I just picked up Dee Dee Meyers book "Why Women Should Rule the World" and I'm reading on page 193 where she writes, and I'm paraphrasing here, that women don't let their egos get in the way. She says it seems guys have to best one another and it gets in the way, where women tend to just want to get the job done.
She wondered if that will change when there are women everywhere because right there they are competing with men.
She says on page 192 where women may not get as much credit, but what they get, they are willing to share. Women are conditioned this way. Where men, on the other hand, are more interested in figure out where they place in the pecking order and trying to rise above.
I feel too that we need more women in higher places to put a balance prehaps finally then war will end. War is never necessary, is it? You attack me so I must attack you. Can't we talk it out - is it necessary that punches be thrown? It's a male thing. You don't see women decking each other. Are some men big boys with dangerous toys.
I was just spot reading, but I think I am really going to enjoy reading this book. On page 59 she talks about women being better investors and having balanced budgets. Where men tend to buy or sell on a tip.
And women aren't just changing the market place; they are also changing politics. Women often and usually vote independent of their husbands, fathers, or brother.
Well, studies show that as elected leaders, women feel a special responsibility to represent women. Well as far as I am concerned if I thought the women was capable I wouldn't vote for a women. But in regards to Hillary, I think that she is extremely intelligence, quick to think on her feet. I think she would make a wonderful president and I would be proud to have her lead our country. She will be right on target with all matters are concerning this nation, and the world. I think Obama would be lost in it all. I can tell because he stambers and studders where she is always ready with a quick, on target, answer. She tells you what she plans on doing to help you. Hillary will unite the party and below.
A recent poll shows that if Hillary loses the nomination 28% of the voters will go to McCain and not Obama. Whereas if Obama loses the Democratic nomination less, 19%, of voters will go to McCain.
Carl Rove is grooming McCain for upcoming debates and speeches. Personally, I don't think McCain will win, unless it's thrown again like it was last time. Got to watch that state of Florida.. where Jeb Bush. Oh, I guess they are grooming him for the next time around.
Regarding the gender thing. I know both men and women who practical. Also, I know both women and men who are pushy, greedy and narrow minded. So, I'm really going on a person by person basis when I meet people.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Secretary of Housing steps down..
So Alphonso Jackson, Secretary of Housing, steps down for personal reasons. Yeah right! Well, there's a little something going around that he did a few favors for a few. Hm.
I guess Jackson was supposed to be an over seer. Interesting. See Hillary will keep an eye on them.
On another matter. You know many Democrats on the side of Obama obviously, want Hillary to step down and out. How silly! All delegates are free agents. They are not part of an elective caucus. This race is going to get very interesting.
I like the excitement. What would the news channels do otherwise between now and August and then November.
I'm excited about our economic future - no really!
Okay today Paulson, Treasury Secretary or who ever he is, is finally doing his job. The government should have been over seeing and regulating every area of our economy for the past seven and half years. Bush is clueless - so we had no leader. McCain, like my 75 year old step dad is buried mentally in the past. War! War! War! Nothing else stands out. I won't even try to understand it - or why men want to fight so much - in the first place? Every time I hear McCain speak he brings up the past. All the man knows is prisoner of war! Not to negate that but as a president, we need some one in the moment. Living in the present. It's plain to see he is economically naive. He admits that himself! Hey, we are already living in a mess here in this country, we don't need it to go on, and on, and on. And for McCain it's not good P R to have Joe Lieberman correct you during a public speak in regards to who Iran is training - extremist or terrorist. Correct answer: Extremist. Or so Joe says.
But this greed that got us into all this financial and economical trouble could have it's positive sides. Like people waking up to reality forwards a change in their living habits which could possibly have a "green" affect. Gee, why not move back into the city! That's a novel idea! But, first city schools much be clean up and credited once again. When people begin insisting that inner city schools get up to snuff then more and more will move back. But once again - everyone wants the money, the title and the provided car. Be a big shot! But nothing gets done!
People would move out of the suburbs back into the city and live closer to work if city schools were decent. See once again we need over sight to these issues but even state government is lacking in foresight. It's a no brainer - better city schools, cool condos and housing, and people will move back in the city saving gas - driving little smart cars. Instead of ego gas guzzlers which any more makes a guy look down right stupid. All he need to do is have a cigarette hanging out of his mouth yet to really impress people. Besides anymore every body knows that no body has any money. Anyone in their right mind needs to be cutting corners on spending. So if you see a flirting, smiling, guy driving a big ass pick up and dragging on a cigarette making his health uninsured self look really ignorant don't smile back. Put blinders on to this kind of ignorance.
People today need to be money conscious and smart. Downsize is key. Save up a couple of months rent money or car payments in case you lose your job. Keep your job even though you hate it - at least you have one - while before it gets out sourced.
Here is what I am excited about. Things are getting so bad that the government is forced to do it's job and that is over see and regulate all areas of financial, economical and manufacturing businesses. We just can't allow corporations to run amok like this administration has been doing. Frankly it appears to me that they didn't give a shit they were too interested in fining ways to go to war to protect their oil interest. Just how much money can there men spend? It's dog eat dog - let's see you can "win" and get the most money! It's disgusting to me. Be a real man and take care of your family and country and think about the future for a change.
I know, I'm preaching now. I'll try this again. What I'm excited about is that maybe more people will sell (too bad, you waited too long - now you won't get anything for that gas guzzler - see how the American auto industry set you up? He He. You fell for their advertising, or your buddy did. He bragged. So then you had to buy a super guzzler too! Oh nothing new, it's repeats generation after generation.) their gas guzzlers and down size. Train your mind. Walk away from buying that hot car and use sense. I know it's no fun - but you'll look intelligent and "green".
I know - walk to the Metro and ride it to work instead of driving. CNN featured an over weight woman who began working to the Metro stop and rode it to work because gas got too expensive and she lost 40 pounds. She boosted that next year we probably won't even recognize her - I love that. Now see, what a woman! She took a negative situation and turned it into a positive situation. And she was beaming. She was very happy. It was good to see.
Now she looked very intelligent to me. I was very impressed and she taught me a few things.
Move close to work, bring your lunch, walk to public transit. Demand better city schools - it's why most people sprawled to the suburbs in the first place.
Air Bus Out Sourcing building and maintenance
Give me a break! So it's cheaper to out source but then it costs to recheck everything when plane systems fail due to cheap faulty work? Air Bus has discovered that the land gear wiring was wired wrong! Hey, you get what you pay for. You know, union workers, have always done a good job. So now the federal government has to look into this mess - because again - they allowed industries to go without regulation and oversight! It is clear to see according to a journalist on CNN that the FAA is clearly on the side of the airlines on not the passengers.
This Bush administration cared nothing about anything except going to world a needless war with Iraq and protecting our oil interest there - rather than finding alternative fuels which should have been started with the 1970's oil crunch. Brazil took note: There major crop is sugarcane and what is not used is cooked down to ethanol and burned in their cars for fuel to make that country basically oil free! And if memory serves me correcting, I believe the USA showed them how.
Here is are reactive rather than proactive. I think we need Hillary in there to kick ass. You can't tell me she's not going to get in there and regulate and over see. And this is good! Male mentality just isn't up to snuff on running things. Oh please. They want the glory and the money.
Did you know that women faired better in the astronaut training when the space programs first began? But the men be damned to let a woman get up there into space first - and get all the glory!
Now, I don't mean every woman. You know I don't really like Speaker of the House, Nancy Peloski. Too mousy. Too willing to please. Follows the bandwagon. I think Hillary is a more independent thinker. Hillary is strong. We need a strong woman.
I think Obama is just a little to people pleasing in appearance and everything else. You know that old saying - if it appears too good to be true - it usually is. Personally, I wonder if he has a hidden agenda. He may mean well. But personally, I don't know if I trust him.
In our great financial, economical, time of need we need people in the white house who we can trust. Who have already shown us what they can do. What really has Obama done?
I'm backing Hillary.
You know for years women could not get into man's good paying jobs. Well, men were ignorant and didn't want them there, even though it would help out at home. Wow! The human ego! Anyway, finally affirmative action came along. Thank you Lord! Well, I was watching these guys work (well sort of - mostly fool around) and I thought I could do that. Sit there with my feet propped up on the desk! So I applied. At first men were very ignorant to women and sabotaged women's work. Then women became doing the work better and faster. Then the men got real lazy and sat back and let her do it all. There were some good guys mixed in between but by then you really didn't feel like trusting anyone. So it was hard.
Later on as the years passed men and women learned to respect each other (many harassment suits helped) and work together.
You know too bad the societies of the world are ran by men who are geared to favoring men or pushing and fighting against each other. Women are considered lessor beings in most men run societies why is that? Why is the bible geared towards men?
Bottom line - I think we need more women in higher places to balance out all the testosterone hormones. We need to blend together and work together.
Reactive Rather Than Proactive.
You know I think if I were the government and lots of lobbyist gave me money in order to give them the "green" light to do whatever they want - mostly take advantage of tax payers - you would think that the government would at least have sense enough to monitor what these corporations are doing to the people of this country! And isn't that what government means - to govern? To over see? To regulate? But, I think this present administration was just too busy figuring out how to get 100,000 businesses to the middle east to make a monetary killing. The people at the top in government and business see all that tax money coming in and just get greedy and want to deposit it into their own pockets. Right now the difference between CEO pay and employee paid is over 400%. This is record setting greed! It appears to me that CEO's of corporations and leaders of this country want to drain us dry and then move on to other upcoming prosperous markets and then drain them dry.
All it's all because lobbyist gave politicians money to turn a blind eye to what they, the corporations, wanted to do!
Oh so now, our government's Secretary of Finance, is actually going to have the Fed regulate and over see what all areas of financial industries are doing. They should have been doing their jobs already - like I said they reactive rather than proactive. I firmly believe that Hillary would be proactive. I don't care what any one says there is a difference between men and women in governing techniques. Just compare a typical husband to wife situation. Isn't she the foundation of the family. Doesn't she over see and pull it all together?
Saturday, March 29, 2008
It's a family affair! Vote for Hillary!
I don't want to have to wait until Chelsea runs for president. I want Hillary to win now. It's a family affair! All three of them of out their campaigning. I think it's wonderful! Bill Clinton had this economy rolling in the 1990's. It was Bush that messed things up and allowed corporations to run amok. Yes, NAFTA needs to be modified to fit the times and the present economy and that can be done. Hillary will be right on all of our problems and will multitask and manage and over see and keep on top of problems and their pending solutions.
The economy was on the right trace in the 1990's. Hey, no matter what Obama says - NAFTA can be manipulated to benefit America. Bush allowed corporations to abuse it and to run amok. American's are feeling the results. We need a 21st century Bill of Rights. We borrow money from China to spend on Saudi oil. We are losing jobs. Hillary sees the problems and Hillary will get us back on fiscal responsibility and we will not be spending above the means of the economy.
Hillary was president of her debate team at Wellesley and it shows. Chelsey and Bill speak well also. Obama stumbles around and "ah, ah, ah" gets on my nerves and I want to help him spit it out; maybe if he would stop speaking simultaneously with his hands the words would come out clearer and quicker. I like and if it comes down to it - he will make a good president. But, I don't know enough about it. Our country is in dire straits and we need experience. I think it's great that we can get two for the price of one. Why not?
Pesonally, I think Obama sounds a little too good to be true. I'm still not convinced that he didn't attend the services where Rev. Wright was speaking hate. Hey, if you sit there and listen to it year after year for twenty years - isn't that embedded in your subconscious - isn't that saying you promote that agenda? Why would you attend this church and sit and listen to speeches of hate if you didn't agree with what was being preached and promoted. And why would he associate with a racist. I don't associate with racist. Personally, I try to be nicer and try to make up for some of the narrow minded, uneducated members of my race.
From a lighter point of view: I think it would be wonderful for Chelsey one day soon to say "I am the daughter of two American presidents". Wow! Talk about history making! I think it's wonderful. I think it's wonderful for young people to see Chelsea campaigning.. It's a family affair and a wonderful sight to see! I want Hillary to win the Democratic nomination. Oh, she's run circles around McCain. All he knows to speak confident about is war and his own history. He readily admits that he is economically clueless. I want to see it happen! If we deliver for Hillary, we can count of her delivery for us!
And talk about uniting families. What a good example! I'm voting for Hillary!
The economy was on the right trace in the 1990's. Hey, no matter what Obama says - NAFTA can be manipulated to benefit America. Bush allowed corporations to abuse it and to run amok. American's are feeling the results. We need a 21st century Bill of Rights. We borrow money from China to spend on Saudi oil. We are losing jobs. Hillary sees the problems and Hillary will get us back on fiscal responsibility and we will not be spending above the means of the economy.
