I'm Praying..

I'm praying already for my friend is is going to be driving this weekend. I want her to get there and back in one piece.

She's the one who fell asleep two exits before she was home while driving in the left lane. She was awoken by a semi nipping her passenger side mirror. The crash of the mirror woke her up. I think it was her guardian angel who slammed that mirror back.

She didn't have much sleep the night before. Well, she is making this trip after working all day. She is going directly after work and driving for six hours.

I'm praying already so she has a complete happy, loving and safe weekend.

I adore her! I love her eyes and the way she laughs at my silly comments and jokes. She is priceless! So, I'm praying!

Why suits?

Why do late night talk show hosts have to wear suits? They are dressed for a funeral at a comedy event.

They look too stiff. Too business like. One Friday evening Jay Leno wore jeans and a beige sport jacket. I loved it.

I wonder if I email him at NBC.com if he'll get the message.

Come on - go comfy! It's a relaxed show - be relaxed your audience certainly is.

Jay Leno asked how fat are we getting in this country? A commercial airplane blew all it's tires when it landed today. So, he asked just how fat are we getting? I thought is was amusing.

Cloudy and Cool!

I love this below average cloudy and cool weather. I love it! It was cloudy and cool and I ran and biked today.

This evening meeting with seven of my running/walking group we huddled under a huge patio umbrella as we waited out a hard shower of rain. And just as quick as they came the showers moved on just when it was time for us to begin our runs and walks. Perfect! Then the sun came out for a bit. I love this weather!

Tomorrow promises to be the same.

Heart 2 Heart with a new Friend

I had a heart to heart with a new friend with evening. We know each other better. But bringing up the past made me a little sad.

I tuned into the 80's sounds on cable and that didn't help...I was living the straight life then, but in love with a woman. Those songs brought back memories of hidden desire and pain in thinking that I could never have her or be close to her. Friends? Yes. Lovers? Never! They never knew how I really felt about them. I never chanced it or risked losing their friendship or being ostracized from "the group". So I hide my true feelings (the church, society and government would be so proud!).

Anyway, my new friend knows me better now. We talked of relationships and loves lost. No wonder everyone is afraid and skeptical. Loving can be painful.

I'll take the pain any day. You can't hurt if you never truly loved.

Anyway, I need to move on and think about something else. I still love my past loves lost, the women that is. I can't remember the men - to long ago and I never truly loved them. I was just doing what society, religion and the government told me to do. I couldn't connect with a man not like I could with a woman.

I'm better now! I'm taking back what was lost to me. I was robbed of my 20's and 30's when I could have been with a woman but society, religion and the government dictated who I could love or not love. What an atrocity to humanness.

In the spirit world, if ever you should have a clue, there is no gender nor age only love.

I'm way ahead of the game and from here society, religion and the government look like something from back watered stone aged societies. Ignorant - you look ignorant. Like puppets who can't think for themselves or reason, so they follow idiots for leaders who only have the need to rule over peons. The leaders make up silly rules for you to follow. The rules need to be almost impossible to follow so that way they can "fix" you. You give "them" a purpose; oh, and your money. If people were only wise; but they prey on your ignorance and you are there for them. If there were no followers, they couldn't lead; so in all reality YOU have the true power only you don't know it.

And truly the real power lies within you; in your divinity. We are all connected on the quantum physics level. We can create our own realities. You don't think so? Listen to how many people reach a certain age and say "I'm old, I can't do that!". First of all "can't" means "you don't want to". And your body hears every word you say.

We are as old as we want to be. "Oh yeah, my friend says. Tell my knees that!" Well, see! Just listen to what she said. She wants to be old! She expects to be "old" at a certain age and therefore she is.

Me? I'm 30 years old. I missed out on my thirties as a lesbian, so I'm reclaiming my thirties. And I"m having a blast! I"m meeting lots of new people and gaining many friends. I'm healthy, active, happy and loved. I have no aches pains or complaints. I'm active. I run, bicycle do yoga and love it. Exercise is key! I know that I am fortunate and I am grateful and thank the universe everyday. I worship my body; this wonderful gift that I have and I take care of it. I am blessed.

So, you tell yourself you are old if you wish; I wish not too. Remember, you are your thoughts!

I wanted this evening to be magical and really it was..from the rain shower as we gathered under a huge umbrella. To the shower ended just as our normal start time approached.

I asked the evening to be magical. I really didn't know if I wanted to ask her out or not. Maybe see what she is up to. She is interested I think. No matter what happens I think we will be close. We talk easily. We talked for a long time afterwards, getting to know each other.

She knows what makes my heart tick and she is sensitive herself. I can see us coming together, I think.

She is interested in how I spend my time and who I see. And she wondered about my relationship with my ex. I think she felt more secure in knowing she is dating someone and has been for a year

I guess I poured my heart a little. I told her I miss sex, loving someone - just holding someone close. I told her the person I dated last summer changed my life and made me look at life differently; actually, she brought me to life. She was a blessing and I will always love her. My new friend, I know, took that in the correct context.

Biathlon Training

I ran for an hour, so I probably ran between 5 and 6 miles around the lake to and from the lake house where I parked. Pulled down my bicycle and then rode 23 miles all in two and half hours and two Accel Gel packs. One before the run and one before the ride. I did two steep upgrades twice during during the ride.

That was before noon and I'm still wired from the caffeinenated Accel Gel. I came home and played my guitar for an hour. It's almost time to get ready to run with the group.

I'll miss the young'n this evening, she had things to do...I'm praying already so she is safe on her six hours out and six hours back drive this weekend. I'm praying so she doesn't do a repeat performance and fall asleep again while she is driving. She was extremely lucky last time. That guardian angel I sent that time did a fabulous miraculous job; I'll use him again this time. He needs to keep an eye open (someone has to) for her throughout the whole weekend. I want her to come back. I can't wait until Tuesday evening when I get to see her and hug her and make sure she is okay. I try not to be a pest - really.

Well, should I or shouldn't I ask this one gal out? There is another interested in her too. But I think L only wants to be friends - she told me that right off; she was looking for friends. So, I just might forget it. She is very nice. I may not get the chance J&T will probably be there this evening and C too. Oh well. I thought about anyway.

I wish they all were as sexual as 05SL. Damn! How I miss her. What, people just hit a certain age and die in side, dry up. Take something. Exercise - do something! I think about sex all the time for christ sake! Let's just say I was very "moved" and wanting to feel the substitute yoga instructors' gorgeous long curly hair against my skin and her breast against............okay, okay I"ll stop!

Damn! What do I have to pay for it? What is wrong with these women? Friends my ass! I have enough friends!

Maybe I'll invite her for dinner and have her favorite drink. I mean come on, what is sex between two women? It's doesn't count! It's not recognized in the church or state otherwise there would be weddings and children. When I was young and mess around with guys ( at least with guys you always knew they wanted sex) I had to be afraid of getting pregnant or getting something. Well, I could get "something" from women, but not likely! Hell! They don't mess around!!

Well, guess I'll take a shower! And get ready for meeting the runners. First I'll see if Emma needs to go out again. For 14, she's a real trooper.

Anyway...........

Can't Stand 'Em Auto, Oil and the Pres..

Sorry, but I just can't stand the American Auto makers. There products are shit and down right ugly. Why so big? Are they insane? And what's with the dark windows? That dark of windows doesn't make a vehicle any cooler so why do people have to hide from other's drivers' eye contact. Personally, at an intersection I want to see your face to know in fact if you see me!

