bigger and clunkier in the front and then tails off smaller towards the back so from a distance it looks like the rear view of a sixty year old skinny chain smoking man with broader shoulders than his narrow, no-butt, sagging, drooping pants. Ugly! And so out dated..
The American auto industry needs to get with it! This is the age of light, efficent, stylist, hybrids. Hybrids are a "oil industry" compromise in my opinion. I know most vehicles built today could be electric. We know it can be done. Remember GM's EV1 built in the late 90's? The last one that GM crushed was in 2003. Yes, a perfectly cute car and drivers in California loved them and tried to buy them but GM only leased them. And then when GM and the republican oil minded men in Washington D. C. saw that the car might be catching on in New York they allowed the anti-pollution laws to be changed in California and then slowly the EV1 cars began disappearing out of drive ways to the sadness of California drivers when they could not get their leases renewed for no apparent reason. Watch the DVD "Who Killed the Electric Car?" It's all about big business and not about the air you breath.
Now on this evening Bush's State of the Union address it is said that he will not talk about the war.. but about providing health care, education and probably jobs for people. It is so obvious that it is just lip service because the Democrats are now demanding social services for the American tax makers.
Hillary timed her commitment perfectly and that is right before the State of the Union Address. In the early nineties she tried to push affordable health care for everyone in the United States. But, it never got anywhere in a republican house and senate. The republicans spent the whole eight years Bill Clinton was in office trying to smire his name. Well, Hillary has been ran through the ringer already so all that attempted mud slinging hopefully is behind her. Hopefully, she is elected and with a democratic house and senate should get some social services health care, good jobs, debt control and education bills pasted.
"How much is it?" Asked one 50's style (you know, like your father) young man to the other.
"$26,000!" Say the skilled young salesman.
"Is that all?" Exclaimed the ignorant young man who evidently never talked to a car salesman before. You never say. "Is that all! But rather say. "Oh my I can't afford that!" Then you get your mind prepared to sit three hours with the roll playing salesperson who runs back and forth to his manager and while pretending to be "working" for you at trying to save you some money..yeah right!
What floored me is that when the young man in the commercial hears the prices he says. "$26,000? Is that all? I'll take it!" And it's so ugly! It's bigger and clunkier in the front and then tails off smaller towards the back so from a distance it looks like the rear view of a sixty year old skinny chain smoking man with broader shoulders than his narrow, no-butt, sagging, drooping pants. Ugly! And so out dated..
The American auto industry needs to get with it! This is the age of light, efficent, stylist, hybrids. Hybrids are a "oil industry" compromise in my opinion. I know most vehicles built today could be electric. We know it can be done. Remember GM's EV1 built in the late 90's? The last one that GM crushed was in 2003. Yes, a perfectly cute car and drivers in California loved them and tried to buy them but GM only leased them. And then when GM and the republican oil minded men in Washington D. C. saw that the car might be catching on in New York they allowed the anti-pollution laws to be changed in California and then slowly the EV1 cars began disappearing out of drive ways to the sadness of California drivers when they could not get their leases renewed for no apparent reason. Watch the DVD "Who Killed the Electric Car?" It's all about big business and not about the air you breath.
Now on this evening Bush's State of the Union address it is said that he will not talk about the war.. but about providing health care, education and probably jobs for people. It is so obvious that it is just lip service because the Democrats are now demanding social services for the American tax makers.
Hillary timed her commitment perfectly and that is right before the State of the Union Address. In the early nineties she tried to push affordable health care for everyone in the United States. But, it never got anywhere in a republican house and senate. The republicans spent the whole eight years Bill Clinton was in office trying to smire his name. Well, Hillary has been ran through the ringer already so all that attempted mud slinging hopefully is behind her. Hopefully, she is elected and with a democratic house and senate should get some social services health care, good jobs, debt control and education bills pasted.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Keeping You Secret..
Where I had just blogged a least over a thousand words and then I did something that said. "are you sure you want to move away from this page?" I said. "No!" and the whole thing disappeared anyway!
So, you know, you just can't get the moments back..and I was writing so well and pouring out thoughts on endless streams..now too the environment has changed. My butt got sour from sitting on that hard dining room chair.. the emotion moved on.. my teas got cold and those little sugar bear crackers are all gone!
So, I'll tried to get it back.. somewhat. "Keeping you Secret" is a movie DVD I saw at Amazon about two high school girls falling in love and trying to keep it secret. I didn't watch it. I don't want to because it would be too depressing. Because, I had secret crushes on girls too in high school but even secret to them. God, my heart ached. And I was so shy when I spoke to them and my brian was numb.
Well, life didn't change much for me in that department until I was forty something; early forties. I came out and hook up with a woman at work and neither one of us could say the "L" word (lesbian) for the longest time. Our friends were butch! I wasn't ready for that. You see for years I had had crushes on cute, feminine striaght girls. Or we thought we were straight; anyway, none of us explored to fine out. We really never talked about it. Or if we did it was a general discussing put down of those low lifes.
So I moved from the straight feminine world to the lesbian heavy butch world and that was secretly a little disturbing to me. I think I was born before my time. I was born way too soon. I love the young women now who dress and look like everyone else but they are lesbians. It's fabulous. I think I love them all. It makes me want to die before too long so I can come back and get what I missed out on. And no I do not want to come back heterosexual! No way! I want to come back a lesbian only live my crushes next time and for sure not keep her secret to her or anyone else.
I'm trying to remember what I was writing about before I accidently deleted it all. Oh, all my loves maybe? My ex's one year long distance girlfriend is finally going to move up here and live with her. I was a little sad when I heard that thinking it pushes me down the rungs of the ladder. But, I know she and I will always be close. I like her girlfriend so it will be cool and trust me my ex is the domineering factor. She will be herself and be true to herself.
I have many loves, my ex, my lover, my very young woman friend whom I adore. She is like the high light of my life. She is precious to me. I hope we get to spend some one on one time together soon. Maybe we will be able to run together tomorrow evening.. just she and I. I miss our one on one time together. One evening she and I talked for nearly an hour on the phone... my pay per call phone bill - rather high! Talking to my young love for nearly an hour.. just her and I...priceless! Absolutely priceless! She has a girlfriend now which I think makes things more comfortable between us... Or is it all just me? No, she and I click! She so much reminds me of myself at her age..just the things that stand out to her..like the vacuum cleaner trail left on carpets. God, I love her.. that use to be a thing with me too... don't ask me why? Tell was something else too that escapes me at the moment.. but she so reminds me of myself. Oh, wanting to be somewhere on time. Cutting loose and dancing and drinking and having fun. Sometimes I wonder if she misses her independence. She and I are ourselves when we are together....running or chatting.. talking a mile a minute.
Anyway, she is priceless. Is she priceless because I can't have her...no ....she is just priceless! Real loving of someone is loving them even though you know in your heart they will never or may never love you like you love them. People never love equally...do they? See, I guess I judge love by always thinking of the other person.. always considering the other person's feelings and needs and being openly affectionate. When I'm with her sometimes I just have to casually put my arms around her and draw her close and kiss her head. My heart makes me do that.
The other day when my lover was here she was getting dressed and looked so good in the black..she really has a nice shape... very nice. I had to put my arms around her and told her that I could just lay her back down on the bed again..we had to go.. she had to go though. Things are limited there.. and in a way very good that they are. Now if only I could tie the two together - sex and love and put them into the same woman....hello universe! This is a request!!! I want to be in love, very much so and have sex with her too! Sex and heart aching love that I feel need to be in one and same person in one and the same relationship...I guess I have to spell everything out. Either the young woman or the good doctor are in my heart.. most of the time... both are out of reach. Now, see how I just created my future. I love them both but then I just told the universe that both are out of reach. Personally, neither or out of reach.... do I limit myself? Do I race the engines and then slam the brakes on? Stop! Go! Yes! No! No wonder the universe doesn't know what to do with me.
You have to have an open mind.. there is no age to love only social norms (and they must be consenting adults).. and it takes an abnormal action to create social change... so I read in "abnormal psychology" class. There is no change without activist moving out of the realm of the norm.
But, I do know that there was something about my lover before she and I ever got together.. it was like last summer I knew already in the slance of an eye.. she was with her ex at the parade...later than month I met her ex on line and we got together. She sure did not try to woo me. It seemed her friends were more determined than she to hook us up. She's attractive.. but she didn't strike me right. She was surely not into me. I think by photos I had my expectations set totally differently. No clickes there. I like her and felt she was troubled somehow.. I learned that evening who her ex was.. .. now my lover.