Hillary was president of her debate team at Wellesley and it shows. Chelsey and Bill speak well also. Obama stumbles around and "ah, ah, ah" gets on my nerves and I want to help him spit it out; maybe if he would stop speaking simultaneously with his hands the words would come out clearer and quicker. I like and if it comes down to it - he will make a good president. But, I don't know enough about it. Our country is in dire straits and we need experience. I think it's great that we can get two for the price of one. Why not?
Pesonally, I think Obama sounds a little too good to be true. I'm still not convinced that he didn't attend the services where Rev. Wright was speaking hate. Hey, if you sit there and listen to it year after year for twenty years - isn't that embedded in your subconscious - isn't that saying you promote that agenda? Why would you attend this church and sit and listen to speeches of hate if you didn't agree with what was being preached and promoted. And why would he associate with a racist. I don't associate with racist. Personally, I try to be nicer and try to make up for some of the narrow minded, uneducated members of my race.
From a lighter point of view: I think it would be wonderful for Chelsey one day soon to say "I am the daughter of two American presidents". Wow! Talk about history making! I think it's wonderful. I think it's wonderful for young people to see Chelsea campaigning.. It's a family affair and a wonderful sight to see! I want Hillary to win the Democratic nomination. Oh, she's run circles around McCain. All he knows to speak confident about is war and his own history. He readily admits that he is economically clueless. I want to see it happen! If we deliver for Hillary, we can count of her delivery for us!
And talk about uniting families. What a good example! I'm voting for Hillary!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sensate Patrick Leahy wants Clinton to quit
but he's apparently too chicken to speak with her privatly. Asshole! Hillary stay in there - you can win Pa, In, and the rest of them.
Obama has a hidden agenda and we will see the dare side of Washington - a revolvution of restitution when he becomes president.
Hang in there Hillary. Besides it would be stupid for Hillary to quit now. I'm surprised CNN and the rest of them are not against her quiting because - there goes the news and the excitement of a close race.
You know in my opinion if Hillary gets past all her adversaries and wins the Democratic domination she will indeed be the tougher and better candidate for president.
Stupid Obama has been riding on a bandwagon from the get to! He doesn't even have to work at it.
"I"m sorry the Iranie's are training extremist not terrorist"! What? Joe Lieberman had to correct McCain. McCain looks like a real moma's boy! He admits to know nothing about economics and now this. Oh well Elisabeth likes him. She wants him president for "security". Oh please! The republicans were the ones who wanted to "out soucre" harbor security in this country! And Republicans are the ones wo allow an open Southern Border.. yet a poor woman can't even get though the airport with nibble rings. Do I hear law suite? And the security guards were snickering! Do I hear law suite? She has lawyer and I hope she sues and the security people get fired! That folks is sexual harrasment. They knew they were harmless nibble rings. Now they are trying to say her bra could be dangerous. Like there could be explosive underwires in the bra! I bet if she were coming from Mexico she wouldn't have a problem at all. Well you know they want to continue the drug traffic into this country from the south. You now there is money in that. Just like there is money in keeping weed illegal. If people in government and law can't make a buck on the side then they don't care about us. They don't care about us either way.
Obama has a hidden agenda and we will see the dare side of Washington - a revolvution of restitution when he becomes president.
Hang in there Hillary. Besides it would be stupid for Hillary to quit now. I'm surprised CNN and the rest of them are not against her quiting because - there goes the news and the excitement of a close race.
You know in my opinion if Hillary gets past all her adversaries and wins the Democratic domination she will indeed be the tougher and better candidate for president.
Stupid Obama has been riding on a bandwagon from the get to! He doesn't even have to work at it.
"I"m sorry the Iranie's are training extremist not terrorist"! What? Joe Lieberman had to correct McCain. McCain looks like a real moma's boy! He admits to know nothing about economics and now this. Oh well Elisabeth likes him. She wants him president for "security". Oh please! The republicans were the ones who wanted to "out soucre" harbor security in this country! And Republicans are the ones wo allow an open Southern Border.. yet a poor woman can't even get though the airport with nibble rings. Do I hear law suite? And the security guards were snickering! Do I hear law suite? She has lawyer and I hope she sues and the security people get fired! That folks is sexual harrasment. They knew they were harmless nibble rings. Now they are trying to say her bra could be dangerous. Like there could be explosive underwires in the bra! I bet if she were coming from Mexico she wouldn't have a problem at all. Well you know they want to continue the drug traffic into this country from the south. You now there is money in that. Just like there is money in keeping weed illegal. If people in government and law can't make a buck on the side then they don't care about us. They don't care about us either way.
Hooviers could keep the next Democratic
candidiate. Al Gore thinks that the Democratic situation we resolve itself before the August Democratic convention. Everyone is behind Obama. I don't like Obama. I just don't.
People by the thousands are behind Obama. Hell, I can get out there and talk about hope! And Change! I just don't think that he can pull it off. Oh he'll win the presidency but that what? It's still the same old government. But they want Obama because he's green to Washington and will make a great puppet. You know, much like Bush Junior was - a puppet!
He's no JFK! See the Republicans make everything so terrible that people then have a tendency to go overboard and then the pendulum over-swings the other way. Bush should have been keeping on eye on loan companies, credit card companies, banks, and large corporations but all he did was cut taxes and then bail them out when they committed fraud.
And Allen Greenspan said "It was a disaster waiting to happy!" when speaking of the housing crisis. It was plain out fraud! Information on loan application were ficionized and passed through and accepted. Fraud! They knew in two years with wages not keeping up with the cost of living (more like - more and more jobs going overseas) that these people could never make the adjusted higher payment that would come up in two years. But, I think government knew and worked with these companies to hang in there and squeeze every bit of money out of these poor people.
Today on CNN people working for years in a tire company in Ohio will be losing their jobs. I believe the company is called Johnson. The heads of the company say cost for benefits and good salaries are drying them up that they can cut costs way down with extremely low pay and no benefits needed in third world countries. So much for patriotism! I hope this Johnson company does expect people here in this country to buy the products they make because people here are all losing their jobs to third world companies and will be broke. All of them. I don't care what field you are in - you will feel the crunch.
No jobs, no money, no dentist care, the health care, no going out to eat, buying less at the grocery store, walking to public transportation instead of driving.
In another entry I wrote where a woman I saw on CNN walks to public transportation because gas is too high and has lost 40 pounds - so far! And she was happy!
People do not realized happiness is a walk away - and it's true! So get up, and get out there and WALK! And don't just stroll along - I mean walk with determination. And for god's sake don't carry your purse with you. I should have told this woman in the park the other I passed as I ran that she was "asking for it". She was carrying her purse in the hand. Any punk could have ran up to her and grabbed and ran off! And she would have been shocked and cried... for being stupid! You can't be stupid these days. Think - and walk with determination like you are on a mission or better yet - pissed! Hate to tell you but Ipods are in danger of being torn off you and running off too.
Hey people - stealing is only going to get worse and more and more jobs go away. Everyone will want those fast food jobs and there are only so many. I bet McDonald's is making a killing!
Me, I've been eating out of my cupboards. I could live two months for sure out of my cupboards onlone. Lots of pasta and rice. In the freezer I have lots of frozen vetables. I'm trying to cut back anyway and eat less because I need to lose ten pounds (I'll be happy if I lose my gut). Oh, I have to hold it in! It's discusting! And I know my hips are wider.
I need to lose the ten pounds and go to bed hungry - it's the only way that I can lose it. No shit! I have to go to bed hungry. But, all I need is do it once and then I get into the habit. Damn, I didn't lose my appetitie with this last break up. Damn!
People by the thousands are behind Obama. Hell, I can get out there and talk about hope! And Change! I just don't think that he can pull it off. Oh he'll win the presidency but that what? It's still the same old government. But they want Obama because he's green to Washington and will make a great puppet. You know, much like Bush Junior was - a puppet!
He's no JFK! See the Republicans make everything so terrible that people then have a tendency to go overboard and then the pendulum over-swings the other way. Bush should have been keeping on eye on loan companies, credit card companies, banks, and large corporations but all he did was cut taxes and then bail them out when they committed fraud.
And Allen Greenspan said "It was a disaster waiting to happy!" when speaking of the housing crisis. It was plain out fraud! Information on loan application were ficionized and passed through and accepted. Fraud! They knew in two years with wages not keeping up with the cost of living (more like - more and more jobs going overseas) that these people could never make the adjusted higher payment that would come up in two years. But, I think government knew and worked with these companies to hang in there and squeeze every bit of money out of these poor people.
Today on CNN people working for years in a tire company in Ohio will be losing their jobs. I believe the company is called Johnson. The heads of the company say cost for benefits and good salaries are drying them up that they can cut costs way down with extremely low pay and no benefits needed in third world countries. So much for patriotism! I hope this Johnson company does expect people here in this country to buy the products they make because people here are all losing their jobs to third world companies and will be broke. All of them. I don't care what field you are in - you will feel the crunch.
No jobs, no money, no dentist care, the health care, no going out to eat, buying less at the grocery store, walking to public transportation instead of driving.
In another entry I wrote where a woman I saw on CNN walks to public transportation because gas is too high and has lost 40 pounds - so far! And she was happy!
People do not realized happiness is a walk away - and it's true! So get up, and get out there and WALK! And don't just stroll along - I mean walk with determination. And for god's sake don't carry your purse with you. I should have told this woman in the park the other I passed as I ran that she was "asking for it". She was carrying her purse in the hand. Any punk could have ran up to her and grabbed and ran off! And she would have been shocked and cried... for being stupid! You can't be stupid these days. Think - and walk with determination like you are on a mission or better yet - pissed! Hate to tell you but Ipods are in danger of being torn off you and running off too.
Hey people - stealing is only going to get worse and more and more jobs go away. Everyone will want those fast food jobs and there are only so many. I bet McDonald's is making a killing!
Me, I've been eating out of my cupboards. I could live two months for sure out of my cupboards onlone. Lots of pasta and rice. In the freezer I have lots of frozen vetables. I'm trying to cut back anyway and eat less because I need to lose ten pounds (I'll be happy if I lose my gut). Oh, I have to hold it in! It's discusting! And I know my hips are wider.
I need to lose the ten pounds and go to bed hungry - it's the only way that I can lose it. No shit! I have to go to bed hungry. But, all I need is do it once and then I get into the habit. Damn, I didn't lose my appetitie with this last break up. Damn!
Stop Spending
I am trying to do better. Presently I am at a juncture in my life physically, monetarily and emotionally.
Physically, I need to lose ten pounds between now and next weekend. Yes, ten! I weighted 135 when I got back from swimming and working out and all I had to eat today before I got there at ten this morning was four Cliff sport bloc's with green tea extrace that makes me feel like peeing. But not real bad because I really had nothing to drink since last night when I drank water during the evening. I usually weight about 126 or 127. That's okay. But, I do not want to carry around these extra pounds as I run the half marathon next Sunday.
My friends are such dreamers and hopeless thinkers. They think because I do something physical almost every day that I can eat as I want. My friend suddenly got depressed the other day when we were walking. Hello! I'm not a miracle or an oddity. I have to work to be thin and healthy everyday. This woman in TV started walking because gas got so high and she started to walk to the train to go to walk. She lost 40 pounds and is off her diabetes medicine. She challenges anyone to join her. And she says a year from now that we won't recognize her. And she was happy.
My friend is over 200 pounds with bad knees - see! Nows she is out of control and buried in a very deep rut and my ex is getting right up there with her. And that worries me terribly. I need her in my life! Why can't these people get the message? Why are they self destructive?
So anyway - a couple of hours have passed since I wrote the above. I've sang and played my guitar. I sang and played Abracadabra. Hm, poor choice of words. Made me think of some things I maybe be missing. So I sang the song fast and moved on. I'm weakening.
Oh well, I've been listening to Oprah's Monday night class with Eckhart Tolle called "The New Earth". I sure hope this stuff wakes up and sticks with people because it's getting harder and harder to remain here on earth in human form.
Ok! It's time to draw something now and watch loads of recorded TV now.
Physically, I need to lose ten pounds between now and next weekend. Yes, ten! I weighted 135 when I got back from swimming and working out and all I had to eat today before I got there at ten this morning was four Cliff sport bloc's with green tea extrace that makes me feel like peeing. But not real bad because I really had nothing to drink since last night when I drank water during the evening. I usually weight about 126 or 127. That's okay. But, I do not want to carry around these extra pounds as I run the half marathon next Sunday.
My friends are such dreamers and hopeless thinkers. They think because I do something physical almost every day that I can eat as I want. My friend suddenly got depressed the other day when we were walking. Hello! I'm not a miracle or an oddity. I have to work to be thin and healthy everyday. This woman in TV started walking because gas got so high and she started to walk to the train to go to walk. She lost 40 pounds and is off her diabetes medicine. She challenges anyone to join her. And she says a year from now that we won't recognize her. And she was happy.
My friend is over 200 pounds with bad knees - see! Nows she is out of control and buried in a very deep rut and my ex is getting right up there with her. And that worries me terribly. I need her in my life! Why can't these people get the message? Why are they self destructive?