I'm sure police officer do not appreciate walking up to dark windows where a firearm may be on the other side pointed directly at them.

Who are these fools that design these vehicles? They are built so damn big that you can't see through them or around them. They are hell to park near in parking lots. If you drive a car or anything smaller you have to take a chance and just pull out because you cannot see through or around them. Thank you auto makers.

American auto makers just do not make any sense to me. Usually, you only see a driver and no passengers in these big ass gas guzzlers who do nothing but pollute the air I must breath.

People are mere fools to buy this big ass hunk of junks. Have you ever looked at the pavement when one pulls away and see the oil slick. Yeah, fool, they build needed service and maintenance into the purchase. They are going to get your money one way or the other.

Most Fords need to add at least one quart of oil between oil changes. Gee, you bought a Lincoln and you have to add oil in between changes? And how much did you pay for this car? You fool!

And you must buy the extended warranty because it's American, you are going to need it or pay out the ass for all the service you will need.

I'm watching ABC and now they are talking about global warning...thank you American auto makers. You got us into this and you don't give a shit about helping us get out of it. In the early 1900's electric cars were more popular than gas driven but Ford nosed out the electric car with mass production and just down right pushing competitors out. It's all about oil people. If you get the chance see the documentary "Who Killed the Electric Car?"

Gee, auto makers must have a big stack in the oil industry. We must be in way deep - the government, auto and oil people are in it thick. I guess we can honestly say that the middle east definitely has us over a barrel - an oil barrel.

GM just had to destroy the EV1 (Electric Vehicle) why? Because they are thick into oil. They rule society to line their pockets. They don't give a shit about the planet or your future. Just how much profit do these assholes need?

And the fact that Ford is going under.. well I hope they do. They are living in the past with their design. Come on get with it this is the 21 century not the 18th.

What is with this nostalgia shit. Why live in the past. Get with it!

Just signs of greed make me ill. What is it with this part of the male population? It's all about conquering and overtaking and killing and ruling and your killing off the very planet on which you live. Just how stupid are you greedy old white haired bucks. What do much Viagra and it's gone to your heads?

Cars could be electric or major hybrids and get 80 miles per gallon. Our stupid ass president is right in there with them - the greedy bastards. China and India are worse than we are they are watching us for example.

See we only have Al Gore and a bunch of women wanting to clean up the air...not the greedy old white bucks. Just what is wrong with the greedy, stubborn, living in the past, people?

But there's always the big vehicle buyer out there. I guess big means successful to some people. I just don't understand it.

Most people are in denial. We are pumping tons of C02 in the atmosphere every day and we are literally destroying our planet.

And the government doesn't ask us to cut back. You know why? Because the oil industry wants to sell every drop of oil there is and make the most profit. If gas goes up to $4.00 a gallon just look at all the money they will make and it will cost you at least $80.00 to fill up your gas guzzling big ass vehicle and wasn't required by law to get a certain mileage.

Small business get $100,000 tax deductible to buy the big ass gas guzzlers. It's the big three - auto, oil and government in cahoots to drain your wallet and you oxygen.

Have a nice life! Yeah, our government is really looking out for us....

Why Does Media Spread Fear and Give Ideas?

I just don't understand NBC's idea of infiltrating fear into the American people. Germ warfare! There's an incurable infectious disease and people won't know they have it. Then there will be a search for a cure. And there won't be a cure and you know it's coming to your city.

How would you survive if you knew an incurable disease was headed your way and you suspect anyone could be spreading it. This is insane! Leave it up to the media to spread fear! And if people haven't yet been infected they will probably kill off anyone who they think might be ill. Or people will begin fighting over a vaccine availability and you know the rich will have first grabs.

Gee, it would take six months to make a vaccine and millions would be dead already.

Let's just give all the nuts out there the idea.

So, what is the purpose of showing this documentary? We can't do anything about it; so it much be to merely spread fear amongst the American people.

Jeffs and CNN Tucker is a REAL JERK!

Jeffs is complaining because the law arrested Jeffs because he is not one of the ten most dangerous men in America. What an idiot! What? He was only victimizing women and children?

Jeffs is a rapist and child abuser. He arranged marriage between teenage girls and older men. Some girls as young as 13 years old. The man has multiple wives and many children. He is definitely a criminal.

For years local and state law enforcement have over looked this guy.

This evil, sick man has hidden behind religion and the force of brainwashing and fear.

How does Tucker ever get air time? He is nothing but an ignorant, arrogant self righteous idiot who must have a daddy in high places that he has his own show. He bangers his guest then when the time is up smiles and says thanks for coming on. What a jerk!

I guess Tucker thinks what men go to Taiwan and Thailand for is okay too. What is wrong with these men who pay $2.00 for a little girl virgins, and $1.00 if not. These little girls are human being with feelings. They huddle scared to death in a corner and these animals pick them out like chickens for slaughter. This goes on in the fields of this country too. The child porn and sex atrocities are ignored throughout this country and the world as if women and children mean nothing! Have these men who abuse no conscious at all. They should be hung by their balls in public. Have men been conditioned to feel nothing and think it is okay to just take what you want? Men (government and religious leaders) have kept women in secondary positions because certain men have the need to dominate and be superior over someone they think is of less status than themselves. It's a male thing to chase and conquer why do you think we are at war all the time and killing people. It's almost sad to be a part of the human race...these men are mere animals. Actually, animals behave better.

Cara Philips left her mic on in the restroom and bad mouthed her sister in law and good ole Tucker had to out her and show the piece on the network. What a Jerk! What an idiot! And Tucker is showing Richard Simmons and Don King and laughing at their hair. I hate this guy!

It's only noon?

It feels like it should be 5:00 PM. I slept worth crap last night because I took (only one capsule instead of the recommended two) Dr. Lark's Energy Vitalizer.

So now today, I'm tired and can't keep my eyes only. This is great dosing weather. It's very cool, in the 60's and dark and cloudy and my dog is loving the open patio door where she can lay watch and bark on occasion at the passing neighbor dogs and her owners.

I have been recopying some sheet music and trying to get organized so I can play at the annual floating event. My ex, will be my talent panel; my very own Simon. Last time she heard me, she said I was ready. She is all excited about hearing and seeing my new amp. It's cool!

I always know that I can get an honest answer from her. I think everybody needs at least one person like that in their lives.

Please keep her safe!

I asked her when she was leaving so I knew when to start praying. "Friday right after work." It will take six hours. That's a lot of praying, but I'll do it! I didn't tell her about the praying, I didn't want to sound totally like a mother. But, in my heart I certainly will be saying prayers.

She's the one who fell asleep coming back from a float where she didn't get any sleep. She could have been killed but the semi nipped her right side mirror and the crushing glass woke her up. Yes, woke her up. She was driving in the left lane and only two exits from her home.

I gasped thinking of the possibilities when she told me. I prayed for her that time when I knew she was going on the float. They can get crazy. For some reason I just felt the need to pray for her.

Yesterday she was telling us she doesn't travel well. I got closer to her and looked into her eyes and said. "Try hard; try very hard. I want you to come back." "Okay" She responded with big smiling eyes that just melt your heart.

Her eyes smiled at me later when we were parting and I said. "Be careful!" in a slightly pleading voice. She likes me too. We have a very special relationship, she and I. We're close in a sort of way; nothing fancy, no daily cell calls, just a kind of knowing. We just know.

