I was just thinking how much I love where I live and my condo that I live in. I have everything I need without the extra space. I have togetherness, quiet and convenience. It's well under a thousand square feet..I'd say eight or nine. I can't remember and I'm a bad judge. I have enough closet space...but you know, no matter how much you have it all manages to get filled up. Actually, it's time to go through things and start pitching. I should have nothing but the things that I am using or will know I will use.
I live in the heart of it all, I can run four miles to the park and back or while there run around the park and back and make it a half marathon. You know just in case the urge strikes me.
I can jump on my bicycle and ride across the river out fifty miles east and around trails then come back again to make a century. I love it!
I'm surrounded by my friends. In the past, I had to drive 25 miles or 45 minutes to get anywhere. I was isolated and surrounded by non types.."not my type".
Anyway, I'm happy here. I know where everything is inside and outside of my place and my life. Neighbors are friendly, cars are nice and dogs are cute.
I have good friends close by. I'm happy. A dog is a lot of company I'm finding out and helps fill a little void that sneaks in when she is not with me but at my ex's, close by. We have co-custody. It works out! I hope she remains in the neighborhood when her lease is up.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Hearts
Hearts! Some people want people just to be there....one woman said while she read.....in bed....how cold is that!
I want intimacy. I want to hold your heart close to mine. I want to feel your breath and listen to your signs and words...
I want to know what makes you you....your dreams, pains, heartaches, ambitions, fears, tears, warmth and sorrows. I want to hold your face in my hands look into your eyes, touch your hair and kiss your lips. I want to know YOU. I don't just want you there - for ME. I want to know you; who you are.
I'm a very nice loving person and not over powering. I'd rather know what you like and like to do...in order to know you better. I want to love your heart; to think you are precious. Just two hearts coming together connecting in love enjoying the wonder of you
I want intimacy. I want to hold your heart close to mine. I want to feel your breath and listen to your signs and words...
I want to know what makes you you....your dreams, pains, heartaches, ambitions, fears, tears, warmth and sorrows. I want to hold your face in my hands look into your eyes, touch your hair and kiss your lips. I want to know YOU. I don't just want you there - for ME. I want to know you; who you are.
I'm a very nice loving person and not over powering. I'd rather know what you like and like to do...in order to know you better. I want to love your heart; to think you are precious. Just two hearts coming together connecting in love enjoying the wonder of you
Just Made it Home
Wow! Just made it home before the thunder began. I thought I left around 10:00 AM; it's 2:00 PM now. Maybe I left later than what I thought after I got off the phone?
I ran about nine yesterday, so running about 13 miles today sort of pooped me out. I probably ended upwalking about two miles of that. But, that's good it was a good run anway. I wanted to push myself and increase my endurance.
I had nice quiet evening last night...just the way I planned it. I sang and played my guitar and watch my nice new flat panel HDTV. Oh, and I figured out how to get my DVD to work.
Hmm that soda was good! I got a bag of the "good" ice. Just ate left over "Red Lobster" my ex gave me before he added out of town for the weekend. It was good and just enough. Now, pina chips and cola soda.
I had a bagel about eight this morning...and four Accel Gel packs during my run. No wonder my stomach was hungry and I was feeling rather pooped.
Nice shower, comfy clothes, I feel all cozy watching the rain and listenin to the thunder. I love days like this. I enjoyed the birds, budding trees and flowers as I ran through the park; the adorable bouncing puppes...so happy and loving and wanting to please. The twelve week old chocolate lab ran very nicely alone side his master...and around the park...that far for a pup...about six miles. That puppy was a chick magnet..well just plain people magnet..it was great!
I love my life. Intimacy would be nice..
m
I ran about nine yesterday, so running about 13 miles today sort of pooped me out. I probably ended upwalking about two miles of that. But, that's good it was a good run anway. I wanted to push myself and increase my endurance.
I had nice quiet evening last night...just the way I planned it. I sang and played my guitar and watch my nice new flat panel HDTV. Oh, and I figured out how to get my DVD to work.
Hmm that soda was good! I got a bag of the "good" ice. Just ate left over "Red Lobster" my ex gave me before he added out of town for the weekend. It was good and just enough. Now, pina chips and cola soda.
I had a bagel about eight this morning...and four Accel Gel packs during my run. No wonder my stomach was hungry and I was feeling rather pooped.
Nice shower, comfy clothes, I feel all cozy watching the rain and listenin to the thunder. I love days like this. I enjoyed the birds, budding trees and flowers as I ran through the park; the adorable bouncing puppes...so happy and loving and wanting to please. The twelve week old chocolate lab ran very nicely alone side his master...and around the park...that far for a pup...about six miles. That puppy was a chick magnet..well just plain people magnet..it was great!
I love my life. Intimacy would be nice..
m
Saturday, April 29, 2006
A Time of Great Change for Our Country
Monday, May 1st, 2006, the Great American Boycott will take place. Even California state government will cut work..any excuse. The Catholic church, of course, is in favor, they think that all illegals should be given amnesty; they want the money and the head count. They carry Mexican flags, will they have changed that to American flags now. The illegals will be boycotting work, so it appears the elites will have to baby sit their own children, cook and cut their own lawns. Of course, the Mexican government is in favor, they have enough people to deal with and are glad to get rid of a few million.
Personally, I think we have enough uneducated low paying workers in this country. Due mostly to peer pressure 1 out of 2 Latinos in Denver, Colorado are not graduating. They are gang members. Just how sad is that?
I predict they will bring this country down..soon along with bush polluting the air and dirtying the environment, the USA will be live Mexico, poor, dirty and polluted. Then where will the people want to go? My point is "make your country, Mexico, a better place to live" and face your problems and demand the Mexican government gets things cleaned up and cleared up. ET go home!
Okay, Bush is determined to sell something to Bubai Doncasters; he was fought and stopped from selling them control of our ports and harbors, so he sold them our contract to build military tanks. U.E.I Bubai will build our tanks; I hope we remain friends.
Iraq has become a safe haven for terrorist from all over the world. Wow! seems we are spinning our wheels there. I'm sure Haliburton's oil field are well protected however.
Border security! What does that mean. I believe it has gotten worse since 9/11/01. U.E.I Bubai Doncasters will control nine plants in this country that build tanks and defense weapons. I think Bush, the anti-christ, is showing his might. He's pissed because he couldn't sell our ports and harbors to Bubai.
Indians, are buying up our under sea cables. So goes our republicans committees enabling the great American sell out. I think the Bush's have great plans to one day be president over half of the world. Yes, the world is flat.
The middle class cannot find representations in this house of government. The middle class is shrinking and the poor are increasing. Hell, we are shipping in poor people. Are we nuts? Soon we will have nothing but starving people, murdering, and stealing, in this country. What class? There is no middle class, who are contributing to our income tax base, our social services. Instead, these poor people are draining our social services.
Gas prices are increasing, Bush does nothing! We, the people, are being sold out!
Yes, the illegal immigrants boycotts are happening Monday. Do you think they will boycott our free medical services too?
They are flowing here because our country is better than there. They are even wanting to sing a spanish National Anthem! The audacity! They clearly want to make this country there own. They are not bringing in any money with them, they are here to take, not build up our economy. This country is in transition and our prosperity is deminishing, sorry to say. We are going down hill!
All the middle class jobs are going away, because of inflation, out-sourcing, off shoring, union jobs taken over by willing to make low pay, illegal immigrants.
I think I am glad I am as old as I am; this country is going down hill fast. Hell, China owns us, they and Japan have our trillion dollar national debt. Our economy is in their hands.
Gee, now the word is that Iran has nuclear weapons and their new president will not give them up. The situation has been presented to the United Nations and China and Russia, do not want to lose them as merchants and traders. Iran has oil too, doesn' it? Anyway, they're going down. Bush will be there next, I mean Haliburton will be there.
I still can't get over Bush selling control of weapons and tanks manufacturing of nine plants in this country to BuBai Doncasters. Oh well, why am I surprised?
Yes, if we had Chinese by the millions coming across our borders that would be called and invasion and we would send out our national guard. Oh, but wait, we can't, they're all being killed or maimed in Iraq. So much for having a national guard?
I ask you again is Bush really our president? Never in any of his speeches does he speak for the good of the AMERICAN people. This is not good!
I'll be very curious to see what condition this country will be in in five years. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but it is the way I see things going...down hill!
Several years ago allready, I heard carpenters saying. Yes, I would go to Dallas to work but I cannot compete with the latinos working for next to nothing there. So, good paying unions jobs are being out-sourced to illegal, and legal immigrants. Your own president is selling you out!
Now grant it I don't mind someone getting a break but why not have Bush get with the Mexican president Mr. Fox and work out a deal. Offer Mexico help to get their economy back in the running. This way BOTH countries get economically build up. But, no, big business here and anti-union republicans don't want that...but, they do not realize that they are bringing this country DOWN! Now you will have two countries in poor shape! Two negatives don't make a positive, people!
And you know the immigrants will vote republican for the church and Bush, since he LET them stay. Oh yes, very some the illegals will be granted amnesty. I don't care. But, what ever happened to border security? It's a free-for-all as it is now. Truly amazing..
Personally, I think we have enough uneducated low paying workers in this country. Due mostly to peer pressure 1 out of 2 Latinos in Denver, Colorado are not graduating. They are gang members. Just how sad is that?
I predict they will bring this country down..soon along with bush polluting the air and dirtying the environment, the USA will be live Mexico, poor, dirty and polluted. Then where will the people want to go? My point is "make your country, Mexico, a better place to live" and face your problems and demand the Mexican government gets things cleaned up and cleared up. ET go home!
Okay, Bush is determined to sell something to Bubai Doncasters; he was fought and stopped from selling them control of our ports and harbors, so he sold them our contract to build military tanks. U.E.I Bubai will build our tanks; I hope we remain friends.
Iraq has become a safe haven for terrorist from all over the world. Wow! seems we are spinning our wheels there. I'm sure Haliburton's oil field are well protected however.
Border security! What does that mean. I believe it has gotten worse since 9/11/01. U.E.I Bubai Doncasters will control nine plants in this country that build tanks and defense weapons. I think Bush, the anti-christ, is showing his might. He's pissed because he couldn't sell our ports and harbors to Bubai.
Indians, are buying up our under sea cables. So goes our republicans committees enabling the great American sell out. I think the Bush's have great plans to one day be president over half of the world. Yes, the world is flat.
The middle class cannot find representations in this house of government. The middle class is shrinking and the poor are increasing. Hell, we are shipping in poor people. Are we nuts? Soon we will have nothing but starving people, murdering, and stealing, in this country. What class? There is no middle class, who are contributing to our income tax base, our social services. Instead, these poor people are draining our social services.
Gas prices are increasing, Bush does nothing! We, the people, are being sold out!
Yes, the illegal immigrants boycotts are happening Monday. Do you think they will boycott our free medical services too?
They are flowing here because our country is better than there. They are even wanting to sing a spanish National Anthem! The audacity! They clearly want to make this country there own. They are not bringing in any money with them, they are here to take, not build up our economy. This country is in transition and our prosperity is deminishing, sorry to say. We are going down hill!
All the middle class jobs are going away, because of inflation, out-sourcing, off shoring, union jobs taken over by willing to make low pay, illegal immigrants.
I think I am glad I am as old as I am; this country is going down hill fast. Hell, China owns us, they and Japan have our trillion dollar national debt. Our economy is in their hands.
Gee, now the word is that Iran has nuclear weapons and their new president will not give them up. The situation has been presented to the United Nations and China and Russia, do not want to lose them as merchants and traders. Iran has oil too, doesn' it? Anyway, they're going down. Bush will be there next, I mean Haliburton will be there.
I still can't get over Bush selling control of weapons and tanks manufacturing of nine plants in this country to BuBai Doncasters. Oh well, why am I surprised?
Yes, if we had Chinese by the millions coming across our borders that would be called and invasion and we would send out our national guard. Oh, but wait, we can't, they're all being killed or maimed in Iraq. So much for having a national guard?
I ask you again is Bush really our president? Never in any of his speeches does he speak for the good of the AMERICAN people. This is not good!
I'll be very curious to see what condition this country will be in in five years. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but it is the way I see things going...down hill!
Several years ago allready, I heard carpenters saying. Yes, I would go to Dallas to work but I cannot compete with the latinos working for next to nothing there. So, good paying unions jobs are being out-sourced to illegal, and legal immigrants. Your own president is selling you out!
Now grant it I don't mind someone getting a break but why not have Bush get with the Mexican president Mr. Fox and work out a deal. Offer Mexico help to get their economy back in the running. This way BOTH countries get economically build up. But, no, big business here and anti-union republicans don't want that...but, they do not realize that they are bringing this country DOWN! Now you will have two countries in poor shape! Two negatives don't make a positive, people!
And you know the immigrants will vote republican for the church and Bush, since he LET them stay. Oh yes, very some the illegals will be granted amnesty. I don't care. But, what ever happened to border security? It's a free-for-all as it is now. Truly amazing..
What NPR has to broadcast regarding Bush Oil
It seems the democrats would like to get a bill signed by the house to put into effect more research on the use of ethanol and other oil alternative and also to see why the gas keeps going up. But news reporters said today that there isn't much Bush can do. No I guess not! The house is republican, the president is republican and big oil refineries corrporations are republican. But, the oil loving industry, republicans and president are fighting it and have ignored the gas crunch for years....well before the 70's actually. Instead the republicans want to dig up every reserve in every park or state that there is..just to keep the oil and petroleum industry happy. The hell with the environment; the hell with your money crunch. The hell with your children's future.
And I'm not buying this bullshit that it will cost more energy to convert a renewable resource to fuel..that is just more bullshit they want you to believe. Grain and sugar cane stalks get cooked and a computer chip in a Flex car (or probably any car could be converted..they just don't want you to think so) and adjust to the ratio of combination you happen to be burning..Brazil is doing it now. Do the research...and stop listening to republican paid Rush.
What I don't understand is the fact that Americans are still buying extra super large vehicles. Why, Ford has just made an XL (extra large) Expedition. It is available in a 15 inch longer version. Are people just down right stupid? You see one person in these supersized boxes on wheels and apparantly no cargo. So, what is the purpose? Please tell me! Don't you think you should unload this monstrous piece of shit while you can still get something for it? Trade it in and get a hybrid. Gas is up to $3.00 per gallon and it won't stop there. The men of oil want YOUR MONEY people. Hello, wake up. Or is your dick really that small that you must drive a big ass killing machine..because that is all that they are. And personally, like if you are still stupid enough to be still smoking, you look downright ignorant (and smokers never have health insurance, and they are always surprised when they get lung cancer!)
Sorry to be so crass but come on - get in touch with reality. Countries like Brazil are making us look creedy and foolish and like a country that cares nothing about environment or just plain in denial. Brazil's main income and crop is sugar cane; they waste nothing of the plant. What is not used to make sugar is cooked into ethanol. One cooker plant can make enough for 10,000 cars in one day and it's cheaper than petroleum. Do the research, watch and listen to NPR. Eightly percent of the Flex cars (meaning that they are equiped with a computer on board that can determine the ratio mix of ethanol and petroleum. Brazil predicts that by 2007 they will be completely petroleum free.