So, I guess the universe knew that I would be hooking up with her ex about four months later and we did. Sometimes I have to attend things by myself even when no one else is making plans to join me. And that is how it was for the event. It was magical! The whole day was magical and she and I hooking up just make it that more magical! It was a beautiful day... most of my universal created magical days are on beautiful clear days.. after I had prayed to make them magical.
I want this weekend to be magical with my young friend. I want it to feel very magical, mystical and truly special. Just her and I and our hearts filled with love.
So, you know, you just can't get the moments back..and I was writing so well and pouring out thoughts on endless streams..now too the environment has changed. My butt got sour from sitting on that hard dining room chair.. the emotion moved on.. my teas got cold and those little sugar bear crackers are all gone!
So, I'll tried to get it back.. somewhat. "Keeping you Secret" is a movie DVD I saw at Amazon about two high school girls falling in love and trying to keep it secret. I didn't watch it. I don't want to because it would be too depressing. Because, I had secret crushes on girls too in high school but even secret to them. God, my heart ached. And I was so shy when I spoke to them and my brian was numb.
Well, life didn't change much for me in that department until I was forty something; early forties. I came out and hook up with a woman at work and neither one of us could say the "L" word (lesbian) for the longest time. Our friends were butch! I wasn't ready for that. You see for years I had had crushes on cute, feminine striaght girls. Or we thought we were straight; anyway, none of us explored to fine out. We really never talked about it. Or if we did it was a general discussing put down of those low lifes.
So I moved from the straight feminine world to the lesbian heavy butch world and that was secretly a little disturbing to me. I think I was born before my time. I was born way too soon. I love the young women now who dress and look like everyone else but they are lesbians. It's fabulous. I think I love them all. It makes me want to die before too long so I can come back and get what I missed out on. And no I do not want to come back heterosexual! No way! I want to come back a lesbian only live my crushes next time and for sure not keep her secret to her or anyone else.
I'm trying to remember what I was writing about before I accidently deleted it all. Oh, all my loves maybe? My ex's one year long distance girlfriend is finally going to move up here and live with her. I was a little sad when I heard that thinking it pushes me down the rungs of the ladder. But, I know she and I will always be close. I like her girlfriend so it will be cool and trust me my ex is the domineering factor. She will be herself and be true to herself.
I have many loves, my ex, my lover, my very young woman friend whom I adore. She is like the high light of my life. She is precious to me. I hope we get to spend some one on one time together soon. Maybe we will be able to run together tomorrow evening.. just she and I. I miss our one on one time together. One evening she and I talked for nearly an hour on the phone... my pay per call phone bill - rather high! Talking to my young love for nearly an hour.. just her and I...priceless! Absolutely priceless! She has a girlfriend now which I think makes things more comfortable between us... Or is it all just me? No, she and I click! She so much reminds me of myself at her age..just the things that stand out to her..like the vacuum cleaner trail left on carpets. God, I love her.. that use to be a thing with me too... don't ask me why? Tell was something else too that escapes me at the moment.. but she so reminds me of myself. Oh, wanting to be somewhere on time. Cutting loose and dancing and drinking and having fun. Sometimes I wonder if she misses her independence. She and I are ourselves when we are together....running or chatting.. talking a mile a minute.
Anyway, she is priceless. Is she priceless because I can't have her...no ....she is just priceless! Real loving of someone is loving them even though you know in your heart they will never or may never love you like you love them. People never love equally...do they? See, I guess I judge love by always thinking of the other person.. always considering the other person's feelings and needs and being openly affectionate. When I'm with her sometimes I just have to casually put my arms around her and draw her close and kiss her head. My heart makes me do that.
The other day when my lover was here she was getting dressed and looked so good in the black..she really has a nice shape... very nice. I had to put my arms around her and told her that I could just lay her back down on the bed again..we had to go.. she had to go though. Things are limited there.. and in a way very good that they are. Now if only I could tie the two together - sex and love and put them into the same woman....hello universe! This is a request!!! I want to be in love, very much so and have sex with her too! Sex and heart aching love that I feel need to be in one and same person in one and the same relationship...I guess I have to spell everything out. Either the young woman or the good doctor are in my heart.. most of the time... both are out of reach. Now, see how I just created my future. I love them both but then I just told the universe that both are out of reach. Personally, neither or out of reach.... do I limit myself? Do I race the engines and then slam the brakes on? Stop! Go! Yes! No! No wonder the universe doesn't know what to do with me.
You have to have an open mind.. there is no age to love only social norms (and they must be consenting adults).. and it takes an abnormal action to create social change... so I read in "abnormal psychology" class. There is no change without activist moving out of the realm of the norm.
But, I do know that there was something about my lover before she and I ever got together.. it was like last summer I knew already in the slance of an eye.. she was with her ex at the parade...later than month I met her ex on line and we got together. She sure did not try to woo me. It seemed her friends were more determined than she to hook us up. She's attractive.. but she didn't strike me right. She was surely not into me. I think by photos I had my expectations set totally differently. No clickes there. I like her and felt she was troubled somehow.. I learned that evening who her ex was.. .. now my lover.
So, I guess the universe knew that I would be hooking up with her ex about four months later and we did. Sometimes I have to attend things by myself even when no one else is making plans to join me. And that is how it was for the event. It was magical! The whole day was magical and she and I hooking up just make it that more magical! It was a beautiful day... most of my universal created magical days are on beautiful clear days.. after I had prayed to make them magical.
I want this weekend to be magical with my young friend. I want it to feel very magical, mystical and truly special. Just her and I and our hearts filled with love.
Now I Feel Bad!
Now I feel bad! Well, my two friends were here and asked if I saw anyone interesting at the bar last night! Well, I didn't really look. I just figured they were all on dates. It's hard to tell what is what.
I said it's hard to find women around my age who are active or like me. I asked if they had seen women around my age? These two woman are 30 and younger that I was talking to. I didn't mean to sound insensitive but it is rather true. Most women my age are overweight and sedentary and once more even worse unhealthy due to being overweight and in active.
I should have gone further into it but the L Word came on and we began to watch the show. But, my hindrance is that I work very hard to take care of myself. Believe me being thin and healthy is a gift yes; but, it's also hard work! I am blessed that I have always exercised and knew that I was doing myself a favor by exercising on a regular basis.
I didn't mean to sound mean and insensitive as I am sure that I did. I women grow old, fat and begin to look alike. Most women my age all have a certain look and it's a lot different then the way I look. I run, swim and work out hopefully at least three times a week.
Again I am sorry that I was insensitive with my remarks. My ex likes a big butt she said. Women that size do find women to hang with and date. I am the outsider.. the abnormal.
Most of my friends have partners. Most of my friends of all ages have partners. My ex has a partner and most of my friends are in relationship.. some for years.
My friend says its the Midwest farmer syndrome..she didn't say that. But she did say that it's the look of the Midwest. She said on either coast the women are hot like the lesbians on the L Word.
The beautiful women on the L Word disgusts my "Midwest" friends. Oh yeah, they hate the look and do not understand why lesbian don't look like lesbians. Is it just an excuse to be big and fat and wear men's clothes. And overweight women are usually unhealthy and have bad knees.
So, if I am sad sounding; well, yes, I am sad! I will probably remain alone because of all the extra work I do to stay fit and cute! I care and it's the way I want to look. It's fun to look a certain way at my age - younger and healthier.
Big women don't like me. Well, I'm just not their type and they are not my type. So there you are. They look at me like I am NUTS! Amazing!
Anyway, I felt bad! So I apologize but I wrote what was on my mind anyway.. so I guess that makes me a hypocrite or insensitive myself.
Trust me.. I am too skinny for a lot of women my age. Too, ninety percent of them couldn't keep up with me if they tried and make all kinds of excuses why they can't.
Oops! there I go again!
I said it's hard to find women around my age who are active or like me. I asked if they had seen women around my age? These two woman are 30 and younger that I was talking to. I didn't mean to sound insensitive but it is rather true. Most women my age are overweight and sedentary and once more even worse unhealthy due to being overweight and in active.
I should have gone further into it but the L Word came on and we began to watch the show. But, my hindrance is that I work very hard to take care of myself. Believe me being thin and healthy is a gift yes; but, it's also hard work! I am blessed that I have always exercised and knew that I was doing myself a favor by exercising on a regular basis.
I didn't mean to sound mean and insensitive as I am sure that I did. I women grow old, fat and begin to look alike. Most women my age all have a certain look and it's a lot different then the way I look. I run, swim and work out hopefully at least three times a week.
Again I am sorry that I was insensitive with my remarks. My ex likes a big butt she said. Women that size do find women to hang with and date. I am the outsider.. the abnormal.
