Yesterday I had an appointment to speak to my good spirit buddy Ezekiel, who is channeled through JC.
He said that I should make a list of all the things that I do not need and that are cluttering up my place that in May big changes are coming, probably a signifiance move (not around the corner or down the street he said) to a different locale. It said I won't want to, but this will make things easier. He indicated that K and I will be together. He also said we talked on going somewhere together and that we will.
He asked who aggravates me. I said D? He said forget about her. Let it go! She was the one who pulled away. He said she only shows up occasionally and sometimes ignores me walking right past me or speaks little. She wants to be center of attention and controlling. I don't need this. Let it go!
He said all this himself without hints from me only names. I didn't say a word. It was hard for me to hear but see, I already knew all this.
He asked who is this other person who makes you laugh, you are like kids together. She does not lie. You talked of a place near water, you will go in May. It will be sunny and you will have a wonderful time. Why do you worry about the age difference? Some people are more mature at 30 then at 50. He said only age exists in humans not in spirits. He said, she does not lie. She is an extrovert, happy and friendly person and she is. He said I should not worry about the age difference.
Again he said all of this I didn't say a word. This about K was nice for me to hear.
He summed up and said sit in the middle of each room and make a list of things I don't need. It will make things easier later on, in May when I get rid of stuff that I am not using. They do have a huge yard sale here in the spring.
I'm trying to think if there was anything else. I'll be listening to the tape again, if there is, I'll add it.
He said big changes will be happening for me; they have already begun, but in May, there will be major changes.
Now, you know all this makes me wonder and want to spectulate. He said in May when this all takes place, I will remember him telling me this stuff.
He said he was going to take it easy and make the session a little shorter to take it easy on his host's body. She is recovering from a auto accident. When he said this I took the opportunity to ask him, what would he do if he couldn't use her anymore. He said he was going to let her listen..I heard a couple of breaths and he said. Just as her son said when he pulled her out of the wrecked car."You survived another one mom!" Then Ezekeil said. "What she does is to send messages to family and husband learn to appreciate her, but they don't get the message." Then she went deeper under and no longer could hear what he was saying to me.
I always ask about T, becuase so was so loving to me. and he said that she was happy and doing good and that troubled people naturally gravitate to her becuase she is so caring and loving. She will always be in my heart..another one of those on my "forever to love" list, along with my x, D and K, too.
I'm missing closeness and intimacy...funny how it is so craved by heart and body. So, I hope it all works out. I know I, the universe and my spirit guides will be with me on this one. I usually fall head over heels in love then pursue; but this time, he said we started as friends and I am falling. Ezekeil said that is the way it should be done. He even say we laughed and talked easily and became fast friends. He was right on!
My question? Is Ezekiel watching me? Or, does he read my thoughts or see my thoughts in my aura that surrounds me? Anyway, he pegged me every time I see him, which in the last two years as been about every six months. As soon as I sit down and our session begins he starts out by telling me things...I don't say anything but my name when he asked. Towards the end he may ask if I have questions.
I feel very close to my special spirit buddy, Ezekiel. I am not at all afraid of him. I trust him! He has my best interest at heart, I know this. I respect him. I truly believe in him. And I thank him for his advice and insight!
Well, time to go to sleep K and I are running in the morning. Finally, I get to see her, she's been working, so it's been a few days. We had a great time the last time we were together. Help me Ezekiel and other spirit guides to say the right things and say and learn what needs to be said and learned. Thanks
Oh, please bless and take care of the little naked girl on shaggle on the internet, T, L, D, K and all my friends. Please keep them happy, healthy, wealthy and wise and pain-free, disease free, safe, accident free, and loved. Oh, and do the same for me too! And for them and me thank you all so much for all of my many gifts and blessings of youthfulness, strenght, beauty, and good healthy and lots of energy.
Namaste!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Hazardous Jobs and relationships?
Well I just watched the news regarding the TV channel and district's survey regarding abuse. I hope nothing has happened to you. It would upset me! It's bad enough the grief you had to take from an administrator last year. It just shouldn't be! You are on my mind and in my heart and I hope you haven't been and are never mistreated. Please, watch your back!
Will I was out and about this evening at the usual Tuesday spot. I'm just not into it! And I'm sure it shows! I'm more of a one on one person not a group person. I hope K and I have more time to do things together, just the two of us or four. I'd like to meet and do with her friends too.
I guess I'm going through a phrase right now. One of these days these will settle down I'm sure. My X is will probably have her FL girlfriend move in with her soon. I just gotten use to letting myself in to check on Emma. Things will be different. Maybe it won't bother me so much! Well, this time I won't be surprised anyway. I hope G likes Emma. Emma is much happier over there. It all makes me a little sad. My X of fifteen years, even though, we are not together is about all the family I have even though I don't mention this about her I feel it. She keeps me grounded. I know though that she will remain my goood friend. I least she isn't moving down there; I would much rather have G move here. Actually, nothing had really changed between my X and I; we are as we always were - good friends.
Things change, but I never will ever forget and will always care. In matters where loves and former loves are concerned, I like to think that I just keep adding on to the list. I just can't discard meaningful relationships where something good was always gained and learned.
Anyway, onward and forward. I spoke with Ezekiel yesterday...a good meeting I think..
Will I was out and about this evening at the usual Tuesday spot. I'm just not into it! And I'm sure it shows! I'm more of a one on one person not a group person. I hope K and I have more time to do things together, just the two of us or four. I'd like to meet and do with her friends too.
I guess I'm going through a phrase right now. One of these days these will settle down I'm sure. My X is will probably have her FL girlfriend move in with her soon. I just gotten use to letting myself in to check on Emma. Things will be different. Maybe it won't bother me so much! Well, this time I won't be surprised anyway. I hope G likes Emma. Emma is much happier over there. It all makes me a little sad. My X of fifteen years, even though, we are not together is about all the family I have even though I don't mention this about her I feel it. She keeps me grounded. I know though that she will remain my goood friend. I least she isn't moving down there; I would much rather have G move here. Actually, nothing had really changed between my X and I; we are as we always were - good friends.
Things change, but I never will ever forget and will always care. In matters where loves and former loves are concerned, I like to think that I just keep adding on to the list. I just can't discard meaningful relationships where something good was always gained and learned.
Anyway, onward and forward. I spoke with Ezekiel yesterday...a good meeting I think..
Hazardous Jobs and relationships?
Well I just watched the news regarding the TV channel and district's survey regarding abuse. I hope nothing has happened to you. It would upset me! It's bad enough the grief you had to take from an administrator last year. It just shouldn't be! You are on my mind and in my heart and I hope you haven't been and are never mistreated. Please, watch your back!
Will I was out and about this evening at the usual Tuesday spot. I'm just not into it! And I'm sure it shows! I'm more of a one on one person not a group person. I hope K and I have more time to do things together, just the two of us or four. I'd like to meet and do with her friends too.
I guess I'm going through a phrase right now. One of these days these will settle down I'm sure. My X is will probably have her FL girlfriend move in with her soon. I just gotten use to letting myself in to check on Emma. Things will be different. Maybe it won't bother me so much! Well, this time I won't be surprised anyway. I hope G likes Emma. Emma is much happier over there. It all makes me a little sad. My X of fifteen years, even though, we are not together is about all the family I have even though I don't mention this about her I feel it. She keeps me grounded. I know though that she will remain my goood friend. I least she isn't moving down there; I would much rather have G move here. Actually, nothing had really changed between my X and I; we are as we always were - good friends.
Things change, but I never will ever forget and will always care. In matters where loves and former loves are concerned, I like to think that I just keep adding on to the list. I just can't discard meaningful relationships where something good was always gained and learned.
Anyway, onward and forward. I spoke with Ezekiel yesterday...a good meeting I think..
Will I was out and about this evening at the usual Tuesday spot. I'm just not into it! And I'm sure it shows! I'm more of a one on one person not a group person. I hope K and I have more time to do things together, just the two of us or four. I'd like to meet and do with her friends too.
I guess I'm going through a phrase right now. One of these days these will settle down I'm sure. My X is will probably have her FL girlfriend move in with her soon. I just gotten use to letting myself in to check on Emma. Things will be different. Maybe it won't bother me so much! Well, this time I won't be surprised anyway. I hope G likes Emma. Emma is much happier over there. It all makes me a little sad. My X of fifteen years, even though, we are not together is about all the family I have even though I don't mention this about her I feel it. She keeps me grounded. I know though that she will remain my goood friend. I least she isn't moving down there; I would much rather have G move here. Actually, nothing had really changed between my X and I; we are as we always were - good friends.