Hello republicans, big business and George (knucklehead) Bush we are not stupid like you would like us to believe. We know we are in Iraq for Haliburton (Cheney's big corporation..yeah right, former CEO...) and the big oil industries which I'm sure the Bush's are getting their fair share. The Bush dynasty has always been into oil...read "American Dynasty" by Kevin Phillip and stop listening to Rush Limbaugh's bullshit...he's a paid republican...come on ..use your head! I don't know why blue collar men, in particular, have to have a god to worship, idealize and think for them? Are you all latent gays? You would think stupid ass barely high school diploma'd Rush is a frek'n god. Drug addict besides? He just has a knack for twisting words around and you are easily fooled and want someone to do your reasoning for you. Just follow the money!
I can tell you right now that ethanol, it will never be used in full force, in this country. Not unless big corporations contract the farmers to raise corn for them. The farmers will never get rich, that priviledge is meant for big heads of corporation and farmers can never unite themselves to compete with large corporations. If I had to guess I think that big corporations will develop hydrogen; or what ever is profitable to them at the time. What ever will cost you the most money, so they can stick more money into their pockets .. They are in it for the money people, not to cut you a break. Use your heads for a change.
The middle class is shrinking for that very reason. Your government is not out to look out for your best interest so get smart. Do your home work. Just how much in debt are you? Do you live paycheck to paycheck. If you lost your job would you lose your home and be homeless within thirty to sixty days? Do you have a nest egg; a nest. A retirement plan? Do you know what a 401K plan is; does your employer offer one? Do you have health insurance? Do you have a job that offers benefits? Is your pay so low that you have to work two jobs to make ends meet? Well you can thank clueless George for all the above. The republicans really like puppets; because like George they don't use their brains but only repeat what they are told to say, well he tries anyway, I guess. You could fool me. It appears to me Bush can't put two sentences together. So much for being a rich kid. Now take Clinton, a poor boy made it to president, a Rhodes scholar. Say what you will, the man can speak!
Do you think the republicans will get voted out? I doubt it! Especially these old white male gizzers; they'll never not vote republican. And their wives are mere shadows. Talk about a generation of ditto heads.
Well, I for one, am insulted by being lied to. Bush has no more intentions of easing up on his dependency on oil. He is lying to you. Of course a lot of democrats may have alot of money invested in petproleum too. Just follow the money.....or follow your out sourced jobs to another country.....or let illegal immigrants build houses here much cheaper than any unionized person can. Those unions have kept your salaries up too...the republicans don't like unions. Need I say more! Are you catching on yet?
This country will wait until things get so bad then a democrat women will get in and clean up after the creedy white males who only think about competing amongst themselves. Just how much money do you need to feel like a big shot? Billions and billions? Just when is your ego stroked enough? Are these men thinking about future generations...hell no! Just think about how most husbands behave and then take that thought to a grander scale and now you know what I'm talking about. And doesn't the wife have to take the responsibility and clean up his mess he has left behind? Hello! Now you got the picture.
Now you know why in many countries just as Argentina, countries in Africa and many other place, even in the middle east. Women are taking charge and cleaning up the mess the men have made. Because men are competitive, like their toys, and don't think beyond the pleasure of the moment. They think win, win, win, money, money, money and they'll step on any kid or women's, or another men's toes to get it..
Okay, I'm finished ranting for today....it's been building up I just had to let off a little steam. Okay, here's the disclaimer, we still have freedom of speak...don't tell FOX, and the above is my personal unterribly researched opinion. Right!
Rosie speaks her mind..she was recently on hardball and told Chris we are in Iraq for Haliburton. I love Rosie. I hope she does do the View and won't that be a shake up for republican Elizabeth. I can hardly wait until September. Go Meredith! Go Katy! Go Rosie! And Hillary, you better get your team united otherwise Condi will walk all over you...the Karl Roves of politics will see to it.
And I'm not buying this bullshit that it will cost more energy to convert a renewable resource to fuel..that is just more bullshit they want you to believe. Grain and sugar cane stalks get cooked and a computer chip in a Flex car (or probably any car could be converted..they just don't want you to think so) and adjust to the ratio of combination you happen to be burning..Brazil is doing it now. Do the research...and stop listening to republican paid Rush.
What I don't understand is the fact that Americans are still buying extra super large vehicles. Why, Ford has just made an XL (extra large) Expedition. It is available in a 15 inch longer version. Are people just down right stupid? You see one person in these supersized boxes on wheels and apparantly no cargo. So, what is the purpose? Please tell me! Don't you think you should unload this monstrous piece of shit while you can still get something for it? Trade it in and get a hybrid. Gas is up to $3.00 per gallon and it won't stop there. The men of oil want YOUR MONEY people. Hello, wake up. Or is your dick really that small that you must drive a big ass killing machine..because that is all that they are. And personally, like if you are still stupid enough to be still smoking, you look downright ignorant (and smokers never have health insurance, and they are always surprised when they get lung cancer!)
Sorry to be so crass but come on - get in touch with reality. Countries like Brazil are making us look creedy and foolish and like a country that cares nothing about environment or just plain in denial. Brazil's main income and crop is sugar cane; they waste nothing of the plant. What is not used to make sugar is cooked into ethanol. One cooker plant can make enough for 10,000 cars in one day and it's cheaper than petroleum. Do the research, watch and listen to NPR. Eightly percent of the Flex cars (meaning that they are equiped with a computer on board that can determine the ratio mix of ethanol and petroleum. Brazil predicts that by 2007 they will be completely petroleum free.
Hello republicans, big business and George (knucklehead) Bush we are not stupid like you would like us to believe. We know we are in Iraq for Haliburton (Cheney's big corporation..yeah right, former CEO...) and the big oil industries which I'm sure the Bush's are getting their fair share. The Bush dynasty has always been into oil...read "American Dynasty" by Kevin Phillip and stop listening to Rush Limbaugh's bullshit...he's a paid republican...come on ..use your head! I don't know why blue collar men, in particular, have to have a god to worship, idealize and think for them? Are you all latent gays? You would think stupid ass barely high school diploma'd Rush is a frek'n god. Drug addict besides? He just has a knack for twisting words around and you are easily fooled and want someone to do your reasoning for you. Just follow the money!
I can tell you right now that ethanol, it will never be used in full force, in this country. Not unless big corporations contract the farmers to raise corn for them. The farmers will never get rich, that priviledge is meant for big heads of corporation and farmers can never unite themselves to compete with large corporations. If I had to guess I think that big corporations will develop hydrogen; or what ever is profitable to them at the time. What ever will cost you the most money, so they can stick more money into their pockets .. They are in it for the money people, not to cut you a break. Use your heads for a change.
The middle class is shrinking for that very reason. Your government is not out to look out for your best interest so get smart. Do your home work. Just how much in debt are you? Do you live paycheck to paycheck. If you lost your job would you lose your home and be homeless within thirty to sixty days? Do you have a nest egg; a nest. A retirement plan? Do you know what a 401K plan is; does your employer offer one? Do you have health insurance? Do you have a job that offers benefits? Is your pay so low that you have to work two jobs to make ends meet? Well you can thank clueless George for all the above. The republicans really like puppets; because like George they don't use their brains but only repeat what they are told to say, well he tries anyway, I guess. You could fool me. It appears to me Bush can't put two sentences together. So much for being a rich kid. Now take Clinton, a poor boy made it to president, a Rhodes scholar. Say what you will, the man can speak!
Do you think the republicans will get voted out? I doubt it! Especially these old white male gizzers; they'll never not vote republican. And their wives are mere shadows. Talk about a generation of ditto heads.
Well, I for one, am insulted by being lied to. Bush has no more intentions of easing up on his dependency on oil. He is lying to you. Of course a lot of democrats may have alot of money invested in petproleum too. Just follow the money.....or follow your out sourced jobs to another country.....or let illegal immigrants build houses here much cheaper than any unionized person can. Those unions have kept your salaries up too...the republicans don't like unions. Need I say more! Are you catching on yet?
This country will wait until things get so bad then a democrat women will get in and clean up after the creedy white males who only think about competing amongst themselves. Just how much money do you need to feel like a big shot? Billions and billions? Just when is your ego stroked enough? Are these men thinking about future generations...hell no! Just think about how most husbands behave and then take that thought to a grander scale and now you know what I'm talking about. And doesn't the wife have to take the responsibility and clean up his mess he has left behind? Hello! Now you got the picture.
Now you know why in many countries just as Argentina, countries in Africa and many other place, even in the middle east. Women are taking charge and cleaning up the mess the men have made. Because men are competitive, like their toys, and don't think beyond the pleasure of the moment. They think win, win, win, money, money, money and they'll step on any kid or women's, or another men's toes to get it..
Okay, I'm finished ranting for today....it's been building up I just had to let off a little steam. Okay, here's the disclaimer, we still have freedom of speak...don't tell FOX, and the above is my personal unterribly researched opinion. Right!
Rosie speaks her mind..she was recently on hardball and told Chris we are in Iraq for Haliburton. I love Rosie. I hope she does do the View and won't that be a shake up for republican Elizabeth. I can hardly wait until September. Go Meredith! Go Katy! Go Rosie! And Hillary, you better get your team united otherwise Condi will walk all over you...the Karl Roves of politics will see to it.
Frontrunners
Frontrunners is a great bunch of LGBT group of runners. I have great friends there and we get together for bicycle rides too. The people are very nice and easy to talk to.
I just spent the last couple of hours listening all bout a recent river to river relay race consisting of the running three 5k's with about three hours in between. My hats off to what was described as a very well planned event.
Two of the group just completed the Boston Marathon and that two was quit organized with buses taking runners out to the starting point; downside to this - there was a three hour wait before the start of the race. So it was necessary to plan to have correct amount of food in your back pack..where then went back on the bus right before the race.
We are planning on doing the strawberry ride and the donut ride again this year. Also, we are planning on running another half marathon in September. I plan too on doing the biathlon that we did last year.
My legs are feeling strong - I ran 9 miles this morning. Thursday I rode 107 miles in 8:38 (101 miles at 8:00) on my bicycle. Last Sunday I rode 85 miles on my bicycle in seven hours. I did all this without the Accel Gel. Well, I was trying to avoid caffeine and whey protein which doesn't necessarily agree with my delicate digestive system.
I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night and just about fell asleep, sliding my elbow forward on the table. I was up journaling between one and three this morning. I don't know why I couldn't sleep last night? It's a rainy weekend, I bet I snooze this afternoon.
I just spent the last couple of hours listening all bout a recent river to river relay race consisting of the running three 5k's with about three hours in between. My hats off to what was described as a very well planned event.
Two of the group just completed the Boston Marathon and that two was quit organized with buses taking runners out to the starting point; downside to this - there was a three hour wait before the start of the race. So it was necessary to plan to have correct amount of food in your back pack..where then went back on the bus right before the race.
We are planning on doing the strawberry ride and the donut ride again this year. Also, we are planning on running another half marathon in September. I plan too on doing the biathlon that we did last year.
My legs are feeling strong - I ran 9 miles this morning. Thursday I rode 107 miles in 8:38 (101 miles at 8:00) on my bicycle. Last Sunday I rode 85 miles on my bicycle in seven hours. I did all this without the Accel Gel. Well, I was trying to avoid caffeine and whey protein which doesn't necessarily agree with my delicate digestive system.
I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night and just about fell asleep, sliding my elbow forward on the table. I was up journaling between one and three this morning. I don't know why I couldn't sleep last night? It's a rainy weekend, I bet I snooze this afternoon.
Friday, April 28, 2006
It's been over a year now....
Since I have talked to my family, any of them....and once more, I don't care. Gee!
Funny, if I would have known that it would have been that easy; I would have done it thirty years ago...damn I'm a fool. Also, why didn't I move to another state thirty years ago?
Oh well, can't go back in time. But, thank god I am free now.
And I've been shown love..so my heart is not all that empty, but hurts most of the time, but it's not empty. The good doctor saved my life. She held me; put her heart close to mine and cared about me... and saved my life that day...it's been more than a year and a half now.....that she loved me....showed me love.
I was dying...
Funny, if I would have known that it would have been that easy; I would have done it thirty years ago...damn I'm a fool. Also, why didn't I move to another state thirty years ago?
Oh well, can't go back in time. But, thank god I am free now.
And I've been shown love..so my heart is not all that empty, but hurts most of the time, but it's not empty. The good doctor saved my life. She held me; put her heart close to mine and cared about me... and saved my life that day...it's been more than a year and a half now.....that she loved me....showed me love.
I was dying...
A Quiet Evening..and weekend
Looks like rain! So I'm a little gloomy myself matching the weather conditions; and I don't know why though. I rode bicycle this morning with my friend. I am emailing a nice person, we are pen pals. I suspect that will go no-where. I am not very optimistic lately.
I'm depressed, but don't even care that I am depressed. Now, that's weird! I could have gone out with a social group every night this weekend; but my heart is not in it. I can't connect. I'm a one person, person. Besides I have trouble communicating with people..so it seems. It's just noise, empty noise and senseless words. Bullshit - in other words. I prefer one-on-one conversation not one-upness.
Don't you know..most of my life has been empty noise..so what was the point? The 80's were bullshit! Pointless and meaningless gargle..I could have been on drugs for as much as I got out of it. Oh, I guess I had drunken fun...I don't know. I did have a lot of sex..that was good! I guess. There was no love connected to the sex...again..pointless and with men! Ugh! Oh my god! Some men are good lovers however. I least you know where you stand with men...you know they want SEX.
My best love...last summer! A high point! That was with a woman!
Oh have you heard? Rosie is supposed to replace Meredith on "The View"? You must be kidding? I wouldn't sit her right next to Star. Cat fight! God, this will be better then women's roller derby. If it's true, I can hardly wait! Oh my god! Now Joy and Rosie...maybe? But Elizabeth, Star and Rosie..getting along....NO WAY! September should be exciting! And just what has Star done to herself? Is she still trying to turn that gay man straight by turning herself into Diana Ross? Her eyes? What happened to her eyes?
My rottweiler is content, lying and looking out the patio doors and I am so happy. So what if she barks at people and dogs passing..
I'm feeling better now that I took my third S.A.M.E...it's a supplement to improve mood and joints and connetive tissue. I took more today, because I have been a little depressed. But, I have been depressed most of my life.. so it's no big thing anymore. I just keep, keeping on...
Maybe I'll play my guitar. I should get my ass out and run in the morning. I have not ran for over a week....Oh, I rode 85 miles last Sunday and 107 yesterday.. I guess that's enough. I like the upper body workout, that comes with riding my roadbike. But, I think I get a better high running 13.1 miles. See, I am depressed and a little nuts. No, "I am just trying to kill myself one feature at a time"...to borrow a line from ....tell me the movie.. Is it "Lunch on the Green"?...Marsha Mason and Nathan Lane, playing a screaming queen. Marsha is an ex-drunk..an actress, she gets beat up and goes to meet her ex for lunch with a black eye. Her daughter is more mature than she is...her daughter is .... and they have lunch at "On the Green" in Central Park at the end with her ex-husband. And Marsha wants to be like her daughter when she grows up... What's the daughter name? She was in the TV show "Family". She's a little dyke in real life, something Nichols.......come on what is it? What's the name of the girl who plays the daughter and what is the name of the movie...Is it "Lunch in the Park?" I think it's "Lunch in the Park". Is it Christy McNichols? And the name of the movie? I keep wanting to say "The Good-bye Girl" but that 's not it. Hmm.