Most of my friends have partners. Most of my friends of all ages have partners. My ex has a partner and most of my friends are in relationship.. some for years.
My friend says its the Midwest farmer syndrome..she didn't say that. But she did say that it's the look of the Midwest. She said on either coast the women are hot like the lesbians on the L Word.
The beautiful women on the L Word disgusts my "Midwest" friends. Oh yeah, they hate the look and do not understand why lesbian don't look like lesbians. Is it just an excuse to be big and fat and wear men's clothes. And overweight women are usually unhealthy and have bad knees.
So, if I am sad sounding; well, yes, I am sad! I will probably remain alone because of all the extra work I do to stay fit and cute! I care and it's the way I want to look. It's fun to look a certain way at my age - younger and healthier.
Big women don't like me. Well, I'm just not their type and they are not my type. So there you are. They look at me like I am NUTS! Amazing!
Anyway, I felt bad! So I apologize but I wrote what was on my mind anyway.. so I guess that makes me a hypocrite or insensitive myself.
Trust me.. I am too skinny for a lot of women my age. Too, ninety percent of them couldn't keep up with me if they tried and make all kinds of excuses why they can't.
Oops! there I go again!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Screening..
So just how does "Wheel of Fortune" screen their contestants? By religion? Because they all love their perfect spouses and their wonderful children. It' not realistic at all.
I prefer "Deal or no Deal" where this woman complained that her husband working twenty hours a day and wasn't even around for the delivery of their son." That is pretty bad! Howdy, says. "Suddenly, I feel like Dr. Phil."
I heard a young guy earlier talking nasty to his girlfriend. He better watch it! Anyway, survey says that 51% of all adult women live alone. And some live with their partners. I wonder if some of those partner are women; that household should be counted twice then, wouldn't you think?
I'm tired I did not sleep enough hours last night!
I prefer "Deal or no Deal" where this woman complained that her husband working twenty hours a day and wasn't even around for the delivery of their son." That is pretty bad! Howdy, says. "Suddenly, I feel like Dr. Phil."
I heard a young guy earlier talking nasty to his girlfriend. He better watch it! Anyway, survey says that 51% of all adult women live alone. And some live with their partners. I wonder if some of those partner are women; that household should be counted twice then, wouldn't you think?
I'm tired I did not sleep enough hours last night!
Saturday, January 20, 2007
I don't get it!
I don't get my life. All my life, since I was a kid, I longed to be loved; to love and be loved. And then I finally gave up and lived in a dream world of make believe love.
And guess what? Living in a make believe dream world, is still the way I love. In the 80's I loved her so much. In a straight world I loved her so much and ached for her; but knew I couldn't have her in my life as a lover. She did not have a clue!
Some nights after a few drinks, I would come home alone and kick the furniture and knelt down because my heart ached so much I could stand up and pleaded to die. And asked the universe? "Why do I have to live like this?" And asked. "Can't I just die?" and I meant it and still do when I come home half crocked!
It seems the whole world of love goes on without me. I'm on the outside looking in! I loved Nancy in the 80's and could not have her because of religious and social laws. I gave up in the 90's and did have someone. I still love her as my best friend. So now I am lost again. Something was missing about three years ago when I ended the long term relationship. I had to end it because I fell in love with a wonderful person.
And I loved her so much. But, I couldn't have her either. But she held me in her arms in the fall of 2004 I felt so loved. It felt wonderful! But then I couldn't have her either.
I had a summer love in 2005. I loved her and felt loved it was wonderful. But when I got comfortable in the relationship it was sour.
Maybe it's me. I never felt loved as a kid either. Is that it? Do you have to feel loved as a kid in order to receive love and go about getting loved as an adult. I don't know because I don't understand why everyone around me has love and I don't. I don't get it! I don't want to live anymore in fact I beg to die. I get like this after I have about four fast margaritas. But, it is sickening..everyone with partner and me alone. Have you seen women my age? And no younger woman will ever date up in age.. why? So, I'm doomed and destined to be alone.
But, I'm so good at living on nothing and above it all. Last night I knew just when to leave the bar after so many drinks and the weather growing progressively worse. I have a built in survival kit I think. Kick me in the gut and knock me down and I'll get up stronger and better than before!
I take care of my body and it takes care of me. My strong, I'm hot and I'm above a lot. I'm better than most and I won't come down. I have honor and intregity and I'm a very decent person.
But it doesn't matter! It seems love is not for me. In the 80's a young woman named Nancy was straight but I fell in love with her. In retrospect - thank god she was straight; because, she was bossy just like my mother! I was her good friend. She loved me as a friend. I was in agony. I came home at night drunk and kicked the furniture and asked god to take me. I don't want to live like this anymore.
Now in 2007 I see that nothing has changed. I fall in love with the wrong people. All of my friends are in relationships and I want to die. I'm cute and I don't get it. (It's the next day) actually, I don't want to die. Maybe I am happy alone? But, a sweet, feminine, loving lover would be wonderful. I don't mean extreme feminine. I just mean women who walk like and wear men's clothing.. need not apply.
In summary. In the 80's I dated men. Boy, did they get cheated because I could only received but had nothing to give. Then in the fall of 2004, I fell in love with my partner's doctor and I couldn't have her. My partner and I are good friends but not lovers. I fell so in love with a 35 year old in the summer of 2005 who I think loved me.. but I think from the start she meant for the relationship to be temporary so I always expect the other shoe to drop.
I miss the good doctor. She loved me. And I needed that love so much. I miss her terribly. I wish she could hold me because I am confused about what is going on in my life. Sometimes I wonder if subconsciously I don't want a relationship. Or, do I want it very badly. Either way, I'm screwed.
I wonder why I love a very young woman so much. I love her! Another one I can't have. And she has someone anyway.
I don't understand why I am always; all my life on the outside looking in. I don't get it? I beg for god to help me. I beg for god to end my life. I can't take this anymore. I'm a good person. I'm a kind person. Is it that I don't know how to approach someone, or how to love someone, or how to receove love. I don't know. It's all confusing to me.
All I know is that I don't want to live anymore. I cried on the way driving home in the snowy weather down the snow packed highway. But, I knew that I and my car would make it home just fine. I always have a strength of survival. I am so strong that I hate it. Why can't I just be loved?
I never complain and suffer in silence. My heart aches for love yet I don't know how to go about it. I never complain. I learned from an early age no one wants to hear complaints. So I keep silent. My heart hurts.
All I want is for the good doctor to hold me in her arms like she did that one time. If only she could hold me I would feel better.
I don't get love. I'm so lost. I never meant to be lost and it's probably why I put on a good face. I see couples who are kind and sweet and talk to each other and love each other and hold each other. I never had that in my fifteen year relationship. We were more like friends. I love her still.. as a friend. She is my family. We are close but we were never affectionate.
I'm so confused I want to die and beg to die. I begged in the 80's, in my forced straight days, and I begged in 2004 and now I beg in 2007 to die. Hey! I've had fucking enought!
I don't understand? Is it me? Do I not know how to go about getting love into my life.. everyone fucking does.. why not me? I want to get off of this fucking merry-go-round that is not doing me any good! When is god and the universe going to get the message that I have had fucking enough of this life. My childhood was shit. My young adulthood was shit because I was a lesbian having to act like a fucking straight woman. Oh yes I could recieve but I could never give. And finally in my fucking 50's I have sweet sex with a woman and then fucking discover the wonderful fucking miracle I missed out on. How do you think that made me feel! It's wonderful to make love to a woman. It turns me on to make love to a woman. It never turned me on to make love to a man... I only received. Why "she" get turned on I get so turned on.. not with men. And to think I discovered this in my fucking 50's. I'm pissed! Of course I"m pissed. You would be too if you wasted half your life pretending to be something you are not. Damn, church! Damn Media! Damn Republicans!
But, oh let's make sure we please the church and everyone else like my manipulating, controlling mother. I was taught everyone else is more important than myself. Every other person's thought is more important than mine. Every other person's life is more important than mine.
Life sucks and I'm ready to get off this merry to round! You live it! You stay here! I want out!
I had four margaritas in a lesbian bar with male cross dressers on stage. Does that make sense to you! What the do I care about male cross dressers with breast implants? Why aren't they at a gay bar? One visual swipe around the joint and I knew there was no one there for me. Just what planet have I come from? I have pride! Besides no one approches me anyway!
I think it was time to get out of the long term relationship when I did. I am glad she and I remain friends. I don't understand what happened to me.. somehow or another I wasn't getting the love I needed otherwise I wouldn't have fallen head-over-heels in love with her OB/GYN and once more I still love the doctor.. or my loving memories of the doctor! And once more I love that young woman I have no right to love.