I had a scary thought just now - me watching over her, being protective. I sincerely dread the thought that that could reverse one day. Personally, I hope I go suddenly right when I'm still able to be active. But, that really shouldn't be a concern since I'm using my mental powers to restore my thirties. Only with firmer legs this time; I already have them. I remember when my inner thighs would rub together when I tried to run..no more. Actually, I'm in better physical shape now then I ever was.

I'm praying already for her so her trip is safe and she stays awake. She's driving my herself.

I had suggested espresso beans. But, if she is like me they'll work after she gets there. She is a lot like me; it's why I love her.

I love seeing her out at the bar where I can easily slip my arm around her and kiss her head and tell her that I admire her and like the way she thinks.

When I left last time, I hugged her, kissed her head and said. "I love you!"
She is precious to me. We ran for awhile together her and I falling last of the group. But, she's getting faster. Last week I told her to go on as I stopped to huff and puff for a second. "But, you have waited for me in the past." She said. Later after we got back I told her she is getting fast and soon will give the fastest ones, including her buddy, a good run.

I felt uncomfortable holding her back. This week she brought a friend to run with. Now, I can go at my own pace. And I did good too in the cooler weather. I just need to lose a few pounds. Only for an instance was I just the slight bit jealous. Well, I'll miss our little conversations as we ran; on the flat, up hill all bets were off. She's getting faster quickly. I mean fast and thinner. She's back to being herself. I guess that is one thing is do have in common. We were both in long term relationships where we lost ourselves. We both gained weight. Her and I just need to learn to be able to be ourselves in a relationship.

She is special to me and I to her, I know that. She brightens my day! I love her - cause she laughs at my silly jokes. I might be talking to someone else, and when I hit the punch line, I hear her giggle too. I love her. I know in my heart she'll be safe this weekend and that she is having a great day at work. The little ones give her hugs, is that just too adorable?

Please come back safe. I've already told her she is smart with great common sense just generally speaking. She hears all that when I see her out and she tell me about the women who are interested in her.

Funny, how some people just click!

Energy Revitalizer

Remind me never to take Dr. Lark's Energy Revitalizer two days in a row. And I only take half the dosage. I take one capsule where two are recommended. The first day the capsule gives me a headache. The second day, I have energy and I am in a good mood but I can't sleep at night. I took the pill about 9:00 AM so it should have been early enough in the day.

I couldn't sleep last night and now I can't stay awake. What a mess! So naturally, I want to eat. Don't know about you, but when I'm tired, for some reason, I keep heading for the refrigerator. Even though I'm snacking more; I'm tiring to keep it lights and healthy.

I need to lose about nine pounds before next weekend when I am doing a biathlon. Where I'll be running five and riding 22 hills miles.

Tomorrow will be a loving day so I will get a good night's sleep and run five miles than ride 22 miles around the park with the big lake.

Breaking the Habits of being human

and changing brain chemistry to actually change and shape our human body.

I decided I'm going back to my thirties since I missed out of them by pretending to be straight. I had to pretend to be straight because I had no choice. I was up against, social rules, church rules, the government, and strict patriarchal parents who were actually quit cruel, degrading and abusive.

I had no escape! What go to my priest or nuns? They were just as bad! Cold and cruel! The priest hollered and scolded and demanded money each Sunday. Good ole Father Freese. He drove a big car and had a full time housekeeper. A big shot! But then again, he was god and we were peons. So much for the church!

This was the sixties. The government was as crooked as hell and killed their own. Viet Nam, a war for big profits for industrial and manufacturing industries.

Thou shall not kill! Evidently does not apply to the government where there is a potpetual open season as long as their was a means to an end; a goal to obtain usually involving huge profits for a select few who were already rich.

Yes, that was what I drew up with. If only I lived in the city, or at least in the small neighboring town; but, no I was isolated and very lonely amongst these cool cruel sorts. There were no other roll models to learn from. My parents and relatives had no affection to get. There were no hugs or scoldings and spankings. My little heart always ached.

I had crushes on girls all my life. She just had to be sweet to me and I was so in love and shy. Silently I begged to be loved and hugged. It never happened.

I remember actually hurting to be hugged. One time when at a dance a guy hugged me when it was time to leave and I remember it feeling so wonderful. I cried as I drove home. I thought it so pitiful to have to want a hug so bad to fine it in a stolen moment.

Then came sex with men. I never loved them; I had a crush on her, my best friend. A friend of a friend, but always a woman. I thought I was the only woman on earth such as myself. All the women I knew were guy crazy. I merely went with the flow. I had no choice.

My twenties and thirties were the same, just more of the same. Finally after forty, I couldn't take it anymore. I did approach a woman and we were together for fifteen years. Sex? There wasn't much. We were like minded great friends. We no longer live together, but remain great friends.

I want my thirties back! Physically, I have the health and energy of a possibly a thirty something year old. I'm active! I spiritually very youthful. So, now I am working on getting my body matched with my youthful spirit, even more than what it is.

I believe our thoughts are very powerful and if we strict to believing in the possiblities then I believe anything is possible. And yes, I can retract and subtract the years. Just watch me!

No, no surgery. God know, not when I have my own reversing powers lying within my thoughts and my wishes.

Dr. Emoto says thoughts, different thoughts can create different changes in water crystals. Our bodies are made up of 90% water. What he did was take 25cc of water droplets and freeze and photograph before adding thoughts. When they projected the feelings of love and joy to crystals of water they transformed into the most beautiful patterns of crystals seen by the second set of photos. This is major to my process.

I must always think loving positive thoughts of youthfulness. I'm having fun at this! And I"m as cute as can be. I love my body and thinks it is beautiful. This is going to be fun!

Look out world cause here I come! I have no life partner or family to sway me away from my drive so I'm moving further and staying on track.

It's just a matter of breaking old thinking patterns. We are what we think we are. How many women do you know that are old before their time. No wonder, everything you hear from their lip is about aging and getting old and the aches and pains they think must accompany the process.

I disagree! I'm as young as I was when I was in my thirites. I am because I believe that I am and I have the capabiliies of making the necessary changes. The power lies within and knowing to break old negative mental tapes.

Lousy Night!

I can't sleep yet when I try to read or type I want to fall asleep. I did get a few hours on the couch watching "How Far Down The Rabbit Hole Do You Want To Go?" Each time I watch any or all of he DVD I get something more out of it. It's fabulously enlightening.

"How Far Down The Rabbit Hole Do You Want To Go?" consists of a three double sided DVD's. The A sides further discpiher the movie. I enjoy the dialog on the B sides the most, where the intelligent ones with alphbet soup letters behind their names.

I'm glad it's cloudy again again today and very cool. I'm so ready for fall.

I need to take a nap. It's 7:33 AM in the morning! It's going to be a long day!

Mushroom in my yard

Well, it's gone, suddenly!

This has been the most active mushroom I have ever seen. In a little patch of green near the street first one shot up then another. I walk my dog four times a day and then I was in and out during the day and each time I passed it, the mushroom had grown taller and larger.

I wish now I would have sat nearby on the bench and "watched it grow". That would have been so cool to actually see it change and grow bigger right before my eyes.

The mushroom grew so fast within a couple of days I was amazed each time I passed. By this evening when I got home from running it was a stunning five inches high with a diameter top of about three and half inches.

I was so admiring it and watching it's speedy growth. A little later, I wondered what that woman was doing over there. It's not trash day yet. It didn't take long to discover just what that woman was up to.

Well, later when I walked my dog again, I understood what she must have been doing over there. She cut the two mushrooms and took them home. Actually, she probably just had to pick them up. The tops got so heavy that they both have fallen over and where resting on their side.