Things change, but I never will ever forget and will always care. In matters where loves and former loves are concerned, I like to think that I just keep adding on to the list. I just can't discard meaningful relationships where something good was always gained and learned.
Anyway, onward and forward. I spoke with Ezekiel yesterday...a good meeting I think..
Monday, February 27, 2006
Computerized Voting in 08
I just heard on NPR that one company will build, program and distribute all the voting machine across the country in 2008. So, are the little alert alarms going off in your head too?
Well, you know it all worked out so well in Florida in 2002, why not nation wide next time? And computers make it all so easy! Preset at the factory voting machines!
I can tell you right now at this very moment to expect another republican in office in 2008, seems they have their software and chips together!
Amazing, just amazing!
Well, you know it all worked out so well in Florida in 2002, why not nation wide next time? And computers make it all so easy! Preset at the factory voting machines!
I can tell you right now at this very moment to expect another republican in office in 2008, seems they have their software and chips together!
Amazing, just amazing!
Ohio: Gays not fit to adopt?
Well, it's election year and you can sure tell, South Dakota is going to band all aborptions except where the mother's life is in danger? Isn't this decision a little personal and private? Frankly, it's no one else's business but the person carrying and delivering the baby? Let me tell you, if men were getting pregnant it would be a totally different story.
In Ohio, gays are not fit to adopt says the republican running for governor. To counter, the democratic candidate says republicans are not fit to adopt. The real problem is that there are many children in the state who need loving parents. And I ask you, why are people so shallow and narrow minded and sick? Let the gays adopt these children and give them a loving home! What about the children's welfare? I am almost ashamed to be a member of the human race?
Would women do a better job in positions of power? Well, they certainly can't do as bad or any worse? Personally or I like to think that women are more intuitive, nuturing and loving.
In Ohio, gays are not fit to adopt says the republican running for governor. To counter, the democratic candidate says republicans are not fit to adopt. The real problem is that there are many children in the state who need loving parents. And I ask you, why are people so shallow and narrow minded and sick? Let the gays adopt these children and give them a loving home! What about the children's welfare? I am almost ashamed to be a member of the human race?
Would women do a better job in positions of power? Well, they certainly can't do as bad or any worse? Personally or I like to think that women are more intuitive, nuturing and loving.
Did Cheney shoot the wrong man?
What the hell is W up to now? Does he know that he is not the president of the middle east? So what's this about Dubai a company from (UAE) United Arab Emirates running our ports. But, when you think of it only 5% of the cargo that comes into our ports is inspected anyway? Right now a British company is running them. So much for national security, so why was all that National Security junk about anyway? So I have to take my shoes off at the airport, so I think my president is doing something? Then I hear this? The name Dubai sure sounds familiar to me somehow? Senators and Teamsters are protesting! Bush how un-American are you?
From the news on the internet: "The controversial deal would allow Dubai Ports World to buy major commercial operations at ports in Baltimore, Miami, New Jersey, New Orleans, New York and Philadelphia. But critics _ both Democrats and Republicans _ have questioned whether the deal would endanger domestic security, saying the United Arab Emirates doesn't have a strong record when it comes to the war on terrorism.The Bush administration has strongly defended the deal but has agreed to conduct a highly unusual second review of potential security risks. But Schumer told the rallying workers that a 45-day investigation period isn't enough scrutiny. Schumer said he plans to introduce legislation Monday to block the deal pending the 45-day review and to require congressional approval before DP World can conduct business in the United States. Under existing law, Congress effectively has no role considering deals, but Menendez said Congress should have the right to reject such agreements. Lautenberg said he would introduce legislation this week that would require the Department of Homeland Security to review changes of ownership of a terminal operator within a port of the United States for security problems. "
Trent Lott, on Chris Mathews, Hardball, said Bush so much as snorted he would veto any bill that comes across his desk to stop the deal.
Yet, Bush permits spying on your phone calls.
Bush is losing most of his party on on this one. Bush was adamant and snorted that he would use his veto power if anyone tried to vote against his latest scheme. Say, is Dubai a subsiderary of Haliburton? It seems to me I have seen the name mentioned in "American Dynasty" by Kevin Phillip.
If Hillary gets past this stupid stunt she should be will set to run for the presidency in 08. Is that all this is, to give Hillary grief?
Not long ago I believe a company from China, communist China, wanted to buy this countries major oil company and the government stepped in and stopped the deal. You don't want to give away the power to your fuel sources? In my opinion selling our ports to be run by a middle eastern country is extremely dangerous and just as dangerous as selling off our oil supplier to a foreign country.
In the book "The World is Flat" by Thomas L. Friedman he never once mentioned the workforce effects of off-shoring and out-sourcing jobs. You can tell he is extremely impressed by large corporations who are doing global business. In my opinoin it seemed as if Friedman was impressed that in the New York, headquarters, for one of the major global wheeler dealers major CEO's and CFO's are from Asian countries. So, we have CEO's over there and they have CEO's over there.
It certainly is a mixed up shook up world isn't it making security issues a real mess and now Bush is handing over our major ports and docks to a middle eastern company. Is our president asking for trouble along with really trying to look even more stupid? Okay, so they are doing a 45 day study to make sure this company is on the up and up, as if they can't change or get sold or become evil after we let them in?
Was Bush along on that quail hunt? Maybe he should have been. And what ever happened to that guy who was splastered full of buckshot? Is this port thing a distraction? Is the guy dead, but we are made to think that he is alive? And if it is threatrics how long can the goverment keep it up?
Remember spy people we still have freedom of speech? Gee, remember after 9/11/01 when the old people at the gym got into trouble and hauled in for saying the wrong thing? Unbelievable. Oh yes, that happened just as all the airports were shut down so Bush could get his middle east buddies flown out of the country.
And why weren't people listening to the flight instructors who said "Hey, got some guys here just wanting to learn how to steer the plane, not land it?" And there was warnings? Did they want it too happen so we could ultimately get Haliburton over there.
Why aren't we helping the enprisioned starving people of communist N. Korea who admit they have WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction). Oh, no oil there? Chris Mathews on Hardball CNN asked as much?
And how is all of this affecting the working people of this country? Well, your good jobs are going away folks and so will the unions too, if the republicans have anything to say about it. You see, the republicans support big corporations and give them tax breaks, allow off-shoring and out-sourcing. Young people today with master degrees are not making the money people with the same educations made a few years ago and good jobs with benefit and high salaries are becoming less and less. Soon, I think India and other countries that pay such a low wage to their workers will bring down the same task wages in this country across the board, if there are any jobs of the same type left here at all.
From the news on the internet: "The controversial deal would allow Dubai Ports World to buy major commercial operations at ports in Baltimore, Miami, New Jersey, New Orleans, New York and Philadelphia. But critics _ both Democrats and Republicans _ have questioned whether the deal would endanger domestic security, saying the United Arab Emirates doesn't have a strong record when it comes to the war on terrorism.The Bush administration has strongly defended the deal but has agreed to conduct a highly unusual second review of potential security risks. But Schumer told the rallying workers that a 45-day investigation period isn't enough scrutiny. Schumer said he plans to introduce legislation Monday to block the deal pending the 45-day review and to require congressional approval before DP World can conduct business in the United States. Under existing law, Congress effectively has no role considering deals, but Menendez said Congress should have the right to reject such agreements. Lautenberg said he would introduce legislation this week that would require the Department of Homeland Security to review changes of ownership of a terminal operator within a port of the United States for security problems. "
Trent Lott, on Chris Mathews, Hardball, said Bush so much as snorted he would veto any bill that comes across his desk to stop the deal.
Yet, Bush permits spying on your phone calls.
Bush is losing most of his party on on this one. Bush was adamant and snorted that he would use his veto power if anyone tried to vote against his latest scheme. Say, is Dubai a subsiderary of Haliburton? It seems to me I have seen the name mentioned in "American Dynasty" by Kevin Phillip.
If Hillary gets past this stupid stunt she should be will set to run for the presidency in 08. Is that all this is, to give Hillary grief?
Not long ago I believe a company from China, communist China, wanted to buy this countries major oil company and the government stepped in and stopped the deal. You don't want to give away the power to your fuel sources? In my opinion selling our ports to be run by a middle eastern country is extremely dangerous and just as dangerous as selling off our oil supplier to a foreign country.