Do you know how much that is killing me? Why do I love so inappropriately? Why? I don't understand. All I know is that I want to get off this merry-go-round.
And this evening a woman whom I haven't seen for a while and I liked her and she and I could talk easily. And in the course of a conversation I told her she was my type about ten months ago. But, she is with a woman now who holds no candle to me. Truth be told, I am much cuter! But, hey, I'm not butch! Maybe half the lesbians in the world love butch woman. I don't! I have had enough men in my life to last forever! I don't need a woman who looks and acts like a man.
So, I have had enough. I do not speak to my family; none of my relatives. Trust me, I would rather die! Through the course of my life they have at one time or another treated me like shit. So, without a word or a dispute, I disappeared and I hope I never see them again. I would rather die! They caused me most of my mistery through my life.. so good riddance to them!
All I know is that it is hard to have so much common sense and so much intuition as to know when to leave and what good route to take and just want to do and the confidence to always get along! And it's always when I want to die the most.
So you see I am conflected. I'm strong, I'm like this wonderful powerful spirit yet I cannot find love? And sometimes I just want to be held so bad... or I want to hold that sweet lovable, darling creature and I can't. Why do I fall in love with women that are so far out of reach for me? Tell me?
I guess I just don't know love? I never felt loved at home when I was a kid.. so I do I know how to go about showing affection and going after someone and telling them how much they mean to me and how much I love them. I'm afraid of rejection. Oh, let's just be realistic.. my time has passed. I don't know what I might have intended for myself or just what the universe might have intended for me..certainly not love. Anyway, it's too late.
I gues this lifeteime was meant to be one with out love and I have no control over it. They said we control our realities; our environments.. not so. Trust me I would have been an acting lesbians since 14 if that were the case. Why has the unvierse chosen to hurt my heart so and all of my life.
I would rather be dead...yet the universe keeps me around. I say don't piss me off.. at least help me to understand the plan you have in store for me. Why do you make my heart hurt so. I want off this fucking merry-go-round.....please! I have had enought! You dangle love in front of me. I have had enough! I have good pure love in my heart.. yet my fucking life with my fucking family has been so fucking screwed up that I have no trust.. I wouldn't know how to go about loving someone or receiving love from someone... I am fucking fucked! Thanks alot! Asshole! Mother fuckers, I hope you all are mother fucking happy@!
And guess what? Living in a make believe dream world, is still the way I love. In the 80's I loved her so much. In a straight world I loved her so much and ached for her; but knew I couldn't have her in my life as a lover. She did not have a clue!
Some nights after a few drinks, I would come home alone and kick the furniture and knelt down because my heart ached so much I could stand up and pleaded to die. And asked the universe? "Why do I have to live like this?" And asked. "Can't I just die?" and I meant it and still do when I come home half crocked!
It seems the whole world of love goes on without me. I'm on the outside looking in! I loved Nancy in the 80's and could not have her because of religious and social laws. I gave up in the 90's and did have someone. I still love her as my best friend. So now I am lost again. Something was missing about three years ago when I ended the long term relationship. I had to end it because I fell in love with a wonderful person.
And I loved her so much. But, I couldn't have her either. But she held me in her arms in the fall of 2004 I felt so loved. It felt wonderful! But then I couldn't have her either.
I had a summer love in 2005. I loved her and felt loved it was wonderful. But when I got comfortable in the relationship it was sour.
Maybe it's me. I never felt loved as a kid either. Is that it? Do you have to feel loved as a kid in order to receive love and go about getting loved as an adult. I don't know because I don't understand why everyone around me has love and I don't. I don't get it! I don't want to live anymore in fact I beg to die. I get like this after I have about four fast margaritas. But, it is sickening..everyone with partner and me alone. Have you seen women my age? And no younger woman will ever date up in age.. why? So, I'm doomed and destined to be alone.
But, I'm so good at living on nothing and above it all. Last night I knew just when to leave the bar after so many drinks and the weather growing progressively worse. I have a built in survival kit I think. Kick me in the gut and knock me down and I'll get up stronger and better than before!
I take care of my body and it takes care of me. My strong, I'm hot and I'm above a lot. I'm better than most and I won't come down. I have honor and intregity and I'm a very decent person.
But it doesn't matter! It seems love is not for me. In the 80's a young woman named Nancy was straight but I fell in love with her. In retrospect - thank god she was straight; because, she was bossy just like my mother! I was her good friend. She loved me as a friend. I was in agony. I came home at night drunk and kicked the furniture and asked god to take me. I don't want to live like this anymore.
Now in 2007 I see that nothing has changed. I fall in love with the wrong people. All of my friends are in relationships and I want to die. I'm cute and I don't get it. (It's the next day) actually, I don't want to die. Maybe I am happy alone? But, a sweet, feminine, loving lover would be wonderful. I don't mean extreme feminine. I just mean women who walk like and wear men's clothing.. need not apply.
In summary. In the 80's I dated men. Boy, did they get cheated because I could only received but had nothing to give. Then in the fall of 2004, I fell in love with my partner's doctor and I couldn't have her. My partner and I are good friends but not lovers. I fell so in love with a 35 year old in the summer of 2005 who I think loved me.. but I think from the start she meant for the relationship to be temporary so I always expect the other shoe to drop.
I miss the good doctor. She loved me. And I needed that love so much. I miss her terribly. I wish she could hold me because I am confused about what is going on in my life. Sometimes I wonder if subconsciously I don't want a relationship. Or, do I want it very badly. Either way, I'm screwed.
I wonder why I love a very young woman so much. I love her! Another one I can't have. And she has someone anyway.
I don't understand why I am always; all my life on the outside looking in. I don't get it? I beg for god to help me. I beg for god to end my life. I can't take this anymore. I'm a good person. I'm a kind person. Is it that I don't know how to approach someone, or how to love someone, or how to receove love. I don't know. It's all confusing to me.
All I know is that I don't want to live anymore. I cried on the way driving home in the snowy weather down the snow packed highway. But, I knew that I and my car would make it home just fine. I always have a strength of survival. I am so strong that I hate it. Why can't I just be loved?
I never complain and suffer in silence. My heart aches for love yet I don't know how to go about it. I never complain. I learned from an early age no one wants to hear complaints. So I keep silent. My heart hurts.
All I want is for the good doctor to hold me in her arms like she did that one time. If only she could hold me I would feel better.
I don't get love. I'm so lost. I never meant to be lost and it's probably why I put on a good face. I see couples who are kind and sweet and talk to each other and love each other and hold each other. I never had that in my fifteen year relationship. We were more like friends. I love her still.. as a friend. She is my family. We are close but we were never affectionate.
I'm so confused I want to die and beg to die. I begged in the 80's, in my forced straight days, and I begged in 2004 and now I beg in 2007 to die. Hey! I've had fucking enought!
I don't understand? Is it me? Do I not know how to go about getting love into my life.. everyone fucking does.. why not me? I want to get off of this fucking merry-go-round that is not doing me any good! When is god and the universe going to get the message that I have had fucking enough of this life. My childhood was shit. My young adulthood was shit because I was a lesbian having to act like a fucking straight woman. Oh yes I could recieve but I could never give. And finally in my fucking 50's I have sweet sex with a woman and then fucking discover the wonderful fucking miracle I missed out on. How do you think that made me feel! It's wonderful to make love to a woman. It turns me on to make love to a woman. It never turned me on to make love to a man... I only received. Why "she" get turned on I get so turned on.. not with men. And to think I discovered this in my fucking 50's. I'm pissed! Of course I"m pissed. You would be too if you wasted half your life pretending to be something you are not. Damn, church! Damn Media! Damn Republicans!
But, oh let's make sure we please the church and everyone else like my manipulating, controlling mother. I was taught everyone else is more important than myself. Every other person's thought is more important than mine. Every other person's life is more important than mine.
Life sucks and I'm ready to get off this merry to round! You live it! You stay here! I want out!
I had four margaritas in a lesbian bar with male cross dressers on stage. Does that make sense to you! What the do I care about male cross dressers with breast implants? Why aren't they at a gay bar? One visual swipe around the joint and I knew there was no one there for me. Just what planet have I come from? I have pride! Besides no one approches me anyway!
I think it was time to get out of the long term relationship when I did. I am glad she and I remain friends. I don't understand what happened to me.. somehow or another I wasn't getting the love I needed otherwise I wouldn't have fallen head-over-heels in love with her OB/GYN and once more I still love the doctor.. or my loving memories of the doctor! And once more I love that young woman I have no right to love.