So anyway - a couple of hours have passed since I wrote the above. I've sang and played my guitar. I sang and played Abracadabra. Hm, poor choice of words. Made me think of some things I maybe be missing. So I sang the song fast and moved on. I'm weakening.
Oh well, I've been listening to Oprah's Monday night class with Eckhart Tolle called "The New Earth". I sure hope this stuff wakes up and sticks with people because it's getting harder and harder to remain here on earth in human form.
Ok! It's time to draw something now and watch loads of recorded TV now.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Mercedes with 451 Horsepower
Yeah just great to sit in traffic with unless you live near the Auto-bond in Germany. Can you imagine the gas that eats up. Isn't this car just a little silly for the signs of the time? Gas is
approaching $4.00 a gallon (as Dick Cheney laughs all the way to a foreign bank). Yeah I guess he'll meet us with Ken Lay (Enron - Dead? Oh come on?) probably in Dubai.
Anyway merely six years ago (Gee right about Bush [I mean, Cheney] took office) oil went from a mere $20.00 a barrel to Today's $106.00 per barrel. It also too funny! Can you imagine the kick backs Cheney is getting - probably from everywhere. The man is a genius - he has completely drained our economy in eight years. Pure Genius you must admit! I mean come on he is probably getting kick backs from all of the over 100,000 corporations making a killing in Iraq and draining American of their tax dollars and social benefits that they "could" be getting. And then we have a government (Cheney again) allowing corporations to rip of consumers. The audacity and of course our government doesn't rein in these corporations because they are probably in on it! Kickbacks!
Ford and others have been cheating us for years, yet we are expected to be patriotic. That's pure bullshit! You build me something decent and maybe I'll buy it! And then they tried to trick you in the financing of the car - again do your homework. So, I see it went as far as creative faulty homelands with fictitious salaries were entered. That fraud people! Our government just bailed out the very people who committed fraud - it's a fretting joke!
Okay I'm guess I'm finished. I just had to let off a little steam! It's raining - perfect weather for writing and I should be working on my lesbian mystery book that I am writing.
Get a load of this - 28% of the people in polls said that if HIllary loses they will vote for McCain. Well, look at it this way. We know what to expect and better out of Hillary. I think she will be better than Bill. She will be faster. And you know she won't rest until every American as decent, affordable health care. We already seen that Bill has brought this country out of a Bush mess. If McCain wins, you know, you will get more of the Bush policy. But if Obama wins the whole dramatics of this country will change. African Americans want restitution and they are just in this thinking. If Obama is president they will demand restitution. Like I said the whole dynamics of politics will change in this country then.
See this country is so use to old white men running the show. And now we have a choice of diversity . Well, Hillary is the whitest of the Democrats and you'll get two for the price of one and with this country in such a mess that won't be bad. In fact it will be really good.
And why do people just want to see a difference in Washington. See how the pendulum extremely swings the other way. In other words - people over react and may be just shooting themselves in the toot in so doing. Use your heads!
God, does anyone really use their heads on this earth? It's either sex, sex, sex, or greed, greed, greed, or war, war, war. Or "You hit me first". It's all bull shit. Society as a whole needs to grow up and stop acting like a bunch of stupid kids. Men are pathetic, I'm talking about the idiots who wrote the bibles that preach basis and women hating. And obedience. Everything is gears to please the men who wrote the fictitious books. It's all bullshit!
And here's another thing...
I've noticed with people especially woman. They feel inferior unless complimented. My friend has very low self esteem. She's in a hole and can't get out and is getting bigger. Self destruction!
You know sometime in your life you have to take charge of your life! Amen.
The hell with the other people - you don't need them. So stop being a pleaser! Pleasing others does not equal love for you! That's bullshit! It seems that it is common knowledge in our society that the more you fork out to others, the more love you will receive in return. Or should I use the word ownership instead of love? I think that is why arguments arise and sometimes leading to murder too. When the golden goose dries up sometimes the recipients get very pissed.
So, I'm above all that crap! I look out for myself and pretty much expect everyone else to. I'm talking about petting every day to day stuff. Like making your own way through life. The bread and butter stuff. You have to become savvy enough to learn to make it own your own. And if parents ever want their kids to finally one day help them, they must teach their kids to be self-sufficient and generous so that they will help their parents out later own. But parents shouldn't expect it!
See I think that is where everyone goes wrong. They expect to be taken care of. It is not going to happen! I can see a free loader coming ten miles out! I can smell them. And they have this unapproachable, unrealistically, air about them that the world owes them restitution for something. I'm not sure! But what an egoistical sense of entitlement. Parents get that attitude to when they get older and see that they have a sucker hovering nearby.
Obama made a million bucks on that book! Maybe I'll get it from the library to read. I just can't see where he is going to do us any good. He'll be boom barred by African Americans wanting restitution as soon as he gets into office. They'll be asking favors and sticking to him like flies. So there goes the rest. Oh they need a break as we all do. Our economically needs fixing, our health care systems need to be made honest (everything needs to be made honest - whatever happened to integrity amongst capitalist?
Did you know that your high tech passport is made by a foreign company? Yes out sourced. What isn't outsourced anymore. But on the up side BMW is considering producing autos in American. Well, with the low dollar and all, I'm hoping more companies decide it is easiler to keep products here. All passports must have a electronic chip to make them more secure and US companies do not have the state of art technologically, Bampa, Singapor and other countries make them and then they are sent to Tailand to put the chip in the book. Too funny. But, one guy says if that chip; that blank chip gets into the wrong hands - that chip could be worthless. Like a CD that can be over written. Where is Bush on this! Or Cheney? Or Home land security - which is the biggest joke that there is. And young naive Elisabeth on "The View" wants McCain to be president to keep us safe. To protect us.
Just how should McCain protect us - just start wars in every Middle Eastern country. The man's a fool. All in Washington on fools. We have people freely coming across our Southern Borders.. yet Elisabeth is worried about that? Well come on people - she is only 30 years old and evidently without a CNN channel on her TV! Or a brain! Anyone with any reasoning can see this stuff. And then Bush wanted to out source harbor security to Dubai - a Middle Eastern "rich oil" country.
Lou Dobbs the other day could not understand why Bush was allowing China to go after Tibet. Well, Lou, you must know how high in hock we are to China. We owe them trillions of dollars. Bush allows our corporations to out source and then try to sell stuff here made in China. Well, if you take our jobs away how can we afford to buy those products - no matter how cheap they are. Like WartMart says we out source to keep the costs and product charge lowered. That bull shit because the difference in cost - therefore more profits for them - are ending up in ECO's pockets' All ECO's no matter which corporations make at least 400 times more than their workers. Where as thirty years ago that gap we must closer. Greed! It's called Greed!
Well after they have us all drained of our money where we cannot make ends meet anymore and lose our cars and homes will the corporations probably take us residence somewhere else in the world.
Their is no loyalty, yet that car dealer on TV expects loyalty and patriotism and expects us to buy junk car made American cars. Build them decent for the first time in my life and maybe I'll buy one!
One in ten people in the state of Ohio receive food states this is within the past six years. Thank you Mr. Bush. See NAFTA really does need over hauling.
Gathering fodder - demanding restitution
Well, I've been out gathering fodder for my blog. Lord help me. Oh let me just begin with politics. McCain is a war monger - be prepared to get deeper into war if he gets elected. My friend says he is brilliant! God people amaze me! I gracefully got out of that discussion by slightly agreeing than moving on. Obviously she doesn't watch as much news TV as I do. McCain readily admits he is not economically savvy and will rely on advisors. Oh, no not again. Bush gave corporations the green light and they ripped us off. Corporations must be regulated and watched and ruled. They can't be allowed to run amok because the heads of corporations will merely fill their pocket and sell out everybody else. I mean look at Cheney. The man is pure evil! Do you know gas was $20.00 a barrel only six years ago. And then Cheney went into action along with Exxon and the rest of them and they are making a killing. They want to squeeze out everything they can get before leaving office. And they set up laws that are in place even after they will be gone. McCain will be another Bush. I just heard that if Obama is the Democratic candidate that many men will vote Republican. Is that too funny!
I do think that the tide is changing they were saying is America ready for a woman president. Well, I'm not sure if they are ready for a black president either. Well, I'm not ready for another old white man president. Especially, a war monger and one who admits he knows nothing of economics, foreign relations, or even whose fighting who in Iraq and Iran. Well, you saw he stumble the other day and Joe Leiderman saying right behind him, had the audacity to correct him. I bet he got his ass in a wringer over that. The error would have gone unnoticed on my part. But Joe Liederman singled him out and publicly corrected him. It would have gone unnoticed. Now I think McCain will not be ready on day one.
Obama will change the color of Washington and it will resemble Detroit's city's government. I'm not being racist. I'm being factorial. Obama didn't listen to Rev. Wright preach hatred for twenty years for nothing! The sermons certainly took hold with Michelle. She slipped one day and said "Today I'm finally proud of America". I think she meant that because everyone was on the bandwagon and promoting Obama.
I still think Hillary would do a fine job and that she will be ready on day one. She is economically, politically, foreign policy savvy, and wants to end this needless - let's make money for a few - war. There are over 100,000 private corporations in Iraq making a monetary killing - getting your tax payer money that should be used domestically and for you! Cheney is an asshole - there is just no other way to look at it. And Cheney works for old man Bush, Jr. is clueless. I think Junior was clueless over 9/11. The look on his face - reading to the kids in Florida - was one of shock and awe. Popular term! His looks said to me. "I don't believe they actually did it!"
Say what you may, I believe the whole thing was conspiracy and plotted and planned from within our own government - much like JFK's demise. Oh please! It's call collateral damage! Cheney said as soon as they got into office (they sure didn't waste anytime did they) that we needed another Pearl Harbor! Oddly enough - he got it within the first year of Bush's plotting presidency. Oh yes, then there was Jeb Bush strategically placed governor in Florida remember the crooked win in 2000. Poor Al Gore he didn't say a chance.
Peloski and Reid just said their super delegates votes would be neutral. In other words I believe they are not saying right now who they will be supporting. You know I think they are all rethinking backing Obama. I believe it has been revealed that Obama has a hidden agenda. Rather he wants it or not I believe Obama will wish he was up against dealing with the lobbyist rather than every African American in this country demanding restitution. Remember right before 9/11 when demanding restitution was the big thing in Washington?
Damn, I'm on a chocolate kick again and I just ran out! It's raining and I'm not going out. It's 3:33 PM. I love it when I notice the magical line up of numbers. I believe the universe is with me. I do believe that I can connect with the other side every easily and that they are a heart beat and frequency away. On another plane so to speak.
I'm changing the subject once again. I've been listening to Oprah and Eckhard Tolle discussion podcast and I am totally amazed at the synchronicity! I wish I could listen to it again. Let's see if I can down load it again.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Turning the screws
Oh, the Obama team (I'm speaking of Gov. Richardson) is really speaking out against Hillary. Man they think she should just quite. All I can say is that if she passes this same party mud slinging then she's a better man than Obama. Everybody kissing his ass! Pretty boy! Don't think men don't stick together! Nice! I'm seeing more here than just a political lesson.
Then Richardson says we should be thinking about fixing this economy, etc., Well, we can't really do anything until after January 20th, 2009. Bush will veto every bill between now and then - come on Richardson.
You know how Detroit is - what's going on there? Hm? I think we should do some very deep thinking. Are you angry? I mean about your past? Are you angry? Hm?
Well, I'm not angry either. There is going to be a big shift in Washington if Hillary doesn't win the Democratic primaries. I don't believe that enough people realize that.
Divisive and polar!
Well, I Guess I Am a Lesbian
It's funny I think but when I look at pictures of straight couples such as in wedding photos, I always think she's pretty but what in it for her. Isn't that funny? I guess I'm a lesbian.
Like what's he got to offer her. Hell, she can use a dill-do . Does he offer warmth, affection, understanding, softness, tenderness, a kiss on the head? Well, maybe he does. But I just couldn't see it, then. Something was always missing.
Anyway, maybe someday. No someday will never come for me. I've been there. I've lived the straight life to no avail. I thought, well, one of these guys will surely click. Not so! I'm a lesbian I guess.
While dating him, I had a crush on her (my best friend). It hurt my heart because I knew in my heart I would never tell her; could never show her. She had a boyfriend too.
Is there a fine line between straight and gay called - religion or society? Well, just religion. Because religion seems to be the basis of every society - too bad. Charity and spirituality should be the basis of every society - the a self-fulfilled, man written doctrine established by males to serve males and create needless no sin committed sinners. So what if two people of the same sex love each other and want to be together - openly. So what! But yet war is okay! Killing is okay! And independent thought got women burned at the stake; and a few men too. War is not only established over oil, but religion too; so no wonder. Oh let's face it - like government, religion is a "good old boy's club" exclusive and women are forbidden. And you tell me most gay are not gay? I'm not buying it!