In the book "The World is Flat" by Thomas L. Friedman he never once mentioned the workforce effects of off-shoring and out-sourcing jobs. You can tell he is extremely impressed by large corporations who are doing global business. In my opinoin it seemed as if Friedman was impressed that in the New York, headquarters, for one of the major global wheeler dealers major CEO's and CFO's are from Asian countries. So, we have CEO's over there and they have CEO's over there.
It certainly is a mixed up shook up world isn't it making security issues a real mess and now Bush is handing over our major ports and docks to a middle eastern company. Is our president asking for trouble along with really trying to look even more stupid? Okay, so they are doing a 45 day study to make sure this company is on the up and up, as if they can't change or get sold or become evil after we let them in?
Was Bush along on that quail hunt? Maybe he should have been. And what ever happened to that guy who was splastered full of buckshot? Is this port thing a distraction? Is the guy dead, but we are made to think that he is alive? And if it is threatrics how long can the goverment keep it up?
Remember spy people we still have freedom of speech? Gee, remember after 9/11/01 when the old people at the gym got into trouble and hauled in for saying the wrong thing? Unbelievable. Oh yes, that happened just as all the airports were shut down so Bush could get his middle east buddies flown out of the country.
And why weren't people listening to the flight instructors who said "Hey, got some guys here just wanting to learn how to steer the plane, not land it?" And there was warnings? Did they want it too happen so we could ultimately get Haliburton over there.
Why aren't we helping the enprisioned starving people of communist N. Korea who admit they have WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction). Oh, no oil there? Chris Mathews on Hardball CNN asked as much?
And how is all of this affecting the working people of this country? Well, your good jobs are going away folks and so will the unions too, if the republicans have anything to say about it. You see, the republicans support big corporations and give them tax breaks, allow off-shoring and out-sourcing. Young people today with master degrees are not making the money people with the same educations made a few years ago and good jobs with benefit and high salaries are becoming less and less. Soon, I think India and other countries that pay such a low wage to their workers will bring down the same task wages in this country across the board, if there are any jobs of the same type left here at all.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Friends!
Quote: "A friend is a second self" by Arisitotle.
Hmm..I like that quote! It's true.
I had brunch with my friends today, I think I was due for their humor and insight!
I wished I would have felt up to the protest yesterday, L said she saw many faces of gals we haven't seen for a while. She had pictures!
In a way I see it as a blessing that I wasn't up to protesting yesterday, because I would have cried when I saw parents with kids in the back seat crying not wanting to be TAKEN to the "Love can cure you" seminar to be "straightened out".
Now, I am here to tell you anyone can ACT straight or PRETEND to be straight if you are gay; but in your heart you will always long to be with a person of the same sex. Trust me! I've lived it and I know.
One of the reasons why I could not bring myself to go is that it saddens and depresses me to even think of the way I had to live my life and for that to happen to a young person today in 2006 is inexcusible. This is the 21st century and still so many narrow minded selfish parents still exist! Well, maybe some of these parents themselves have gone through their lives pretending to be happy to please who? society, parents, the church.
Well, I am here to tell you that society, parents, co-workers, the church are not more important than you being true to yourself. Be yourself and let others be themselves! Darn! I wish I would have thought of that phrase when I was making posters Friday evening. If I don't have a problem with you being straight then why should you have a problem with me being gay?
Be yourself! Love yourself! You are the most important person in your life and you owe it to yourself to be happy!
You know if you really think about it, no one really needs religion. Really! Just live by the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be kind, polite, understanding, loving, stay within the law, use good work ethics, control your temper. lead with your heart! Be spiritual! Religion is nothing more than a controlling and manipulative for monetary gain organization. People know what is right and what is wrong! Religion organizations, mostly ran by a few males who are above their own rules, just want to control you.
There are many groups to belong too for social and charitable purposes. Sins, such bullshit! Heaven and hell, such bullshit! This is how they rope you in! If you are spiritual you do not believe in good vs evil, heaven vs hell or pain and suffering. There are all religious conditions of control and manipulation. When I was growing up we were taught we were damned if we didn't tide ten percent. We were taught we would go straight to hell and burn in fire for eternity if we stepped foot into another religious sect's church other than our own. Words and rules of manipulation for control for majority and monetary gain for a few male (mostly) leaders.
A high power lies within each and every one of us. We choose when we wanted to be born and we choose our parents that is why our zodiac sun and moon signs fit so well. We had a plan we wanted to follow before we were born but sometimes society's ways throw us off course and sometimes it takes years to get back on. Or sometimes being thrown off course is part of the lessons we are here to learn first before we can accomplish and do what we came here in the first place to do. I believe as we lives our lives we should feel as if we are progressing? Do you? I do?
At this moment, right now, I am the best I have ever been and I'm damn cute with a wonderful body. It's what I wanted. I'm healthy and it's what I wanted and I know that I am healthy. I must believe in myself every moment of every day. If I want something I have to think it and dream it, but I cannot sway my thoughts with negativity because that messes up the plan. Being positive always is key.
This morning at brunch two of my dearest friends are elderly. One was complaining "I don't want to grow old, pass 70". I responded: "Be sure of that, because your body hears every thought that you think".
I can't convince some that turning sixty is nothing! Maybe thirty years ago, turning sixty was deadly, but not today. Today sixty is the new thirty, okay, forty (more reasonable). Haven't you all heard the saying (and I heard this long time ago and it stuck - to my benefit): we are as old as we feel (or think). And it's true. I feel like I did when I was thirty-five. Actually, I feel better because I am in better physical condition with all the running, yoga, bicycling and now I have added swimming to my routine! I love it!
I am what I believe that I am. We create our own realities you know? Of course, organized religion will never tell you just how powerful you, yourself, really are; because, if you knew how powerful and self-efficient you truly were, then why would you need them. It's a business folks, a non-tax paying business I might add. Gee, and our forefathers fleed the old country to keep religion and state separate. Now, we all know that religion and government is indeed not separate. They are in cohoots to their own self-severing advantages.
Religion preaches to you about being anti-gay, anti-abortion and everything else...then here comes the conservation republican candidate who know now that you are "trained and conditioned" by organized religion so he repeats what religion preaches to you; the end result is MORE votes for him. The politican also sticks to religious and ethical topics such as the above and stem-cell research so as to distract you from the more important issues such as a needless war for oil (funny, how per religion, it is okay to kill innocient to foruce christianity down our throats and it's okay per religion I guess to kill innocent people over acquring most of the limited amount of oil that is left; but they are anti-abortion and anti-stem cell research - go figure!)
Yes, politicans use the sake of religion to gave votes and they bring up mean-nothing topics such as very personnal topics as anti-gay and anti-aborption ( all very "people controlling" topics. But, yet politicans say nothing about large corporations out-sourcing and off-shoring jobs overseas (your federal social services income tax base is being eliminated folks - are you aware?). Corporations pay lobbiest to award and get votes for politicans to vote in their familiar (politicans must return these favors they promise for votes) which means going easy on them, cutting taxes, signing bills that allow corporations off shore tax sheltors. The politicians are out to make money for themselves just as the clergy are! But, you have probably thought all about this already - right? Now, this is my own personal observation and according to the first amendment we still have freedom of speech in this country so this is my two cents, as the saying goes!
Hmm..I like that quote! It's true.
I had brunch with my friends today, I think I was due for their humor and insight!
I wished I would have felt up to the protest yesterday, L said she saw many faces of gals we haven't seen for a while. She had pictures!
In a way I see it as a blessing that I wasn't up to protesting yesterday, because I would have cried when I saw parents with kids in the back seat crying not wanting to be TAKEN to the "Love can cure you" seminar to be "straightened out".
Now, I am here to tell you anyone can ACT straight or PRETEND to be straight if you are gay; but in your heart you will always long to be with a person of the same sex. Trust me! I've lived it and I know.
One of the reasons why I could not bring myself to go is that it saddens and depresses me to even think of the way I had to live my life and for that to happen to a young person today in 2006 is inexcusible. This is the 21st century and still so many narrow minded selfish parents still exist! Well, maybe some of these parents themselves have gone through their lives pretending to be happy to please who? society, parents, the church.
Well, I am here to tell you that society, parents, co-workers, the church are not more important than you being true to yourself. Be yourself and let others be themselves! Darn! I wish I would have thought of that phrase when I was making posters Friday evening. If I don't have a problem with you being straight then why should you have a problem with me being gay?
Be yourself! Love yourself! You are the most important person in your life and you owe it to yourself to be happy!
You know if you really think about it, no one really needs religion. Really! Just live by the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be kind, polite, understanding, loving, stay within the law, use good work ethics, control your temper. lead with your heart! Be spiritual! Religion is nothing more than a controlling and manipulative for monetary gain organization. People know what is right and what is wrong! Religion organizations, mostly ran by a few males who are above their own rules, just want to control you.