I can't figure out why I am so depressed. Oh, I know why! I just don't want to talk about it! I'm better now anyway.
I don't get people at times. I do care for my friends.. but I need a lover..why is that so hard to find? Jesus god, it's only freak'n sex...people act like they would be committed for life...what the hell is wrong with people? And why do I want it so bad.... I'm talking lesbian sex here.....make no mistake. But, truth be told, I am particular...I want it either with .....I'm not saying and I'm not saying.
And why do people really think they are hot shit when they are getting it...it's so sickening to see. People like to rub it in. I can't stand it. So, just for that, I'm staying in this weekend...
I'm depressed, but don't even care that I am depressed. Now, that's weird! I could have gone out with a social group every night this weekend; but my heart is not in it. I can't connect. I'm a one person, person. Besides I have trouble communicating with people..so it seems. It's just noise, empty noise and senseless words. Bullshit - in other words. I prefer one-on-one conversation not one-upness.
Don't you know..most of my life has been empty noise..so what was the point? The 80's were bullshit! Pointless and meaningless gargle..I could have been on drugs for as much as I got out of it. Oh, I guess I had drunken fun...I don't know. I did have a lot of sex..that was good! I guess. There was no love connected to the sex...again..pointless and with men! Ugh! Oh my god! Some men are good lovers however. I least you know where you stand with men...you know they want SEX.
My best love...last summer! A high point! That was with a woman!
Oh have you heard? Rosie is supposed to replace Meredith on "The View"? You must be kidding? I wouldn't sit her right next to Star. Cat fight! God, this will be better then women's roller derby. If it's true, I can hardly wait! Oh my god! Now Joy and Rosie...maybe? But Elizabeth, Star and Rosie..getting along....NO WAY! September should be exciting! And just what has Star done to herself? Is she still trying to turn that gay man straight by turning herself into Diana Ross? Her eyes? What happened to her eyes?
My rottweiler is content, lying and looking out the patio doors and I am so happy. So what if she barks at people and dogs passing..
I'm feeling better now that I took my third S.A.M.E...it's a supplement to improve mood and joints and connetive tissue. I took more today, because I have been a little depressed. But, I have been depressed most of my life.. so it's no big thing anymore. I just keep, keeping on...
Maybe I'll play my guitar. I should get my ass out and run in the morning. I have not ran for over a week....Oh, I rode 85 miles last Sunday and 107 yesterday.. I guess that's enough. I like the upper body workout, that comes with riding my roadbike. But, I think I get a better high running 13.1 miles. See, I am depressed and a little nuts. No, "I am just trying to kill myself one feature at a time"...to borrow a line from ....tell me the movie.. Is it "Lunch on the Green"?...Marsha Mason and Nathan Lane, playing a screaming queen. Marsha is an ex-drunk..an actress, she gets beat up and goes to meet her ex for lunch with a black eye. Her daughter is more mature than she is...her daughter is .... and they have lunch at "On the Green" in Central Park at the end with her ex-husband. And Marsha wants to be like her daughter when she grows up... What's the daughter name? She was in the TV show "Family". She's a little dyke in real life, something Nichols.......come on what is it? What's the name of the girl who plays the daughter and what is the name of the movie...Is it "Lunch in the Park?" I think it's "Lunch in the Park". Is it Christy McNichols? And the name of the movie? I keep wanting to say "The Good-bye Girl" but that 's not it. Hmm.
I can't figure out why I am so depressed. Oh, I know why! I just don't want to talk about it! I'm better now anyway.
I don't get people at times. I do care for my friends.. but I need a lover..why is that so hard to find? Jesus god, it's only freak'n sex...people act like they would be committed for life...what the hell is wrong with people? And why do I want it so bad.... I'm talking lesbian sex here.....make no mistake. But, truth be told, I am particular...I want it either with .....I'm not saying and I'm not saying.
And why do people really think they are hot shit when they are getting it...it's so sickening to see. People like to rub it in. I can't stand it. So, just for that, I'm staying in this weekend...
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I rode 107 miles in 8 hrs and 38 minutes.
What a wonderful day. Well, I'm not depressed anymore; now I'm happy and feel blessed. My endorphins are high and I'm happy. Oh, I'm tired I've been up since before 5:00 A. M. I left home at 5:30 while it was still dark..I had my bike lights on, front and back. There was no traffic I was loving it. From home all the way down to the river is 13 miles and it went grand. A total of 30 miles up to Lewis and Clark. About six miles to SIUE. I did a 32 miles trail loop around there before heading back home.
At 101 miles I had rode for 8 hours. (I was back in the park when I saw this on my odometer). In 38 minutes I rode seven more miles and that was from the park through traffic to home. My bicycle odometer only measures as I crank..so that is actual riding times. I was out there a total of 10 hours.
Yes, one bagel, before I left, and some during. At 62 miles at a gas and food place I bought a slice of pizza, two snicker bars, two bags of peanut M&Ms and a 20 oz real coke. My furthest point out was about at 50 miles (see my route was perfectly planned with about 50% bike path on shoulder, city streets, and 50% bike trails in MC). My average speed was about 15 miles per hour I guess; although my odometer tells me 12 mph.
I love pushing myself. Well, I got that done for the spring and I'll do another in the fall. Last Sunday I rode 85 miles; so I was itching to do the full 100. What? You think I'll be back out there before fall cranking out another 100? Well, you might be right.
I want to do some running now(not today, I'm not superwoman - next week). I haven't ran for over a week. Well, nothing substantial; I ran with a group Saturday morning, but that was only for four miles. I'm ready to do another 13.1 miles. I love running too.
Running takes less time. I can run 13.1 miles in 2:15 at least. I do however, love the full body workout with riding bicycle. My upper body gets a great workout. I love it. I wore better padded riding pants too today and that helps make a big difference. My ride a road bike, Trek. My jersey has the three pockets in the back, so I can store all my food snacks and stuff. I have two bottle holders for water and soda.
Thank you god, universe, spirit guides for my good healthy, great knees and over all well being.
I know why I was depressed and it was because I didn't do a hard workout for two days. Well, my love life sucks; but maybe it's better than having one who knows? I've given up trying to figure it out. I'm still in love with last summer's love anyway. I think about her all the time even though I am trying to connect with person on line. The other day someone said; it appears you and K are a couple. I said we are friends. Well, people think you are a couple so neither one of you will get asked out. Yeah, like I want to go out with any of them anyway. None of them are my type. I'm becoming a loner except for K and my friends I've known for years.
I feel like I am my own best friend, my best asset. I am so blessed to know that I can challenge myself and my body will follow through. I am so glad that I have the desire to maintain good physical health. I went to yoga classes the last two days; and that really helps too. Life is good! If I am meant to have love in my life, a lover, it will happen. The universe needs to help me on that because I cannot control another's heart. So, in the interim, I just figure..this is the best life can be for me right now. In a way it's too bad, because I am a very giving, loving person.. and I'm hot and quite the catch my friend tell me. And I am!
At 101 miles I had rode for 8 hours. (I was back in the park when I saw this on my odometer). In 38 minutes I rode seven more miles and that was from the park through traffic to home. My bicycle odometer only measures as I crank..so that is actual riding times. I was out there a total of 10 hours.
Yes, one bagel, before I left, and some during. At 62 miles at a gas and food place I bought a slice of pizza, two snicker bars, two bags of peanut M&Ms and a 20 oz real coke. My furthest point out was about at 50 miles (see my route was perfectly planned with about 50% bike path on shoulder, city streets, and 50% bike trails in MC). My average speed was about 15 miles per hour I guess; although my odometer tells me 12 mph.
I love pushing myself. Well, I got that done for the spring and I'll do another in the fall. Last Sunday I rode 85 miles; so I was itching to do the full 100. What? You think I'll be back out there before fall cranking out another 100? Well, you might be right.
I want to do some running now(not today, I'm not superwoman - next week). I haven't ran for over a week. Well, nothing substantial; I ran with a group Saturday morning, but that was only for four miles. I'm ready to do another 13.1 miles. I love running too.
Running takes less time. I can run 13.1 miles in 2:15 at least. I do however, love the full body workout with riding bicycle. My upper body gets a great workout. I love it. I wore better padded riding pants too today and that helps make a big difference. My ride a road bike, Trek. My jersey has the three pockets in the back, so I can store all my food snacks and stuff. I have two bottle holders for water and soda.
Thank you god, universe, spirit guides for my good healthy, great knees and over all well being.
I know why I was depressed and it was because I didn't do a hard workout for two days. Well, my love life sucks; but maybe it's better than having one who knows? I've given up trying to figure it out. I'm still in love with last summer's love anyway. I think about her all the time even though I am trying to connect with person on line. The other day someone said; it appears you and K are a couple. I said we are friends. Well, people think you are a couple so neither one of you will get asked out. Yeah, like I want to go out with any of them anyway. None of them are my type. I'm becoming a loner except for K and my friends I've known for years.
I feel like I am my own best friend, my best asset. I am so blessed to know that I can challenge myself and my body will follow through. I am so glad that I have the desire to maintain good physical health. I went to yoga classes the last two days; and that really helps too. Life is good! If I am meant to have love in my life, a lover, it will happen. The universe needs to help me on that because I cannot control another's heart. So, in the interim, I just figure..this is the best life can be for me right now. In a way it's too bad, because I am a very giving, loving person.. and I'm hot and quite the catch my friend tell me. And I am!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Depressed Today!
Damn I'm depressed today. Well, I didn't start out that way, but I am. It's been 48 hours since I ran a great distance or rode my bicycle a great distance. I'm depressed and my endorphins need to be super-charged.
I must get up very early tomorrow morning and ride 100 miles to get it out of my system.
I just don't people when I am like this..I need to run and ride and clear my head. I just don't get people period. Seems ....I don't know I'm not going into it.
I have to walk my dog...
I must get up very early tomorrow morning and ride 100 miles to get it out of my system.
I just don't people when I am like this..I need to run and ride and clear my head. I just don't get people period. Seems ....I don't know I'm not going into it.
I have to walk my dog...
Daddy's bailing out idiot teen drivers
I have a pet peeve and no teen idiot sons so here is my take on daddies bailing out their multi accident irresponsible idiot sons.
Within the past six months there has been three different incidents where teenage boys have caused accidents. Here comes daddy pleading with the innocent victims who got their cars wrecked. "Oh, I don't want to turn this accident into my insurance company. My insurance is high enough. How about I pay you cash?"
The red flags should go up. For one thing he is doing this for himself and it doesn't teach the idiot kid any lessons..only that ditto head daddy will bail him out of anything he gets his sorry ass into.
Daddy has everything to gain and the victim (in this case the innocent driver who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time) has everything to lose.
If the victim lets daddy get his way, the victim doesn't have a leg to stand on. Because the cops will not have been called and your insurance guy not called. Only small claims court is left and then you will have to listen to a lecture given to you by your insurance agent and the police: "Why were you so stupid?" Besides, you have a much better chance of getting your money by going through insurance companies. And they can be assholes too, so beware; even your own insurance company. So, go with a reputable firm.
In one case daddy wanted to pay the victim in increments of 200 or 300 for a 1400 damage estimate. And the repair shop wants all the money before they even begin...so there you are...out already. And who will pay for the rental car while your car is being repaired? Yeah, try to get that out of them!
You, the victim, do not owe this idoit son and dad a thing; you don't owe them any favors. Daddy needs to do the right thing by law and report the accident to the police and the insurance company.
In one incident the victim has to deal with the idiot's insurance company who tried very hard to make her claim the accident was her fault; this was after she finally made him go to his insurance company.
Don't dick with 'em. That what they have insurance for ... to cover accidents. But, I guess nuts don't fall far from the tree; like father like son.
Yes, the kid is learning alright, and that is to dodge his financial, civic and law abidding duties. Besides "my dad's a fool" and will take care of any trouble I get my sorry ass in :)
As soon as you get into an accident, I don't care how minor it is, call the police and trade insurance information. Call an ambulance if you have the least amont of pain. Will daddy pay for that too? What if two days later your neck, back or gut is giving you pain? Call your insurance company. If the idiot says he doesn't want to report it to his insurance company. Tell him that you have been advised that you cannot work any deals with anyone and call the police. You do not need to be threatened or insulted for doing the correct thing; after all, you have been paying your premiums like a good citizen..don't do him any favors when in the end you will be the one to lose out. Right then and there they are admitting their guilt when they want to avoid reporting it to their insurance company. Take notes and call the police and call your insurance company immediately.
It is not your problem that daddy has an accident prone son. In one case, it was the kids fourth accident and the parents were stupid enough to tell the victim that and then ask to pay them with cash. Trust me, the victim will never see the cash - not the total amount. The auto body place wants payment in full before the even start the work. Don't be a fool! Call the police and call your insurance company; let them deal with the dilinquent insurer. Let your insurance company work with their insurance company, or sue and garrish wages, that is what you are paying for insurance coverage. Also make sure you have enough insurance coverage. Do not skimp in this area.
The victim need not inconvenience themselves for someone who is merely looking out for himself and to save himself a buck. It's not your problem.
If you think that there is the slightish chance that you have injuries, call an ambulance...call'em anyway and get to the hospital. Sometimes internal bleeding can occur without you realizing it. Protect yourself. Allow the whinning dumb shit to do his duty as a parent and supposively law abidding citizen.
Personally I think it takes a lot of nerve to ask someone to even skirt the insurance in the first place. The audacity! You'll never see your money, he'll be off scott free and you'll be feeling like a fool and become a bitter person.
Within the past six months there has been three different incidents where teenage boys have caused accidents. Here comes daddy pleading with the innocent victims who got their cars wrecked. "Oh, I don't want to turn this accident into my insurance company. My insurance is high enough. How about I pay you cash?"
The red flags should go up. For one thing he is doing this for himself and it doesn't teach the idiot kid any lessons..only that ditto head daddy will bail him out of anything he gets his sorry ass into.
Daddy has everything to gain and the victim (in this case the innocent driver who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time) has everything to lose.
If the victim lets daddy get his way, the victim doesn't have a leg to stand on. Because the cops will not have been called and your insurance guy not called. Only small claims court is left and then you will have to listen to a lecture given to you by your insurance agent and the police: "Why were you so stupid?" Besides, you have a much better chance of getting your money by going through insurance companies. And they can be assholes too, so beware; even your own insurance company. So, go with a reputable firm.
In one case daddy wanted to pay the victim in increments of 200 or 300 for a 1400 damage estimate. And the repair shop wants all the money before they even begin...so there you are...out already. And who will pay for the rental car while your car is being repaired? Yeah, try to get that out of them!
You, the victim, do not owe this idoit son and dad a thing; you don't owe them any favors. Daddy needs to do the right thing by law and report the accident to the police and the insurance company.
In one incident the victim has to deal with the idiot's insurance company who tried very hard to make her claim the accident was her fault; this was after she finally made him go to his insurance company.