Ever hear of the "down low"? I'll explain. Gay sex is okay - I mean it's not gay sex if you participate on the down low - meaning your wife and no one else finds out. Bulletin! Actions speak louder than words. If you are a man and have sex with a man then you are gay no matter if you are married with children or not. I love it! Living the straight life yet sneaking gay sex on the side. But, I'm not gay! "I never was gay"! Got news for you Larry Craig, gayness just doesn't come and go - like the flu or a cold. Gays are born that way - gay! Is that too funny!
If straights are offended does that mean they have bought into the straightness and if they can't be gay then no body should get to be gay! You know, I think that's pretty much it. I was listening to Joy Browne, a psychologist that was on the radio in the late nineties. A mother had called in and was upset because her daughter came out as a lesbian. This woman was mad. And claimed that her daughter would be subjecting herself to hard times; difficult times. Joy asked the mother if she wanted her daughter to be happy or married. The mother had said married. She I think the mother really wanted her daughter to be as miserable as she un- admittedly, but obvious to me, was. In unspoken terms I heard the mother admit I was never happy why should you have it so good! When Joy asked do you want her to be happy or married the mother responded. There are rough times during marriage you're not always happy (unspoken: fulfilling your social/church duties is more important than happiness). Joy repeated do you want your daughter to be married or happy. See I'm telling you, that the mother didn't want the lesbian daughter embarrassment and felt too that she lived within the strict social, religious lines and her daughter should to. My mother was the same way - it's why I hate her now and can't stand to be in her presence. And I'm not joking!
If all the gays in the world would suddenly turn purple wouldn't the world be shocked at the high number of purple faces. Personally, I think the church thinks it's more fun to sneak!
And let's face it, the church declares anything pleasurable a sin to drum up business. No sinner's to heal or fix - no business. No Sunday morning money in the plate collections. It's all a sham - people. Wake up and be yourself. Personally, I get great satisfaction in seeing the hypocritical gays outed - like Haggart, Craig, The New Jersey Governor.
And please, is that why men get married - so "the" wife can stand faithfully by their sides when they get "caught"? How hypocritical is that? Those wife should just punch them in the face right in front of the camera. The crowd would cheer - and love it! But, no, nothing like making an absolute ass out of yourself - and a pitiful creature out of your wife. And you know they probably don't tells their wives "why" they are dragging them up there to make an ass of them. You know - some men are that selfish! They think their wives are their mothers and should always be there with unwavering, unconditional love . I think not!
And the church, the very ones who wrote the rules they love to break, are the biggest hypocrites of all. May they all be outed - or turn the color purple!
Now finished with Richardson
What a bitch! No I don't mean Hillary - I mean Bitch Richardson having a audacity to solute Obama (oh just kiss on the lips why don't you!) practically worshipping him and indicating Hillary was angry and heated and that she should just step down.
I hope HIllary comes back in a vengeance with the states of IN, NC and PA. She would stand a chance if she wins the next eight states and she needs to win more delegates and super-delegates. It will go to the convention and she then needs to win a few more super-delegates to throw her over the top!
Personally, I hope she does it! Mr. too goody two shoes needs to go visit the Rev. Wright. I could you sit there and listen to hate sermons for years, if you were not taking any of that in for yourself. Oh please! He will be the retaliation half black president.
Richardson many people in the Clinton camp are playing negative. Richardson says the Clinton have a sense of entitlement. I think Richardson is playing pretty negative.
Oh, the double standard. You'll never see a homely woman on TV - now that's a sure bet. Ever notice - on CNN all pretty young woman, then comes Cafferty and Wolf S. And that's okay. Because men can look anyway but woman are only too lucky to have one! :( You can certainly tell who does the hiring at CNN - an old white gray haired man - and homely!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Be Careful out there
if you go to the CWE in thecity bewsrebeware cars are being stolen and broken into. runners in the park are having ipodsiPods ripped off from. These are things you don't hear about on the evening news- seems someone has to be killed first. so why aren't there more police riding bicycless and walking the beat? Today mtmy friend reported a car that was broke into and the police officer who showed up showed her a two coloum 8x10 page of stolen car reports.
And how about Florida and Michigan
I'm sure glad I don't live in either state. Nothing like having your vote not count because state officials are being punished. It's not the citizens fault that people at the heads of the these states democratic party are igorant or are they part of a scheme.
In his favor, of course, Obama could care less so probably nothing will be done. He certainly is the favored son in this election. So, he knew the votes wouldn't count (?) so he didn't put his name on the ticket. So he contributed to this problem. If he would have put his name on the ticket revoting would not be an issue...only if "the" votes count or not. I do not trust Obama. He's too sweet, to perfect. Remember what your mother always said. If it seems to true to be true - is usually is. I smell a rat somewhere here. And, so Hillary's votes just get kicked out? How unconstitutional is that. And why aren't the people of Florida and Michigan complaining.
Let's face it, we know what to expect out of the Clintons - a decent economy and no war. And if we chose our other option we have no idea that Washington won't end up looking at Detroit's politics in two years. How do we know that there isn't an obivious hidden agenda? Yes, I said obivious hidden agenda. Well it's obivious to me. It's called retaliation!
And why can't women band together and get behind a woman? It was always known that woman go after their own. I fear they will be sorry that they didn't get behind Hilllary. Obama speaks of the women's glass ceiling; but face it, he's a man first. I think I know which group his politics will cater too. It's called retaliation!
After learning he has been participating in Rev. Wright's anti-white services for 22 years I'm just slightly nervous. If the gloves fits you must aquit! And he will be president - ahead of the national guard and all national security. Yes, we might just get a well deserved lesson received in the next four years. Our just dues received. They are rightfully bitter - I can't blame them at all. Just don't be surprised. I think our forefather's will flip in their graves - and paid their just dues.
See, those in power have a way of favoring or not favoring certain groups. Remember our forefather's Bill of Rights. All men are created equal . And we all know that they were biasis and didn't follow their own rules.
And even before that, the ancient good old boys who wrote the bible - and weren't they slanted too - biasis. So, what's next? Just dues and retaliation - and we have it coming! So don't be surprised - is all I'm saying.
In his favor, of course, Obama could care less so probably nothing will be done. He certainly is the favored son in this election. So, he knew the votes wouldn't count (?) so he didn't put his name on the ticket. So he contributed to this problem. If he would have put his name on the ticket revoting would not be an issue...only if "the" votes count or not. I do not trust Obama. He's too sweet, to perfect. Remember what your mother always said. If it seems to true to be true - is usually is. I smell a rat somewhere here. And, so Hillary's votes just get kicked out? How unconstitutional is that. And why aren't the people of Florida and Michigan complaining.
Let's face it, we know what to expect out of the Clintons - a decent economy and no war. And if we chose our other option we have no idea that Washington won't end up looking at Detroit's politics in two years. How do we know that there isn't an obivious hidden agenda? Yes, I said obivious hidden agenda. Well it's obivious to me. It's called retaliation!
And why can't women band together and get behind a woman? It was always known that woman go after their own. I fear they will be sorry that they didn't get behind Hilllary. Obama speaks of the women's glass ceiling; but face it, he's a man first. I think I know which group his politics will cater too. It's called retaliation!
After learning he has been participating in Rev. Wright's anti-white services for 22 years I'm just slightly nervous. If the gloves fits you must aquit! And he will be president - ahead of the national guard and all national security. Yes, we might just get a well deserved lesson received in the next four years. Our just dues received. They are rightfully bitter - I can't blame them at all. Just don't be surprised. I think our forefather's will flip in their graves - and paid their just dues.
See, those in power have a way of favoring or not favoring certain groups. Remember our forefather's Bill of Rights. All men are created equal . And we all know that they were biasis and didn't follow their own rules.
And even before that, the ancient good old boys who wrote the bible - and weren't they slanted too - biasis. So, what's next? Just dues and retaliation - and we have it coming! So don't be surprised - is all I'm saying.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Less service, more self service...no jobs at all!
Well, I think I said it all in the title of today's entry. Everything is moving to self service so personal contact and consumer service is no longer needed. So, if everything is mechanically accomplished with robots and computers less human positions are needed. There goes our tax base. Our economy needs employed people, here in this country, making money and then pumping money back into our ecnomy. I guess huge corporations don't think of this. Personally, I think huge corporation are out to "bleed" every resource and than move on. They can always move their headquarters to other markets and other stock markets or domestic and foreign markets and they probably do.
I believe that is what is happening in this country and I think the housing bubble is a prime example. The economist in this country I am sure were well aware of Japan's housing bubble burst back in 2001 and took note I'm sure. I think real estate financers pushed the limits to get every last cent out of hopeful and very mis-lead consumers.
I'll finish later.. I'm watching "How it's made" about coal mining.
I believe that is what is happening in this country and I think the housing bubble is a prime example. The economist in this country I am sure were well aware of Japan's housing bubble burst back in 2001 and took note I'm sure. I think real estate financers pushed the limits to get every last cent out of hopeful and very mis-lead consumers.
I'll finish later.. I'm watching "How it's made" about coal mining.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Yippee full moon tonight
A major highway is shut down in some parts due to flooding. And most of the river's have not crest yet.
Gas is getting very expensive over $3.00. I have really cut back on my spending and I hope I can maintain that course. I don't mind staying home and watching U-Verse 256 channels. I love my iPhone and laptop so I can stay connected. It's why I have my toys. So, don't need to go out and spend a lot of money on dinners. And I might skip golf most of the time. I don't mind. It adds up.
I still feel buy about not seeing M., I feel bad for her. It's partially why I hooked up with her i the first place. Well, and for me too. My gosh, it had been over a year. I'm only human.
Why we need the touch of another human I don't quite understand. But, it works on your mind after a while. I could be just fine if I didn't feel that way.
But, I think I'm ready for a relationship. It would be nice to have someone to hold at night. But, I hope we are very compatible and suited and I feel at home and at peace and well matched. And truly in awe of this woman. Please no men need apply. I'm a lesbian for gosh sacke! I have enough problems!
Need to read now and I have lots of recorded TV to watch. Trooper Mat Mitchel was very bad driving 126 MPH when he crashed into their car and he's alive and two young girls are dead and I bet he was drunk or sedated because why wouldn't he be dead. Too limber? That's how drunks survive.. to are very limber, flexible. Asshole! Hot dogging it - going after a speeder. I wonder. He's in a wheel chair, but I wonder? They're dead, sisters, teenagers robbed of their lives. Their parents grieving over this idiots unreasonableness.
Why do some people of authority think they are above the law? It goes to their head. Unbelievable!
Gas is getting very expensive over $3.00. I have really cut back on my spending and I hope I can maintain that course. I don't mind staying home and watching U-Verse 256 channels. I love my iPhone and laptop so I can stay connected. It's why I have my toys. So, don't need to go out and spend a lot of money on dinners. And I might skip golf most of the time. I don't mind. It adds up.
I still feel buy about not seeing M., I feel bad for her. It's partially why I hooked up with her i the first place. Well, and for me too. My gosh, it had been over a year. I'm only human.
Why we need the touch of another human I don't quite understand. But, it works on your mind after a while. I could be just fine if I didn't feel that way.
But, I think I'm ready for a relationship. It would be nice to have someone to hold at night. But, I hope we are very compatible and suited and I feel at home and at peace and well matched. And truly in awe of this woman. Please no men need apply. I'm a lesbian for gosh sacke! I have enough problems!
Need to read now and I have lots of recorded TV to watch. Trooper Mat Mitchel was very bad driving 126 MPH when he crashed into their car and he's alive and two young girls are dead and I bet he was drunk or sedated because why wouldn't he be dead. Too limber? That's how drunks survive.. to are very limber, flexible. Asshole! Hot dogging it - going after a speeder. I wonder. He's in a wheel chair, but I wonder? They're dead, sisters, teenagers robbed of their lives. Their parents grieving over this idiots unreasonableness.
Why do some people of authority think they are above the law? It goes to their head. Unbelievable!
I don't know about McCain, or Obama anymore..
He was making a speech on messed up on foreign policy and Lieberman had to help him and then McCain had to repeat himself. So, I don't know about him. And I don't think he looks too good!
And I think this race thing with Preacher Wright has hurt Obama. Hey, I don't think that Obama should have sat there and listened to those hateful sermons since 2001 until as late as December 2007 preaching hate against whites. Hello! That doesn't make me feel warm and fuzy. I remember the reaction to the Simson verdict! If the glove don't fit you must equit and the man was as guilty as sin. The shocked white faces and the cheering black faces, women jumping up and down. I saw it first hand at lunch. The reactions was coupled all over the nation and probably the world. So, could this be a little scary. Could we have reverse discrimination.
I might agree that we deserve it. But, personally, I wasn't around at the time any discrimination took place and I have not done any discrimination. I saw discrimination on our local public transportation where the black female driver shut the door on running up white people but sat and waited at the next stop for the black people to get to the train. Especially the women. They are angry some of them. I mean angry. They have a right to feel anyway they wish. But, it makes me a little uneasy.