So now I wonder. I know she and her husband do a lot of canoeing and camping so I hope she is familiar with the great outdoor and knows every kind of mushroom there is; because, it not you can be in big trouble. Deadly trouble!

As a kid I heard a frightening story of a family who were poor and hungry so the father walked into the nearby woods and picked some mushrooms for dinner. Evidently, he ate most of what he picked, then the mother, then the children had some too. Anyway, if I remember correctly he died. Neighbors said they heard them screaming from the pain. It must have been a horrible death.

Personally, I don't know one mushroom from the other in the wild; so I assume they all are poisonous. I only get my mushrooms from the supermarket and hope they know what they are purchasing.

So, that is my story of the disappearing magical mushrooms that in all probability most likely grew out of dog shit someone didn't pick up!

I hope those people's stomach are okay today...

I miss 05SL!

Wow! I think I messed up badly!

I was just registering for the biathlon we did last year together. We were already about broken up then. I messed up so badly. I pushed her away.

I thought she could do better than me. I just told her so. I'm such an ass! Well, I hope I'm happy (I'm not) damn I miss the sex! What kind of fool am I? She got right with that gal she was emailing before I came along and she is still with her.

And then I replied to a friend's email about riding the hill this holiday weekend and that brought back memories of her. She didn't ride that day, but she had me over for dinner. I miss her badly. I miss what we had. I'm such a fool!

I'm such an idiot! I wouldn't know love if it bit me on the ass!

A Beautiful Girl

I just her from my window the beautiful girl passing, walking up the street. She has a slight handicap, which gives her a bit of a limp, and shuffle of her right foot.

From here I can see she is getting slimmer.

Secretly, she touches my heart. She never looks at me when I say "Hi" in passing; always straight ahead and listens to her DVD player she holds in her good hand.

She touches my heart because I would love to be in her heart. I have no idea if she is gay or straight. I would just like to love her.

I pray for her and wish her happiness, love, good health and strength. I pray no man makes a fool of her. I pray she is loved.

I usually see her alone, walking mostly. I wish she would at least look at me.

She is bitter? I hope not and I hope she hasn't lost all hope in humanity. I hope it's nothing like that.

I don't know if she is gay or straight. Here I am waiting to love her. I don't pity her; it's my protective side showing. She's probably stronger and more brave then I'll ever be.

She could probably teach me a lot about love, life, hope and courage.

I wish she would look at me. Sometimes I get misty eyed. Here I am, just wanting to love someone and I pray to the universe that if she needs me, then the universe will bring us together. Well, even if she doesn't "need" me. No one can have too many friends. And we live so close.

She is probably highly educated and working and has a lover. She's probably getting more sex than I'll ever get. She's probably just fine!

Anyway, I just wished her (secretly, from here) much love, happiness, good health, and suggest. I wonder do I get misty eyed for her or for me? Either way, I wish "us" the best!

Hey, universe, I'm here for her if she needs me!

Had Somthing Figured Out..

I woke up this morning in amazing revelation; I have come to a point in my life where I now realize that my purpose is my sole happiness and it makes sense actually.

I might be getting closer to putting things into perspective. I have been watching "What The Bleep Do We Know?" sequel titled "How Far Down the Rabbit Hole Do You Want to Go?"

I believe the universe will provide and give in abundance the happiness, love, and satisfaction that I need. I merely need to concentrate on further youthfulness and then stay in the moment.

And I am more youthful; therefore more happy. Even as the late summer's humidity plays havoc on my energy, I'm still in full swing of enthusiasm and wit.

I'm been digging out old and reapplying. Have you ever wanted to make a decor change but didn't want to spend the money; or didn't have it? Well, I just go to my cupboards and closets and pull out sofa covers, pictures and candles and such and before you know it I have a new cozy decor.

Per the "How Far Down.." DVD, I am planning my days and living like I'm in love; filled with hope and happy moments. Most moments are magical.

I purchased an amp and mic for my acoustic guitar and I sang for over an hour; maybe two. I plan on moving to the my keyboard next.

Later, I'll do about forty minutes of yoga positions; probably while watching "How Far Down..."

It will be a quiet evening after a wonderful busy week. Last Tuesday I had yoga, Wednesday, saw "Who Killed the Electric Car?" If you get a chance to catch this documentary at your local theatre if it's showing there. Only a very few threates will have it. It's a wonder the oil and auto industry hasn't bought it up to crush it; like they did the EV1. Please do see it if you can, because it's a real eye opener.

Last Thursday I attended the running group again and made some plans for the weekend. Friday evening, I watched a woman sing and play guitar. I think that was when I decided to buy the amp and mic. If she can do it, then certainly, I can do it.

I watched the singer with two new friends and I had a wonderful time. I think I would be interested in dating the one friend. She's real cute.

Later last Friday evening I met some other friends at the "bar" and got to see a very special friend. She touches my heart. I love her. I always have the biggest desire to hold her and kiss her head when I see her and I usually give in to these notions probably much to her embarrassment. I love her, what can I say. She's precious and probably much like myself in many ways. She just clicks with me.

I saw her again Saturday morning with the group and at breakfast afterwards. She sits near me and later waits for me to catch up when leaving. Much to my pleasure, she powers down her window and says "bye". This touches my heart. She pulls out of the parking place and drives down the street with me looking after her; a banana kicking out of my waist ban and folding chair in either arm. I feel she watches me in her mirror and sees me standing there. I love her what can I say I think she loves me.

Yesterday evening I was again watching "How Far Down the Rabbit Hole Do You Want to Go?" and suddenly about ten I see her vision in a space above eye level. Was she thinking of me? She just suddenly popped in my peripheral vision and I see her in my mind clear as day. I love her.

I pray she has a wonderful Monday without incidence only filled with laughter, healthfulness, happiness, love and magical moments; as each day should be for her if it were up to me. I love her. She is precious.

Is it just because I'm chronological older or is it because I am separated from that horrible family that I can finally be myself and who I was meant to be. For the first time in my life I see the wonder and beauty in little kids. They are precious. I think my 05SL awoke these buried feelings from deep within me. She awoke wonderful magical emotions within me. She brought me life where as my family drained the very hope of life.

I will youthfulness and youthful appearance to match my young spirit and physically active lifestyle. Tomorrow I'll run, maybe ride my bicycle in celebration of my rediscovered youth. I am so cute!

I have just a wonderful zest for life and love. I want to sketch, read, learn, run, hike, kayak, bicycle, do yoga and never sit still. There are just too many wonderful things to be doing.

I'm alive! For once in my life, I am alive. I am away from "those" people who siphoned my very breath. Universe, I thank you!

Easy Going Day...

I don't believe that I did anything exercising activity today. Usually, I run, bicycle are do yoga. I was at the pool but didn't really swim around much. A down time, restful day, I guess.

It was a rainy, then muggy, afternoon; hot when the sun re-appeared. I'm so ready for fall weather and low humidity.

This evening, suddenly her big eyes and sweet face appeared before me making my heart miss her.

Oh woe is me; I can't seem to get her out of my mind! I want to hold my pillow and sleep through the rain.

I've played my guitar and sang some songs this evening. My voice was strong for I haven't sang for a couple of days and therefore, it was well rested.

I need to memorize more songs so I can sit under a tree or in the gazebo near the lake and play and sing. It's something I have always wanted to do; pick up a guitar and begin playing a song - the whole song through.