Don't dick with 'em. That what they have insurance for ... to cover accidents. But, I guess nuts don't fall far from the tree; like father like son.
Yes, the kid is learning alright, and that is to dodge his financial, civic and law abidding duties. Besides "my dad's a fool" and will take care of any trouble I get my sorry ass in :)
As soon as you get into an accident, I don't care how minor it is, call the police and trade insurance information. Call an ambulance if you have the least amont of pain. Will daddy pay for that too? What if two days later your neck, back or gut is giving you pain? Call your insurance company. If the idiot says he doesn't want to report it to his insurance company. Tell him that you have been advised that you cannot work any deals with anyone and call the police. You do not need to be threatened or insulted for doing the correct thing; after all, you have been paying your premiums like a good citizen..don't do him any favors when in the end you will be the one to lose out. Right then and there they are admitting their guilt when they want to avoid reporting it to their insurance company. Take notes and call the police and call your insurance company immediately.
It is not your problem that daddy has an accident prone son. In one case, it was the kids fourth accident and the parents were stupid enough to tell the victim that and then ask to pay them with cash. Trust me, the victim will never see the cash - not the total amount. The auto body place wants payment in full before the even start the work. Don't be a fool! Call the police and call your insurance company; let them deal with the dilinquent insurer. Let your insurance company work with their insurance company, or sue and garrish wages, that is what you are paying for insurance coverage. Also make sure you have enough insurance coverage. Do not skimp in this area.
The victim need not inconvenience themselves for someone who is merely looking out for himself and to save himself a buck. It's not your problem.
If you think that there is the slightish chance that you have injuries, call an ambulance...call'em anyway and get to the hospital. Sometimes internal bleeding can occur without you realizing it. Protect yourself. Allow the whinning dumb shit to do his duty as a parent and supposively law abidding citizen.
Personally I think it takes a lot of nerve to ask someone to even skirt the insurance in the first place. The audacity! You'll never see your money, he'll be off scott free and you'll be feeling like a fool and become a bitter person.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Jane Fonda!
The woman rocks! Have you seen Jane Fonda lately? She's 68 now going on 45 - I swear. Down right cute!
Said she hasn't had anything done since she had breast implants removed in her forties. She says she doesn't want to look like everyone else. You go girl!
Actually, I love character lines making an interesting sweet face showing signs of wisdom and heart within.
But plastic surgeons can are are willing to do just about anything their patients requests. They can't make skin thicker or regain it's elasticity.
Jane Fonda - no 68 is now the new 48. She looks amazing. I think it's wonderful. You go girl and keep doing what you are doing - working out.
There is a 66 year old in my yoga class whom I thought was in her 40's. I'm beginning to like this getting older stuff. It's a challenge. Just another run in the park or a century on my bicycle. I'm loving it!
No cheating for me either, besides I can't afford it. Like an old car, all the parts or wearing at the same rate and once you fix one thing then you will feel that you have to fix more. So don't start! Stand tall and wear it proud. Just keep on keeping on.
At this point in my life I am doing things I have never done before; like run half marathon. Do I see a marathon in my future? Well, let me tell you. I am becoming conditioned and a half marathon is a normal out and run around the park and back again for me. The 85 miles I rode on my bicycle two days ago was a piece of cake and I felt strong past the end of the ride. I was only fifteen miles away from a century and I'm itching to do it...Thursday... I'll report back.
May the force be with me.
Nasmaste!
Said she hasn't had anything done since she had breast implants removed in her forties. She says she doesn't want to look like everyone else. You go girl!
Actually, I love character lines making an interesting sweet face showing signs of wisdom and heart within.
But plastic surgeons can are are willing to do just about anything their patients requests. They can't make skin thicker or regain it's elasticity.
Jane Fonda - no 68 is now the new 48. She looks amazing. I think it's wonderful. You go girl and keep doing what you are doing - working out.
There is a 66 year old in my yoga class whom I thought was in her 40's. I'm beginning to like this getting older stuff. It's a challenge. Just another run in the park or a century on my bicycle. I'm loving it!
No cheating for me either, besides I can't afford it. Like an old car, all the parts or wearing at the same rate and once you fix one thing then you will feel that you have to fix more. So don't start! Stand tall and wear it proud. Just keep on keeping on.
At this point in my life I am doing things I have never done before; like run half marathon. Do I see a marathon in my future? Well, let me tell you. I am becoming conditioned and a half marathon is a normal out and run around the park and back again for me. The 85 miles I rode on my bicycle two days ago was a piece of cake and I felt strong past the end of the ride. I was only fifteen miles away from a century and I'm itching to do it...Thursday... I'll report back.
May the force be with me.
Nasmaste!
natural high
Is it the new age music that rocks me; the smell of the last logs of the season burning this chilling evening.. Haa 4:44. It's always a good omen when I see cool clock numbers on my digital.
I'm high with delight today. I had breakfast with a sweet friend who thanks me for being there for her. Later, yoga on my 85 mile ride worn aching body. Now, glass of wine, Vito Linquine Tuto Mare, fresh spring greens salad, crackling fire, candle lite, incense of patchouli burning. Enjoying the sounds of music of the world salsa, jalipso beats. I'm in heaven with warmth and comfort all around with dreams of love making to come... I feel it in my core being.
I have time now in relax and enjoy the wonders of nature, of womanhood, and of life. I have time to test and awe of what my body can be pushed to do..run half marathons, ride practically centuries. I have vowed to complete a century very soon; perhaps, Thursday. I haven't done one over a year; it's time. My dear friend wants to ride some early Sunday when streets are vacant as Saturday nighters slumber late into the day; so I want to get this century out of the way so I can enjoy the day with her.
My goal is to arise before dawn and be out there on the streets at six to get out of downtown before rush hour even starts. Through the woods, along the river, over the bridge, past Lewis and Clark, onto the college and beyond on MC's wonderful trails. A thirty mile loop at ar0und and head back...easily over a hundred miles back to home hopefully before the rush of evening begins.
The most I have ever done was 111 (there goes the magical numbers again) a little over a year ago and that is probably what I will end of riding when I venture out Thursday. May the spirit be the wind beneath my wings.
I trust there will be no mishaps, no flats, no crashes and I will remain strong and proud with the wind where it needs to be to my advantage. My spirit guides will be with me..they always are. I am one with the universe testing myself when I am out there..and loving every minute of it. The mind is a marvelous thing and commands the body to follow through. I celebrate my gift of humaness..I am so blessed to realize life, love, my body are miracles to test and enjoy while I'm here....this trip around.
God speed!
Namaste!
I'm high with delight today. I had breakfast with a sweet friend who thanks me for being there for her. Later, yoga on my 85 mile ride worn aching body. Now, glass of wine, Vito Linquine Tuto Mare, fresh spring greens salad, crackling fire, candle lite, incense of patchouli burning. Enjoying the sounds of music of the world salsa, jalipso beats. I'm in heaven with warmth and comfort all around with dreams of love making to come... I feel it in my core being.
I have time now in relax and enjoy the wonders of nature, of womanhood, and of life. I have time to test and awe of what my body can be pushed to do..run half marathons, ride practically centuries. I have vowed to complete a century very soon; perhaps, Thursday. I haven't done one over a year; it's time. My dear friend wants to ride some early Sunday when streets are vacant as Saturday nighters slumber late into the day; so I want to get this century out of the way so I can enjoy the day with her.
My goal is to arise before dawn and be out there on the streets at six to get out of downtown before rush hour even starts. Through the woods, along the river, over the bridge, past Lewis and Clark, onto the college and beyond on MC's wonderful trails. A thirty mile loop at ar0und and head back...easily over a hundred miles back to home hopefully before the rush of evening begins.
The most I have ever done was 111 (there goes the magical numbers again) a little over a year ago and that is probably what I will end of riding when I venture out Thursday. May the spirit be the wind beneath my wings.
I trust there will be no mishaps, no flats, no crashes and I will remain strong and proud with the wind where it needs to be to my advantage. My spirit guides will be with me..they always are. I am one with the universe testing myself when I am out there..and loving every minute of it. The mind is a marvelous thing and commands the body to follow through. I celebrate my gift of humaness..I am so blessed to realize life, love, my body are miracles to test and enjoy while I'm here....this trip around.
God speed!
Namaste!
Monday, April 24, 2006
If you are wondering how I fee...
I feel great today after riding 85 miles on my bicycle yesterday! I am purposely not doing anything much today although it is beautiful outside and 66F degrees I am so temped.
I think I'll do some yoga, play guitar, brush my dog..just things like that I guess. Oh and see why my DVD player is not working.
I had a great time with my friend Saturday evening we are very comfortable; so much, that I played and sang for her. Now that's comfortable!
Today in email she thanked me for being her friend. It doesn't get any better than that!
Last night when I got home from riding 85 miles I walked Emma then fixed myself the remaining Linquine Tuto Mare I cooked for my friend. I had a salad and a glass of wine. I even had desert, strawberry short cake. Then I sat back and relaxed. I was high with endorphines...I'm still hight today. I'm excited at what I can do and how it makes me look...like a lean machine! I feel healthy and ready for more.
I was just looking through the paper and the sale ads. I am so glad that I hate to shop. Mentally, I have my mind programmed that way because I haven't made a payment yet on my new TV; then there was the new hot water heater. Well, you know how it goes. So, I just turn off the shopping gene. I really don't have a shopping gene anyway, thank god.
My addiction is that I like to work out; which reminds me, I could work out on the weight machines...naa. I'm taking a day off. Tomorrow I ride with my friend, then go to yoga; then play nine holes of golf with some friends. So, I'm covered tomorrow on activity.
I can't wait until Sunday, I have discovered that my calendar is clear and I can ride the 100 miles on Sunday. I prefer to ride it alone actually. I am so excited. I plan to get up very early and beat any kind of traffic downtown where I need to go to pick up the trail. I'm chumping at the bit, pawing the ground, ready to get back out there.
I like riding long distances alone because I can ride the way I want and as hard or easy as I want. I am alone out there with myself and god, testing myself and relying on my capabilities. I have my cell phone along; besides I ride trail mostly and the are people all over the place out there on them. I glad I discovered this great route since I moved here. Fabulous! I can ride from my home out fifty miles and then turn around and come on back. I get snacks along the way and visit with people on the trails.
Wednesday, I think I'll run some. Wednesday evening is yoga..my favorite class.
I think I'll do some yoga, play guitar, brush my dog..just things like that I guess. Oh and see why my DVD player is not working.
I had a great time with my friend Saturday evening we are very comfortable; so much, that I played and sang for her. Now that's comfortable!
Today in email she thanked me for being her friend. It doesn't get any better than that!
Last night when I got home from riding 85 miles I walked Emma then fixed myself the remaining Linquine Tuto Mare I cooked for my friend. I had a salad and a glass of wine. I even had desert, strawberry short cake. Then I sat back and relaxed. I was high with endorphines...I'm still hight today. I'm excited at what I can do and how it makes me look...like a lean machine! I feel healthy and ready for more.
I was just looking through the paper and the sale ads. I am so glad that I hate to shop. Mentally, I have my mind programmed that way because I haven't made a payment yet on my new TV; then there was the new hot water heater. Well, you know how it goes. So, I just turn off the shopping gene. I really don't have a shopping gene anyway, thank god.
My addiction is that I like to work out; which reminds me, I could work out on the weight machines...naa. I'm taking a day off. Tomorrow I ride with my friend, then go to yoga; then play nine holes of golf with some friends. So, I'm covered tomorrow on activity.
I can't wait until Sunday, I have discovered that my calendar is clear and I can ride the 100 miles on Sunday. I prefer to ride it alone actually. I am so excited. I plan to get up very early and beat any kind of traffic downtown where I need to go to pick up the trail. I'm chumping at the bit, pawing the ground, ready to get back out there.
I like riding long distances alone because I can ride the way I want and as hard or easy as I want. I am alone out there with myself and god, testing myself and relying on my capabilities. I have my cell phone along; besides I ride trail mostly and the are people all over the place out there on them. I glad I discovered this great route since I moved here. Fabulous! I can ride from my home out fifty miles and then turn around and come on back. I get snacks along the way and visit with people on the trails.
Wednesday, I think I'll run some. Wednesday evening is yoga..my favorite class.
body Sculpting
Not that I'm into it but it seems people want less invasive, less recovery time procedures. Now there is a procedure called lipdissolve for people who can't lose the love handles or the flabby tummy. I don't know if they tried extreme exercise or not.
Anyway reading about this stuff makes me feel very fortunate indeed. Trust I truly appeciate what I have or don't have in this case. Personally, I work like hell to look my best; besides it not work I love yoga, running half marathon and bicycling near hundred miles for a leisurely ride. I find no matter what your age you can get better at what you do and increase your performance and endurance. I love finding out just what this miracle of a body can do.. I believe that it is endless in it abilities. Our brains are wonderul miraculous control centers and our bodies. It's a wonderful feeling to excel and feel herself getting stronger and better as you get older....how do you like that idea? I'm 58 and the best I have ever been... yes I do claim bragging rights.. I deserve them!
I read an article recently claiming that a 35-year old woman who lost 160 pounds after a gastric bypass. She had skin hanging way down low everywhere. Now, what if she would have lost the weight very gradually? Would that have made a difference? Would there have been less flab? Would the body and skin have had more time to adjust if the lose were gradual? Exercise is never mentioned. You know that I am the biggest advocate for exercise there ever could be. Start by walking at a quick pace and as the weight drops add yoga, then weight machines, swimming can even come sooner. Then add jogging and bicycling. The activities are endless and emotional healthy benefits even more along with the physical improvements. You'll feel like being good to your body and eating more fruits and vegetables in place of salty or sugary snacks.
Which brings me to this question. How does the weight get so out of hand before it is realized; usually after gaining more than a hundred extra pounds? I never quite understood that.. probably because I never had the problem. If I ever gained for than ten pounds I would begin to panic. And no one is more important that you are..so don't go there sedentary ways. Never loose your healthy self in a relationship. See, I did and can, so I'll remain single, it's not that important to me.
We are a civilization of quick fixes and sudden urges, I guess. That is after we realized we let it go on for so long?
We are a civilization where beauty rules; where being beautiful means being loved. Too bad! Learn to love yourself and get a dog :)
It seems we do not love ourselves unless we feel we meet society's standards of Hilton and Richie's slimness; never mind the brainlessness that contributes to the dumming of America. I don't care how rich and beautiful you are, stupid is not attractive. Besides they are merely spending their father's money. If they had to make a living they wouldn't be able to find their way out of a paperbag. I think they are on every magazine cover and cosmetic counter, probably because daddy pays for it. But, all that aside...beauty is what all the young girls deem as most important and use Hilton and Richie as models to live by. So sad!
You know exercising makes you feel good about yourself and makes you feel very attractive. You mind and spirit is all the help you need. We are as young and as attractive as we think we are. Think positive thoughts and create your day. Learn to love yourself by working out and getting your endorphines charged up and you will stop feeling sorry for yourself - which is okay, but in the long term doesn't do you any favors. There is a whole new world waiting for you after you begin to excercise and do things that are positive for your well-being. You know what those things are - so get into YOU. Exercise is the greatest anti-depressant that there is. Exercise and you will love yourself and your self-esteem will grow and hit new highs.