There are many groups to belong too for social and charitable purposes. Sins, such bullshit! Heaven and hell, such bullshit! This is how they rope you in! If you are spiritual you do not believe in good vs evil, heaven vs hell or pain and suffering. There are all religious conditions of control and manipulation. When I was growing up we were taught we were damned if we didn't tide ten percent. We were taught we would go straight to hell and burn in fire for eternity if we stepped foot into another religious sect's church other than our own. Words and rules of manipulation for control for majority and monetary gain for a few male (mostly) leaders.
A high power lies within each and every one of us. We choose when we wanted to be born and we choose our parents that is why our zodiac sun and moon signs fit so well. We had a plan we wanted to follow before we were born but sometimes society's ways throw us off course and sometimes it takes years to get back on. Or sometimes being thrown off course is part of the lessons we are here to learn first before we can accomplish and do what we came here in the first place to do. I believe as we lives our lives we should feel as if we are progressing? Do you? I do?
At this moment, right now, I am the best I have ever been and I'm damn cute with a wonderful body. It's what I wanted. I'm healthy and it's what I wanted and I know that I am healthy. I must believe in myself every moment of every day. If I want something I have to think it and dream it, but I cannot sway my thoughts with negativity because that messes up the plan. Being positive always is key.
This morning at brunch two of my dearest friends are elderly. One was complaining "I don't want to grow old, pass 70". I responded: "Be sure of that, because your body hears every thought that you think".
I can't convince some that turning sixty is nothing! Maybe thirty years ago, turning sixty was deadly, but not today. Today sixty is the new thirty, okay, forty (more reasonable). Haven't you all heard the saying (and I heard this long time ago and it stuck - to my benefit): we are as old as we feel (or think). And it's true. I feel like I did when I was thirty-five. Actually, I feel better because I am in better physical condition with all the running, yoga, bicycling and now I have added swimming to my routine! I love it!
I am what I believe that I am. We create our own realities you know? Of course, organized religion will never tell you just how powerful you, yourself, really are; because, if you knew how powerful and self-efficient you truly were, then why would you need them. It's a business folks, a non-tax paying business I might add. Gee, and our forefathers fleed the old country to keep religion and state separate. Now, we all know that religion and government is indeed not separate. They are in cohoots to their own self-severing advantages.
Religion preaches to you about being anti-gay, anti-abortion and everything else...then here comes the conservation republican candidate who know now that you are "trained and conditioned" by organized religion so he repeats what religion preaches to you; the end result is MORE votes for him. The politican also sticks to religious and ethical topics such as the above and stem-cell research so as to distract you from the more important issues such as a needless war for oil (funny, how per religion, it is okay to kill innocient to foruce christianity down our throats and it's okay per religion I guess to kill innocent people over acquring most of the limited amount of oil that is left; but they are anti-abortion and anti-stem cell research - go figure!)
Yes, politicans use the sake of religion to gave votes and they bring up mean-nothing topics such as very personnal topics as anti-gay and anti-aborption ( all very "people controlling" topics. But, yet politicans say nothing about large corporations out-sourcing and off-shoring jobs overseas (your federal social services income tax base is being eliminated folks - are you aware?). Corporations pay lobbiest to award and get votes for politicans to vote in their familiar (politicans must return these favors they promise for votes) which means going easy on them, cutting taxes, signing bills that allow corporations off shore tax sheltors. The politicians are out to make money for themselves just as the clergy are! But, you have probably thought all about this already - right? Now, this is my own personal observation and according to the first amendment we still have freedom of speech in this country so this is my two cents, as the saying goes!
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Christians! Cure HATE not LOVE!
I'm compelled to tell you that you are making a mistake! It's parents doing this for themselves not for their children. The children are being brought to your seminar in tears! Evidently, the parents have been brainwashed into thinking $50. and a one day seminar can change their child sexual orientation. Yeah, what happens when they get inside? Are they promptly suggested to sign up for a longer plan and for more money? Exploitation at it's best, all in the name of god!
It's love people, not hate! I happen to know what I am talking about I am a born lesbian and for forty years I tried to please parents, society and religion. I was true to everyone else but not myself! You know what, god didn't want that, so finally, he helped me get spiritual and see the evil ways of man-made (let's face it folks, human's wrote scripture) religion!
So, you know where I am now? Well, I no longer speak to my family, nor do I attend church or belong to any organized religion! I feel that you have all cheated me out of the better part of my life. I could have been loving and receiving love the way it was meant to be for me...but you all messed it up for me, instead! Why is it that merry ole England is so far advanced then backwatered conservative American so called christians. There is nothing wrong with being gay.
Truth be told you can't fake it. I have had many relationships with men, nothing! It was a sin to waste their time and mine and give them fault hope! Then finally, one special relationship with a woman, EVERTYHING! She is heaven! Never in my wildest dreams did I think loving could be so wonderful and meaningful. How dare you cheat me out of loving the way I am meant to love!
How DARE YOU try to keep that from me or anyone! You don't know what you are talking or how damaging your policies are? Get a life! Have fund raisers for the poor, whatever, but leave the gay community be!
Exodus International and Focus on the Family, if you want to do anything then teach parents to love their children and let them be who they are, for god's sake! And they call it religion! Sorry, but I'm not buying it, controlling, self-seving, manipulative - all for money, religion has caused me too much damage. I have been robbed of my freedom to love..
And now you are helping parents to further damange their children, how unhuman is that? It certainly isn't godless! I am gay by god. I am happy to be gay. I am blessed to be gay. I have a wonderful loving caring heart unlike the likes of you, who are trying desperately to destroy something in people you just happen not to like and refuse to tolerate. It's not up to you be play god!
And just why wouldn't a homosexual like their lifestyle? Could it be because you have planted a bad seed about it, for your own self-serving purposes? Could it be that you have brainwashed parents and people into thinking god has made a mistake. Now, who's playing god? This is not right, this is evil what you are doing. The church has planted the seed that homosexuality is evil, so they could have people spend the money to get cured! Actually, it's brilliant! Smiling all the way to the bank? Now who's going to hell?
It's love people, not hate! I happen to know what I am talking about I am a born lesbian and for forty years I tried to please parents, society and religion. I was true to everyone else but not myself! You know what, god didn't want that, so finally, he helped me get spiritual and see the evil ways of man-made (let's face it folks, human's wrote scripture) religion!
So, you know where I am now? Well, I no longer speak to my family, nor do I attend church or belong to any organized religion! I feel that you have all cheated me out of the better part of my life. I could have been loving and receiving love the way it was meant to be for me...but you all messed it up for me, instead! Why is it that merry ole England is so far advanced then backwatered conservative American so called christians. There is nothing wrong with being gay.
Truth be told you can't fake it. I have had many relationships with men, nothing! It was a sin to waste their time and mine and give them fault hope! Then finally, one special relationship with a woman, EVERTYHING! She is heaven! Never in my wildest dreams did I think loving could be so wonderful and meaningful. How dare you cheat me out of loving the way I am meant to love!
How DARE YOU try to keep that from me or anyone! You don't know what you are talking or how damaging your policies are? Get a life! Have fund raisers for the poor, whatever, but leave the gay community be!
Exodus International and Focus on the Family, if you want to do anything then teach parents to love their children and let them be who they are, for god's sake! And they call it religion! Sorry, but I'm not buying it, controlling, self-seving, manipulative - all for money, religion has caused me too much damage. I have been robbed of my freedom to love..
And now you are helping parents to further damange their children, how unhuman is that? It certainly isn't godless! I am gay by god. I am happy to be gay. I am blessed to be gay. I have a wonderful loving caring heart unlike the likes of you, who are trying desperately to destroy something in people you just happen not to like and refuse to tolerate. It's not up to you be play god!
And just why wouldn't a homosexual like their lifestyle? Could it be because you have planted a bad seed about it, for your own self-serving purposes? Could it be that you have brainwashed parents and people into thinking god has made a mistake. Now, who's playing god? This is not right, this is evil what you are doing. The church has planted the seed that homosexuality is evil, so they could have people spend the money to get cured! Actually, it's brilliant! Smiling all the way to the bank? Now who's going to hell?
Sorry, that I am missing it.
People there to participate in the seminar should be registering now and have just pasted by the protesters. I wish I was there.