I've been playing, memorizing and singing lately to impress the ladies at the river in three weeks.

My good friend will watch my rotty; she'll stay here. I hope she likes it well enough to buy her own condo in this neighborhood. It would be so much closer to everything for her. She would be able to walk to eating, grocery and shopping. Right now she lives in a big house in the woods and has a very long drive way and then no other place to walk, unless she wants to take her chances along the highway. Too dangerous!

She's handy! Maybe I'll have her replace my bathroom facet while I'm gone.

It's time now to go to sleep I can no longer hold my head up. ! Night!

Planning my Future..

Well, I guess I could leave this space blank! But, I'm concentrating and centering on youthful thoughts and meditations.

I have no clue what or if I even have a purpose. All I know is that I have escaped my past and that is an enormous accomplishment in itself. I'm happy now! They are happy in their self created misery - I'm out of there! Gone! Gone for good! I'm history!

I can only imagine that the universe places certain people is my life for a reason; some as precursors to others to come. I can only speculate on that but in retrospect it seems logical. One leave to another

More than a decade past Ezekiel (channeled spirit) told me that I would be good with young people. Well, I'm good at loving and caring for them. My, how they touch my heart and my very core being.

Ezekiel claims human being are too obsessed with age differences; but, says the younger ones don't care. Actually, most social groups that I am aware of consists of persons of all ages. Age is merely a state of mind in my reference catalog. I'm reverting back as I speak.

I love this create your own day stuff. J. K. Knight, if I am hearing this correctly, says we choose our appearances, the people we meet, and how we live. Well, I want to appear to be in my thirties. On come on! I'll be living proof that it can be done.

I already am living proof that a woman can be fit and trim and attractive and therefore be healthy just by motivating myself to running, yoga and bicycling.

I am a member of a wonderful group and we do all sorts of things together. We are of mixed ages and enjoy the mix tremendously. One of the members offered to teach of yoga and suggested bicycling and hiking for extra fun activities. Another reminded us that in the weather on Sunday afternoon we enjoyed matinees. Now, I think that would be fun and after the movie we can enjoy a snack and discuss the plot.

I hope we all stay together and become family. I feel like family already. We are a very welcoming group with extended open arms.

We are family!

My heart is warm and filled with caring thoughts. I can't say I really want to take on a lover however. Too much work! Unless she is of the easy going sort. It's nice to have a free evening from time to time to reflect on the way my path is leading.

The new gal I met for show and drinks last night dresses very cute! I like her. I'm not sure if it will ever progress into something more. I doubt it, because "friends" are her goal. I guess she has had enough relationships while I panic at time slipping away. Another reason for thinking age reversal. It's in the process people! I feel it happening already.

I already appear mid forties perhaps; so just need to subtract another decade! Piece of cake! It's happening as I speak!

The universe loves me and I love myself and am tremendously grateful for my abundance of gifts and blessings.

All I have to do is hold out my cup and it will be filled. I just need to trust in the process.

Quiet Times

I revel in them and this evening will be one of them. It's time to read, write, journal, blog, sketch, play guitar and sing, do yoga, watch "How Far Down the Rabbit Hole Do You Want to Go?" again. Dateline at eight about the first year teacher. And read in the book about Ramtha (channeled via J. Z. Knight). I'll fight sleep because there will not be enough hours for it all; but, I'll try to work it all in. In the morning, early, I want to ride my bicycle for awhile. Before I get with my friend to ride free the new Metro extension which opens today.

And in between I'll think about the one nearer my age that just doesn't click. Too mundane, to experienced to many heart breaks and no passion. They all just want to be friends; I don't mean with me especially, but with each other. Where is that passionate, fiery one who wants to make love? Does she even exists.

And in between I'll think about the one who stirs my heart and brighten any and every moment when she is near me. I love her nearly. I hug her and tell her so. My senses tell me that she and I have formed a special bond almost the moment we met. A meeting of the eyes directly to our souls. In a crowd, she looks for me. She fans out only to come back around near me again. I adore her and told her with a hug. I'm interested in her friends. I tell her that I admire her attitude and judgement and most of all her common sense. She is so precious to me.

Hopefully, I'm not a pest but someone she knows she can trust and turn to for anything. I'm here for her. My eyes are tired; I drank with her last night. I love seeing her out. Amazingly, I declined a more reasonable evening with friends moving on to a friends house to find her. We almost expect to see each other at some point on a Friday evening anymore, I think.

Margaritas are my drink of choice lately. My friend Martha re-introduced them to me after a few years of not really drinking at all. They went down good then and more recently; the last two Friday very good too. About four in seven or eight hours is my limit.

I like the bar where I meet my friends. Oh the woman earlier said she doesn't do bars that there is no one decent to meet there. I do not agree with that but think that there is good energy flowing and friendly fun loving people. The owner wouldn't have it any other way. Too bad my new friend feels that way maybe she would have had fun joining in the festivities.

Just like my blog where I concentrate on positive energies. I don't particularly relish dwelling on the negative or criticizing others.

One of my friends. A newer friend who is very nice was telling me about a recent solo vacation to Door County for five days, excluding traveling time. She said she had a great time. I told her I admire her for venturing out on her own. I shared my solo experience with her and said the as I drove alone I felt close to god; like he was with me. I felt one with the universe and I felt safe, special and protected. It was a wonderful experience.

Somehow, I feel safe and protected now. I feel lonely at times. But probably in my subconscious alone, and I know this, is where I need to be presently.

I miss my 05SL many times, but find comfort in remembering the wonderful loving times we had together.

Yesterday, for a moment I thought about the good doctor. She and 05SL somehow seem so long ago. I wish the best for them.

I think I could met a woman next Wednesday if I really wanted to. She made it clear she would be there then. We were sharing idle conversation and after a time she introduced herself. I over heard she was in between girlfriends. Naturally, once again, she wasn't my type. She would be a nice friend I could tell.

We women sure do like our "friends" so it seems minus the lovers. That what I miss! 05SL was passionate and knew what she wanted and what she liked. I miss that in a women I am meeting lately.

An Evening Out!

I'm heading downtown to hear Steff Mahan at Off Broadway. This evening will be a totally new adventure for me because I've made the plans with a new friend and discovered that I will know others would will be attending. Sounds like fun! She is unknown to me so I visited Steff Mahan's site and listened to a few minutes of a couple of sound tracks. The concert should be good.

As I sit here typing this, I am looking over my replanted cactus plants (hope they don't die) and through my Christmas cactus at the edges of the coffee and lamp table that I stripped, even more today, and I have decided both pictures look brighter and uglier. The only thing close to that green shade are the plants both alive and artificial. So we'll see. I could buy some sort of blue paint and repaint them; or creme color perhaps. No hurry just messing around. I think the green as it is has to go though.

I am further recreating my day. I want this evening to be special, calm, soothing, yet exciting and bright. I want to be in the moment and amongst my kind and I want it to be magical. Like Melissa was and like last Friday at the bar was. The four margaritas certainly helped. I hope this place serves them too. I can run the morning after when I drink margaritas the night before.

Anyhow, I'm excited about an extraordinary magical evening and I will feel that I look exceptionally fine. Maybe those black pants will even fit? I'll know soon enough. It's about time for me to get ready. At this moment, I have an hour. In a way I'm very excited about it.