Life is grand so make the most of it and be the best that you can be.
Namaste!
Anyway reading about this stuff makes me feel very fortunate indeed. Trust I truly appeciate what I have or don't have in this case. Personally, I work like hell to look my best; besides it not work I love yoga, running half marathon and bicycling near hundred miles for a leisurely ride. I find no matter what your age you can get better at what you do and increase your performance and endurance. I love finding out just what this miracle of a body can do.. I believe that it is endless in it abilities. Our brains are wonderul miraculous control centers and our bodies. It's a wonderful feeling to excel and feel herself getting stronger and better as you get older....how do you like that idea? I'm 58 and the best I have ever been... yes I do claim bragging rights.. I deserve them!
I read an article recently claiming that a 35-year old woman who lost 160 pounds after a gastric bypass. She had skin hanging way down low everywhere. Now, what if she would have lost the weight very gradually? Would that have made a difference? Would there have been less flab? Would the body and skin have had more time to adjust if the lose were gradual? Exercise is never mentioned. You know that I am the biggest advocate for exercise there ever could be. Start by walking at a quick pace and as the weight drops add yoga, then weight machines, swimming can even come sooner. Then add jogging and bicycling. The activities are endless and emotional healthy benefits even more along with the physical improvements. You'll feel like being good to your body and eating more fruits and vegetables in place of salty or sugary snacks.
Which brings me to this question. How does the weight get so out of hand before it is realized; usually after gaining more than a hundred extra pounds? I never quite understood that.. probably because I never had the problem. If I ever gained for than ten pounds I would begin to panic. And no one is more important that you are..so don't go there sedentary ways. Never loose your healthy self in a relationship. See, I did and can, so I'll remain single, it's not that important to me.
We are a civilization of quick fixes and sudden urges, I guess. That is after we realized we let it go on for so long?
We are a civilization where beauty rules; where being beautiful means being loved. Too bad! Learn to love yourself and get a dog :)
It seems we do not love ourselves unless we feel we meet society's standards of Hilton and Richie's slimness; never mind the brainlessness that contributes to the dumming of America. I don't care how rich and beautiful you are, stupid is not attractive. Besides they are merely spending their father's money. If they had to make a living they wouldn't be able to find their way out of a paperbag. I think they are on every magazine cover and cosmetic counter, probably because daddy pays for it. But, all that aside...beauty is what all the young girls deem as most important and use Hilton and Richie as models to live by. So sad!
You know exercising makes you feel good about yourself and makes you feel very attractive. You mind and spirit is all the help you need. We are as young and as attractive as we think we are. Think positive thoughts and create your day. Learn to love yourself by working out and getting your endorphines charged up and you will stop feeling sorry for yourself - which is okay, but in the long term doesn't do you any favors. There is a whole new world waiting for you after you begin to excercise and do things that are positive for your well-being. You know what those things are - so get into YOU. Exercise is the greatest anti-depressant that there is. Exercise and you will love yourself and your self-esteem will grow and hit new highs.
Life is grand so make the most of it and be the best that you can be.
Namaste!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
I Rode 85 Miles Today!
I'm flying high! My goal is 100..next time.
I rode 85 miles today. It took seven hours one bagel, two snickers, two bags of M&M peanut candy and one 20 oz COKE. And water!
The weather was perfect; in the 70's and a little cloudy most of the day. I rode from home to SIUE, around there about fifteen miles then back again via Lewis and Clark and Old Chain of Rocks, through the park.
I had a blast. I'm still flying high. I wanted to do a century. Last year was a troublesome year and I didn't do a century at all. In years past I did two per year; one in springtime and one in fall.
I felt strong today, throughout and up to the end. My endurance is building! I know running has really helps. Hell, 13.1 is my normal run now. I did it twice Tuesday and Friday last week. I love it! The human body is an amazing magical miracle!
My spirit guides and protects me and keeps me strong of mind and body.
I saw my neighbor when I got home and couldn't wait to tell her. She was amazed. "You rode all that way by yourself?" I had my phone and I'm on a bike path there are others out there. Besides I think positive thoughts to clear my way and make it safe and successful!
I am having a blast! You see, I'm still high from the ride. I get high too, for two days when I run 13 miles.
I don't know if I run to alleviate depression or if I get depressed because I need to run! I'm loving it! I love being active! It seems that the more I do the more I want to do.
Namaste!
May you know the force is within you!
I rode 85 miles today. It took seven hours one bagel, two snickers, two bags of M&M peanut candy and one 20 oz COKE. And water!
The weather was perfect; in the 70's and a little cloudy most of the day. I rode from home to SIUE, around there about fifteen miles then back again via Lewis and Clark and Old Chain of Rocks, through the park.
I had a blast. I'm still flying high. I wanted to do a century. Last year was a troublesome year and I didn't do a century at all. In years past I did two per year; one in springtime and one in fall.
I felt strong today, throughout and up to the end. My endurance is building! I know running has really helps. Hell, 13.1 is my normal run now. I did it twice Tuesday and Friday last week. I love it! The human body is an amazing magical miracle!
My spirit guides and protects me and keeps me strong of mind and body.
I saw my neighbor when I got home and couldn't wait to tell her. She was amazed. "You rode all that way by yourself?" I had my phone and I'm on a bike path there are others out there. Besides I think positive thoughts to clear my way and make it safe and successful!
I am having a blast! You see, I'm still high from the ride. I get high too, for two days when I run 13 miles.
I don't know if I run to alleviate depression or if I get depressed because I need to run! I'm loving it! I love being active! It seems that the more I do the more I want to do.
Namaste!
May you know the force is within you!
Saturday, April 22, 2006
China
The local news channel survey asked if we think of China as an ally, enemy or not sure. Most people polled enemy.
Well yes, they are a communist nation and have nuclear weapons.
But here's the part I don't get...they hold our national debt and make all of the products sold in this country; just pick up anything and turn it over and read the little sticker pasted to the bottom of it. We have a huge trade agreement with China. China holds our huge debt, if they default, we go under. You know that trillion dollar debt Bush has us in; well, we borrow money from China to pay for it. Anyway that is my understanding and Japan is the other country we are indebted to. In other words we need each other.
Like the Arabs who have us over a barrel, we are in cahoots with China. We are in deep, like it or not the die has been casted.
So, most people answering the poll said "enemy", I'll say "ally" or perhaps "partners in crime". Whatever, but we can't deny that we now live in on a flat world depending on global economy. We are all working together and I feel that evidentually this will bring world peace or the destruction of civilization as we know it.
Well yes, they are a communist nation and have nuclear weapons.
But here's the part I don't get...they hold our national debt and make all of the products sold in this country; just pick up anything and turn it over and read the little sticker pasted to the bottom of it. We have a huge trade agreement with China. China holds our huge debt, if they default, we go under. You know that trillion dollar debt Bush has us in; well, we borrow money from China to pay for it. Anyway that is my understanding and Japan is the other country we are indebted to. In other words we need each other.
Like the Arabs who have us over a barrel, we are in cahoots with China. We are in deep, like it or not the die has been casted.
So, most people answering the poll said "enemy", I'll say "ally" or perhaps "partners in crime". Whatever, but we can't deny that we now live in on a flat world depending on global economy. We are all working together and I feel that evidentually this will bring world peace or the destruction of civilization as we know it.
Shifting Gears!
My horoscope today suggested letting loose of control and letting events flow. This seems like a great suggestion to me. By being controlling I am being demanding and people do not like to be pushed or feel coerced. So, I'm putting my best happy, loving self out there and I know I will get it back, right back because that is how the universe works.
Here I am last evening pining over love lost when I have the cutest sweetest friend sitting right next to me. We talk freely and have fun together. I hope that I am doing right by her.
I try to read people; maybe it's better if I don't.
I will let you know how everything goes today; we are haivng dinner here.
Loving last summer was very difficult I'm beginning to see that now. I need to learn to love in a new more positive way; not the way from my childhood or past adulthood. My loves were always distant, like my family, and so pain and longing is very familiar so I gravitate to painful love. No more!
I'm no longer afraid or shy or conservative like in the past. I have found that if I am no one gets to know the real me. Besides they will never get to hear me sing and play my guitar..my new passion.
I find singing and playing is very relaxing and centering. It takes me away from reality; not that my reality is bad but actually quite good most would say.
I have planned well and throw in a little luck and common sense; I have been most fortunate and I thank the universe.
It's a beautiful morning. I'm off for my group run in the park then breakfast which I'll return home and sing and play. Later, I'll go grocery shopping. I have a very special friend coming for dinner this evening.
I have to be careful with my feelings, for I find when I get too attached, I withdraw and become shy and stamper my words and speak like an idiot.
So, I won't think about it when I play and sing. I'll pretend that I'm T, my friend, who is outgoing, very intelligent and true to herself and never shy or afraid...and never appears needy. She has created a wonderful life for herself.
Don't you just hate needy people...it's such a turn-off! I'm done!
Nasmaste
Here I am last evening pining over love lost when I have the cutest sweetest friend sitting right next to me. We talk freely and have fun together. I hope that I am doing right by her.
I try to read people; maybe it's better if I don't.
I will let you know how everything goes today; we are haivng dinner here.
Loving last summer was very difficult I'm beginning to see that now. I need to learn to love in a new more positive way; not the way from my childhood or past adulthood. My loves were always distant, like my family, and so pain and longing is very familiar so I gravitate to painful love. No more!
I'm no longer afraid or shy or conservative like in the past. I have found that if I am no one gets to know the real me. Besides they will never get to hear me sing and play my guitar..my new passion.
I find singing and playing is very relaxing and centering. It takes me away from reality; not that my reality is bad but actually quite good most would say.
I have planned well and throw in a little luck and common sense; I have been most fortunate and I thank the universe.
It's a beautiful morning. I'm off for my group run in the park then breakfast which I'll return home and sing and play. Later, I'll go grocery shopping. I have a very special friend coming for dinner this evening.
I have to be careful with my feelings, for I find when I get too attached, I withdraw and become shy and stamper my words and speak like an idiot.
So, I won't think about it when I play and sing. I'll pretend that I'm T, my friend, who is outgoing, very intelligent and true to herself and never shy or afraid...and never appears needy. She has created a wonderful life for herself.
Don't you just hate needy people...it's such a turn-off! I'm done!
Nasmaste
Friday, April 21, 2006
I Want to See You
All day long I have been wrapping my arms around you and holding you close, touching your hair and kissing your cheek. Damn I miss you! It's your name on the email invite that does this to me. It makes me dream of seeing you. I want to see you very badly. I miss you terribly.
I'm about to make a big ass of myself and call you I miss you that much. My heart is aching.
I'm fine until there is a possibility of me seeing you; a chance I might get a glance into your heart.
Nothing has changed with me; after all these months I love you as much as the first day I looked into your eyes and our souls connected. I wish you cared for me. Damn I miss you.
I know better; I know you don't even think of me - at all. You don't love - well not me anyway.
Wow! What you did to my heart just by being you. Please come tonight. I want to see you. I'm going to hug you. I know you don't like hugs and you don't particularly like me; but, I am going to hug you - I won't be able to stop. So, please just tolerate me for a moment. I pray I'm not that distasteful to you.
Anway...I guess I've carried on enough for one day. I look real cute today. My hair is getting long. You felt so good in my arms.
Okay, I'm done! I'm here wanting you. Too bad you don't want me back.
I'm about to make a big ass of myself and call you I miss you that much. My heart is aching.
I'm fine until there is a possibility of me seeing you; a chance I might get a glance into your heart.
Nothing has changed with me; after all these months I love you as much as the first day I looked into your eyes and our souls connected. I wish you cared for me. Damn I miss you.
I know better; I know you don't even think of me - at all. You don't love - well not me anyway.
Wow! What you did to my heart just by being you. Please come tonight. I want to see you. I'm going to hug you. I know you don't like hugs and you don't particularly like me; but, I am going to hug you - I won't be able to stop. So, please just tolerate me for a moment. I pray I'm not that distasteful to you.
Anway...I guess I've carried on enough for one day. I look real cute today. My hair is getting long. You felt so good in my arms.
Okay, I'm done! I'm here wanting you. Too bad you don't want me back.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
It's been a year since I separated and removed myself from my relatives, all of them. I don't miss them. I really don't.
I have a new good life now. I feel free and wonderful. I feel loved. I'm focused on my life and happiness. I no longer feel the catholic guilt crap that was drilled in my head in my own private hell. This is the best time of my life, finally and I'm 58.
I am having a great time with wonderful friends. None of them have tried to contact me..and once more, I don't want them to. I want to be forgotten. It scares me half to death to think I may turn around one day and see them standing there. I pray I never do. Trust me, if I was a kid, by now my mother would have me committed. They could do that easily enough when I was a kid. Wives were locked up by husbands..I guess it's a lot cheaper then divorce.
I should go to bed soon, so I can get up in the morning to run a bit.
I am so grateful for my freedom and the line of events that took place and changed my life. I didn't realize just how depressed and lonely I was until I fell in love April 04. I fell in love with an angel; an absolute angel. In September 04 she comforted me. She felt my pain. I will love her forever. She took the time to wrap her arms around me and show me love. I needed that so bad and she sensed it.
I joined a group and a few months later on I fell in love with another angel sent to love me. I loved her deeply. My love was magical.
I miss her, but I'm fine. I feel another love coming my way. I realized something today that if we dwell so much on the past, we are taking up time that could be spent .
I wish to thank the universe for all my many blessing of love, good health, beauty, youthfulness, pain free days. Thanks for keeping me accident and ill health free. I can't keep my eyes open, any longer. Good Nigh!
I have a new good life now. I feel free and wonderful. I feel loved. I'm focused on my life and happiness. I no longer feel the catholic guilt crap that was drilled in my head in my own private hell. This is the best time of my life, finally and I'm 58.
I am having a great time with wonderful friends. None of them have tried to contact me..and once more, I don't want them to. I want to be forgotten. It scares me half to death to think I may turn around one day and see them standing there. I pray I never do. Trust me, if I was a kid, by now my mother would have me committed. They could do that easily enough when I was a kid. Wives were locked up by husbands..I guess it's a lot cheaper then divorce.
I should go to bed soon, so I can get up in the morning to run a bit.
I am so grateful for my freedom and the line of events that took place and changed my life. I didn't realize just how depressed and lonely I was until I fell in love April 04. I fell in love with an angel; an absolute angel. In September 04 she comforted me. She felt my pain. I will love her forever. She took the time to wrap her arms around me and show me love. I needed that so bad and she sensed it.
I joined a group and a few months later on I fell in love with another angel sent to love me. I loved her deeply. My love was magical.
I miss her, but I'm fine. I feel another love coming my way. I realized something today that if we dwell so much on the past, we are taking up time that could be spent .
I wish to thank the universe for all my many blessing of love, good health, beauty, youthfulness, pain free days. Thanks for keeping me accident and ill health free. I can't keep my eyes open, any longer. Good Nigh!
A Super Day!
Monday I walked with Liz, then breakfast. Tuesday I ran 13.1 miles in two hours and 20 minutes. It was a great run. I felt great afterwards and that is the goal. I ate a potato bagel half before and at mile 6 had an Accel Gel and at mile 9 I had an Accel Gel. After I got back I just had enough time to walk Emma and get to Yoga class. I was tired but felt great afterward and played my guitar and sang for myself.