Do you know how much that is killing me? Why do I love so inappropriately? Why? I don't understand. All I know is that I want to get off this merry-go-round.
And this evening a woman whom I haven't seen for a while and I liked her and she and I could talk easily. And in the course of a conversation I told her she was my type about ten months ago. But, she is with a woman now who holds no candle to me. Truth be told, I am much cuter! But, hey, I'm not butch! Maybe half the lesbians in the world love butch woman. I don't! I have had enough men in my life to last forever! I don't need a woman who looks and acts like a man.
So, I have had enough. I do not speak to my family; none of my relatives. Trust me, I would rather die! Through the course of my life they have at one time or another treated me like shit. So, without a word or a dispute, I disappeared and I hope I never see them again. I would rather die! They caused me most of my mistery through my life.. so good riddance to them!
All I know is that it is hard to have so much common sense and so much intuition as to know when to leave and what good route to take and just want to do and the confidence to always get along! And it's always when I want to die the most.
So you see I am conflected. I'm strong, I'm like this wonderful powerful spirit yet I cannot find love? And sometimes I just want to be held so bad... or I want to hold that sweet lovable, darling creature and I can't. Why do I fall in love with women that are so far out of reach for me? Tell me?
I guess I just don't know love? I never felt loved at home when I was a kid.. so I do I know how to go about showing affection and going after someone and telling them how much they mean to me and how much I love them. I'm afraid of rejection. Oh, let's just be realistic.. my time has passed. I don't know what I might have intended for myself or just what the universe might have intended for me..certainly not love. Anyway, it's too late.
I gues this lifeteime was meant to be one with out love and I have no control over it. They said we control our realities; our environments.. not so. Trust me I would have been an acting lesbians since 14 if that were the case. Why has the unvierse chosen to hurt my heart so and all of my life.
I would rather be dead...yet the universe keeps me around. I say don't piss me off.. at least help me to understand the plan you have in store for me. Why do you make my heart hurt so. I want off this fucking merry-go-round.....please! I have had enought! You dangle love in front of me. I have had enough! I have good pure love in my heart.. yet my fucking life with my fucking family has been so fucking screwed up that I have no trust.. I wouldn't know how to go about loving someone or receiving love from someone... I am fucking fucked! Thanks alot! Asshole! Mother fuckers, I hope you all are mother fucking happy@!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Just Rewards?
See the following article..
http://www.businessweek.com/investor/content/jan2007/pi20070118_059476.htm?chan=top+news_top+news+index_investing
and watch the DVD "Iraq for Sale: War for Profiteering" that is made up of whistle blowers from several companies taking advantage of tax payer's money and jeopardizing lives in the process.
Yes, recently CACI was shown in the news interrogating prisoners in the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq..if you remember.. no civilians were charged. A female soldier took the fall. Scapegoat?
Also CACI was hired to manage the government's information technology....I wonder? What kind of "Homeland Security" is that?
What we are seeing here in process is lobbyist and voting paybacks...CACI was part of the no bid contracts acquired along with Haliburton, and their subsiduary KBR and Titan and Blackwater.
These corporations failed enormously in duty and in serving American soldiers in Iraq. Watch the DVD. These companies were being paid "cost plus" which means that the more the companies spent (of government funds - your tax dollars) the more funds they received. So, they cut cost..and stuck a lot of that money in their pockets.
I feel we should not send any more troops to Iraq and instead get all the soldiers out of there and all the civilians. It's a lost cause. It's senseless. I think we were there so certain corporations could make big bucks.. and to protect "special interest" there. Bush said this himself. In my mind, "special interest" means oil.
I think that the government, our government needs to spend our tax money on the real issues here at home and not worry or try to distract us with negative issues about stem cell research, gays, abortions or anything else that the republicans use to distract from the real important homeland, our homeland issues such as providing affordable health care for every American, good jobs and keeping good jobs here in the United States.
I believe that our government; needs to be our government and help the American people not a few big coroporations with former government and military CEOs running them. Do you see a pattern here. We are being used! We break our necks working poor paying jobs and pay our income tax while large corporations get every break there is provided by the government and we get nothing in return. Well, we still have a few social services left.. but more and more we are losing them.
Businesses did not want to increase minimum wage..they said it was too costly that they would have to lay off people in the process... I think Bush vetoed that bill; therefore, after the house and senate passed it Bush is strictly for business and give religious groups a song and dance that he is behind them too.. for their VOTEs.
http://www.businessweek.com/investor/content/jan2007/pi20070118_059476.htm?chan=top+news_top+news+index_investing
and watch the DVD "Iraq for Sale: War for Profiteering" that is made up of whistle blowers from several companies taking advantage of tax payer's money and jeopardizing lives in the process.
Yes, recently CACI was shown in the news interrogating prisoners in the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq..if you remember.. no civilians were charged. A female soldier took the fall. Scapegoat?
Also CACI was hired to manage the government's information technology....I wonder? What kind of "Homeland Security" is that?
What we are seeing here in process is lobbyist and voting paybacks...CACI was part of the no bid contracts acquired along with Haliburton, and their subsiduary KBR and Titan and Blackwater.
These corporations failed enormously in duty and in serving American soldiers in Iraq. Watch the DVD. These companies were being paid "cost plus" which means that the more the companies spent (of government funds - your tax dollars) the more funds they received. So, they cut cost..and stuck a lot of that money in their pockets.
I feel we should not send any more troops to Iraq and instead get all the soldiers out of there and all the civilians. It's a lost cause. It's senseless. I think we were there so certain corporations could make big bucks.. and to protect "special interest" there. Bush said this himself. In my mind, "special interest" means oil.
I think that the government, our government needs to spend our tax money on the real issues here at home and not worry or try to distract us with negative issues about stem cell research, gays, abortions or anything else that the republicans use to distract from the real important homeland, our homeland issues such as providing affordable health care for every American, good jobs and keeping good jobs here in the United States.
I believe that our government; needs to be our government and help the American people not a few big coroporations with former government and military CEOs running them. Do you see a pattern here. We are being used! We break our necks working poor paying jobs and pay our income tax while large corporations get every break there is provided by the government and we get nothing in return. Well, we still have a few social services left.. but more and more we are losing them.
Businesses did not want to increase minimum wage..they said it was too costly that they would have to lay off people in the process... I think Bush vetoed that bill; therefore, after the house and senate passed it Bush is strictly for business and give religious groups a song and dance that he is behind them too.. for their VOTEs.
While I"m Waiting..
for my friend to get here.. I thought I would blog a bit about a comment I received yesterday. I was blogging in my "Memoir" bogger and I wrote about jumping in the deep end..or falling off a cliff. I"m not sure which medafor I used. But, more or less I guess I was describing a "mid life crisis". Mine was wonderful because I fell in love with an angel. Some people get life changing illness; but, I fell in love.
That experience changed my whole life. I truly think that the universe did send her to me as a cartharist for change. I got the message! Actually, I had no power over it. Between thinking about her constantly for four months and Ezekiel (a wonderful spirit guide channeled through Jeannine, a woman about my age) telling me that she was on the way and that she and I would spend the holiday togethers just about blew me away. I had to get ready!
Ezekiel said that the time I was meant to spend with my partner had come to an end. I ended a fifteen year relationship. Yes, that was tough. We were always good friends and remain good friends still, living right around the corner from each other and looking out for each other.
But what I wanted to write about was the fact that instead of experiencing and working through these crisis in my life we opt to medicate instead. Why? I don't anything here on earth is meant to remain the same or last forever. Life is fluid, an ongoing process, that we should embrace.
Sometimes something that seems so unbearable can turn out to be a blessing. Seemingly negative things happen to us to steer us in a different direction; hopefully one that benefits us. The universe sent me an angel.. I got the best message.
I didn't cover my problems (unfulfilled non affectionate lifestyle of my surroundings) with medication. Medication is only a bandaid anyway..the problem itself needs to be dealt with and sometimes that means ending relationships and moving on. I'm a free spirit.
Maybe we all are free spirits. Maybe it's why so many grown children visit and take care of relatives only out of guilt; Catholic guilt! It took three therapists for me to finally get the message that "I didn't have to" if it made me feel uncomfortable. What a relief! To finally have your feelings validated.
Life is amazing isn't it! Having someone make you feel that you are dependent on them solely for your livihood and survival. Sad to say many people are placed in those positions so they can't run away.. so the person mentally and emotionally doesn't have to be alone. Usually the most controlling people are the most neediest.
I think that I have accomplish what I really want to accomplish in life and that is NOT to be dependent on anyone. My family taught me that right off. I only got from them the bare necessities and they taught me not to ask for anything from them. I never wanted to marry and be dependent on a man, so I prayed, and got a dependable good paying job. The universe took care of me.