In a way, I want to go to the bar to watch A in action. I love her nearly. She is precious to me. Her night self is quite something and much different from her day self. I was amazed last week and totally lost in her. But, don't know if I'll make it there or not. Oh, if the others go I'll go. I'm hopeful they'll go. I need to knock this off. It's like she is the target highlight of my whole evening. That, dear folks, cannot be for I am in that area all along.

She gets shy sometimes when she talks to me; when the words have a sensitive meaning. Some times she slightly stumbles. She reminds me so of me; no wonder I love her so. So precious! I pray to the universe to please take care of her and keep her safe, happy, safe, and loved. I know I said "safe" twice.

Here's hoping there are a few (but far between, it's a sipping evening) margarita reserved for me tonight. Wish me luck! Wish me safety and wish me sex (I mean love and sex).

Busy!

I wanted my day to be magical and have a sign that the day I had planned was unfolding. I guest I did get a sign; my guardian angels met me in the paint isle. One suggested which stripper to use and the other popped up and said. "Don't forget your "rubber" gloves." Then explains that they should be rubber because the paint stripper would burn through latex.

Now, if only one or both of them would have followed me home to do the work! The rubber gloves were hot and didn't last long. My hands didn't burn; however, but turned a slight green and the stripper failed to completely strip it off.

The rubber gloves should come in handy later this evening when I try to transplant a thorny cactus to a larger pot.

I'm a little pooped but probably will perk up when I meet the runners. I'm feeling the effect of stooping over and rubbing and I can tell that I worked out extra hard at the gym today.

But, I'll be fine even though my toes are sore from running up a steep hill four times with the group on Tuesday. Oh and then I ran at a pretty good clip (well it felt like it. But I'm sure it was my usual ten minute miles) around the lake Wednesday while waiting for my friend. When she got there we walked around the lake, which is about four miles.

I didn't sleep good last night. I think I might have been slightly depressed. Most women my age or mannish and over weight. It's depressing. What happened to me that I am different. Oh, I know I lived the straight life for nearly forty years before I came out. I don't want to be a butch man woman and over weight.

Last night I was out with my ex and some friends and when another walked up that I hadn't seen for a long time. I thought well she fits right in, with all of them but me. I'm the only one who watched my weight and work out, runs, and does yoga. It just made me sad!

So, in summary, the younger ones don't want me ; why would they? The ones about my age are not attractive to me. And the ones older? Well, I would consider the woman who actually looks hot at 68 who lives down the street. And I'm not kidding! I saw her in her bathing suit. Next! No seriously! She is a wonderful inspiration to me.

If only there were more attractive women around my age. Why did they all take the lazy way out? Well, I think it's the lazy way! If they are not on medicine probably most of them should be and I think most of them are on high blood pressure or high cholesterol medicine. But, they won't do HRT. Beats the hell out of me! So, I always have to listen to them saying they are hot! (in temperature!),

I don't mean to complain but I just felt way out of place. And Tracey a running buddy said I am out of place with them. No! No! No! She says. She are very sweet to hang with me.

Okay, I'm done complaining and whining and I need to get ready to leave to meet the other runners.

No Thinking, No Feeling!

I think the best thing for me is to concentrate on my health, safety, well being and youthfulness and just do the best I can.

Trying to figure out what might happen next in my life is a joke so I won't go there! All I know is that I feel that I am standing in the cross roads and have no idea which road leads where, or what I might find if I get there; or anywhere.

I know the past, and in one direction lies the past and the familiar. But, that was why I felt as if I had to move on; I needed a change from all that I didn't feel was my niche. I couldn't communicate and I know I didn't belong. I guess I need to keep the familiar but venture on to meet more people; hopefully, someone special who feels that I am special too.

Of all the people I have been with, it seems that I pursued them. No one pursued me and this makes me wonder?

But, somehow I feel that my future is bright in spite of the present gloom. I'm happy in my own skin and I take care of myself.

Now, for the time being, I'll idle in nuetral and not even think about it.

I know that I need a change and I need love.

August 23rd '06 Horoscope

August 23: Things are flowing your way today, dear Libra, and you should find a great deal of pleasure in the comfort of others. You might find that there is an air of fantasy about the day that is causing your emotions to lose track of time and space. Don't bother connecting to reality if you don't have to. Go to an art museum or attend a dance performance. Or, see a movie and go out to your favorite restaurant.

I already have plans to meet friends for light dinner and go see "Who Killed the Electric Car?" for the third time. L for the second. Yes, it will open your eyes and make you mad!

Yes, there is an air of fantasy today, if you call spending three hours to clean my carpet fantasy. I'm tired and need to take a nap. I was up before the crack of dawn deciding if I wanted to run once or twice around the lake before I met my friend. I opted on once for 3.9 miles.

I thought I would give my knees a rest because I ran up a huge hill in the park four times with the rest of the runners. After the second climb my competitive side emerged so I did all four too like the owners planned.

Now that I sat down I can't keep my eyes open. It's 2:00 PM and I want to be at the Fatted Calf to meet the others about five.

I want to brush my rotty good before I let her hairy butt back in here. I pray to god she behaves herself while my carpet is nice and clean. It's a little damp yet too. Maybe I"ll take her for a long walk. See, there I am again on my feet!

I just sat down after being on my feet since 5:00 AM.

And there is a curio cabinet I would like to straighten up and clear out before my friends come this weekend to swim on Sunday.

The carpet was flirty. The whole condo feels so much better now. I love it! I feel more pleasant, happy and balanced when my condo is clean and cleared of junk and clutter.

I am still concentrating on reversing my aging that has taken place via my thought process. Oh don't give me that! Anything is possible if you put your mind to it! And you know it!

I'm already as healthy as a thirty year old, so I might as well look like one! It's not bullshit, I can do this. My skin is already becoming more clear and firm. I just have to believe in myself and love and appreciate my health and body and I do!

I can't say I want a girlfriend right now. You know the sex is wonderful but there is always a lot of baggage. And just when you think you are getting a girl for your needs; she thinks she is getting a girl for her needs and the resultant conflicts begins. Someone is always giving up or giving in more than the other person.

I think I prefer to be a free spirit. I still have my friends I have known for a long time and I have gained many new friends. And I love living in the city. I love being amongst my friends and activities.

So I guess you could say today is a good day! I had a great weekend and I am busy most evening. I just need to decide which evening I want to go to the bar! I'll see when the rest of them are going. I had a great time last Friday evening.

The bar was great last Friday evening. The crowd was good. The karaoke not too loud. The company fabulous and fun and I held a sweet young thing close and kiss her gorgeous head. She's adorable! So adorable all the women are after her and she just takes it all in. She's wonderful. I hope I get to see her around for a long time. Actually, I think she is a lot like me and that is why I like her so much!

So today Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006 is a good day. I am going to bypass yoga this evening in lieu of going to the movies with a bunch of friends. I can't wait to see their reactions to this documentary about the auto and oil industry destroying the electric car. Oh yes, California had one but GM never really wanted it to succeed that is way they only leased them to people and then wouldn't renew the lease. The auto and oil industry saw how popular the electric car was and would not renew leases even after lea sees begged for lease renewal.

This documentary never would have been made and the electric car forgotten except for a few people; those who leased them and the young woman at GM's Saturn plant who was behind the project and fought to keep the electric car. GM would hear none of it and despite pleas GM destroyed each of these electric car.

Makes me wonder what Michael Moore has been up to lately? Seems that it's about time for him to release another documentary of truth that the government and big corporations like to hide from us.

J Z Knight

She Channels Ramtha. We can experience multiple experiences at one time; past, present and future. We create our realities. We create our looks, our body, our friends, our activities by our thoughts.