Wednesday I rode 34 miles making a loop around in MC. A great ride! There were wonderful additions and improvements on the trail. Just fabulous! All the trails will be connected soon. Wednesday evening I had another Yoga class. I felt great afterwards. Yoga is incredibly relaxing and yet energizing. I always feel physically and mentally charged afterwards.
Today I met K at the trail around the lake and we rode a total of 25 miles. I kept asking her about her knee. She said it hurt but she wanted to keep riding. She's a real trooper. God love her! I hope her luck changes soon.
Tomorrow evening we're going to T&J's for awhile; but not real late. Tomorrow I may run in the morning if I get my butt to bed so I can get up at a reasonable time to run. I'll get Emma in the afternoon L is going away to KC for the weekend.
I was just thinking today that this is the best time of my life. I am very happy. I miss D. I think of her everyday. I miss the intimacy terribly. I wonder how she is. I would love to see her. I want to hug her and make sure she is okay. She's a survivor. I know she's fine; it's for me, I need to see her. God, I wish I could hold her.
Wednesday I rode 34 miles making a loop around in MC. A great ride! There were wonderful additions and improvements on the trail. Just fabulous! All the trails will be connected soon. Wednesday evening I had another Yoga class. I felt great afterwards. Yoga is incredibly relaxing and yet energizing. I always feel physically and mentally charged afterwards.
Today I met K at the trail around the lake and we rode a total of 25 miles. I kept asking her about her knee. She said it hurt but she wanted to keep riding. She's a real trooper. God love her! I hope her luck changes soon.
Tomorrow evening we're going to T&J's for awhile; but not real late. Tomorrow I may run in the morning if I get my butt to bed so I can get up at a reasonable time to run. I'll get Emma in the afternoon L is going away to KC for the weekend.
I was just thinking today that this is the best time of my life. I am very happy. I miss D. I think of her everyday. I miss the intimacy terribly. I wonder how she is. I would love to see her. I want to hug her and make sure she is okay. She's a survivor. I know she's fine; it's for me, I need to see her. God, I wish I could hold her.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Great Day on the Trails
Today I rode the M C Trails! I am so impressed with the improvements and addtions to the trail I could just jump and shout!
The overpass is finished and I made a complete 34 miles loop around back to where my car was parked. No more up and back trips for me; they were getting tiresome and boring! Now I have new routes to explode. I am so excited! And they are paved!
I recently got my bicycle tuned up so it runs good. When I frist start out on it I feel like it's too long between seat and handlebars but my back never hurts nor does anything else hurt; so, I guess it's doable! I have five thousand miles on that bike since 2001. I guess if I managed to put that many on, it can't be that ill suited for me. I have done several centures in the past years too; usually, twice a year, spring and then fall. Except for last year I didn't do any.
So today I rode 34 miles. Next time I'll try to do the loop around twice; stopping by my car to get cold water or a snack. There is a quick stop along the way too.
When I get my endurance built up I'll try to do three timesa around for 102 miles....wish me luck! Today wasn't bad but I was pooped. I had yoga this evening and a nap before that. Oh, I ran 13.1 miles in 2:20 yesterday.
Yes, I know I'm a little crazy. But you know what? I can't figure out if I am this active to ward off depressions? Or, if I get depressed if I'm not active? All I know is that I'm high with life after I have accomplished a new milestone for myself. I am lov'n it! Yes, I am truly one of a time.
I'm happy this evening. One of the gals I smiled at on line, smiled back! How lucky can one gal be? She said she is seeing someone right now and only dates one at a time; but, we could be pen pals. Cool! I wish her the best. I just think it means a lot that she even emailed me. We have a tremendous amount of things in common...so cool! And I love her hair!
Okay what else? I had coffee with my sweet friend this morning and we are going riding around the lake in the morning. I hope her knee does good. Poor thing - all that at 32.
I am so very very lucky - thank god, universe, my spirit guides. And thank you for my friends, if they forget! Please keep L,T,D,K and me and all my friends healthy, weathy, and wise. Keep us brilliant and injury, accident, pain free and loved. Love is so important. To love and be loved is the greatest gift of all.
I swear to god, I think of her everyday; that summer love of last year. She is definitely in my heart and in my thoughts as I pedal the trails and experience the beauty of the wildflowers and of nature; spotting the turtles, snakes and listening to the birds along the way. I hope she is okay.
Namaste!
The overpass is finished and I made a complete 34 miles loop around back to where my car was parked. No more up and back trips for me; they were getting tiresome and boring! Now I have new routes to explode. I am so excited! And they are paved!
I recently got my bicycle tuned up so it runs good. When I frist start out on it I feel like it's too long between seat and handlebars but my back never hurts nor does anything else hurt; so, I guess it's doable! I have five thousand miles on that bike since 2001. I guess if I managed to put that many on, it can't be that ill suited for me. I have done several centures in the past years too; usually, twice a year, spring and then fall. Except for last year I didn't do any.
So today I rode 34 miles. Next time I'll try to do the loop around twice; stopping by my car to get cold water or a snack. There is a quick stop along the way too.
When I get my endurance built up I'll try to do three timesa around for 102 miles....wish me luck! Today wasn't bad but I was pooped. I had yoga this evening and a nap before that. Oh, I ran 13.1 miles in 2:20 yesterday.
Yes, I know I'm a little crazy. But you know what? I can't figure out if I am this active to ward off depressions? Or, if I get depressed if I'm not active? All I know is that I'm high with life after I have accomplished a new milestone for myself. I am lov'n it! Yes, I am truly one of a time.
I'm happy this evening. One of the gals I smiled at on line, smiled back! How lucky can one gal be? She said she is seeing someone right now and only dates one at a time; but, we could be pen pals. Cool! I wish her the best. I just think it means a lot that she even emailed me. We have a tremendous amount of things in common...so cool! And I love her hair!
Okay what else? I had coffee with my sweet friend this morning and we are going riding around the lake in the morning. I hope her knee does good. Poor thing - all that at 32.
I am so very very lucky - thank god, universe, my spirit guides. And thank you for my friends, if they forget! Please keep L,T,D,K and me and all my friends healthy, weathy, and wise. Keep us brilliant and injury, accident, pain free and loved. Love is so important. To love and be loved is the greatest gift of all.
I swear to god, I think of her everyday; that summer love of last year. She is definitely in my heart and in my thoughts as I pedal the trails and experience the beauty of the wildflowers and of nature; spotting the turtles, snakes and listening to the birds along the way. I hope she is okay.
Namaste!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I feel better
I and L watch Emma. I will take care of her this weekend for Lou will be out of town. Emma will stay here. She loves to visit. L just had her over here and she loved the new baloney.
I think L feels better now that I said I think it would be nice if she stayed in the neighborhood and found something to buy here, close by. She has a few months yet to find something..so I hope she does. She wants something a little bigger than what she has so I hope she finds it.
I sure like her driver. I hope she gets a new one so I can buy her's. Next week one evening we'll hit balls and play nine holes. S, L and me had a great time last week playing golf. I love my Niki small golf bag with back pack straps and push out legs. It's so cool. I love to carry my clubs.
The evening is beautiful and picture perfect. L and I sat on the patio and chatted. K wants to drink wine out there before dinner Saturday evening. We have a great communication. I look forward to the future.
I think the last year and half have been the happiest in my life. It was time for change. I know I am happy when time moves fast. In past years winter would last forever. This year it shot by, wonderfully! I had a blast. Winter is a great time to run.
I told L, it seems at least 10-13 miles at is a normal run for me.
Thanks universe for all my many gifts of prosperity, health, wealth, and wisdom. Please take care of the little naked young woman, L, T, D, K and all my other friends. Please keep us injury, accident free. Happy and in love!
I think L feels better now that I said I think it would be nice if she stayed in the neighborhood and found something to buy here, close by. She has a few months yet to find something..so I hope she does. She wants something a little bigger than what she has so I hope she finds it.
I sure like her driver. I hope she gets a new one so I can buy her's. Next week one evening we'll hit balls and play nine holes. S, L and me had a great time last week playing golf. I love my Niki small golf bag with back pack straps and push out legs. It's so cool. I love to carry my clubs.
The evening is beautiful and picture perfect. L and I sat on the patio and chatted. K wants to drink wine out there before dinner Saturday evening. We have a great communication. I look forward to the future.
I think the last year and half have been the happiest in my life. It was time for change. I know I am happy when time moves fast. In past years winter would last forever. This year it shot by, wonderfully! I had a blast. Winter is a great time to run.
I told L, it seems at least 10-13 miles at is a normal run for me.
Thanks universe for all my many gifts of prosperity, health, wealth, and wisdom. Please take care of the little naked young woman, L, T, D, K and all my other friends. Please keep us injury, accident free. Happy and in love!
Nova - solar dimming is global
The 9 12 01 airplane grounding cleared the air. The sky for extraordinarily blue and bright because there were no airplane contails clouding the sky. The temperature changed too by one degree.
Overall, around the world there is a 22% drop in sunshine since the 1950's. Israel and Germany and other points around the world reports the same thing. Between 1950 to 1990's there was a 10% drop in the USA. It's called global dimming and the degrees vary around the world. The world should be getting cooler; but scientiest know the earth is warming. Burning fossil fuels causes the earth to warm. So global dimming doesn't fit with global warming. In Australis the pan of evaporation rate. In the 1990's the rate of evaporation was falling. There is a paradoxs because the pan of evaporation is decreasing the the earth is warming. Temperature; however, is not the most important factor in evaporation; it's the energy of the fotons hitting the water surface. The pan is going down so the sun is going down. The pan is evidence of global dimming. Evaporation is losing its strengeth measured in Russia and USA.
There is nothing wrong with the sun itself; the colprit is something here on earth. Changes in the eart's atmosphere is causing it. Almost anuything we do to create energy causes it. The haze that shrouds the cities is an example.
The dimming of the sunlight means that the particles of pollution blocks the sun and turning clouds into giant mirrors. Clouds are made of droplets of water, as they grow they get heavy and fall as rain. Polluted air contains particls of ash, sulphate and soot. Polluted clouds reflect more light back into space preventing more sunlight to get through. It's happening all over the world. Over India, China, Western Europe, the British Aisle.
These more reflective clouds could alter the worlds rainfall with trajic results. 1984 Ethiopia fantham, the Sahara. Global dimming was part of the cause.
THe tropical rain belt faied to shift northward above the equator. The monsoon that normally happened in Ethiopia didn't happen. If this trend continues, it wll have effects all over the world. In India and China are striding to bring air pollution under control. North America has gotten better.
If this trend continue..excelerating global warming will happen. For years scientist have studies the condensation/ water droplets/ contails of air craft. There are so many, they cause clouds and effect surface temerature. So on 09 12 01 he could study the clear day. Because for three days after 9 11 01 while there were no flights he compared the air to the last thirty years. He was not just looking at temperature instead the temperature range of the day between highest of the day and coolest of night. The actual results were far more then expected. There was a big difference between. the nights got colder the days were warmer. There was an immediate respondence in just thre days.
Global dimming is cooler the climate down; pollution is warming it. There is a tug of war between the two. Which is stronger? Extra 2.6 to ever sq meter. A 100 watt lightbulb could be lite.
So, right down there is a balance one helps conrol the other. Air pollution and green house gases are fairly balanced. If we lower green house gases it will be off balanced.
The mass of Greenland has been decreasing rapidly. In three hundred years the ice will be gone. The last time the earth was 3 degrees higher was in the ice age.
Most of New York and Washington D.C. Florida and Louisana. Not just coast lines either. The Amazon basen would become more dryer ending the rain forest and burning further increasing the green house effect and increasing still more global warming. Global dimming as given us a false hope.
By 2021 the earth could rise by 18F degrees. 50 millions earth ago the earth was 25 degrees higher and life could not survive.
We need ergent action to stop burning coal, fossil fuel. We have less an a decade to turn things around. We need to only allow 1 C per yr increase. Right now it's 2 c+. We are leaving a worse environment for our children then what we had as children.
Overall, around the world there is a 22% drop in sunshine since the 1950's. Israel and Germany and other points around the world reports the same thing. Between 1950 to 1990's there was a 10% drop in the USA. It's called global dimming and the degrees vary around the world. The world should be getting cooler; but scientiest know the earth is warming. Burning fossil fuels causes the earth to warm. So global dimming doesn't fit with global warming. In Australis the pan of evaporation rate. In the 1990's the rate of evaporation was falling. There is a paradoxs because the pan of evaporation is decreasing the the earth is warming. Temperature; however, is not the most important factor in evaporation; it's the energy of the fotons hitting the water surface. The pan is going down so the sun is going down. The pan is evidence of global dimming. Evaporation is losing its strengeth measured in Russia and USA.
There is nothing wrong with the sun itself; the colprit is something here on earth. Changes in the eart's atmosphere is causing it. Almost anuything we do to create energy causes it. The haze that shrouds the cities is an example.
The dimming of the sunlight means that the particles of pollution blocks the sun and turning clouds into giant mirrors. Clouds are made of droplets of water, as they grow they get heavy and fall as rain. Polluted air contains particls of ash, sulphate and soot. Polluted clouds reflect more light back into space preventing more sunlight to get through. It's happening all over the world. Over India, China, Western Europe, the British Aisle.
These more reflective clouds could alter the worlds rainfall with trajic results. 1984 Ethiopia fantham, the Sahara. Global dimming was part of the cause.
THe tropical rain belt faied to shift northward above the equator. The monsoon that normally happened in Ethiopia didn't happen. If this trend continues, it wll have effects all over the world. In India and China are striding to bring air pollution under control. North America has gotten better.
If this trend continue..excelerating global warming will happen. For years scientist have studies the condensation/ water droplets/ contails of air craft. There are so many, they cause clouds and effect surface temerature. So on 09 12 01 he could study the clear day. Because for three days after 9 11 01 while there were no flights he compared the air to the last thirty years. He was not just looking at temperature instead the temperature range of the day between highest of the day and coolest of night. The actual results were far more then expected. There was a big difference between. the nights got colder the days were warmer. There was an immediate respondence in just thre days.
Global dimming is cooler the climate down; pollution is warming it. There is a tug of war between the two. Which is stronger? Extra 2.6 to ever sq meter. A 100 watt lightbulb could be lite.
So, right down there is a balance one helps conrol the other. Air pollution and green house gases are fairly balanced. If we lower green house gases it will be off balanced.
The mass of Greenland has been decreasing rapidly. In three hundred years the ice will be gone. The last time the earth was 3 degrees higher was in the ice age.
Most of New York and Washington D.C. Florida and Louisana. Not just coast lines either. The Amazon basen would become more dryer ending the rain forest and burning further increasing the green house effect and increasing still more global warming. Global dimming as given us a false hope.
By 2021 the earth could rise by 18F degrees. 50 millions earth ago the earth was 25 degrees higher and life could not survive.
We need ergent action to stop burning coal, fossil fuel. We have less an a decade to turn things around. We need to only allow 1 C per yr increase. Right now it's 2 c+. We are leaving a worse environment for our children then what we had as children.