So, I don't wish to be but I'm a little uneasy. They want their due, they want their retribution. They want their payback.
Funny how this nation is so concentrated on the election that we have almost totally forgotten about the men and women fighting in Iraq and the thousands of illegal Hispanics slipping into our Southern borders everyday. Interesting!
What this with the breach of Obama's passport file? And Hillary's records have been revealed but evidently they found nothing peritent to work against her. Two contract workers were fired over the breach of his privacy. High level people in the state department were looking into his passport file. I wonder why? Well, now the time to dig up the dirt before we elect him and the Republicans spend the next four years spending tax payers dollars on trying to dig up the dirt on him.
And I think this race thing with Preacher Wright has hurt Obama. Hey, I don't think that Obama should have sat there and listened to those hateful sermons since 2001 until as late as December 2007 preaching hate against whites. Hello! That doesn't make me feel warm and fuzy. I remember the reaction to the Simson verdict! If the glove don't fit you must equit and the man was as guilty as sin. The shocked white faces and the cheering black faces, women jumping up and down. I saw it first hand at lunch. The reactions was coupled all over the nation and probably the world. So, could this be a little scary. Could we have reverse discrimination.
I might agree that we deserve it. But, personally, I wasn't around at the time any discrimination took place and I have not done any discrimination. I saw discrimination on our local public transportation where the black female driver shut the door on running up white people but sat and waited at the next stop for the black people to get to the train. Especially the women. They are angry some of them. I mean angry. They have a right to feel anyway they wish. But, it makes me a little uneasy.
So, I don't wish to be but I'm a little uneasy. They want their due, they want their retribution. They want their payback.
Funny how this nation is so concentrated on the election that we have almost totally forgotten about the men and women fighting in Iraq and the thousands of illegal Hispanics slipping into our Southern borders everyday. Interesting!
What this with the breach of Obama's passport file? And Hillary's records have been revealed but evidently they found nothing peritent to work against her. Two contract workers were fired over the breach of his privacy. High level people in the state department were looking into his passport file. I wonder why? Well, now the time to dig up the dirt before we elect him and the Republicans spend the next four years spending tax payers dollars on trying to dig up the dirt on him.
In the news
Why am I not outside? It's beautiful out. But, I'll be leaving soon to go to meet up with the artist to draw with the group. I'm busy watching the local flood news on MSNBC.
I'll have my iPhone along with me today so I can check the videos during the pose breaks.
I should have walked there, the sun is shinning brightly. But, I'm favoring my knees tonight. I think swimming is hard on them too. The grass will get green now. We have saturated grounds and bright sun shine.
I'm fearful for the levees are breaking. Last night I went with my ex and her girlfriend down to the house to help move furniture, bedding and other things up high onto the second floor. The river was rushing 30 feet away from us with a raging determining sound. Water creeped three feet from the door. The power had been turned off and we an about an hour of daylight to hurry and move things. I was glad to get finished and get out of there. I took some quik pictures with my iPhone.
Driving there we drove through creek water streaming across the road..yeah right, there was little trees on the river side to hold back the car. Yeah right! I think they would have bend or snapped to enable our demise. In after thought I think we were fooling ourselves. The two women who lived there were going to have to drive back that way and other vehicles passd us too. I guess they're use to the river raging high.
I heard on the news that the Meramec river is highest that ever and expected too crest two days from now. Where we were near "the barn" they call it water ran in a steady stream down from the hill side across the road where we parked the car. I love my ex, she left the emergency flasher lights on, on her car. Actually there was much traffic going through there at the time.
They are good people. I think I just needed to be free, I have a few spiritual missions ahead of me and those are involving love, romance and sex. Yes, because that is what I want. And with very attractive, feminine women. Hey, they can be involved in my missions of good well and lesbian knowledge distribution. So many people I hang with have no idea that I am gay.
And the guys make gay jokes. Well, they are pretty harmless gay jokes but never the less. Better watch me, one day I make just open up to them. Of course, I'm conditioned, to be silent about "my condition" which to me is perfectly normal and the way life should be. Hey, it's love at least and - not hate or war (like the church and government and associated media espouse).
Obama is following (42%) following Hillary (49%) this morning in the Gallap polls. I'm for Hillary all the way. Pesonally, I think Obama see himself as the new savior or messiah come to save and unite us. I among others have an uneasy feeling about his relationship with the Rev Wright. Although a wonderful preacher there are kids sitting there listening to words of hate. What do you think goes on in Israel and Iraq and other countries of the middle east? Words of hate of perpetuated generation after generation..so they spin their wheels and kill and accomplish nothing really. The hate has to stop - I agree with Obama on that respect. But why did he associate with this hate preaching Reverent for years? I saw videos of hate speeches dating back to 2001 and the latest in December of 2007 and Obama sat there and listened to this stuff.. so he must have agreed with the reverend. But I will support him if he wins the primaries. It's up to the American people. I do understand where his supporters are coming from and if it doesn't fit you must equit.
I think about the one that I was seeing for about fifteen months. But I hesitate to call her in fear I would give me to lack of common sense side of my brain and invite her over tomorrow and then things would blow up while she was here, because I am not ready or I am "done" with the situation. I still care and have feelings for her but I think the situation should come to a rest and I and she should move on. It will be hard when I see her again at common events. I may have to skip the one near the end of summer; the one that brought us together. I hope I can get through this okay. I need intimacy like every one else. I know, this is a learning situation for me. And no two situations are the same. Oh universe help me.
Obama is trying to make amends. I think white voters were waiting for Obama to repudiate the Rev. Wright but he didn't. So, That that just upped McCain's and Hillary's changes I think and that is what they are saying on MSNBC.
Must go now... later.
I'll have my iPhone along with me today so I can check the videos during the pose breaks.
I should have walked there, the sun is shinning brightly. But, I'm favoring my knees tonight. I think swimming is hard on them too. The grass will get green now. We have saturated grounds and bright sun shine.
I'm fearful for the levees are breaking. Last night I went with my ex and her girlfriend down to the house to help move furniture, bedding and other things up high onto the second floor. The river was rushing 30 feet away from us with a raging determining sound. Water creeped three feet from the door. The power had been turned off and we an about an hour of daylight to hurry and move things. I was glad to get finished and get out of there. I took some quik pictures with my iPhone.
Driving there we drove through creek water streaming across the road..yeah right, there was little trees on the river side to hold back the car. Yeah right! I think they would have bend or snapped to enable our demise. In after thought I think we were fooling ourselves. The two women who lived there were going to have to drive back that way and other vehicles passd us too. I guess they're use to the river raging high.
I heard on the news that the Meramec river is highest that ever and expected too crest two days from now. Where we were near "the barn" they call it water ran in a steady stream down from the hill side across the road where we parked the car. I love my ex, she left the emergency flasher lights on, on her car. Actually there was much traffic going through there at the time.
They are good people. I think I just needed to be free, I have a few spiritual missions ahead of me and those are involving love, romance and sex. Yes, because that is what I want. And with very attractive, feminine women. Hey, they can be involved in my missions of good well and lesbian knowledge distribution. So many people I hang with have no idea that I am gay.
And the guys make gay jokes. Well, they are pretty harmless gay jokes but never the less. Better watch me, one day I make just open up to them. Of course, I'm conditioned, to be silent about "my condition" which to me is perfectly normal and the way life should be. Hey, it's love at least and - not hate or war (like the church and government and associated media espouse).
Obama is following (42%) following Hillary (49%) this morning in the Gallap polls. I'm for Hillary all the way. Pesonally, I think Obama see himself as the new savior or messiah come to save and unite us. I among others have an uneasy feeling about his relationship with the Rev Wright. Although a wonderful preacher there are kids sitting there listening to words of hate. What do you think goes on in Israel and Iraq and other countries of the middle east? Words of hate of perpetuated generation after generation..so they spin their wheels and kill and accomplish nothing really. The hate has to stop - I agree with Obama on that respect. But why did he associate with this hate preaching Reverent for years? I saw videos of hate speeches dating back to 2001 and the latest in December of 2007 and Obama sat there and listened to this stuff.. so he must have agreed with the reverend. But I will support him if he wins the primaries. It's up to the American people. I do understand where his supporters are coming from and if it doesn't fit you must equit.
I think about the one that I was seeing for about fifteen months. But I hesitate to call her in fear I would give me to lack of common sense side of my brain and invite her over tomorrow and then things would blow up while she was here, because I am not ready or I am "done" with the situation. I still care and have feelings for her but I think the situation should come to a rest and I and she should move on. It will be hard when I see her again at common events. I may have to skip the one near the end of summer; the one that brought us together. I hope I can get through this okay. I need intimacy like every one else. I know, this is a learning situation for me. And no two situations are the same. Oh universe help me.
Obama is trying to make amends. I think white voters were waiting for Obama to repudiate the Rev. Wright but he didn't. So, That that just upped McCain's and Hillary's changes I think and that is what they are saying on MSNBC.
Must go now... later.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
A truly magical day..
Of course the day was magical.. I had lunch with my very near young friend. I get a big kick out of her. She's really cool! Has a cool head about her. I met her and her partner through my running group. The group is actually rather spiritual I think for the bad just naturally fall away and the good remain as regular members. Magical!
After lunch I went swimming for forty minutes and worked out on the machine. Right before I was ready to get in to pool and begin swimming. My friend calls and says that the birthday dinner plans for the evening were postponed and that she and my ex were going to a retreat center to put things high out of flood waters reach and did I want to help.
Well, I first instinct was no and that I should go to yoga. But with forty minutes of guilt resolving about saying no to help and feeling guilty about calling off a year and half relationship the forty minutes just flew by. I felt better yet as I worked out on the weight machines. And felt even better yet after I stopped at Trader Joe's and got a container of the dark chocolate covered vanilla bean creams. I had four immediately and felt better.
Yes, don't start eating chocolate. It's very addictive I think. Anyway so I get back home and then call an anti virus company about a problem I had been having and upon getting my rather dubious problems resolved I felt rather good. In fact, real good, and good hearted. So I called my friend and they hadn't left their home yet but was about too and was grateful I changed my mind. Me too. The evening turned out rather nicely although costed me $12.00 but friends are priceless.
We were supposed to go out to dinner this evening to celebrate another friend's birthday, so I saved there, but the flood waters came up instead. So I rode about 30 minutes to a retreat center and helped my ex and her partner set things up high out of the 1993 water level gauge naturally marked on the weight bearing posts in the center of the converted barn to meeting house and sleeping loft bedrooms retreat.
With our McDonald's in hand we drove through creek rushing slightly over the road water. I was nervous, but the stream and the road was narrow with a line of young sappings on the down stream side which would have saved our car for flowing further down into the raging Big River. Yeah like the little trees would have stopped a 4,000 pound car? I was more nervous on the way out as it was getting dark.
When we got nearer the Barn, as they so gracious call it, we could see the rising, angrily flowing big muddy river which was now way out of its banks and only a few feet from the building. We had to hurry to get everything we wanted moved, moved. It worked out well. Nothing left to move was "too" heavy. There had been women down there earlier moving things up to higher places, stacking and putting things on tables.
We were only there for little over an hour and got a lot done. It was fun! So a negative thought for me turned into a fun and rewarding happy time. All in all, in retrospect the day was very magical! I love magical days and asked for them whenever I think of asking.
I love warm hearted days filled with romantic surprises. I am very blessed and I think the universe for all of my many blessings of youthfulness, ability to run half marathon, and thanks in advance for wonderfully, Perfect temperature day, that I know I will have.
Thank you too for my many friends and if they are too busy (one should never be too busy.) to thank you or they forget to thank you for their many blessings please don't hold that against them. They are very warm hearted and hard working and very generous in their time, affections and monetary favors.
Also thanks for keeping us (me too) safe and out of illness and harms way. Please take care of M, I'm slipping out of that relationship.
I hopes are to find someone truly wonderful and war, witty, makes me feel very comfortable, loved, and cared about. Someone feminine, just enough with blonde or light brown hair. I'm really not into completely gray - just yet? She'll be fun and we'll be comfortable with each other and love making love slow and lovingly.
Okay, I'm so sleeply my eyes are falling shut. Thanks again. Yes, I have submitted my "love" request and now I must forget about it and think of futre, and positive thought; and loving thoughts. Love out means love in. Get it?
Our thoughts, dreams, wishes, and desires are very powerful..we just have not realized just how powerful to actually think to tap into our power.
Can't keep my eys open.. It's now Thursday 12:38 AM March 20th (happy birthday, Sandra) 2008. I sent her a birthday email earlier. We'll meet up again next week when she gets back to eat out and celebrate her birthday with flair. Good night!
After lunch I went swimming for forty minutes and worked out on the machine. Right before I was ready to get in to pool and begin swimming. My friend calls and says that the birthday dinner plans for the evening were postponed and that she and my ex were going to a retreat center to put things high out of flood waters reach and did I want to help.