We are the ultimate observers at the quantum level. Our past, present and future are all going on now. We live in simultaneous worlds. We need to gain knowledge and search for more meaning.

We are experience intelligent people. We can think about being extraordinary and become that. Watch out, I'm knocking off thirty years just by wishing it and thinking about it.

Each day I try to plan my day and throughout the day I ask for a same miracle or magic moment to prove that I can create my day and to encourage me to do it again the next day.

We are never meant to die. Subconsciously we move from one life time to the next. "What the Bleep Do we Know?" is a movie about "power".

Yes, the movie comes down hard on religion. Well, I think they had the right too

As The Day Went On

the more I did the more energized I became; or was it the Snickers, Coke and Bag of M&M peanuts and M&M Almonds.

After all that I went to the health club and worked out on the weight machines, then I went home and did yoga for about twenty minutes while watching "Down the Rabbit Hole"

I played my guitar and practiced my memorized songs and sang.

Then I ran with the group and worked my butt off going up and down the infamous art hill four times. The temperature was tolerable as well as the humidity low so it wasn't bad. Actually, after the first climb the rest went pretty well. I felt good although all my hair was wet.

I get a kick out of my fellow big time runners, I'm very mediocre myself; but they talk the talk and run the run. Yes, they spent the next forty minutes after we ran, talking about running. Me, I just want to sit and rest. My knees were great, my breathing fine. I think I did very good with keeping up with the faster people too.

Saturday morning they will do a long run of about thirteen miles. They run too fast for me for that distance. Hey, they are actual marathoners, all five of them. I'm not!

We had another new girl member this evening. She is Asian and very nice and she and I ran pretty close. Okay! She was way ahead of me two. I'd say I was about three to four minutes behind them. It was fun! I love to make myself work hard. Actually, my competitive mode kicked in after the first climb and I kept meeting the other women coming up as I was heading down. So, I did the four climbs as they did.

It wasn't bad! Thank god and the universe for Glucosamine Chondroitin. It's a miracle worker.

I"m watching Candace Bert on one of the six sides of the DVDs and she said our bone marrow produces stem cells all the time in our bodies that affect our DNA. So, we can heal ourselves.

Cancer is our bodies response to try to clean out toxicity and pollutants. As we have more of a need for these cells to clear pesticide and insecticides. She said it is only a matter of time before mutations arise. Cancer cells are cleaning cells out of control that had taken a wrong turn.

I say if my body can heal itself then I believe it can reverse the aging process if I concentrate on that process long enough. I'm performing a temple test as I write this. She just said that all we need to do is realize that our bodies are this powerful. We can heal ourselves. She same modern medicine can make things much more difficult then need be as in the birthing process.

Candace said we have the power to heal ourselves. So, if I have the power to heal myself then I have the power to maintain heal if I am already healthy. And I believe wholeheartedly that I have the power to reverse aging. I"m heading back to my thirties. My insides are there already my outside needs a slight bit of work yet. But, I know that I am headed down the right path.

I asked for a magical sign this evening and I think just running with the top runners and going up and down big art hill four times is testament enough for me of a magical sign.

I love this mental, spiritual, get-you-thinking stuff. I have learned a new found appreciation for my body. I love my body and I think this love will erase any again effect that may have been going on. Of course I am taking my vitamins, trying to get better. What candy? and you know I"m getting more than enough exercise.

I love this stuff!

Oh and I have a different outlook on life and love. It's better just to let things go on and let the universe handle the good stuff. My mission is probably to prove to myself and maybe other people that we can reverse the again process ourselves.

Lynn Mctarrget (may be misspelled) says we need to feel connected not separate. Separatist are the god-eat-dog, profit producers, must win people in the world. If we knew that we were connected we would view the world and it's people, plants and all things things as being connected. Because we and all objects in the world are made of the same materials. We are all connected and so we should act like it.

Society and the world at large, problem doesn't want us to realize we are powerful spirit in human form. Lynn McTarrget also said we should not listen to society or media as much as use our intuition. I know I do. I use my gut feelings to make major purchasing decisions.

Actually, my gut has never steered me wrong! I believe I am one with the world and the universe on a zero level. Which means I am allowing the flow to guide me and I feel the connectedness of all living things around me.

I think I am on the correct path now. I am flowing as one with the universe. My body is an experimental unit. My spirit will live on and never die only my body will change.

I think this is fabulous stuff. Our subconscious is our soul that lives on from one life time to the next.

I'm tired and heading for bed. It's 70 degrees so if I get up early enough I can run twice around the lake before I meet Liz at 7:30 AM. So, I need to get up at least at 4:44 AM. Leave at 5:15 get there 5:45 run till 7:15. Perfect!

Struggling with my feelings today

I'm tired today. I guess that is understandable since I ran 13 miles yesterday morning. Walked the dog for a mile twice and then walked for two hours playing nine holes of golf.

I'll be going running this evening with the group. There is someone very special there whom I think about a lot lately. She has the most beautiful eyes. They change colors it seems. Sometimes dark blue. But, the other day when she was telling me something, and for the life of me I would never be able to tell you what it was, her eyes were clear light green under the bill of her cap. My heart stopped. I'll never forget them.

I guess that was my magical moment for Sunday. I asked for a magical moment that day and I got it. Of course my afternoon was pretty special. Members of the group are exceptional people so we have good times.

The young woman with the beautiful eyes always brightened my day. I could take her home with me and love her tenderly.

So what does a relationship consists of? Two like minded people? She and I are extremely alike in things we like to do and eat. Just the way we think about running and life is much the same.

I've fallen in love with her but I trend cautiously. I must make sure I know my own heart and mind. But, it's only love and appreciation for each other's hearts and bodies. What is the big fuss about I argue with myself. What if we were to make love? I dream of it at times and I shouldn't. Why not? Because society thinks she's a little too young or I'm a little too old? We're lesbians for god's sake that alone goes against every social, religious and government rule. So what if she's a little younger than me.

Her heart is not in it i can tell so it will never happen. Best that can happen is a warm hug and kiss to the cheek.

I need to come to grips with my emotions and youthful attractions. I'm hanging on to youth? I'm hanging on to the youth I never had. I had sex with men until I was near forty. God, what did I do to myself. I was living in hell.

Now I want her tender love because I missed out on young women's love. I think the universe is sympathy and understanding and probably sent her my way. The rest if up to me to break these social chains that hold me back. I know she cares about me. I need to take the first big step and she'll let me know or I'll be able to sense the answer. It's just not a sexual conquest I care deeply about her. She stirs my soul.

Maybe she is in my life so I work on this mind body transformation thing. So, I exercise my quantum physics levels power. We all have it! We all are able to create out days then watch them play out. We all are able to wish for a magical moment and then discover it happening with frequency enough that we are no longer surprised as others around us are.

I want this day to be magical in my quest for feeling and looking very youthful. My body is changing before my eyes. I'm hot and as cute as can be! People are already surprised when they learn my real age. Just wait! This is not a game I truly believe we can reverse the aging process if we truly believe. I want my 30's back! I was cheated out of my 30's and I want them back! So look out! I am most sincere in this endeavor.

Each and every one of us has the power of the universe within us, we just need to know that it is there and tap in on our capabilities.

Signs Along the Way

As I create my day I look for magical moments to reinforce my mental planning for that day. Today at a stoplight I heard my favorite song "Crazy" by Knarls Barkley song from the open window of the car next to me. I was reinforced! What were the chances of hearing that song at that particular moment. Also I consider cool digital time number patterns to be a sign. For example 11:11. Or 12:34. I consider these special moments as signs from the universe telling me that I am on track with my plans.