But, my knees and legs are hurting, and I was going to be riding there with my x this morning; a little too much. She and I rode together last evening to the place where we worked on posters. Yesterday afternoon already I began thinking about Teresa a lot - I needed her arms around me. It was a sign not to go back; not to repeat or stir up unpleasant memories.
In the past I tried very hard to keep the relationship together. She was disappointed this morning I know when I called to bail. One of her buddies was going to be riding along too so she wasn't going to be alone. The last time I was around my x and this buddy; the buddy brushed my breast with her arm a little slow to be an accident. Pretty sad! Pretty weird! I ignored it and shouldn't have. But, I'm a Libra, and one who tries to keep a balance and maybe too much at my own expense.
Emotional and physical pain kept me away this morning. I missed my other friends. I wished things would have worked out differently. I'm thinking I just was suppose to be there this morning.
My eyes are shutting because my heart along with my knees were aching last night. I hate to hurt or disappointment people and try hard to please; but maybe I should be worrying more about me.
I was wonderful and full of happiness, love and energy yesterday that is until the evening rolled around; then suddenly I was out of my element. She asked if K and I were getting it on....
But, my knees and legs are hurting, and I was going to be riding there with my x this morning; a little too much. She and I rode together last evening to the place where we worked on posters. Yesterday afternoon already I began thinking about Teresa a lot - I needed her arms around me. It was a sign not to go back; not to repeat or stir up unpleasant memories.
In the past I tried very hard to keep the relationship together. She was disappointed this morning I know when I called to bail. One of her buddies was going to be riding along too so she wasn't going to be alone. The last time I was around my x and this buddy; the buddy brushed my breast with her arm a little slow to be an accident. Pretty sad! Pretty weird! I ignored it and shouldn't have. But, I'm a Libra, and one who tries to keep a balance and maybe too much at my own expense.
Emotional and physical pain kept me away this morning. I missed my other friends. I wished things would have worked out differently. I'm thinking I just was suppose to be there this morning.
My eyes are shutting because my heart along with my knees were aching last night. I hate to hurt or disappointment people and try hard to please; but maybe I should be worrying more about me.
I was wonderful and full of happiness, love and energy yesterday that is until the evening rolled around; then suddenly I was out of my element. She asked if K and I were getting it on....
Don't Think That I Will Be Protesting!
Well, It's 2:30 AM and I have my alarm set for 4:30 AM to get up to get ready to meet others to protest a "we can cure your gayness" in one day seminar. But, I guess I'll be missing out on my possible TV debute as I along with hundreds I hope try to get my point across. I should be sleeping but I'm up taking more Ibuprofen. My knees and legs have been hurting all evening.
Seems I have a way of overdoing things. Well, I was feeling good and energetic and having fun. First yesterday morning I ran with my good friend K, we had coffee, she had other things to do and I took her home. I should have ended my exercise at that point too; but, instead I went to the gym and worked out on machine weights, then swam for twenty minutes and then trudged against the strong current in the wading pool trail not only once, but twice.
And later in the evening while standing for three hours drawing protest posters in a gay church basement on concete my knees and legs began to ache. Seems I have finally over done it. Well, I'm not going to stand more on them tomorrow for hours.
My legs are still aching after several doses of Ibuprofen and they are keeping me awake. I am beginning to think that I am not meant to protest tomorrow morning. So, I guess I'll pass; it's like admitting defeat and I hate that!
Time to take my sorry ass back to bed and see if I can get some sleep, I still want to go in the morning. I hate this!
Well, I least I contributed some to the occasion by making posters.
Seems I have a way of overdoing things. Well, I was feeling good and energetic and having fun. First yesterday morning I ran with my good friend K, we had coffee, she had other things to do and I took her home. I should have ended my exercise at that point too; but, instead I went to the gym and worked out on machine weights, then swam for twenty minutes and then trudged against the strong current in the wading pool trail not only once, but twice.
And later in the evening while standing for three hours drawing protest posters in a gay church basement on concete my knees and legs began to ache. Seems I have finally over done it. Well, I'm not going to stand more on them tomorrow for hours.
My legs are still aching after several doses of Ibuprofen and they are keeping me awake. I am beginning to think that I am not meant to protest tomorrow morning. So, I guess I'll pass; it's like admitting defeat and I hate that!
Time to take my sorry ass back to bed and see if I can get some sleep, I still want to go in the morning. I hate this!
Well, I least I contributed some to the occasion by making posters.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
On Being Gay
I believe that if all the truly gay people would turn purple for one day, the world would be shocked at the more than claimed ten percent. My self, I would guess at least forty percent. Look at the "down low" groups that exists which consists of married men secretly having sex with men, lots of men, in same married situations. Maybe it's more exciting to live the double life. They claim they are straight and just having sex but I feel if you have sex with another man, you are gay. I hope these guys are using protection to protect themselves and their unknowing wives.
What is more amazing to me is the stigma attached to homosexuality. What's the big deal? Why are people so offended. Oh yeah! Right! The church! Religion has killed more people in the name of god throughout history than any war. Organized religion leaders like to write the rules but are above them; the rules only apply to the peon members.
I watched the movie "Brokeback Mountain" and it reminded me of when I dated guys many years ago as I was trapped in social stigma hell. The guys were always going off somewhere or doing something without wanting the women along. Hmm! Makes me wonder now! I have to tell you I knew a few who had sex both men and women. Interesting and dangerous!
Actually, I'm surprised there isn't a big uproar from the straight man community about this movie. Now, I'm thinking back and suspecting all the hunting and fishing guys I ever knew. Come think of it? They sure always do want to go off on their own? They never wanted women along even if the women were capable of holding their own with the sport at hand. I could never understand that myself. I am a lesbian and I prefer to keep company with women! Hmm. Interesting!
Well, anyway, no matter according to the billboards along the highways, the Christians have it all wrapped up. They can fix you for $50. and one day's worth of seminar! Personally, I think organized religion is brilliant!
Well, first the church preaches and tells you how much of a sinner you are and how evil the act. Then they claim they can heal you! Brilliant! What a very clever money making scam!
Oh yes, let's just shame the hell out of them and tell them they are disappointing to god, society and their parents. Oh a few will be lost to suicide but that's the way it goes. Everyone must follow the rules are be lost to hell. A few fatalities are to be expected.
But, if we were all more spiritual rather than religious we would think differently. We would believe in more than one lifetime. We would not believe in right or wrong or heaven and hell. We would believe in love as the ultimate goal of each and every soul. We would believe that the spirit world sees no gendar, sexuality or age. Our heart/souls/subconsciousness being one and the same and spiritual. We are all heavenly spirts visiting in human form. We probably all had a plan mapped out before we decided to visit, but somehow society messes up our plan and we have to spend half our life time trying to compensate and work around social huddles...homosexual prejudice being one of them. God help us!
What is more amazing to me is the stigma attached to homosexuality. What's the big deal? Why are people so offended. Oh yeah! Right! The church! Religion has killed more people in the name of god throughout history than any war. Organized religion leaders like to write the rules but are above them; the rules only apply to the peon members.
I watched the movie "Brokeback Mountain" and it reminded me of when I dated guys many years ago as I was trapped in social stigma hell. The guys were always going off somewhere or doing something without wanting the women along. Hmm! Makes me wonder now! I have to tell you I knew a few who had sex both men and women. Interesting and dangerous!
Actually, I'm surprised there isn't a big uproar from the straight man community about this movie. Now, I'm thinking back and suspecting all the hunting and fishing guys I ever knew. Come think of it? They sure always do want to go off on their own? They never wanted women along even if the women were capable of holding their own with the sport at hand. I could never understand that myself. I am a lesbian and I prefer to keep company with women! Hmm. Interesting!
Well, anyway, no matter according to the billboards along the highways, the Christians have it all wrapped up. They can fix you for $50. and one day's worth of seminar! Personally, I think organized religion is brilliant!
Well, first the church preaches and tells you how much of a sinner you are and how evil the act. Then they claim they can heal you! Brilliant! What a very clever money making scam!
Oh yes, let's just shame the hell out of them and tell them they are disappointing to god, society and their parents. Oh a few will be lost to suicide but that's the way it goes. Everyone must follow the rules are be lost to hell. A few fatalities are to be expected.
But, if we were all more spiritual rather than religious we would think differently. We would believe in more than one lifetime. We would not believe in right or wrong or heaven and hell. We would believe in love as the ultimate goal of each and every soul. We would believe that the spirit world sees no gendar, sexuality or age. Our heart/souls/subconsciousness being one and the same and spiritual. We are all heavenly spirts visiting in human form. We probably all had a plan mapped out before we decided to visit, but somehow society messes up our plan and we have to spend half our life time trying to compensate and work around social huddles...homosexual prejudice being one of them. God help us!