There was a point where I saw the rest of my life mapped out in front of me..that's when I fell in love. I have pictures of her from a Discovery Health TV show and I still look at them.
That experience changed my whole life. I truly think that the universe did send her to me as a cartharist for change. I got the message! Actually, I had no power over it. Between thinking about her constantly for four months and Ezekiel (a wonderful spirit guide channeled through Jeannine, a woman about my age) telling me that she was on the way and that she and I would spend the holiday togethers just about blew me away. I had to get ready!
Ezekiel said that the time I was meant to spend with my partner had come to an end. I ended a fifteen year relationship. Yes, that was tough. We were always good friends and remain good friends still, living right around the corner from each other and looking out for each other.
But what I wanted to write about was the fact that instead of experiencing and working through these crisis in my life we opt to medicate instead. Why? I don't anything here on earth is meant to remain the same or last forever. Life is fluid, an ongoing process, that we should embrace.
Sometimes something that seems so unbearable can turn out to be a blessing. Seemingly negative things happen to us to steer us in a different direction; hopefully one that benefits us. The universe sent me an angel.. I got the best message.
I didn't cover my problems (unfulfilled non affectionate lifestyle of my surroundings) with medication. Medication is only a bandaid anyway..the problem itself needs to be dealt with and sometimes that means ending relationships and moving on. I'm a free spirit.
Maybe we all are free spirits. Maybe it's why so many grown children visit and take care of relatives only out of guilt; Catholic guilt! It took three therapists for me to finally get the message that "I didn't have to" if it made me feel uncomfortable. What a relief! To finally have your feelings validated.
Life is amazing isn't it! Having someone make you feel that you are dependent on them solely for your livihood and survival. Sad to say many people are placed in those positions so they can't run away.. so the person mentally and emotionally doesn't have to be alone. Usually the most controlling people are the most neediest.
I think that I have accomplish what I really want to accomplish in life and that is NOT to be dependent on anyone. My family taught me that right off. I only got from them the bare necessities and they taught me not to ask for anything from them. I never wanted to marry and be dependent on a man, so I prayed, and got a dependable good paying job. The universe took care of me.
There was a point where I saw the rest of my life mapped out in front of me..that's when I fell in love. I have pictures of her from a Discovery Health TV show and I still look at them.
A good day.
I had a great day.. it took me a while but I finally got my butt out doors.. to run the five miles to the gym; then swim for about forty minutes. It was fun. I just wish they had more swim lanes. If I was extremely good at swimming I won't care so much..but I'm not and I feel I'm going to get in the way of a good swimmer when I share the lane.
Well, I'll just have to get better at it. Today I was watching the "professionals" and they make it look so easy. .. I mean the breathing technique that goes along with free style swimming. When I turn my head back and open my mouth and breath in.. I don't really breath in.. I don't think. I need to work on this. Because after three strokes I have to roll a bit and do the side stroke untill I breath through my mouth good four or five times. So, I know I don't inhale when I turn my head to the side..I'm afraid I ask of inhaling water. So, I need to work on this.
Here is my goal: To be able to swim and look good at it; oh, and do that flip thing at the end and continue swimming.. it looks so cool. Especially when women do it. I can't help it.. I so love women.
I'm looking at older women in a different light as time goes on... and since (much to my surprise) I'm one of them. But, I'm not really! I guess I'm like the old lady who is 90 and lives on her on and is active and when she speaks of someone her age who is sickly she refers to them as "old". And says. "I don't like hanging out those old people". and it makes you chuckle.
I also knew a women who was in her 80's and volunteered at the hospital carting sick people back and forth in wheel chairs who were younger than her. I just thought of another couple well into their 80's who still do meals on wheels twice a week.
So far I am not doing any volunteer stuff; but, I well probably in time. I just need to take of myself right now. Besides it's nice but it's not a requirement. We are here to be happy and take care of ourselves. Didn't you know that! It's ignorant religion that makes us think we have to sacrifice ourselves for everyone else's happiness.
Can't you tell that I was rised Catholic. Oh my god! My happiness wasn't to come until I died and went to heaven; but, first I had to sacrifice my happiness and worth here on earth. Anyway, it was the idea I got from the church and my mother. Life was hell! And it really was.. my childhood was very painful! God, these people were unhappy, and cold, and angry and just down right mean.. and they tried to verbally, (mostly) ripe you apart every chance they got. It was awful.
And this crap tarnished you for life.. everyone else was better. I was meant to serve. I knew for sure I was meant to make my date (boy) look good, good wiser, appear smarter and he got to drive the damn car. I said "yes" to every idea and made it sound like it was a great one.
Do you know how many times I was glad the date was over? Why did I even go? I was programmed to be flattered when a boy asked me out. Of all people to ask out.. the one who is least interested. I never flirted.. I didn't care! I must have been some sort of challenge or something. Oh how my heart ached for her.... I was always so in love with some girl.. ...damn my heart ached..... most of my life.. because I knew in my heart it could never be.
I thought that too, I was the only one like this... I never ever discussed my strong feelings for women.. ever. Not with her! Not with anyone else. My brother put a lid on that when I was a kid....and corrected me! "Boy, talk like that, not girls"! When I exclaimed that "she was so cute". I was crushed.. doomed from the very start! God, life hurt.. so bad!
I was depressed. So I settled. I loved her.. she never knew. Things got more tough when I began to have sex with men. I wanted to touch her like he touched me. There was nothing in it for me.. with a boy.. he had everything.. I had nothing. I could only receive.. not give! Of course, guys caught on got bored I guess.... and moved on.
I could only be her best friend. And things were good when she dated jerks.. and I knew they were jerks.. but then she needed me more.. for a shoulder to cry on.. my heart ached.
But, sooner or later all my girlfriends paired off. I was getting sick of them talking about "him" all the time anyway. What really hurt real bad was when they were finally in a good relationship (or so they thought.. well some were for them) they would say. "Gee, we wish you would fine someone.. we want you to be happy too!"
Do you know that I know a young lesbian couple.. who about expressed the same sentiments. Hey, I just got out of a long term relationship.. okay, it was two years or more ago. But, I never had my 20's or 30's with young women... and those wonderful, beautiful bodies. Makes my heart ache. Of course I got crushes on younger, way younger women. Don't worry and used my head and didn't make a total ass of myself. Well, two times.. I was in my fifties, they were in their thirties! You know .. sometimes .. the runner stumbles!
But, I'm getting my head screwed on "more" correctly now I think. I have a lover who is a year older than I am.... and it's very nice... Very!
I can't help but wonder and miss the good doctor from time to time. For some reason I have been thinking a lot about her lately. I wish she could just wrap her arms around me and heal my heart (even if just for a minute) like she did that beautiful sunny fall day in September in 2004. I so felt her love that day. She saved my life! I miss her! I wish I had that feeling back once again.. that connected heart-to-heart feeling when she held me.. I can't explain it. I think the universe sent an angel that day to heal me.. to love me. God I miss her!
Did you ever think something or someone in your life was totally impossible? But, remember that when you were with her..she was very easy to be with. I ended her sentences and helped her think of things.. that I knew she wanted to mention. I know it sounds very strange. It just might have been my imagination or my desperation that made we think we connected somehow.. maybe spiritually? I don't know.
All I know is that I can't shake this. But, when I watched "What the Bleep Do We Know?" I see that we can perpetuate a thought or feeling because when we think of something the synapses (electrical message firing between cells) remembers... that path gets built and in order for me to stop the pattern from repeating over and over again. I need to "change the subject" so to speak whenever I have thoughts of her. It's tough, especially when thoughts of her are a comfort to me.. it's very tough.
Like it was when I was a kid; daydreaming about "her" a wonderful woman in my life.. someone who was kind to me usually; or cute, was comforting to me and gave me a sense of hope.. it was the love for me that I created for myself. I know that wonderful woman in my dreams loved me.. and wanted to hug and comfort me... I knew that.. because.. they had been nice to me.
So, I know exactly why I fell so in love with the doctor.. she was cute and very kind and had a wonderful sweet way about her...he loved me.. if only for that moment.. she loved me.. and that day when I needed to be loved so much.. I felt her love.
I had been thinking about her for months.. all summer. Hard as I tried, I couldn't shake thoughts of her.
Bottom line.. something was wrong with my life and I wasn't getting my needs met. My family was driving me insane.. I hide that I was retired for a whole year. And truth be told, for the first time in my life.. I have time to relax and think and daydream. I felt sexual once again, that the stress from working such a hectic job was gone now.