Well, I first instinct was no and that I should go to yoga. But with forty minutes of guilt resolving about saying no to help and feeling guilty about calling off a year and half relationship the forty minutes just flew by. I felt better yet as I worked out on the weight machines. And felt even better yet after I stopped at Trader Joe's and got a container of the dark chocolate covered vanilla bean creams. I had four immediately and felt better.
Yes, don't start eating chocolate. It's very addictive I think. Anyway so I get back home and then call an anti virus company about a problem I had been having and upon getting my rather dubious problems resolved I felt rather good. In fact, real good, and good hearted. So I called my friend and they hadn't left their home yet but was about too and was grateful I changed my mind. Me too. The evening turned out rather nicely although costed me $12.00 but friends are priceless.
We were supposed to go out to dinner this evening to celebrate another friend's birthday, so I saved there, but the flood waters came up instead. So I rode about 30 minutes to a retreat center and helped my ex and her partner set things up high out of the 1993 water level gauge naturally marked on the weight bearing posts in the center of the converted barn to meeting house and sleeping loft bedrooms retreat.
With our McDonald's in hand we drove through creek rushing slightly over the road water. I was nervous, but the stream and the road was narrow with a line of young sappings on the down stream side which would have saved our car for flowing further down into the raging Big River. Yeah like the little trees would have stopped a 4,000 pound car? I was more nervous on the way out as it was getting dark.
When we got nearer the Barn, as they so gracious call it, we could see the rising, angrily flowing big muddy river which was now way out of its banks and only a few feet from the building. We had to hurry to get everything we wanted moved, moved. It worked out well. Nothing left to move was "too" heavy. There had been women down there earlier moving things up to higher places, stacking and putting things on tables.
We were only there for little over an hour and got a lot done. It was fun! So a negative thought for me turned into a fun and rewarding happy time. All in all, in retrospect the day was very magical! I love magical days and asked for them whenever I think of asking.
I love warm hearted days filled with romantic surprises. I am very blessed and I think the universe for all of my many blessings of youthfulness, ability to run half marathon, and thanks in advance for wonderfully, Perfect temperature day, that I know I will have.
Thank you too for my many friends and if they are too busy (one should never be too busy.) to thank you or they forget to thank you for their many blessings please don't hold that against them. They are very warm hearted and hard working and very generous in their time, affections and monetary favors.
Also thanks for keeping us (me too) safe and out of illness and harms way. Please take care of M, I'm slipping out of that relationship.
I hopes are to find someone truly wonderful and war, witty, makes me feel very comfortable, loved, and cared about. Someone feminine, just enough with blonde or light brown hair. I'm really not into completely gray - just yet? She'll be fun and we'll be comfortable with each other and love making love slow and lovingly.
Okay, I'm so sleeply my eyes are falling shut. Thanks again. Yes, I have submitted my "love" request and now I must forget about it and think of futre, and positive thought; and loving thoughts. Love out means love in. Get it?
Our thoughts, dreams, wishes, and desires are very powerful..we just have not realized just how powerful to actually think to tap into our power.
Can't keep my eys open.. It's now Thursday 12:38 AM March 20th (happy birthday, Sandra) 2008. I sent her a birthday email earlier. We'll meet up again next week when she gets back to eat out and celebrate her birthday with flair. Good night!
Monday, March 17, 2008
In the moment
I can't sit still to read "The New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. Or his "The Power of Now". But, I promise I will try to not think about anything but only remain in the present.
We need to send out positive energy. There is too much negativity in the world. And speaking of that I'm feeling rather schattered, and lost. Very lost!
I'm along now. There is no one. There is no one to look forward to holding. I believe we hit our match (for me) in January? I don't know? I tried. I guess why I moved emotionally away she did too. When I was happy, she was happy. She was happy that I had my own life to keep me occupied. She hoped I would never change as she kissed my head. I was a side show. Something she had to do because she couldn't help - the way she was.
Well, I offered my services. I made the first move after she complained of being what? With out for so long. Well, me too but I don't usually publically complain. But on hearing her pour her soul I, like a good Catholic, volunteered, I guess you could say my services. We met up regulary for about a year and a half. This is going to near kill me. How in the hell can I live without "affection".
I finally after so many years...have an affectionate relationship. Well had, I mean. It's gone now. It's going to be hard...very hard.
I don't know what to do. I should stop this. I'm nuts. Completely nuts. I don't feel alive or connected with life...unless I can touch someone - be with some one. I'm a feeling human beings.
I just have the damnest time trying to connect with people. I always want what I can't have. I always some - what is out of reach. I don't know why.
I dumped everything the end of 04.
So anyway - here I go again.
Think, I'll try to read now. I hate hurting people. I need love. It's very hard being around couples...very hard.
But it always seems that if I don't put it out there first - I nevr get it. No one has ever come "to" me. I always had to reach out to others. Well, with Women anyway. Men came to me...but I wasn't interested in men - must have been the chase (the convincing) with them.
We need to send out positive energy. There is too much negativity in the world. And speaking of that I'm feeling rather schattered, and lost. Very lost!
I'm along now. There is no one. There is no one to look forward to holding. I believe we hit our match (for me) in January? I don't know? I tried. I guess why I moved emotionally away she did too. When I was happy, she was happy. She was happy that I had my own life to keep me occupied. She hoped I would never change as she kissed my head. I was a side show. Something she had to do because she couldn't help - the way she was.
Well, I offered my services. I made the first move after she complained of being what? With out for so long. Well, me too but I don't usually publically complain. But on hearing her pour her soul I, like a good Catholic, volunteered, I guess you could say my services. We met up regulary for about a year and a half. This is going to near kill me. How in the hell can I live without "affection".
I finally after so many years...have an affectionate relationship. Well had, I mean. It's gone now. It's going to be hard...very hard.
I don't know what to do. I should stop this. I'm nuts. Completely nuts. I don't feel alive or connected with life...unless I can touch someone - be with some one. I'm a feeling human beings.
I just have the damnest time trying to connect with people. I always want what I can't have. I always some - what is out of reach. I don't know why.
I dumped everything the end of 04.
So anyway - here I go again.
Think, I'll try to read now. I hate hurting people. I need love. It's very hard being around couples...very hard.
But it always seems that if I don't put it out there first - I nevr get it. No one has ever come "to" me. I always had to reach out to others. Well, with Women anyway. Men came to me...but I wasn't interested in men - must have been the chase (the convincing) with them.
I'm sick of this..
I'm so sick of this. One dumb deal after the other. And some people just fall into a pile of shit all the time with good and final relationships.
Good thing I like myself. Oh sure she loves me. She loves sex. She's married. Probably has sex with him too. Has the audacity to sit there and tell me about past relationships, sometimes two at a time. Bragging - is more like it. Either she is naive, arrogant or ignorant. I'm done. I know my friends thought I was a self-destructive fool. My ex has a way of putting it to me straight. She reminded me her partner said way back when "you don't know what the husband is doing either?" Maybe he has over active libido too! She certainly does. She's a top. I guess if you are lesbian you know what that needs. She's butch. I'm tired!
I can get into myself very easily. But, I need to concerntrate on not thinking about love, sex or relationship. Okay, I had a mid life crisis - some like to call it. A wake up call? Some people get sick, I fell in love with a doctor... out of reach. I guess people think that I'm a fool.
Yeah, but I'm a free fool. Guess I better get std, HIV, HPV the next time I see my doctor (it's a different one - not the one from above paragraph.
Oh, well, another bites the dust. I just ended it. I think totally. I can't think totally or finally, or I will go sexually crazy. I need intimacy and sex.
I wish the world wasn't so ignorant about maintaining the current social standards (in other words, condemning homosexuality). There is nothing wrong with being gay. Frankly I think about 35 or 45 percent of married people are gay....they're just living the straight life for church, family, friends, and society.
Just as I over look gay jokes at my art gathering with older people. Maybe next time. I'll just admit it - I'm gay. Think they'll stop speaking to me. Now, I'm a mystery - they just don't now what to think because I never talk about a husband or my kids as they do. Hey, I'm not "normal" through no fault of my own. It's the society, especially the church, that has a sick attitude where homosexuality is concerned. Still ostracizing, still segregating, still being basis and prejudice. Hey, so much for the "cherible, live thy neighbor, church. I hate the church, any church. I hate all of them. Bunch of hypocrites.
Good thing I like myself. Oh sure she loves me. She loves sex. She's married. Probably has sex with him too. Has the audacity to sit there and tell me about past relationships, sometimes two at a time. Bragging - is more like it. Either she is naive, arrogant or ignorant. I'm done. I know my friends thought I was a self-destructive fool. My ex has a way of putting it to me straight. She reminded me her partner said way back when "you don't know what the husband is doing either?" Maybe he has over active libido too! She certainly does. She's a top. I guess if you are lesbian you know what that needs. She's butch. I'm tired!
I can get into myself very easily. But, I need to concerntrate on not thinking about love, sex or relationship. Okay, I had a mid life crisis - some like to call it. A wake up call? Some people get sick, I fell in love with a doctor... out of reach. I guess people think that I'm a fool.
Yeah, but I'm a free fool. Guess I better get std, HIV, HPV the next time I see my doctor (it's a different one - not the one from above paragraph.
Oh, well, another bites the dust. I just ended it. I think totally. I can't think totally or finally, or I will go sexually crazy. I need intimacy and sex.
I wish the world wasn't so ignorant about maintaining the current social standards (in other words, condemning homosexuality). There is nothing wrong with being gay. Frankly I think about 35 or 45 percent of married people are gay....they're just living the straight life for church, family, friends, and society.
Just as I over look gay jokes at my art gathering with older people. Maybe next time. I'll just admit it - I'm gay. Think they'll stop speaking to me. Now, I'm a mystery - they just don't now what to think because I never talk about a husband or my kids as they do. Hey, I'm not "normal" through no fault of my own. It's the society, especially the church, that has a sick attitude where homosexuality is concerned. Still ostracizing, still segregating, still being basis and prejudice. Hey, so much for the "cherible, live thy neighbor, church. I hate the church, any church. I hate all of them. Bunch of hypocrites.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
So much for me preaching and giving
any advance. I'm pretty sad this evening as I type this and wait for my tint application to my hair to process. I've just watch last Sunday's L Word (Showtime) again. And now I sit and now I write.
Maybe while I sit here I'll work on my book...later.
Maybe while I sit here I'll work on my book...later.
Breaks My Heart...
Life is so painful. I hate hurting her. I suggested we take a step back. I had included her in with my activities and friends. I feel very bad. I don't think she had any lesbian friends - anymore.
I feel really bad. She was hinting at another trip next summer towards fall. I can't do it. She's married. She's 61 but she is married. Not that age has really anything to do with it. We got together initially for sex. She hinted and I took her up on it...pretty much like that.
I broke her heart and I made her very sad and that makes me feel like crap! I wish I could make everybody happy. (I think I made my ex happy - I'm very glad she is happy and is still my closest friend). God I hate hurting people.
I'm not only crying for her I'm crying a bit for me too. It just wasn't a good fit from the get go. Okay, I was a little sexual deprived then (as she). It started out as an afternoon delight. But then before I knew it..she was talking and then before I knew it, we were planning a vacation.. that was last July when we planned a vacation for this past February, 08. Which we took.
I feel for her. I really do. It went okay. We are just not a good match. Well, I guess she thinks so. I broke her heart. She told me she loves me. I hurt her and she just got up got dressed and left. (Oh, she never stays the night...not that she was planning on it). It's a wonder she could be gone for a week. Oh he knew. She says he knew, anyway.
Well, Ezekiel, Edy and Georgette please help her; and please help me! It would be nice if I had someone I could hold all night. A good fit. Someone just like the good doctor. Please?
God, I may never had sex again....you know that's a real worry. I might go crazy. But, part of the deal, I asked M if we could take the relationship back to where it was - an afternoon delight. and for about a year it worked out fine. I was fine. But then in June I invited her along to an outing with my friends. And in July she initiated and we began and planned the February trip. So I invited her to a thing in September, and other little things in between. But the vacation was hard.
Even if I did really care about her..she's married. Let's just say there wasn't enough love there to support that. Now if she was someone like the good doctor.. an after noon delight would be worth it and just fine. But M is butch and I don't do butch. (that's true about butch in the street and fem in the sheets - really). I know this is much to much information. Sorry!
Just be glad you are straight! At least you don't have to feel bad about that too! I just feel bad all the way around. I was raised Catholic..that's an automatic guilt trip from day one. And pleasing others is more important than pleasing yourself. Life is hard here!
And people are afraid of dying? This is where hell is!
I hurt her and I am terribly sorry for that. I feel horrible! I broke her heart. She had to have seen the signs. And I feel bad for me too. I lost a traveling companion before I even had one. I like traveling companions that I can have sex with. We just didn't connect and I am so sorry. I know she was really reaching...because I wasn't very warm. And I am so sorry for that.