Darn, no date!
Well, I'm running into trouble here...it's been a long time and the longing is growing. I would probably be good for hours! I need to find a like minded person who wants the same.
I'm disappointed about the date. There is only so much you can do for yourself! Nothing compares to the touch of a woman!
Guess, I'll go for a run.....run it out of my system. Actually, that use to work but I'm becoming too conditioned and it's been too long so nothing is going to help
I'm sorry but no one interest me at the usual social establishment. Guess I'll go through those stupid ads again. I don't even want to do that; maybe she'll just show up at my door step or drop out of the sky one day! The card reader told me I would have someone very soon....
I guess I have to go out after what I want and need. These women just don't have the passion...they are too easy to do without it. Actually, I'm very particular. I prefer love at first sight.....like last summer. I don't care how long it lasts or doesn't lasts, it was worth all of the excitement.
Personally, I believe in love at first sight. I loved her the moment I looked into her eyes and even more everyday there after. I still love her! I was meant to be in her life somehow...she just doesn't know that yet. I want her sex!
I think sex is so much better when there is love and passion involved ( of course!).
Well, I guess I'll get out there and enjoy this beautiful day and think about sex. Looking at the beautiful golden goddess last night with her little belly showing didn't help matters much. God HELP me! Why does life have to leave you so hungry all the time? Wanting! Wanting! Wanting! Wanting things I have totally no control over getting into my life. I can't MAKE someone want me!!!
And I look so damn good....all this shit going to waste. I am really cute with my hair longer. And it's wavy and lays so cute! Good thing I love myself! At least I love me! I look in the mirror and think. "Hell, I'd go for me!" I work out and have a great shape. I'm a real catch, so she says! She also said. "Hottie"!
I desire the touch of a woman! I could make someone feel really really good! Too bad they are missing out! Now, I'm sounding like a sick person.....no I'm not. And I use my head in these situations too....well if it fits......I'm kidding.......just a little humor to go along with the pain of missing intimacy. I meant I use common sense. I held off a long time before I asked this person out...I don't think she really took it as a date...but more as a friend thing. She and I will have to talk! Some people need it spelled out! Like me! She has flirted enough with me and I put her off..guess I deserve rejection...In all honesty she does have a commitment she needs work on. I'm not mad just little disappointed. Women don't make me mad, not like men used to do.
Have a beautiful day. I'm going for that run, maybe the warmth of the sun will heal my aching heart! God, I miss my summer love. It's been months and I have never gotten over her! I'm trying....I'm dying here! Help me out, for god's sake! Where's your compassion.....I didn't ask for these damn feelings...
I'm disappointed about the date. There is only so much you can do for yourself! Nothing compares to the touch of a woman!
Guess, I'll go for a run.....run it out of my system. Actually, that use to work but I'm becoming too conditioned and it's been too long so nothing is going to help
I'm sorry but no one interest me at the usual social establishment. Guess I'll go through those stupid ads again. I don't even want to do that; maybe she'll just show up at my door step or drop out of the sky one day! The card reader told me I would have someone very soon....
I guess I have to go out after what I want and need. These women just don't have the passion...they are too easy to do without it. Actually, I'm very particular. I prefer love at first sight.....like last summer. I don't care how long it lasts or doesn't lasts, it was worth all of the excitement.
Personally, I believe in love at first sight. I loved her the moment I looked into her eyes and even more everyday there after. I still love her! I was meant to be in her life somehow...she just doesn't know that yet. I want her sex!
I think sex is so much better when there is love and passion involved ( of course!).
Well, I guess I'll get out there and enjoy this beautiful day and think about sex. Looking at the beautiful golden goddess last night with her little belly showing didn't help matters much. God HELP me! Why does life have to leave you so hungry all the time? Wanting! Wanting! Wanting! Wanting things I have totally no control over getting into my life. I can't MAKE someone want me!!!
And I look so damn good....all this shit going to waste. I am really cute with my hair longer. And it's wavy and lays so cute! Good thing I love myself! At least I love me! I look in the mirror and think. "Hell, I'd go for me!" I work out and have a great shape. I'm a real catch, so she says! She also said. "Hottie"!
I desire the touch of a woman! I could make someone feel really really good! Too bad they are missing out! Now, I'm sounding like a sick person.....no I'm not. And I use my head in these situations too....well if it fits......I'm kidding.......just a little humor to go along with the pain of missing intimacy. I meant I use common sense. I held off a long time before I asked this person out...I don't think she really took it as a date...but more as a friend thing. She and I will have to talk! Some people need it spelled out! Like me! She has flirted enough with me and I put her off..guess I deserve rejection...In all honesty she does have a commitment she needs work on. I'm not mad just little disappointed. Women don't make me mad, not like men used to do.
Have a beautiful day. I'm going for that run, maybe the warmth of the sun will heal my aching heart! God, I miss my summer love. It's been months and I have never gotten over her! I'm trying....I'm dying here! Help me out, for god's sake! Where's your compassion.....I didn't ask for these damn feelings...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Today!
I'm changing my clothes to run in the park, then work out on weight machines, then swim, then visit Emma, then play guitar, then write, then read.
I have to work all of this pain out of my system. Wish me luck! I'm about to make a sexual move. I need to love! I need to feel the warmth, not just the hand. I need to dominate. And if she can't return love either like the last one then too, I'm moving on! I am not settling for less anymore!
And in the next relationship, I am totally being myself! No more losing myself to another. I'm better than that! I am much better than that!
It's now 11:30 PM and today I ran six miles, read, went to yoga class, played guitar till my fingers hurt and wrote some. Oh, and asked a girl out on a date!
I have to work all of this pain out of my system. Wish me luck! I'm about to make a sexual move. I need to love! I need to feel the warmth, not just the hand. I need to dominate. And if she can't return love either like the last one then too, I'm moving on! I am not settling for less anymore!
And in the next relationship, I am totally being myself! No more losing myself to another. I'm better than that! I am much better than that!
It's now 11:30 PM and today I ran six miles, read, went to yoga class, played guitar till my fingers hurt and wrote some. Oh, and asked a girl out on a date!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Life - it's a pain!
I want sex without a relationship! Never did I think this life would be so hard! Why do I have to feel love and why do I have to worry about the other person; it's a pain!
Can't I just enjoy a moment of sex? Jesus!
I think I want off this ride!
Can't I just enjoy a moment of sex? Jesus!
I think I want off this ride!
Monday, February 20, 2006
Highly Thought Of!
I walked in the park with my friend L today, like you, she had a holiday. Over breakfast I told her what your subject will be next year and she said you would be great at it! She is very impressed by you! Her compliments are rare for those new in the profession; this being her last year of it.
A free woman soon! She was tickled and almost had reason enough to reconsider since she found out that her two young male bosses got fired, voted out. She was elated! I hope,my love, the evil one you had last year doesn't return to haunt you next year. I can't bear the though of him upsetting you.
I'm sorry, but I think I'm supposed to love you. It's my mission; no, really! I think that is what all my past experiences have been about..sorry. I can connect the dots, and it makes sense, really! I'm here to stay. Well, you're in my heart to stay. Just please show up once in a while if you can't come to me. Damn, I love you!
This morning too, I told L about the card; she thought you shouldn't be offended. I hope not! I said I recently saw you and wanted to hug but didn't; I didn't tell her exactly but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to let go. But, next time, maybe I will hug you; it would be good for my heart. Maybe I won't, I'm afraid too. Oh hell with it, maybe I will. L says she loves to see me argue with myself. I did it at breakfast. I was telling her that I almost jumped into something Saturday night and had to argue with myself....the end result: A good giggle for L this morning. What really happened? You'll just have to wonder; I want to be highly thought of!
I know my heart pretty well and through no fault of yours it is holding me in place, fluttering in air, lingering. Just don't ever go away! No, sometimes, I think you should tell me to go to hell...I need to get on with my life. I could have been in bed with this cute little thing...but my heart..
My friend and I shared a wonderful visit this morning until we noticed that her car window was broken. If you ever think about moving near M's, please reconsider. My car parked right behind hers was not touched? I love that little box dodger car, it's such good luck for me! Thank you God!
I hope your holiday is good. I hope I see you soon. My friend M will be at M's tomorrow evening passing out carpooling and parking information for the demo on Saturday at the church so I'll get to M's early to see her. You come too, I want to see you. I may hug, but I'll try not to embarrass you. I want to hear about how things are going for you at work. Please. What is this hold you have on me?