So bottom line my life took on a major change... some people get sick for change.. I fell in love. But, I ended the long term relationship, moved to another state, found a 34 year old to date and have sex with and ditched my so-called family. Yes, major changes! I was head-over-heels for that 34 year old too. Oh god it was magical.. pure magic! And I guess what happened to me was that I allowed myself to be myself and not allow other people to influence me.. Oh yes, I was in therapy once again.. I had been through the years because of the Catholic guilt thing and feeling that I had to please everyone but myself. It took me three therapist and many years to come to the point where I just ditched them all... I am important now!
I think everyone should go off the deep end once in a while.. not just mid life crisis.. maybe on a regular basis.. life is to explore.. everything in it and about yourself.
Now, I'm back to being me.. totally.
Well, I'll just have to get better at it. Today I was watching the "professionals" and they make it look so easy. .. I mean the breathing technique that goes along with free style swimming. When I turn my head back and open my mouth and breath in.. I don't really breath in.. I don't think. I need to work on this. Because after three strokes I have to roll a bit and do the side stroke untill I breath through my mouth good four or five times. So, I know I don't inhale when I turn my head to the side..I'm afraid I ask of inhaling water. So, I need to work on this.
Here is my goal: To be able to swim and look good at it; oh, and do that flip thing at the end and continue swimming.. it looks so cool. Especially when women do it. I can't help it.. I so love women.
I'm looking at older women in a different light as time goes on... and since (much to my surprise) I'm one of them. But, I'm not really! I guess I'm like the old lady who is 90 and lives on her on and is active and when she speaks of someone her age who is sickly she refers to them as "old". And says. "I don't like hanging out those old people". and it makes you chuckle.
I also knew a women who was in her 80's and volunteered at the hospital carting sick people back and forth in wheel chairs who were younger than her. I just thought of another couple well into their 80's who still do meals on wheels twice a week.
So far I am not doing any volunteer stuff; but, I well probably in time. I just need to take of myself right now. Besides it's nice but it's not a requirement. We are here to be happy and take care of ourselves. Didn't you know that! It's ignorant religion that makes us think we have to sacrifice ourselves for everyone else's happiness.
Can't you tell that I was rised Catholic. Oh my god! My happiness wasn't to come until I died and went to heaven; but, first I had to sacrifice my happiness and worth here on earth. Anyway, it was the idea I got from the church and my mother. Life was hell! And it really was.. my childhood was very painful! God, these people were unhappy, and cold, and angry and just down right mean.. and they tried to verbally, (mostly) ripe you apart every chance they got. It was awful.
And this crap tarnished you for life.. everyone else was better. I was meant to serve. I knew for sure I was meant to make my date (boy) look good, good wiser, appear smarter and he got to drive the damn car. I said "yes" to every idea and made it sound like it was a great one.
Do you know how many times I was glad the date was over? Why did I even go? I was programmed to be flattered when a boy asked me out. Of all people to ask out.. the one who is least interested. I never flirted.. I didn't care! I must have been some sort of challenge or something. Oh how my heart ached for her.... I was always so in love with some girl.. ...damn my heart ached..... most of my life.. because I knew in my heart it could never be.
I thought that too, I was the only one like this... I never ever discussed my strong feelings for women.. ever. Not with her! Not with anyone else. My brother put a lid on that when I was a kid....and corrected me! "Boy, talk like that, not girls"! When I exclaimed that "she was so cute". I was crushed.. doomed from the very start! God, life hurt.. so bad!
I was depressed. So I settled. I loved her.. she never knew. Things got more tough when I began to have sex with men. I wanted to touch her like he touched me. There was nothing in it for me.. with a boy.. he had everything.. I had nothing. I could only receive.. not give! Of course, guys caught on got bored I guess.... and moved on.
I could only be her best friend. And things were good when she dated jerks.. and I knew they were jerks.. but then she needed me more.. for a shoulder to cry on.. my heart ached.
But, sooner or later all my girlfriends paired off. I was getting sick of them talking about "him" all the time anyway. What really hurt real bad was when they were finally in a good relationship (or so they thought.. well some were for them) they would say. "Gee, we wish you would fine someone.. we want you to be happy too!"
Do you know that I know a young lesbian couple.. who about expressed the same sentiments. Hey, I just got out of a long term relationship.. okay, it was two years or more ago. But, I never had my 20's or 30's with young women... and those wonderful, beautiful bodies. Makes my heart ache. Of course I got crushes on younger, way younger women. Don't worry and used my head and didn't make a total ass of myself. Well, two times.. I was in my fifties, they were in their thirties! You know .. sometimes .. the runner stumbles!
But, I'm getting my head screwed on "more" correctly now I think. I have a lover who is a year older than I am.... and it's very nice... Very!
I can't help but wonder and miss the good doctor from time to time. For some reason I have been thinking a lot about her lately. I wish she could just wrap her arms around me and heal my heart (even if just for a minute) like she did that beautiful sunny fall day in September in 2004. I so felt her love that day. She saved my life! I miss her! I wish I had that feeling back once again.. that connected heart-to-heart feeling when she held me.. I can't explain it. I think the universe sent an angel that day to heal me.. to love me. God I miss her!
Did you ever think something or someone in your life was totally impossible? But, remember that when you were with her..she was very easy to be with. I ended her sentences and helped her think of things.. that I knew she wanted to mention. I know it sounds very strange. It just might have been my imagination or my desperation that made we think we connected somehow.. maybe spiritually? I don't know.
All I know is that I can't shake this. But, when I watched "What the Bleep Do We Know?" I see that we can perpetuate a thought or feeling because when we think of something the synapses (electrical message firing between cells) remembers... that path gets built and in order for me to stop the pattern from repeating over and over again. I need to "change the subject" so to speak whenever I have thoughts of her. It's tough, especially when thoughts of her are a comfort to me.. it's very tough.
Like it was when I was a kid; daydreaming about "her" a wonderful woman in my life.. someone who was kind to me usually; or cute, was comforting to me and gave me a sense of hope.. it was the love for me that I created for myself. I know that wonderful woman in my dreams loved me.. and wanted to hug and comfort me... I knew that.. because.. they had been nice to me.
So, I know exactly why I fell so in love with the doctor.. she was cute and very kind and had a wonderful sweet way about her...he loved me.. if only for that moment.. she loved me.. and that day when I needed to be loved so much.. I felt her love.
I had been thinking about her for months.. all summer. Hard as I tried, I couldn't shake thoughts of her.
Bottom line.. something was wrong with my life and I wasn't getting my needs met. My family was driving me insane.. I hide that I was retired for a whole year. And truth be told, for the first time in my life.. I have time to relax and think and daydream. I felt sexual once again, that the stress from working such a hectic job was gone now.
So bottom line my life took on a major change... some people get sick for change.. I fell in love. But, I ended the long term relationship, moved to another state, found a 34 year old to date and have sex with and ditched my so-called family. Yes, major changes! I was head-over-heels for that 34 year old too. Oh god it was magical.. pure magic! And I guess what happened to me was that I allowed myself to be myself and not allow other people to influence me.. Oh yes, I was in therapy once again.. I had been through the years because of the Catholic guilt thing and feeling that I had to please everyone but myself. It took me three therapist and many years to come to the point where I just ditched them all... I am important now!
I think everyone should go off the deep end once in a while.. not just mid life crisis.. maybe on a regular basis.. life is to explore.. everything in it and about yourself.
Now, I'm back to being me.. totally.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Stop the Popcorn!
This is the second evening straight that I have had a BIT bowl of popcorn in the evening while watching TV. Bad! See how quickly I can keep up a bad habit.
Actually, I'm trying to save money and eating out of the cupboards and staying out of the grocery store. So far it's working. I need to be conservative with my spending.
I hope I feel like getting out and running in the morning. Today I did yoga for 30 minutes and yesterday too. But, I need to run, swim and work-out tomorrow. So, I need to bundle up and just get going. I have yoga in the evening too.
Today I played my keyboard for the first time in I bet, about a year. I still had it. It a little like riding a bicycle and your fingers remember. That's remarkable! I also still knew "Piano man" by heart. Before that, I sang and played guitar.
I need to work my butt off and get and stay fit. I think that I am fit but I can't let my guard down. I told my friend on day..now is not the time to quit working-out. I could probably turn to mush in about two weeks I bet. Too bad isn't it.
Actually, right now, I am in the best of shape that I have ever been in.. but I know that I can do better. Next fall I'll be the big 6-0 so I need to continue my good work.
Okay time to sketch as I watch the news..
Life is good!
I talked to my ex this afternoon and ran a favor for her. I don't mind at all. In fact, if I don't see her every few days, I have to check on her. After all she is my family.