I am loving myself and my body. My body is like a car I once owned. I had it for a long time and I loved. It was dependable and always got me from point A to point B and back again. It never let me down. I was sentimental over it because it might have been the most dependable thing going in my life at that time. I feel the same way about my body. I take good care of it and it takes good care of me.

Being physically active has made me appreciate my body and my good health even more so then I even try to take better care of it. Now, I am into looking youthful and my thoughts are directed towards that goal. If our thoughts and wishes are that powerful and we the center of our universe and are able to create our realities then I am on the right trace.

Each day I plan my day and ask for signs along the way to show me that yes my plans are becoming realities and these signs make me want to continue planning my days. These signs are reinforcing magical moments that help me continue on with my plan.

Last evening on the golf course I asked the evening to be magical. Well, I got my magic. And I felt young and strong even after running 13 miles with no nutritional gel packs. I walked the nine hole course too, and playing time is usually about two hours.

My sign came on the ninth hole when I hit a ball over the lake right before the little bit of ruff and then a large green. I saw a big splash near the edge of the lake and thought I had lost the ball in the lake. When we walked around to the green we said. "Whose ball is that?" With further up close examination I saw that it was indeed the ball I hit! Now you explain that? We both saw the splash and the ball had to have bounced up and rolled twenty feet at lease up a slight incline on the green! What a magical sight. Actually, I wishing for a magical moment I wasn't that surprised that it happened. I see many magical moments throughout the day.

When I was running I looked at the trees and plants and something clicked. Usually, extremely magical moments happen on crystal clear days for me; when the air is clear, the sky is blue and the temperature is moderate.

I am thinking youthful thoughts and I think it's paying off. I stand up straighter - very important for looking younger I think. I just look cuter. I smile more and I have a good attitude about life. I am already youthful physically now I want my appearances to reflect the way I feel inside and they will.

Thoughts are very powerful tools if we use them to our advantage.

Am. Auto Co. - What Time Warp Are They Living In?

Gee for 40 to 45 Grand you too can own this fabulous big ox, gas guzzling, Grand Cherokee SRT8. Wow! Zero to 60 MPH in a mere 5 seconds and a suck up of a gallon of gas I'm sure.

This big ass square box (and don't they all look the same anymore! Remember, bigger is better!) EPA numbers are 12 miles per gallon in the city and 15 on the highway.

And there is only a three year or 36,000 miles warranty! Lots of luck! Oh, I get it, it's only three years so they can slip in the extended warranty plan in the paper work without you realizing that it is part of the monthly payment.

It has 20 inch wheels with low to the ground stance so it hugs the road better and full time four wheel drive will assist in that area too.

The tester driver said that it felt solid. I think for 45 grand it should! Yes, 45 grand and about 90 bucks to fill the tank when gas reaches three bucks a gallon or more.

Just what is Chrysler trying to do? Go under? I wonder how many of these beauties (Not! It's nothing exceptional at all!) Chrysler thinks they will sell.

Tell me now! Are American auto makers just that arrogant? Do they want to fail? Why would anyone in their correct mind want to spend all that money on something that is on it's way out. Hasn't Chrysler read the papers lately?

Why just the other day I saw an article where consumers were beginning to get ride of the big ass vehicle for smaller autos that are much more fuel efficient.

I am so puzzled! But here is my theory: I believe that the American auto makers want to fail and lay off all of their union people. Shut down the plants and then come back building small, ecological, environmental correct, fuel efficient vehicles. Of course they will all be junk too like they have always been but it may take a long time before close minded, blind, living-in-make-believe Americans realize this.

So, I'm sure the American auto makers are more sly than stupid and have a terrific trick up their sleeves to make themselves and their stock holders much more money while sticking to traditionally ripping off the American public.

Buyer beware!

Building Inner Strength Capacity

Just meditate, concentrate and use mental bio-feedback to change your level of energy. We can build this up just as we can build our muscles.

Condition space? Normal reality deals with the atom reality. The space of atom molecule level level and space can increase. Consciousness lifts this space. Allowing this allows intention at zero point energy force to bring about changes.

I was thinking about people I will always love today

Today as I ran and enjoyed a absolute gorgeous day, I thought about past loves who will always remain in my heart.

We meet people the people we meet in our lives for a reason! So pay close attention! Each person we come across is here to teach us something. Per "What the Bleep/ Down the Rabbit Hole" quantum physics theory we are all part of the same tree.

I thought about the good doctor and how she saved my emotional life. She lead me down the freedom path of life. I will love her and be most grateful to her forever.

Then there is my 05SL. She gave me life, love and romance. She gave me life when thought I was dying or already dead!

I have so many wonderful friends and activities planned each day. This is the best time of my life.

I am learning via quantum physics theory (What the Bleep!) that we are centers of our own universe and have control of our life; if only we would realize that! I'm concentrating on remaining safe, healthy and youthful. I'm knocking off thirty years through meditation and concentration and because I know I can

Why We Should Not JUDGE Others!

First of all it makes you look like you think you are better and wiser than others. Second, everyone will think that you will judge and criticize them too because they hear you judging others. Third, I think it makes you look stupid, righteous and self-centered.

People who judge others are mediocre and are trying to feel superior, so they talk negatively about others to make keep others mediocre and themselves "feeling" superior when actually they appear less than mediocre to me for criticizing others.

I know that all beings are divine. I try not to judge others! Sometimes I find myself chiming in and hating myself for doing it.

How Many Miles?

Today was a very active day beginning with running at least thirteen miles. I started out from home and ran to the park, then around the park and back home. All under my own steam. I didn't take any Accel Gel with me this time. I ran from water fountains a long the way. When I got back near home I stopped to get some blank CD's. I felt a little lightheaded in the store so I bought a bottle of real coke. It revived me, and I was able to walk the rest of the way home.

When I got home I walked the dog then showered and tried to rest up for my 4:30 PM tee time. Yes, then I walked for over two hours playing nine holes of golf. I loved every minutes.

You see, today was a low humidity, moderate temperature day! Just beautiful! The golf game went fine. I had fun and a beer afterwards which went directly to my head. My friend felt her beer right away too. Empty stomachs cause low alcohol tolerance. So we went to get something to eat. We each rode with our other golfers companions with us heading for food too.

When I got home, I walked another mile about walking my dog. I'm done now hopefully for today.

I am most grateful for my physical, mental, intellectual, emotional healthiness and youthfulness!

I'm writing and watching Side B of the first DVD of "What the Bleep?/ "Down the Rabbit Hole" it's fabulous! One professor talks about no reports publicly acknowledged regarding quantum physics. One speaker is J. Z. Knight who channels Ramtha, a spirit. One woman speaks of "Just how much profit does one has to make?" She goes on. "What about the environment?" No seems to care. People needs to become for spiritual and less religious. People, the church is merely looking to collect your money. It's the epitome of self-righteous, self-serving, and manipulation.

I had many wonderful thoughts on my mind as I walked and I had many magical moments on the golf course. I wanted magical moments and I got them.

Talk about a magical moment. One the ninth hole we hit the ball across water. It looked like my ball spashed into the lake and was losted. When we got to the green we found my ball way up about twenty feet upon the green. Now that is magic! Evidently my ball bounced somehow out of the water then rolled twenty feet across the very wide green.