Enjoying my day!
Funny, it doesn't take much to make me happy. I got a new patio/deck this week. So I moved my meager plastic couple of chairs, plants, and little table out there and here I sit happy as the Lark I'm listening to.
What fabulous weather. My friend K called this morning; we were going to meet up but she had things for class to do so we changed plans to have coffee in the morning before she goes to work.
I plan on having my bicycle mounted on the rack, on the car and ready to hit the east side campus trails. My plan is to do the 32 mile loop around over the new trail overpass. I am thinking positive and assuming that the trail is completely finished. If not, I'll have to go out and back and you know how I hate that!
I had a fabulous run with morning without after effects. My body is becoming more conconditioned to longer runs. So far my top distance is 13.1 and that takes about 2:15 minutes. I did it again today! From home I ran to the park, around the park on the paved trail, then back home again. My GPS registered 13.12 miles at 2:15. I just got back in time to shower then head to my yoga class. I feel great! Of course I have two Glucosamine Chondroitin's before the run along with two ibuprofen before my half bagel. At mile six I had one pack of chocolate Accel Gel with caffeine; at mile nine I had another. I ran non-stop pretty much all the way.
So far so good! I had a light supper; I'm trying to drop a few pounds so the run is a wee bit lighter and maybe faster! I'm curious to see where this all takes me because you know I don't if I stop at 13.1 miles. We'll see!
Bicycling is a great over all workout so I'm looking forward to it. I prefer riding in the city really. But, I guess I'll try the trip. The trails are bumpy and uneven with roots, cracks, ruts; you name it!
I think I just made myself sad..thinking of the past and probably the last time I sat on this patio with her.
I think it's about time for "Commander in Chief"
I'm not sad anymore; nor do I dwell on the past! I'm fabulous!
What fabulous weather. My friend K called this morning; we were going to meet up but she had things for class to do so we changed plans to have coffee in the morning before she goes to work.
I plan on having my bicycle mounted on the rack, on the car and ready to hit the east side campus trails. My plan is to do the 32 mile loop around over the new trail overpass. I am thinking positive and assuming that the trail is completely finished. If not, I'll have to go out and back and you know how I hate that!
I had a fabulous run with morning without after effects. My body is becoming more conconditioned to longer runs. So far my top distance is 13.1 and that takes about 2:15 minutes. I did it again today! From home I ran to the park, around the park on the paved trail, then back home again. My GPS registered 13.12 miles at 2:15. I just got back in time to shower then head to my yoga class. I feel great! Of course I have two Glucosamine Chondroitin's before the run along with two ibuprofen before my half bagel. At mile six I had one pack of chocolate Accel Gel with caffeine; at mile nine I had another. I ran non-stop pretty much all the way.
So far so good! I had a light supper; I'm trying to drop a few pounds so the run is a wee bit lighter and maybe faster! I'm curious to see where this all takes me because you know I don't if I stop at 13.1 miles. We'll see!
Bicycling is a great over all workout so I'm looking forward to it. I prefer riding in the city really. But, I guess I'll try the trip. The trails are bumpy and uneven with roots, cracks, ruts; you name it!
I think I just made myself sad..thinking of the past and probably the last time I sat on this patio with her.
I think it's about time for "Commander in Chief"
I'm not sad anymore; nor do I dwell on the past! I'm fabulous!
Sunday, April 16, 2006
We are the Power
What if we are gods as J. Z. Knight's Ramtha says? What if all the power lies within us? What if when we prayed we were actually praying to ourselves. What if we answered our own prayers? What if things happened to us because we created these events in our subconscious and then also there, acted them out so that they become reality, our reality. We are indeed the center of our universe.
Ezekiel said just about as much when I asked him. "What will you do when Jeannine can no longer channel you? I asked him this because Jeannine was recently in an auto accident and was all banged up. He replied" Oh, she will be around for many more years, while into her 80's (she's 62 now). She does this to get his (his husband or family member) attention (meaning the accident) but it doesn't work."
Today as I was taking a walk, I thought of what he said. He made it sound to me like she had the power, if even subconsciously, to cause that accident. She had said the a car swerved and was coming over into her lane and she took the ditch..the other driver never stopped.
On the evening before my half marathon and visualized the course and how good and strong I would feel. I thought to myself that I wanted the run to be magical. And yes, I ran strong the whole way. And yes, it was magical to me when I looked at the stats in the paper the next day and saw that I placed 13th out of 124 age 55-59 group of women.
So, I'll keep thinking I feel 30 and I look 38. My skin is firm and lovely as can be. My vision is 20/20. I really do not need these glasses. My faith should never doubt never alter to negative but must constantly stay positive.
Now, I said. "Make today magical" and instantly the day feels special to me. It's true we create our own environment.
I felt young one evening out and my friend asked. "What are you doing hanging out with old people." I can't tell you how much I loved her at that moment. Yes, that moment was magical and mine..all mine. But did my "feeling" young make her want to say that..I was rather needing a compliment that everning.
Do we instantly get back, sometimes, what we put out there. In a way then, she was reading my mind.
I would like to believe I have that power. I mean! Yes, I HAVE that kind of power. I am the master of my universe; the creator of my environment. I can make myself sick by thinking sick thoughts, or fearing that will become ill and by god your body listening to your every thought; or could choose to be well by exercising, eating in moderation and thinking only positive loving thoughts.
Now, well this work on another? Will my thoughts, wishes, desires for another come true. Can I make that happen?
Yes, I believe, in a way I can. I was so down and depressed about two years ago but I guess I didn't realize it; but then I fell hopefully in love. She was the catalyst to big changes coming up then in my life. So, I needed change, but what was depressing me was subtle she was the boost to get me moving out of the relationship while it was still possible to remain friends. And yes, we still are friends now that we live apart.
I needed love and one day she came to me. I had felt that I missed out on my 30's because I was trying (thank you damn catholic church and society) to live the straight life. And here she was. She walked right up at a social group that I belong to and we became friends first then lovers, which I initiated. I knew in my heart it wouldn't last..see there I go. I created a short term relationship and it was; for four months, wonderful months, I might add. She was precious and adorable.
See, I needed that too. She was vulverable; the inner child would present herself to me for me to hold and cuddle and try to make better. She told me troubling events in her life and listened, held her, kissed her head, stroked her head and felt so needed. It was wonderful to feel needed. I know it was at her expense; but the events happened, many of them before we knew each other. I loved being loving to her. It was wonderful. I wished I could have known her as a little girl; if she would have ran away and came over to my house I would have done everything in my power to keep her fiery little head there. God, I bet she was adorable as a child.
So, I think; in fact, I'm pretty sure that we have a lot more power than what we think. So, be careful what we wish for. I use to wish I could retire..then three months later I was told my job was going away and left with severance pay. So, be careful what you wish for, as the saying goes.
Ezekiel said just about as much when I asked him. "What will you do when Jeannine can no longer channel you? I asked him this because Jeannine was recently in an auto accident and was all banged up. He replied" Oh, she will be around for many more years, while into her 80's (she's 62 now). She does this to get his (his husband or family member) attention (meaning the accident) but it doesn't work."
Today as I was taking a walk, I thought of what he said. He made it sound to me like she had the power, if even subconsciously, to cause that accident. She had said the a car swerved and was coming over into her lane and she took the ditch..the other driver never stopped.
On the evening before my half marathon and visualized the course and how good and strong I would feel. I thought to myself that I wanted the run to be magical. And yes, I ran strong the whole way. And yes, it was magical to me when I looked at the stats in the paper the next day and saw that I placed 13th out of 124 age 55-59 group of women.
So, I'll keep thinking I feel 30 and I look 38. My skin is firm and lovely as can be. My vision is 20/20. I really do not need these glasses. My faith should never doubt never alter to negative but must constantly stay positive.
Now, I said. "Make today magical" and instantly the day feels special to me. It's true we create our own environment.
I felt young one evening out and my friend asked. "What are you doing hanging out with old people." I can't tell you how much I loved her at that moment. Yes, that moment was magical and mine..all mine. But did my "feeling" young make her want to say that..I was rather needing a compliment that everning.
Do we instantly get back, sometimes, what we put out there. In a way then, she was reading my mind.
I would like to believe I have that power. I mean! Yes, I HAVE that kind of power. I am the master of my universe; the creator of my environment. I can make myself sick by thinking sick thoughts, or fearing that will become ill and by god your body listening to your every thought; or could choose to be well by exercising, eating in moderation and thinking only positive loving thoughts.
Now, well this work on another? Will my thoughts, wishes, desires for another come true. Can I make that happen?
Yes, I believe, in a way I can. I was so down and depressed about two years ago but I guess I didn't realize it; but then I fell hopefully in love. She was the catalyst to big changes coming up then in my life. So, I needed change, but what was depressing me was subtle she was the boost to get me moving out of the relationship while it was still possible to remain friends. And yes, we still are friends now that we live apart.
I needed love and one day she came to me. I had felt that I missed out on my 30's because I was trying (thank you damn catholic church and society) to live the straight life. And here she was. She walked right up at a social group that I belong to and we became friends first then lovers, which I initiated. I knew in my heart it wouldn't last..see there I go. I created a short term relationship and it was; for four months, wonderful months, I might add. She was precious and adorable.
See, I needed that too. She was vulverable; the inner child would present herself to me for me to hold and cuddle and try to make better. She told me troubling events in her life and listened, held her, kissed her head, stroked her head and felt so needed. It was wonderful to feel needed. I know it was at her expense; but the events happened, many of them before we knew each other. I loved being loving to her. It was wonderful. I wished I could have known her as a little girl; if she would have ran away and came over to my house I would have done everything in my power to keep her fiery little head there. God, I bet she was adorable as a child.
So, I think; in fact, I'm pretty sure that we have a lot more power than what we think. So, be careful what we wish for. I use to wish I could retire..then three months later I was told my job was going away and left with severance pay. So, be careful what you wish for, as the saying goes.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Boycotting Tower G Area - gang action there
I won't be going to M's on Tuesdays. Not worth it to me to walk around there on the streets. There has been reported gang initiation action and that's the worse kind.
Two men, either side, walked by a woman and one turned around and just punched her in the face - for no apparent reason. So, don't go there!
Several weeks ago my friend and I walked in TG park and went to city diner to eat when we returned to her car (and mine) her window was busted out.
So don't go there..
Two men, either side, walked by a woman and one turned around and just punched her in the face - for no apparent reason. So, don't go there!
Several weeks ago my friend and I walked in TG park and went to city diner to eat when we returned to her car (and mine) her window was busted out.
So don't go there..
Tonight - a nice quiet evening
Easter is non-existent to me as is family. I'll enjoy the day in solitude; first, running than possibly swimming, for sure reading.
This evening just relaxing and sitting back with my feet up. I'm tired. I could nap; but just as I did as a kid, I fight sleep!
Dreams bring scary moments. Two men at the door, once opened a hand prevents me from closing the door. I tried to push it shut - to smash the hand. But, I am extremely weak and helpless. I am so frightened that I awake myself and wonder why I dream scary dreams.
Dreams of love or laugher or happiness never occur; I only dream frightening, scary dreams. I wonder why?
Most dreams that occur are scary childhood events. I was frightened most of the time as a child. I was shy, insecure, scared. I had no one's arms to hold me and make me feel safe. They were cold, cruel and crass.
Kids had no rights, no thoughts worth hearing, so laugher and ridicule is the norm. Seen but not hear. A good kid was a quiet kid and did her chores; who listened and obeyed. Who was expected to marry.
I loved any women who was sweet to me. Affection and sweetness were foreign to me and a constant craving. I daydreamed of her. In my preferred quiet solitude I must have appeared autistic. It was better to be alone - safer, kinder.
As a young adult I did what was expected - dated. I went through the motions of dating him and loving her (unbeknownst to her of course). My heart was a constant ache. Many times I prayed to die. "Just take me, please".
My family had a quilt hold on me. I was not myself.
Finally, at 40 I can out; but, could barely bring myself to say the word.
I spent the next fifteen years with my best friend; her family and mine. My family out of guilt and a sense of duty.
Finally, 2004. I fell in love; although I never spent time with her, she saved my life - this love held me, kissed my cheek and brought life to my dying heart.
I separated from relationship and family and moved away. I found a physical sexual wonderful love. She too saved my life and brought me life. Although short lived our romance was breathtaking and wonderful.
I'm alone now and I don't care. I shut that part down again. I'll always love her. I love them all who offered me escape from my past life.
My friends are my family. I'm alone but safe. I'm loved.
The craving for affection ..that for some reason I looked for all my life is gone now. I love and make love to myself. I'm always here for me..that's the lessen I think I am supposed to learn. Solitude is safe.
I used to feel a sense of purpose or a need for love and affection but I have since ceased that notion. The life I can control is my own and no one elses. Love cannot be forced upon or coerced.
I am kind, giving and loving and blessed with wonerful friends.
I don't think about wanting to make love.
This evening just relaxing and sitting back with my feet up. I'm tired. I could nap; but just as I did as a kid, I fight sleep!
Dreams bring scary moments. Two men at the door, once opened a hand prevents me from closing the door. I tried to push it shut - to smash the hand. But, I am extremely weak and helpless. I am so frightened that I awake myself and wonder why I dream scary dreams.
Dreams of love or laugher or happiness never occur; I only dream frightening, scary dreams. I wonder why?
Most dreams that occur are scary childhood events. I was frightened most of the time as a child. I was shy, insecure, scared. I had no one's arms to hold me and make me feel safe. They were cold, cruel and crass.
Kids had no rights, no thoughts worth hearing, so laugher and ridicule is the norm. Seen but not hear. A good kid was a quiet kid and did her chores; who listened and obeyed. Who was expected to marry.
I loved any women who was sweet to me. Affection and sweetness were foreign to me and a constant craving. I daydreamed of her. In my preferred quiet solitude I must have appeared autistic. It was better to be alone - safer, kinder.
As a young adult I did what was expected - dated. I went through the motions of dating him and loving her (unbeknownst to her of course). My heart was a constant ache. Many times I prayed to die. "Just take me, please".
My family had a quilt hold on me. I was not myself.
Finally, at 40 I can out; but, could barely bring myself to say the word.
I spent the next fifteen years with my best friend; her family and mine. My family out of guilt and a sense of duty.
Finally, 2004. I fell in love; although I never spent time with her, she saved my life - this love held me, kissed my cheek and brought life to my dying heart.
I separated from relationship and family and moved away. I found a physical sexual wonderful love. She too saved my life and brought me life. Although short lived our romance was breathtaking and wonderful.
I'm alone now and I don't care. I shut that part down again. I'll always love her. I love them all who offered me escape from my past life.
My friends are my family. I'm alone but safe. I'm loved.
The craving for affection ..that for some reason I looked for all my life is gone now. I love and make love to myself. I'm always here for me..that's the lessen I think I am supposed to learn. Solitude is safe.
I used to feel a sense of purpose or a need for love and affection but I have since ceased that notion. The life I can control is my own and no one elses. Love cannot be forced upon or coerced.
I am kind, giving and loving and blessed with wonerful friends.
I don't think about wanting to make love.
Going Okay!