I was just over at my x visiting E, she is staying there now until found out. X is becoming attached and I'm glad. I miss E, but she slipped on the steps one day, about knocking me down, and that may her become afraid of them. So, we'll see? Hope for the best! God, I'm going to dread that day! She's fourteen and her feet make shuffling sounds when she crosses x's carpet. It's not funny, but it's funny, if you know what I mean? Outdoors her nose works effectively examining every square inch I swear!
It was good to see my friend today; funny how god puts people in our lives at times when we need them to deliver messages. She said I did okay with you..I needed to hear that. She said she was very impressed with you..I wanted to hear that. She made my heart feel good today and she got her window broken out for it. Well hopefully a beautiful woman has the job of replacing her car window today; although, usually it's a man's job; but you never know! Anyway, I hope she gets compensated somehow!
And the spirit speaks..I always listened to my x too, I felt god spoke through her. She's the reason I made the doctor's appointment that changed my entire life. The good doctor saved my life that day, you know. I will love her forever. I think about her often and pray for her.
My new friend K, is very spiritual and doesn't believe in chance meetings either; age and gender are not noticed in spirituality. She builds my confidence. She helps me to stop looking at myself in ways other people do not; so why should I? I told her how I needed to see the doctor one day recently when I was feeling badly, and timing being everything it worked out that I did. We smiled at each other. It was all I needed to make my heart feel better. I had been running and something told me to head back at that very moment; timing is everything and the traffic lights were in my favor. Her window down, her deep eyes uncovered, and warm, knowing, loving smiles exchanged. I floated home! It was one year to the day. I'm in her heart. K says the doctor and I are not done yet..another message perhaps? All I know is that I have learned to listen.
I love you...
A free woman soon! She was tickled and almost had reason enough to reconsider since she found out that her two young male bosses got fired, voted out. She was elated! I hope,my love, the evil one you had last year doesn't return to haunt you next year. I can't bear the though of him upsetting you.
I'm sorry, but I think I'm supposed to love you. It's my mission; no, really! I think that is what all my past experiences have been about..sorry. I can connect the dots, and it makes sense, really! I'm here to stay. Well, you're in my heart to stay. Just please show up once in a while if you can't come to me. Damn, I love you!
This morning too, I told L about the card; she thought you shouldn't be offended. I hope not! I said I recently saw you and wanted to hug but didn't; I didn't tell her exactly but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to let go. But, next time, maybe I will hug you; it would be good for my heart. Maybe I won't, I'm afraid too. Oh hell with it, maybe I will. L says she loves to see me argue with myself. I did it at breakfast. I was telling her that I almost jumped into something Saturday night and had to argue with myself....the end result: A good giggle for L this morning. What really happened? You'll just have to wonder; I want to be highly thought of!
I know my heart pretty well and through no fault of yours it is holding me in place, fluttering in air, lingering. Just don't ever go away! No, sometimes, I think you should tell me to go to hell...I need to get on with my life. I could have been in bed with this cute little thing...but my heart..
My friend and I shared a wonderful visit this morning until we noticed that her car window was broken. If you ever think about moving near M's, please reconsider. My car parked right behind hers was not touched? I love that little box dodger car, it's such good luck for me! Thank you God!
I hope your holiday is good. I hope I see you soon. My friend M will be at M's tomorrow evening passing out carpooling and parking information for the demo on Saturday at the church so I'll get to M's early to see her. You come too, I want to see you. I may hug, but I'll try not to embarrass you. I want to hear about how things are going for you at work. Please. What is this hold you have on me?
I was just over at my x visiting E, she is staying there now until found out. X is becoming attached and I'm glad. I miss E, but she slipped on the steps one day, about knocking me down, and that may her become afraid of them. So, we'll see? Hope for the best! God, I'm going to dread that day! She's fourteen and her feet make shuffling sounds when she crosses x's carpet. It's not funny, but it's funny, if you know what I mean? Outdoors her nose works effectively examining every square inch I swear!
It was good to see my friend today; funny how god puts people in our lives at times when we need them to deliver messages. She said I did okay with you..I needed to hear that. She said she was very impressed with you..I wanted to hear that. She made my heart feel good today and she got her window broken out for it. Well hopefully a beautiful woman has the job of replacing her car window today; although, usually it's a man's job; but you never know! Anyway, I hope she gets compensated somehow!
And the spirit speaks..I always listened to my x too, I felt god spoke through her. She's the reason I made the doctor's appointment that changed my entire life. The good doctor saved my life that day, you know. I will love her forever. I think about her often and pray for her.
My new friend K, is very spiritual and doesn't believe in chance meetings either; age and gender are not noticed in spirituality. She builds my confidence. She helps me to stop looking at myself in ways other people do not; so why should I? I told her how I needed to see the doctor one day recently when I was feeling badly, and timing being everything it worked out that I did. We smiled at each other. It was all I needed to make my heart feel better. I had been running and something told me to head back at that very moment; timing is everything and the traffic lights were in my favor. Her window down, her deep eyes uncovered, and warm, knowing, loving smiles exchanged. I floated home! It was one year to the day. I'm in her heart. K says the doctor and I are not done yet..another message perhaps? All I know is that I have learned to listen.
I love you...
Monday, February 13, 2006
Look for my Valentine Card in the US mail
I was looking through Valentine cards for another woman actually; but as I read them I thought more and more of you. I know - bad! You're with another!
Anyway, then I spotted a certain birthday card with the picture of a little girl. Now, several months ago, I saw the same card and thought of how you must have looked like her as a little girl. Oh God! It just gripped my heart! I bought the card last time and found myself buying another of the same today! It was you my near as a little girl! I cut it up and slipped the picture of the little girl in with the Valentine's Day card! I know you think I'm a fool; but, I don't care!
You have this hold on my heart, that I can't explain. It's weird! Anyway, I miss you! It was great to see you when I did a few weeks ago...I couldn't believe you showed up! I think we both felt pretty comfortable around each other... I liked that so I hope this silly little card didn't substract anything and doesn't leave any negative efffects. I adore you! I can't help it. You know I'll never disrepect you ever again ( I probably will never get the chance - you're saying). I'm taking a chance now I know. I could be insulting you...since you are in a relationship ....just tell her I said "hi" :)
I only want to see you once in a while and spend the evening together and make love. I think I saw you looking at me while I was sitting on the floor..let me lend you a hand once in a while if you like - you know what are friends for..
Saturday, February 11, 2006
I will always love you!
I hope you are doing okay. I miss you! Just wanted to let you know that. I may appear indifferent when I see you, but my heart hasn't changed, only my head and actions. I feel I have to appear that I don't care, when inside I love you like crazy! Please take care of yourself and know that I am always here for you. I will always love you, my summer love! And please don't feel bad or guilty that you don't feel the same or can't love or care for me at all. It's okay. I'm still here for you...always. I'm going to be that person you will be able to depend on.
I know you are happy with your new love and I am happy for you. My heart just aches a little once in a while when I think of you. I loved loving you. You are precious to me. I know you know that!
I will always love you! I treasure the loving warm moments that we had together. There is just something about you. I know it's hard for you; it's hard for me too! I will always be here for you; no matter who I am with. I want you in my life! But, I can't do without sex and loving, so I have to make do without you.
I know you are happy with your new love. I'm sure she loves you very much. You are very lovable you know! I think you're adorable! I loved loving you...I think you could tell!
I had to leave that night because I wanted you very much and couldn't stand to be there with while your mind someplace else. You were not in to me anymore I could tell. We should have talked. But, you saying "I don't do relationships" stuck in my mind. I was preparing myself for the end from the beginning. I half way pushed you away I know. I am so sorry. I got the message the end was near, so I ended it. But, nothing has changed on my end. I love you very much!
No matter where life takes you, please know that you can call or depend on me anytime, anywhere for anything. You are in my heart forever!
I know you are happy with your new love and I am happy for you. My heart just aches a little once in a while when I think of you. I loved loving you. You are precious to me. I know you know that!
I will always love you! I treasure the loving warm moments that we had together. There is just something about you. I know it's hard for you; it's hard for me too! I will always be here for you; no matter who I am with. I want you in my life! But, I can't do without sex and loving, so I have to make do without you.
I know you are happy with your new love. I'm sure she loves you very much. You are very lovable you know! I think you're adorable! I loved loving you...I think you could tell!