Will I ever stop hurting the woman I get involved with. It's hard to be me. In love with fanthom lovers. Daydreaming of woman totalling out of reach. Am I just freigning nuts? At this age I should have my brians in place. All my friends are in relationships. I messed mine up.
Maybe some day. I'll meet her. Oh why was I born too soon? All these wonderful younger women out there.. so sweet and so feminine. It's the older "nun" crowd. The "flannel" crowd that I can't digest. (I probably just made a bunch of enemies) but that is all there is out there in the lesbian crowd - close to my age. I'm not kidding. It's the younger ones 40 and younger that allow themselves to be out and be themselves and more fem. I think the more fem of the older lesbians just stayed married and miserable. No, really! They live in unhappy denial I think. It's sad.
So, I'm very much alone. Guess I better suck it up. It's going to be a long dry spell probably. Oh god, universe, Ezekiel, Edy, and Gorgette please help me. And Ezekiel, why did you tell M that I would be there for her for a very long time? Why? Well, that was last August and I guess I hadn't incorporated her into my world as much. I don't know. But I'm worried and scared and sad.
Another kick in the gut to over come. Please help me. I tried! I tried! I tried! I feel as if I have just given up everything... like I did in fall of 04 when I ended my 15 year relationship. It gets harder and harder.
I'm sorry but M is just not for me. Please help me. I meant to help her and make her happy (will, and me too - so I thought). Please help her too. I'm so sorry!
I told her it wasn't her situation at all... I just don't do relationships. That we need to back this up to an afernoon delight. And that is where I left it. I did hurt her because she liked my friends. She liked hanging out with me. It's me I changed my mind. I don't want us to be a "couple".
I feel really bad. She was hinting at another trip next summer towards fall. I can't do it. She's married. She's 61 but she is married. Not that age has really anything to do with it. We got together initially for sex. She hinted and I took her up on it...pretty much like that.
I broke her heart and I made her very sad and that makes me feel like crap! I wish I could make everybody happy. (I think I made my ex happy - I'm very glad she is happy and is still my closest friend). God I hate hurting people.
I'm not only crying for her I'm crying a bit for me too. It just wasn't a good fit from the get go. Okay, I was a little sexual deprived then (as she). It started out as an afternoon delight. But then before I knew it..she was talking and then before I knew it, we were planning a vacation.. that was last July when we planned a vacation for this past February, 08. Which we took.
I feel for her. I really do. It went okay. We are just not a good match. Well, I guess she thinks so. I broke her heart. She told me she loves me. I hurt her and she just got up got dressed and left. (Oh, she never stays the night...not that she was planning on it). It's a wonder she could be gone for a week. Oh he knew. She says he knew, anyway.
Well, Ezekiel, Edy and Georgette please help her; and please help me! It would be nice if I had someone I could hold all night. A good fit. Someone just like the good doctor. Please?
God, I may never had sex again....you know that's a real worry. I might go crazy. But, part of the deal, I asked M if we could take the relationship back to where it was - an afternoon delight. and for about a year it worked out fine. I was fine. But then in June I invited her along to an outing with my friends. And in July she initiated and we began and planned the February trip. So I invited her to a thing in September, and other little things in between. But the vacation was hard.
Even if I did really care about her..she's married. Let's just say there wasn't enough love there to support that. Now if she was someone like the good doctor.. an after noon delight would be worth it and just fine. But M is butch and I don't do butch. (that's true about butch in the street and fem in the sheets - really). I know this is much to much information. Sorry!
Just be glad you are straight! At least you don't have to feel bad about that too! I just feel bad all the way around. I was raised Catholic..that's an automatic guilt trip from day one. And pleasing others is more important than pleasing yourself. Life is hard here!
And people are afraid of dying? This is where hell is!
I hurt her and I am terribly sorry for that. I feel horrible! I broke her heart. She had to have seen the signs. And I feel bad for me too. I lost a traveling companion before I even had one. I like traveling companions that I can have sex with. We just didn't connect and I am so sorry. I know she was really reaching...because I wasn't very warm. And I am so sorry for that.
Will I ever stop hurting the woman I get involved with. It's hard to be me. In love with fanthom lovers. Daydreaming of woman totalling out of reach. Am I just freigning nuts? At this age I should have my brians in place. All my friends are in relationships. I messed mine up.
Maybe some day. I'll meet her. Oh why was I born too soon? All these wonderful younger women out there.. so sweet and so feminine. It's the older "nun" crowd. The "flannel" crowd that I can't digest. (I probably just made a bunch of enemies) but that is all there is out there in the lesbian crowd - close to my age. I'm not kidding. It's the younger ones 40 and younger that allow themselves to be out and be themselves and more fem. I think the more fem of the older lesbians just stayed married and miserable. No, really! They live in unhappy denial I think. It's sad.
So, I'm very much alone. Guess I better suck it up. It's going to be a long dry spell probably. Oh god, universe, Ezekiel, Edy, and Gorgette please help me. And Ezekiel, why did you tell M that I would be there for her for a very long time? Why? Well, that was last August and I guess I hadn't incorporated her into my world as much. I don't know. But I'm worried and scared and sad.
Another kick in the gut to over come. Please help me. I tried! I tried! I tried! I feel as if I have just given up everything... like I did in fall of 04 when I ended my 15 year relationship. It gets harder and harder.
I'm sorry but M is just not for me. Please help me. I meant to help her and make her happy (will, and me too - so I thought). Please help her too. I'm so sorry!
I told her it wasn't her situation at all... I just don't do relationships. That we need to back this up to an afernoon delight. And that is where I left it. I did hurt her because she liked my friends. She liked hanging out with me. It's me I changed my mind. I don't want us to be a "couple".
Artsy
It's Saturday morning and in a few minutes I need to leave and drive about 20 minutes to a nearby college to meet with an art group of mostly older people.
Why do they seem so much older than me? My thinking I guess, or theirs. I feel in my forties and hopefully look it good. (Hm..just saw a runner go by..that could have been me if I would have gotten up and out sooner. Well, too late now. I did do some yoga poses). Anyway, it is their mind set I believe that makes them appear older. Old, married, straight, grandkids, the men are kidders and joke around like I'm sure they have all their lives. Entertaining.
They probably don't have a clue about me...gay as can be. I've never really shared my life or feelings generally speaking. Well, I'm different. I'm an abolination. A sinner of the church.
Religion and the church has made my life miserable! So my life explodes in bursts. I tell a doctor I love her and make an ass of myself. Worse than that, I still love her. I just want to hold her heart close to mind.
Sounds sick? Any religion commends it; but war is okay to gain more religious, political, economic, territory, or oil. Then war and the murdering, dismembering, and rape is okay in the name of the church.
And I'm ashamed for loving her? Couldn't look her in the eye. I knew it was so wrong. If I wouldn't be gay I could have handled it differly. While. I never should have done what I did. I never bothers; it never occured to me to check out her status. I was dying. I never should have done that to her. She hurt for me (cause I'm an idiot!).
I (don't say pray) send powerful spiritual energy her way and my love. I believe that at the time I was on so kind of spiritual mission for another reason in 2004-2005 (that time frame) coming to a peak in 2006-2007. And now I linger. My love for her lingers and I have no idea why.
Oh and again to appease me or drive me more crazy I see tib bits on her on TV...just recently. And I never watch the evening news at five on five. But I looked up and there she was. But more serious and more worn. Her eyes lost some shine. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. I still love her. I my head I picture her - when I picture her - see her - and that is often I see her the way she is now. And my heart aches. Odd how that feeling lingers long after the mission that I was on was, I believe, accomplished.
I'm going to tell the story one more time. I believe that since I went and spoke with a channeled spirit, Ezekiel, that a deceased soul saw that and took opportunity of that to try to be reunited with her also deceased partner of 30 years (on earth
Why do they seem so much older than me? My thinking I guess, or theirs. I feel in my forties and hopefully look it good. (Hm..just saw a runner go by..that could have been me if I would have gotten up and out sooner. Well, too late now. I did do some yoga poses). Anyway, it is their mind set I believe that makes them appear older. Old, married, straight, grandkids, the men are kidders and joke around like I'm sure they have all their lives. Entertaining.
They probably don't have a clue about me...gay as can be. I've never really shared my life or feelings generally speaking. Well, I'm different. I'm an abolination. A sinner of the church.
Religion and the church has made my life miserable! So my life explodes in bursts. I tell a doctor I love her and make an ass of myself. Worse than that, I still love her. I just want to hold her heart close to mind.
Sounds sick? Any religion commends it; but war is okay to gain more religious, political, economic, territory, or oil. Then war and the murdering, dismembering, and rape is okay in the name of the church.
And I'm ashamed for loving her? Couldn't look her in the eye. I knew it was so wrong. If I wouldn't be gay I could have handled it differly. While. I never should have done what I did. I never bothers; it never occured to me to check out her status. I was dying. I never should have done that to her. She hurt for me (cause I'm an idiot!).
I (don't say pray) send powerful spiritual energy her way and my love. I believe that at the time I was on so kind of spiritual mission for another reason in 2004-2005 (that time frame) coming to a peak in 2006-2007. And now I linger. My love for her lingers and I have no idea why.
Oh and again to appease me or drive me more crazy I see tib bits on her on TV...just recently. And I never watch the evening news at five on five. But I looked up and there she was. But more serious and more worn. Her eyes lost some shine. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. I still love her. I my head I picture her - when I picture her - see her - and that is often I see her the way she is now. And my heart aches. Odd how that feeling lingers long after the mission that I was on was, I believe, accomplished.
I'm going to tell the story one more time. I believe that since I went and spoke with a channeled spirit, Ezekiel, that a deceased soul saw that and took opportunity of that to try to be reunited with her also deceased partner of 30 years (on earth
Friday, March 14, 2008
A Need to Extend Participants Age Groups
Yes, just saw a age 101 guy on TV who just finished a half marathon and is now in training to run a marathon.
I don't know when he started running. But I begin this was his first half marathon. Imight be wrong. His name is Buster he courts a beard and a funny red hat and likes to slud down a pint of dark beer sometimes before a race.
You have to love it. Sometime to aspire to in my old age. Actually, it made me rather excited to see such activities are possible. If he can do it then I can do it. Buster has two personal trainers. I guess after one gets worn out he engages the other. It sounds to me that he works out a lot.
I saw a video piece and he seems very agile and flexible for age 101. Frankly, I couldn't believe it. It was think, tall, straight backed, and like I said appeared very flexible.
Yes, there is hope for us all! Again I'm excited! I'm 60 and I (look) and feel in my 40's . No really. What is great about my age besides not having periods. There is a god! And have Prempro as my only prescribed drug. Now that is something to brag about.
So, if 40 is the new 60, then 80 would be the new 100. But he appears where younger than 80. He moved better than some 60 some year olds that I know. No kidding!
Man, I'm never going to stop taking Glucosamine Chondroitin. The stuff is fabulous. What it does it keep joints, connecting tissue and bones lubricated. An excellent discovery for me.
In my thirties I played tennis, some racket ball, ran, danced and rode bicycle. I truly think tennis and probably dancing hurt my knees. They hurt then but they do not hurt now. I think it was the twisting motion and sudden starts and stops of tennis and the drag between floor and shoe and the twists of swing dancing. Which I love to do.
Anyway, I am very grateful for my good health, safety, and abilities to keep active. Trust me, I know that I am very fortunate and blessed. Thank you, universe! Thank you special spiritual friends on the other side: Ezekiel, Edy and Georgette.
I have two things I could have done this evening. I love my friends dearly. But, I was in a mood to stay at home, save money, and draw and watch recorded TV. I did all the above. I also sang and played my guitar, played four different polkas that I think I'm working on to get nice a smooth for the annual float trip. Yes, I think this year besides singing and playing guitar around the campfire. After I do that, I'll liven things up and play a few polkas.
Also, I have something else to be excited about. A fellow Thursday afternoon group artist has a small gallery in the CWE. And is having a showing March 21st through the 23rd. She asked me for a couple of my pictures to show. I can't tell you how faltered I am she even asked. I've never had an art lesson in my life. But, I'm learning so much from fellow artist. I prefer portraits and live models. I'm not much on scenery. Maybe some day but not right now. I find the human factor so much more interesting. I wish to capture their soul through their eyes. That's my artistic goal. To capture their souls through their eyes. I'm excited! And once again, I thank the universe for my abilities, talents, gifts, my good eye Ezekiel said I had.
You know a few months back in August when I took M to speak with Ezekiel, (my mission, so she could speak to Edy and have Ezekiel help Edy reunite Edy with Georgette. They had been partner in this life for 35 years). Anyway, at that time Ezekiel told me, when she spoke to me, when it was my turn, that I would sell my art and that I would make a lot of money. And that when I began selling, it would really take off. When I got home and listened to the tape. I was thinking maybe he meant that I would spend a lot of money on art (supplies).