Seems I have nothing to complain about today. It's 4:00 PM, it's raining, and I'm relaxing; about to play my guitar and sing out a tune.
Last night I hosted poker with a good crowd of women. For some reason it seems they all have a good time while they are here and I'm glad. They even hung around afterwards talking about younger drunken days of wild adventures. Maybe my place just feels cozy; whatever the reason I'm glad they feel that way. We had a great time as always.
Guess what I just heard if you eat lots of Omega 3 fatty acids like from fish you are less likely to be a violent person. So eat lots of fish and spinach. It just goes to show you are what you eat. Omega 3's control behavior. It keeps the cells talking to one another in the brain and in the immune system.
After meeting up with my running group and enjoying a bagel afterwards I met friends at Sam's. They were on a quest to buy party supplies and had a whole cart full. They are very into square dancing which is not quite my cup of tea.
My hair is gettin long and is beginning to bug me. I am going to persevere a few more days before I get any trimming ideas.
My running buddies are talking about doing another half marathon locally in September. Why not?
More and more states are voting against any in building smoking and I am so glad. People wise up - you are giving yourself a death sentence and our insurance cost is rising because of these habitual practices. First of all you should be required to have proof of health insurance along with age id when you buy cigarettes. I think too you should have a bachelor's degree to buy cigarettes and hopefully by the time you have studied and obtained your degree you learn enough to stop smoking. Smoking makes you look stupid! Educated people do not smoke. If you smoke quit! Believe me it doesn't make anyone look cool; like I said; I makes you look stupid.
Get educated and get a decent job and make yourself prove!
Last night I hosted poker with a good crowd of women. For some reason it seems they all have a good time while they are here and I'm glad. They even hung around afterwards talking about younger drunken days of wild adventures. Maybe my place just feels cozy; whatever the reason I'm glad they feel that way. We had a great time as always.
Guess what I just heard if you eat lots of Omega 3 fatty acids like from fish you are less likely to be a violent person. So eat lots of fish and spinach. It just goes to show you are what you eat. Omega 3's control behavior. It keeps the cells talking to one another in the brain and in the immune system.
After meeting up with my running group and enjoying a bagel afterwards I met friends at Sam's. They were on a quest to buy party supplies and had a whole cart full. They are very into square dancing which is not quite my cup of tea.
My hair is gettin long and is beginning to bug me. I am going to persevere a few more days before I get any trimming ideas.
My running buddies are talking about doing another half marathon locally in September. Why not?
More and more states are voting against any in building smoking and I am so glad. People wise up - you are giving yourself a death sentence and our insurance cost is rising because of these habitual practices. First of all you should be required to have proof of health insurance along with age id when you buy cigarettes. I think too you should have a bachelor's degree to buy cigarettes and hopefully by the time you have studied and obtained your degree you learn enough to stop smoking. Smoking makes you look stupid! Educated people do not smoke. If you smoke quit! Believe me it doesn't make anyone look cool; like I said; I makes you look stupid.
Get educated and get a decent job and make yourself prove!
Friday, April 14, 2006
Wish it, Dream it, and Create Your Day and Life is Magical
I'm flying high and not quit sure why. Maybe because I had a Starbuck's Mocha. Maybe the it's a combination of Mocha and sharing the company of my very good friend this morning after riding bicycles in the park.
Maybe it's because of the above and taking the time this afternoon to visit a good friend in the hospital recuperating after surgery.
Maybe it's because I'm having good friends over to play poker this evening.
Or is because I spent time with my ex and a good friend last evening playing a round of golf and enjoying pizza on the patio in the warm spring breezes
Could it be because I feel like a kid who lives in town so close to all my friends and activities. Something I dreamed of since I was a kid isolated on a lonely farm way out in the country.
It's probably all the above - but it's all here around me, surrounding me with love
I love where I live and I'm so glad I moved from that "cold" state almost a year ago now. It was the best thing that I ever did! I feel loved here!
Everything I pray for the best for the special people who touched my life last year and made it all possible: L, T, and D
Made the universe be with you.
I'm still high from the half-marathon I ran last Sunday. Days before I imagined it and I wanted it to be magical. With only three hours sleep I ran 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 14 minutes. But I realized the following day what made it magical and that is that I came in 13th of 124 runners in the 55-59 age group. And I'm at the upper end of that age group at 58. So, I am very pleased and it feels very magical and special to me. Anything that made it magical is that I came across the finish line strong. I felt great! I was flying high the next day and play nine holes of golf; walking, carrying my golf clubs on my back.
I am truly blessed. (Glucosamine Chondroitin and Accel Gel helps too!)
Wish it, dream it and create your day...and life is magical
Maybe it's because of the above and taking the time this afternoon to visit a good friend in the hospital recuperating after surgery.
Maybe it's because I'm having good friends over to play poker this evening.
Or is because I spent time with my ex and a good friend last evening playing a round of golf and enjoying pizza on the patio in the warm spring breezes
Could it be because I feel like a kid who lives in town so close to all my friends and activities. Something I dreamed of since I was a kid isolated on a lonely farm way out in the country.
It's probably all the above - but it's all here around me, surrounding me with love
I love where I live and I'm so glad I moved from that "cold" state almost a year ago now. It was the best thing that I ever did! I feel loved here!
Everything I pray for the best for the special people who touched my life last year and made it all possible: L, T, and D
Made the universe be with you.
I'm still high from the half-marathon I ran last Sunday. Days before I imagined it and I wanted it to be magical. With only three hours sleep I ran 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 14 minutes. But I realized the following day what made it magical and that is that I came in 13th of 124 runners in the 55-59 age group. And I'm at the upper end of that age group at 58. So, I am very pleased and it feels very magical and special to me. Anything that made it magical is that I came across the finish line strong. I felt great! I was flying high the next day and play nine holes of golf; walking, carrying my golf clubs on my back.
I am truly blessed. (Glucosamine Chondroitin and Accel Gel helps too!)
Wish it, dream it and create your day...and life is magical
Thursday, April 13, 2006
I'm Better Now
I'm better now. It's 11:11 P.M. and I'm better.
I rode my bicycle in the park, and although motorist can be quit something all-in-all the ride was good.
The guys did a great tune-up and the bicycle runs good. I think Easter I may do the trail across the river and make a big loop of 32 miles are more. I'll go in the morning before the crowds venture out; but then again Easter could be slow.
I'll be spending Easter alone. I ditched the family about a year ago; well, I haven't missed them yet. I'm free for the first time in my life of any mental, guilt or duty games. I'm free to be me and not some matriarchal servant.
I'll miss my summer 05 love. I think about her on every holiday and usually every day. I'm glad when I'm busy with someone so I don't think of her. I think I am getting better. It's only now, when someone asked, or if I see her name too added to emailed event planning. I wish her the best. She'll always be in my heart. I know that I am the farthest thing from her mind. Actually, she was very hard to be with and I measured every word. but, there were many times I felt needed and loved and I loved loving her. Her wonderful love filled a void in my heart; she went away but the memory of her spirit remains.
This evening too, my mind was occupied for I hit balls with S and L and then we decided to play nine holes. The weather was beautiful and the gentle warm evening breeze relaxing and invigorating at the same time. We got pizza afterwards.
Tommorow bicycle riding in the park with K and I hope her knee is good still. She has been taking glucosamine chondoitin every day. I take two in morning and two in the mornin. I feel wonderful!
Speaking of feeling wonderful I placed 13th amongst 174 half marathoners on Sunday. I was both shocked and proud. I was thrilled to death when I saw the race results in the paper. It was a fabulous run and I did it on three hours of sleep and one Valium. Actually, taken at 2:00 A.M. when I found that I could not get to sleep. I tried everything but had to reach desperate means when I knew I had to get up at 5:00 A.M. As soon as I took the Valium ( and I don't usually take them so it's a wonder I found any in my home) I mentally relaxed and fell right to sleep. I felt refreshed too and ready to go at 5:00 A.M. What a great beautiful day and I thank the universe for my good healthy, safety, pain-free life and running spree. I am most fortunate and I realize that gift.
Good night! Thanks for the fabulous day. Please keep the following safe, pain-free, happy, loved, brillant, talented and loving me: L, T, D, K and the little naked woman; oh and me! Thanks for everthing and for keeping me in good health, safe
I rode my bicycle in the park, and although motorist can be quit something all-in-all the ride was good.
The guys did a great tune-up and the bicycle runs good. I think Easter I may do the trail across the river and make a big loop of 32 miles are more. I'll go in the morning before the crowds venture out; but then again Easter could be slow.
I'll be spending Easter alone. I ditched the family about a year ago; well, I haven't missed them yet. I'm free for the first time in my life of any mental, guilt or duty games. I'm free to be me and not some matriarchal servant.
I'll miss my summer 05 love. I think about her on every holiday and usually every day. I'm glad when I'm busy with someone so I don't think of her. I think I am getting better. It's only now, when someone asked, or if I see her name too added to emailed event planning. I wish her the best. She'll always be in my heart. I know that I am the farthest thing from her mind. Actually, she was very hard to be with and I measured every word. but, there were many times I felt needed and loved and I loved loving her. Her wonderful love filled a void in my heart; she went away but the memory of her spirit remains.
This evening too, my mind was occupied for I hit balls with S and L and then we decided to play nine holes. The weather was beautiful and the gentle warm evening breeze relaxing and invigorating at the same time. We got pizza afterwards.
Tommorow bicycle riding in the park with K and I hope her knee is good still. She has been taking glucosamine chondoitin every day. I take two in morning and two in the mornin. I feel wonderful!
Speaking of feeling wonderful I placed 13th amongst 174 half marathoners on Sunday. I was both shocked and proud. I was thrilled to death when I saw the race results in the paper. It was a fabulous run and I did it on three hours of sleep and one Valium. Actually, taken at 2:00 A.M. when I found that I could not get to sleep. I tried everything but had to reach desperate means when I knew I had to get up at 5:00 A.M. As soon as I took the Valium ( and I don't usually take them so it's a wonder I found any in my home) I mentally relaxed and fell right to sleep. I felt refreshed too and ready to go at 5:00 A.M. What a great beautiful day and I thank the universe for my good healthy, safety, pain-free life and running spree. I am most fortunate and I realize that gift.
Good night! Thanks for the fabulous day. Please keep the following safe, pain-free, happy, loved, brillant, talented and loving me: L, T, D, K and the little naked woman; oh and me! Thanks for everthing and for keeping me in good health, safe
Crying Time
On this beautiful day, I am only going to allow myself about five minutes of crying time.
I'm just feeling very unloved today. My heart hurts. I could die today and not care..just as long as it's quick. I'm going for a bicycle ride, usually I worry about the motorist.
I am just about as cute and sweet as can be...but screwed up. I had a love last summer. I loved her dearly, but didn't know how to handle a lover. I pushed her away.
Would you believe at this stage in my life I can actually look in a mirror front, back and side view and think I look damn cute. You should see my butt in these jeans! I haven't lost weight, but re-sculptured my body by watchng what I eat and exercising like hell: yoga, bicycling, running, swimming even a little golf.
So why do I feel like crying and dying today? I only need someone to make sweet tender love to me. Never have I thought that that would be just a difficult thing to achieve in this life time. No one in my life has tenderly loved and nurtured me. I'm not complaining, well a little, but stating a fact. My love last summer was very loving, my heart didn't know what to do with it. See! I am so lost! If I had it in front of my face, I would screw it up anyway!
I pray and ask the universe to help me..but I realize that I am in control over my life and destiny. So, I am the one who has to jump this hurdle to find sweet love. I want the freedom of being myself because I finally have gotten to a wonderful place of appreciating my own reflection. I dance to the rhythm of my own drum beat, some think it's noise but it's music to my ears. Still, my heart longs for sweet love and affection. I just want to be held and kissed all over and feel the love; but, the love needs to be geniune and I would recognize the difference.
I tried real hard to look the best I can so love would come easy..but it doesn't. Oh, of course I'm particular. I miss my summer love with excruciating pain.
Well, off for that ride....may the universe be with me.
I'm just feeling very unloved today. My heart hurts. I could die today and not care..just as long as it's quick. I'm going for a bicycle ride, usually I worry about the motorist.
I am just about as cute and sweet as can be...but screwed up. I had a love last summer. I loved her dearly, but didn't know how to handle a lover. I pushed her away.
Would you believe at this stage in my life I can actually look in a mirror front, back and side view and think I look damn cute. You should see my butt in these jeans! I haven't lost weight, but re-sculptured my body by watchng what I eat and exercising like hell: yoga, bicycling, running, swimming even a little golf.
So why do I feel like crying and dying today? I only need someone to make sweet tender love to me. Never have I thought that that would be just a difficult thing to achieve in this life time. No one in my life has tenderly loved and nurtured me. I'm not complaining, well a little, but stating a fact. My love last summer was very loving, my heart didn't know what to do with it. See! I am so lost! If I had it in front of my face, I would screw it up anyway!
I pray and ask the universe to help me..but I realize that I am in control over my life and destiny. So, I am the one who has to jump this hurdle to find sweet love. I want the freedom of being myself because I finally have gotten to a wonderful place of appreciating my own reflection. I dance to the rhythm of my own drum beat, some think it's noise but it's music to my ears. Still, my heart longs for sweet love and affection. I just want to be held and kissed all over and feel the love; but, the love needs to be geniune and I would recognize the difference.
I tried real hard to look the best I can so love would come easy..but it doesn't. Oh, of course I'm particular. I miss my summer love with excruciating pain.
Well, off for that ride....may the universe be with me.
Good Night!
Maybe it was the chirping birds that woke me up at 4:00 AM. Just as well, I left my take home food in the car, along with my camera. I forgot to take the trash out last night. So, took care of that dark and early this morning.
We had a nice time at the celebrating J's birthday last night. Then K and I "Momento" which is one weird movie.
Tomorow we'll stretch our legs on the bicycles in the park. We are starting out easy to make sure K's knee is okay with it. Her knee is much better and doesn't hurt anymore. She claimed Glucosamine Chondoitin helped immensely.
I ran yesterday about 11.2 miles; maybe a little too soon after running the half-marathon on Sunday. I was tired last night. I think I'm taking it easy today. Well, that is unless I get a brain storm to work out at the gym and swim.
K found out I got Melissa tickets for her birthday. I hope she likes it. It's good to have her in my life. I am so looking forward to it. I got good seats. I hope! Maybe I'll get a confirmation on or after the 15th.
Time for a nap before the sun rises and wakes me up.
We had a nice time at the celebrating J's birthday last night. Then K and I "Momento" which is one weird movie.
Tomorow we'll stretch our legs on the bicycles in the park. We are starting out easy to make sure K's knee is okay with it. Her knee is much better and doesn't hurt anymore. She claimed Glucosamine Chondoitin helped immensely.
I ran yesterday about 11.2 miles; maybe a little too soon after running the half-marathon on Sunday. I was tired last night. I think I'm taking it easy today. Well, that is unless I get a brain storm to work out at the gym and swim.
K found out I got Melissa tickets for her birthday. I hope she likes it. It's good to have her in my life. I am so looking forward to it. I got good seats. I hope! Maybe I'll get a confirmation on or after the 15th.
Time for a nap before the sun rises and wakes me up.
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