Actually, I'm trying to save money and eating out of the cupboards and staying out of the grocery store. So far it's working. I need to be conservative with my spending.
I hope I feel like getting out and running in the morning. Today I did yoga for 30 minutes and yesterday too. But, I need to run, swim and work-out tomorrow. So, I need to bundle up and just get going. I have yoga in the evening too.
Today I played my keyboard for the first time in I bet, about a year. I still had it. It a little like riding a bicycle and your fingers remember. That's remarkable! I also still knew "Piano man" by heart. Before that, I sang and played guitar.
I need to work my butt off and get and stay fit. I think that I am fit but I can't let my guard down. I told my friend on day..now is not the time to quit working-out. I could probably turn to mush in about two weeks I bet. Too bad isn't it.
Actually, right now, I am in the best of shape that I have ever been in.. but I know that I can do better. Next fall I'll be the big 6-0 so I need to continue my good work.
Okay time to sketch as I watch the news..
Life is good!
I talked to my ex this afternoon and ran a favor for her. I don't mind at all. In fact, if I don't see her every few days, I have to check on her. After all she is my family.
Interesting, the number of single women is greater then
the number of married women heading households. According to the nightly news, for the first time single women outnumber married women. Many women are putting off getting married, many women just live with and not marry their life partners, many divorced women wait to remarry, or don't remarry. Many feel they like to make their own plans, decorate the way the want and run their lives they way they want. Single women enjoy there independence.
Of course there was no mention of just how many of these women were thought to be lesbians? Okay, let's just assume at least 10% of the women are lesbians. Actually, the number may be even higher than that. Now you know that if the census depicted more than 10% of the women to be lesbians, certainly the government would not admit this. Why the Evangelical Christians would have a fit into rapid fixing. I feel sorry for their poor kids. I'm trying to think of the movie documentary I saw with Becky Fischer, an self proclaimed minister. ..when I find it I"ll add it here. I found it: "Jesus Camp" I felt so sorry for those kids.. they were being brainwashed and they tried so hard to believe all the crap they were being fed. It was very sad!
The news about more women staying single and heading households is wonderful news to me. Why, because as a kid I suffered with the horrible prospect of "having" to get married! My mother said. "You're supposed to!". When I said one day when she and dad were having one of there everyday arguments. "I'm never getting married" I proudly announced. That didn't sit well. She suffered so I"m supposed to suffer is how I felt. Men, well the men, in my family and in general that I knew were yes indeed, assholes.
It was awful living with those people. They were cold and just down right mean. To love was stupid and a sign of weakness. I'm so glad that life (that past life) is far behind me. It was hell.
I'm the happiest now that I have ever been in my life. I guess that is a great thing to be able to admit. Of course, I remained single and independent. I love my independence. I have a lover but I'm not a partner in a relationship and this is perfect for me for now.
In a relationship there is only that 50% chance that she will be more independent, controlling, domineering than I. I think it all depends who love who more? Someone things always get one sided... and always leans towards one partner of the relationship. Just look around you and look at couples either straight or gay and see what you think about this. The stronger personality leads, the one who has the most money has the most power. Or even the one who speaks up first or the loudest gets heard and usually followed..
Anyway, that's my observation and two cents worth...
Have a great day!
Of course there was no mention of just how many of these women were thought to be lesbians? Okay, let's just assume at least 10% of the women are lesbians. Actually, the number may be even higher than that. Now you know that if the census depicted more than 10% of the women to be lesbians, certainly the government would not admit this. Why the Evangelical Christians would have a fit into rapid fixing. I feel sorry for their poor kids. I'm trying to think of the movie documentary I saw with Becky Fischer, an self proclaimed minister. ..when I find it I"ll add it here. I found it: "Jesus Camp" I felt so sorry for those kids.. they were being brainwashed and they tried so hard to believe all the crap they were being fed. It was very sad!
The news about more women staying single and heading households is wonderful news to me. Why, because as a kid I suffered with the horrible prospect of "having" to get married! My mother said. "You're supposed to!". When I said one day when she and dad were having one of there everyday arguments. "I'm never getting married" I proudly announced. That didn't sit well. She suffered so I"m supposed to suffer is how I felt. Men, well the men, in my family and in general that I knew were yes indeed, assholes.
It was awful living with those people. They were cold and just down right mean. To love was stupid and a sign of weakness. I'm so glad that life (that past life) is far behind me. It was hell.
I'm the happiest now that I have ever been in my life. I guess that is a great thing to be able to admit. Of course, I remained single and independent. I love my independence. I have a lover but I'm not a partner in a relationship and this is perfect for me for now.
In a relationship there is only that 50% chance that she will be more independent, controlling, domineering than I. I think it all depends who love who more? Someone things always get one sided... and always leans towards one partner of the relationship. Just look around you and look at couples either straight or gay and see what you think about this. The stronger personality leads, the one who has the most money has the most power. Or even the one who speaks up first or the loudest gets heard and usually followed..
Anyway, that's my observation and two cents worth...
Have a great day!
FORD
I can't say that I have any sympathy for FORD motor company. I know they have retirees to look after. But, you can't skimp on your product. You can't sell an inferior product and still expect to compete with Japan where honor and intregity goes into their products of pride!
I wonder where Americans get the idea they have the right to rip people off..from customers, tax payers, soldiers, the unhealthy, and minority groups just among a few. Just when does big business here in the USA think they can rip people off?
I feel sorry for the WWII vets who actually fought with honor and intregrity. Not since Roosevelt WPE plan to create jobs in this country did the government actually care about US citizen's welfare and create real job not just make it sound like jobs are being created like Bush did. We haven't even heard that lately either.
It seems lately the government and big business is only interested in US citizens for buyer power? Well, I hate to tell them, but if there are no good paying jobs..their will not be any spending. But, I guess that thought is a "long range" thought for businessmen.
Is that part of the strategy to get rid of good paying manufacturering jobs for young men and women so they can easily be coerced to enlist into the Army or "National Guard" or excuse me, I mean "international guard".
What a case of fraud? Yes, I think that so many citizens enlisted in the national guard to make extra money and get benefits thinking that by pure diffinition alone the "national" guard would never be shipped out to overseas duty. This has every appearance of being deceitful?
But no matter, Blackwater, a huge corporation can hire people to be soldiers and go to Iraq. There are some of their troops there now. So man shortage would not be much of a problem.
Yes, this war is a distraction from more important issues here at home that need to be faced like health care, ever increasing insurance costs, jobs being outsourced, Illigal immmigrants freely slipping in across the borders everyday, housing, racisim, the widening gap between rich and increasing poor in this country.
It's no secret that this war is for profiteering and to keep a foot hold in the Middle East to protect our interest there namely the oil. Huge corporations such as Halliburton (of which Cleney is former CEO) and KRB ( a Halliburton subsidiary), Titan, CACI, Blackwater and I'm sure there are others listed too.
I wonder where Americans get the idea they have the right to rip people off..from customers, tax payers, soldiers, the unhealthy, and minority groups just among a few. Just when does big business here in the USA think they can rip people off?
I feel sorry for the WWII vets who actually fought with honor and intregrity. Not since Roosevelt WPE plan to create jobs in this country did the government actually care about US citizen's welfare and create real job not just make it sound like jobs are being created like Bush did. We haven't even heard that lately either.
It seems lately the government and big business is only interested in US citizens for buyer power? Well, I hate to tell them, but if there are no good paying jobs..their will not be any spending. But, I guess that thought is a "long range" thought for businessmen.
Is that part of the strategy to get rid of good paying manufacturering jobs for young men and women so they can easily be coerced to enlist into the Army or "National Guard" or excuse me, I mean "international guard".
What a case of fraud? Yes, I think that so many citizens enlisted in the national guard to make extra money and get benefits thinking that by pure diffinition alone the "national" guard would never be shipped out to overseas duty. This has every appearance of being deceitful?
But no matter, Blackwater, a huge corporation can hire people to be soldiers and go to Iraq. There are some of their troops there now. So man shortage would not be much of a problem.
Yes, this war is a distraction from more important issues here at home that need to be faced like health care, ever increasing insurance costs, jobs being outsourced, Illigal immmigrants freely slipping in across the borders everyday, housing, racisim, the widening gap between rich and increasing poor in this country.
It's no secret that this war is for profiteering and to keep a foot hold in the Middle East to protect our interest there namely the oil. Huge corporations such as Halliburton (of which Cleney is former CEO) and KRB ( a Halliburton subsidiary), Titan, CACI, Blackwater and I'm sure there are others listed too.
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