Anyway, I'm excited to have two pieces shown at the tiny with gallery Studio 449 Euclid. One is an Asian girl (portrait) and the other is a young woman's profile (rather rounded and a little different looking). Anyway, the studio host picked those two out of the six or seven I had framed up. The other ladies are showing two also. Listen these woman are very talents and have been at it for a long time. They have received awards from the artist guild when they have displayed their stuff there. So, just pray, my stuff doesn't look ridiculous next to theirs. Just hope it blends in. There are two more pencil or charcoal sketches being shown. So hopefully, mine fixs in with the bunch. I love my craft.
I may sculpture again soon. I have three pieces of soapstone. Last summer I attended a sculpturing workshop for a week at the botanical gardens. There were two sculptures form Kimbabwe. I loved what I did. I felt so fortunate to have pieced the best stone. When I walked up to the few pieces of stone to pick one I knew I wanted to sculptor a bust or head, an African head. And yes, there was the stone. It was truly magical. The temperature that week was in the 100's and of course we were stationed outside under a large tent; we have fans and it wasn't really bad at all. I loved it! The Serpentine stone was perfect for the project. After waxed it was a dark brown. Perfect! Other people's stones turned out gray more; so I feel very fortunate that I picked one that turned out to be brown. Also, when I picked up the stone. Which happened to be head size, there was a part that was rather flat, like cheeks, and I could see a possible nose. Toward the would be back it was rounded enough and curved in naturally to form the nape of the head before slimming down toward the neck. It was perfect. I didn't have to chip much (tool were included in the fee) and ruffed up to form (with an attachment to the other side of the hammer) and filed and then really sanded a lot from 80 grade gradually up to 600, then 1500 for a bit. Then on Friday it was heated and wax and buffed.
We have a great group of people in the workshop. My friend just happen to be there that week to do it too. It was great! We had a great time!
So I thank the universe for my many blessings. Can you tell I had a great conversation with my ex today. I think I was missing her. At least once a week, I have to talk to her. I love her and always will. She is family to me. I can't imagine my life without her. And she is very happy with her partner now of probably close to three years. I think for about two years it was long distance, when her partner lived in another state. And now already almost a year that her partner has been up here living with her. I hope they always live nearby. I like her partner. They are very well suited.
Now for me. I split up us. I think I did her a favor. I recently told my friends that. But I was at a function where my ex was with her, her partner. And they were really enjoying themselves. They do a lot of volunteering and things like that together. I'm glad she is happy. And in a way nothing has changed between us. We can still have great conversations about - just about anything. So, it's very cool!
Now for me? Well, that's another situation. I have a tendency to want what I can't have. I aim my sights a little too high, like a plane in the sky. But, that's another day, another entry, and besides I've written about her before. She will always be in my heart too. If I can't have her, then I want someone as loving, warm and wonderful as the good doctor. We had such a wonderful moment. Sometimes wonderful loving moments only take a moment, but can last many life times. I will always love her!
I'm excited about this lifetime. But, I hope I can take some experience and knowledge with me from this lifetime into the next. I guess I want a head start! I like the way I am now. I could be less shy and more brave. But, anyway, in my next life, I will be a lesbian again and I hope my then society will have caught up with the idea! We are just a wee bit backward in that department. My mother will be very loving (like the good doctor) and father will be warm and loving too (I never had any of that in either). They will both we well educated and very professional. They will be behind me in whatever career I pursue be it in the arts or in science. I doubt I would ever want to be a lawyer. But you never know. I will enjoy my work! For sure! I will be an active lesbian at a very young age and have wonderful loves. I will be confident, cute, brilliant, talents, giving, loving and very happy and not scare. There! Everything I didn't have in this life. Well, I am cute, healthy and active. I will be very health conscious and active in my next life too. See that is why I want to carry forward some things I enjoyed in this life or didn't get in this life. In a way I can't wait to experience my new life. But, I do have a few very good years left ..as long as I look good and I am healthy and active.
Universe thanks for all of my many blessings. And thanks for helping me realize the spiritual world is just a thought away. See I did Edy a favor which I enjoyed doing. She had a wonderful way of leading me to M. Oh in retrospect I recall days where I was extremely confident and sure footed (I love that feeling). And the days felt magical, as it was happening, although, even though, I wasn't quite sure what was going on. I prayed for the days to be magical and they were. Anyway in retrospect I have helped people (souls) who are here on earth and on the other side (Edy). It was fun - it still is fun! Life is magical.
So why is the good doctor still on my mind so much? Not long ago I learned that she asked about me (us my ex and I). When I was told I felt lifted off the ground at least five feet. I was flying high the whole week. To think she even remembered me (9/20/04) and then to ask about me. And my friend said she was genuinely concerned. Oh how I love her! I pray for her too, that she is happy, healthy, loves her life. I miss her terribly at times. Her arms around me. My heart ached. Her heart ached. Wow, what a moment we had! Yes, sometimes one magical moment can last many lifetimes. What a wonderful, warm heart. Wow! If only....
I don't know when he started running. But I begin this was his first half marathon. Imight be wrong. His name is Buster he courts a beard and a funny red hat and likes to slud down a pint of dark beer sometimes before a race.
You have to love it. Sometime to aspire to in my old age. Actually, it made me rather excited to see such activities are possible. If he can do it then I can do it. Buster has two personal trainers. I guess after one gets worn out he engages the other. It sounds to me that he works out a lot.
I saw a video piece and he seems very agile and flexible for age 101. Frankly, I couldn't believe it. It was think, tall, straight backed, and like I said appeared very flexible.
Yes, there is hope for us all! Again I'm excited! I'm 60 and I (look) and feel in my 40's . No really. What is great about my age besides not having periods. There is a god! And have Prempro as my only prescribed drug. Now that is something to brag about.
So, if 40 is the new 60, then 80 would be the new 100. But he appears where younger than 80. He moved better than some 60 some year olds that I know. No kidding!
Man, I'm never going to stop taking Glucosamine Chondroitin. The stuff is fabulous. What it does it keep joints, connecting tissue and bones lubricated. An excellent discovery for me.
In my thirties I played tennis, some racket ball, ran, danced and rode bicycle. I truly think tennis and probably dancing hurt my knees. They hurt then but they do not hurt now. I think it was the twisting motion and sudden starts and stops of tennis and the drag between floor and shoe and the twists of swing dancing. Which I love to do.
Anyway, I am very grateful for my good health, safety, and abilities to keep active. Trust me, I know that I am very fortunate and blessed. Thank you, universe! Thank you special spiritual friends on the other side: Ezekiel, Edy and Georgette.
I have two things I could have done this evening. I love my friends dearly. But, I was in a mood to stay at home, save money, and draw and watch recorded TV. I did all the above. I also sang and played my guitar, played four different polkas that I think I'm working on to get nice a smooth for the annual float trip. Yes, I think this year besides singing and playing guitar around the campfire. After I do that, I'll liven things up and play a few polkas.
Also, I have something else to be excited about. A fellow Thursday afternoon group artist has a small gallery in the CWE. And is having a showing March 21st through the 23rd. She asked me for a couple of my pictures to show. I can't tell you how faltered I am she even asked. I've never had an art lesson in my life. But, I'm learning so much from fellow artist. I prefer portraits and live models. I'm not much on scenery. Maybe some day but not right now. I find the human factor so much more interesting. I wish to capture their soul through their eyes. That's my artistic goal. To capture their souls through their eyes. I'm excited! And once again, I thank the universe for my abilities, talents, gifts, my good eye Ezekiel said I had.
You know a few months back in August when I took M to speak with Ezekiel, (my mission, so she could speak to Edy and have Ezekiel help Edy reunite Edy with Georgette. They had been partner in this life for 35 years). Anyway, at that time Ezekiel told me, when she spoke to me, when it was my turn, that I would sell my art and that I would make a lot of money. And that when I began selling, it would really take off. When I got home and listened to the tape. I was thinking maybe he meant that I would spend a lot of money on art (supplies).
Anyway, I'm excited to have two pieces shown at the tiny with gallery Studio 449 Euclid. One is an Asian girl (portrait) and the other is a young woman's profile (rather rounded and a little different looking). Anyway, the studio host picked those two out of the six or seven I had framed up. The other ladies are showing two also. Listen these woman are very talents and have been at it for a long time. They have received awards from the artist guild when they have displayed their stuff there. So, just pray, my stuff doesn't look ridiculous next to theirs. Just hope it blends in. There are two more pencil or charcoal sketches being shown. So hopefully, mine fixs in with the bunch. I love my craft.
I may sculpture again soon. I have three pieces of soapstone. Last summer I attended a sculpturing workshop for a week at the botanical gardens. There were two sculptures form Kimbabwe. I loved what I did. I felt so fortunate to have pieced the best stone. When I walked up to the few pieces of stone to pick one I knew I wanted to sculptor a bust or head, an African head. And yes, there was the stone. It was truly magical. The temperature that week was in the 100's and of course we were stationed outside under a large tent; we have fans and it wasn't really bad at all. I loved it! The Serpentine stone was perfect for the project. After waxed it was a dark brown. Perfect! Other people's stones turned out gray more; so I feel very fortunate that I picked one that turned out to be brown. Also, when I picked up the stone. Which happened to be head size, there was a part that was rather flat, like cheeks, and I could see a possible nose. Toward the would be back it was rounded enough and curved in naturally to form the nape of the head before slimming down toward the neck. It was perfect. I didn't have to chip much (tool were included in the fee) and ruffed up to form (with an attachment to the other side of the hammer) and filed and then really sanded a lot from 80 grade gradually up to 600, then 1500 for a bit. Then on Friday it was heated and wax and buffed.
We have a great group of people in the workshop. My friend just happen to be there that week to do it too. It was great! We had a great time!
So I thank the universe for my many blessings. Can you tell I had a great conversation with my ex today. I think I was missing her. At least once a week, I have to talk to her. I love her and always will. She is family to me. I can't imagine my life without her. And she is very happy with her partner now of probably close to three years. I think for about two years it was long distance, when her partner lived in another state. And now already almost a year that her partner has been up here living with her. I hope they always live nearby. I like her partner. They are very well suited.
Now for me. I split up us. I think I did her a favor. I recently told my friends that. But I was at a function where my ex was with her, her partner. And they were really enjoying themselves. They do a lot of volunteering and things like that together. I'm glad she is happy. And in a way nothing has changed between us. We can still have great conversations about - just about anything. So, it's very cool!
Now for me? Well, that's another situation. I have a tendency to want what I can't have. I aim my sights a little too high, like a plane in the sky. But, that's another day, another entry, and besides I've written about her before. She will always be in my heart too. If I can't have her, then I want someone as loving, warm and wonderful as the good doctor. We had such a wonderful moment. Sometimes wonderful loving moments only take a moment, but can last many life times. I will always love her!
I'm excited about this lifetime. But, I hope I can take some experience and knowledge with me from this lifetime into the next. I guess I want a head start! I like the way I am now. I could be less shy and more brave. But, anyway, in my next life, I will be a lesbian again and I hope my then society will have caught up with the idea! We are just a wee bit backward in that department. My mother will be very loving (like the good doctor) and father will be warm and loving too (I never had any of that in either). They will both we well educated and very professional. They will be behind me in whatever career I pursue be it in the arts or in science. I doubt I would ever want to be a lawyer. But you never know. I will enjoy my work! For sure! I will be an active lesbian at a very young age and have wonderful loves. I will be confident, cute, brilliant, talents, giving, loving and very happy and not scare. There! Everything I didn't have in this life. Well, I am cute, healthy and active. I will be very health conscious and active in my next life too. See that is why I want to carry forward some things I enjoyed in this life or didn't get in this life. In a way I can't wait to experience my new life. But, I do have a few very good years left ..as long as I look good and I am healthy and active.
Universe thanks for all of my many blessings. And thanks for helping me realize the spiritual world is just a thought away. See I did Edy a favor which I enjoyed doing. She had a wonderful way of leading me to M. Oh in retrospect I recall days where I was extremely confident and sure footed (I love that feeling). And the days felt magical, as it was happening, although, even though, I wasn't quite sure what was going on. I prayed for the days to be magical and they were. Anyway in retrospect I have helped people (souls) who are here on earth and on the other side (Edy). It was fun - it still is fun! Life is magical.
So why is the good doctor still on my mind so much? Not long ago I learned that she asked about me (us my ex and I). When I was told I felt lifted off the ground at least five feet. I was flying high the whole week. To think she even remembered me (9/20/04) and then to ask about me. And my friend said she was genuinely concerned. Oh how I love her! I pray for her too, that she is happy, healthy, loves her life. I miss her terribly at times. Her arms around me. My heart ached. Her heart ached. Wow, what a moment we had! Yes, sometimes one magical moment can last many lifetimes. What a wonderful, warm heart. Wow! If only....
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