I had to leave that night because I wanted you very much and couldn't stand to be there with while your mind someplace else. You were not in to me anymore I could tell. We should have talked. But, you saying "I don't do relationships" stuck in my mind. I was preparing myself for the end from the beginning. I half way pushed you away I know. I am so sorry. I got the message the end was near, so I ended it. But, nothing has changed on my end. I love you very much!
No matter where life takes you, please know that you can call or depend on me anytime, anywhere for anything. You are in my heart forever!
Friday, February 10, 2006
Gay Bar Attacker...kills himself!
There was a small article in Wednesday paper in which the capton read: Boston - Gay-bar attacker shot himself, police say (wonder why that is added?).
Supposively, the teen went on a rampage at a gay bar and killed two people then fatally shot himself during a gunfight with Arkansas police. He was 18 and fatally shot himself after he shot a woman who was in his car, that was after he killed a police office in Arkansas after leading police on a 20 miles chase before being stopped. Police were looking for him after he shot two men in a gay bar in Boston.
Hmm, makes me wonder? Did he hate gays? And if so, why? They said we hate in others what is inside of us! Did he go to a gay bar to kill what was laying inside of him?
We'll never know now, he's dead and so are four other people! Makes me wonder. Let's just say, maybe he was gay, for arguement sake. You know, there are many suicides each year by teens who are gay and can't face disappointing their parents and people who love them.
So, which bring me to this issue - why are we ashamed of being gay? Oh, because "society" - that almighty powerful religious society that causes so many heart to ache, decided, for god, that it was wrong! People, religious people, are declaring god's mistakes...gays are a mistake, god! God, you made a mistake!
"Oh, but we are not damning the person, only the action" says the self-declared human religious god! - Now this is pure bullshit, as I feel all organized religions are! And no, I'm not going to hell - you the religious are, I'm spiritual. I can't go to a place I don't believe in.
I feel that all organized religion have rules and law written by humans (men) to manipulate others, rule over people for a few leaders self-gain, or for male's self gain! Think about it! A higher than thou spirit of the universe is so powerful that that spirit would not have to discriminate amongst races or genders or sexual orientation.
As J. Z. Knight says in "What the Bleep Do We Know" how can a human offend this ALMIGHTY spirit, if there is such an overseer? We are mere peons in power; how can we offend this almighty spirit? Think about it!
So, here's my point! If this kid murderered people because of his hatred for his own sexuality it was needless! If were as a people; as a human race, were truly religious and righteous as we claim to be, why not let another human be free to be as he or she wishes to be. Why do people of power of religion and government discriminate. Since when are they better than the next guy! Since when do they get to judge another!
If everyone was spiritual and not religious there would be more peace in the world. By spirituality I mean we all recognize the power we each have within us; we are all gods says J.Z. Knight! Don't you get it? You have the power within, you don't need organized religion groups to "use" you to make a few male leaders feel powerful by having power over you!
Think about it! You can create your own day....just how powerful is that? You can make yourself sick with worry? Just how powerful is that? We can see what we want to see...we are the ultimate observers.
Get the DVD and watch it: "What the Bleep Do We Know?" and soon, later this month the sequel is coming: "How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?"
Don't be fooled only to be surprised and sorry after you pass...have an open mind and learn while you are here this time around..because if you don't get it.. you'll be back.
Religion has imprisoned you. I know, I'm a recovering catholic. If we even thought about attending another sector or religion's service we were told we would burn in hell....you now why they, the priests and nuns told us that, they didn't want to lose our membership "money". It was all bullshit!
We make our hell here on earth...there is no heaven or hell. Use common sense!
Realize your own powers...do not let a small group rule over you. You know what is right and wrong. You know what it takes to have friends. You know the golden rule.. that is all you need to know! You know that you need to be a productive citizen in society. You also know we need a certain amount of laws to keep order; such as traffic laws. It's only commen sense!
We what we don't need is religion belittling us or discriminating against us. And certainly government should be separated and not influenced by religion. It is done only to gain power over others.
Is someone being homosexual harmful to you? Just say. "No thanks, I'm not interested." No big deal! We only will hate something in someone else because that same thing is within us and we can't stand to face it because of social rules. And narrow minded scared, weak people fell the need to dominate others.
My father was an asshole bully, he picked on a little girl and tarmented her. How, weak and pitiful was that? I never respected the fucking jerk! But, I had to tolerate his bullshit until I was old enough to leave because back then there was no such thing as social services... priests etc.,all thought the same, women and children had NO rights! My mother was an asshole too for allowing it! She was no better only self-serving, controlling and manipulative! Oh, did I mention they were catholic!!!
Supposively, the teen went on a rampage at a gay bar and killed two people then fatally shot himself during a gunfight with Arkansas police. He was 18 and fatally shot himself after he shot a woman who was in his car, that was after he killed a police office in Arkansas after leading police on a 20 miles chase before being stopped. Police were looking for him after he shot two men in a gay bar in Boston.
Hmm, makes me wonder? Did he hate gays? And if so, why? They said we hate in others what is inside of us! Did he go to a gay bar to kill what was laying inside of him?
We'll never know now, he's dead and so are four other people! Makes me wonder. Let's just say, maybe he was gay, for arguement sake. You know, there are many suicides each year by teens who are gay and can't face disappointing their parents and people who love them.
So, which bring me to this issue - why are we ashamed of being gay? Oh, because "society" - that almighty powerful religious society that causes so many heart to ache, decided, for god, that it was wrong! People, religious people, are declaring god's mistakes...gays are a mistake, god! God, you made a mistake!
"Oh, but we are not damning the person, only the action" says the self-declared human religious god! - Now this is pure bullshit, as I feel all organized religions are! And no, I'm not going to hell - you the religious are, I'm spiritual. I can't go to a place I don't believe in.
I feel that all organized religion have rules and law written by humans (men) to manipulate others, rule over people for a few leaders self-gain, or for male's self gain! Think about it! A higher than thou spirit of the universe is so powerful that that spirit would not have to discriminate amongst races or genders or sexual orientation.
As J. Z. Knight says in "What the Bleep Do We Know" how can a human offend this ALMIGHTY spirit, if there is such an overseer? We are mere peons in power; how can we offend this almighty spirit? Think about it!
So, here's my point! If this kid murderered people because of his hatred for his own sexuality it was needless! If were as a people; as a human race, were truly religious and righteous as we claim to be, why not let another human be free to be as he or she wishes to be. Why do people of power of religion and government discriminate. Since when are they better than the next guy! Since when do they get to judge another!
If everyone was spiritual and not religious there would be more peace in the world. By spirituality I mean we all recognize the power we each have within us; we are all gods says J.Z. Knight! Don't you get it? You have the power within, you don't need organized religion groups to "use" you to make a few male leaders feel powerful by having power over you!
Think about it! You can create your own day....just how powerful is that? You can make yourself sick with worry? Just how powerful is that? We can see what we want to see...we are the ultimate observers.
Get the DVD and watch it: "What the Bleep Do We Know?" and soon, later this month the sequel is coming: "How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?"
Don't be fooled only to be surprised and sorry after you pass...have an open mind and learn while you are here this time around..because if you don't get it.. you'll be back.
Religion has imprisoned you. I know, I'm a recovering catholic. If we even thought about attending another sector or religion's service we were told we would burn in hell....you now why they, the priests and nuns told us that, they didn't want to lose our membership "money". It was all bullshit!
We make our hell here on earth...there is no heaven or hell. Use common sense!
Realize your own powers...do not let a small group rule over you. You know what is right and wrong. You know what it takes to have friends. You know the golden rule.. that is all you need to know! You know that you need to be a productive citizen in society. You also know we need a certain amount of laws to keep order; such as traffic laws. It's only commen sense!
We what we don't need is religion belittling us or discriminating against us. And certainly government should be separated and not influenced by religion. It is done only to gain power over others.
Is someone being homosexual harmful to you? Just say. "No thanks, I'm not interested." No big deal! We only will hate something in someone else because that same thing is within us and we can't stand to face it because of social rules. And narrow minded scared, weak people fell the need to dominate others.
My father was an asshole bully, he picked on a little girl and tarmented her. How, weak and pitiful was that? I never respected the fucking jerk! But, I had to tolerate his bullshit until I was old enough to leave because back then there was no such thing as social services... priests etc.,all thought the same, women and children had NO rights! My mother was an asshole too for allowing it! She was no better only self-serving, controlling and manipulative! Oh, did I mention they were catholic!!!
Knees are healing, so is my heart! Miss You!
I think I think about you nearly everyday, but my heart doesn't ache so much anymore! You know I will always love you! Tuesday yet, I was really hurting, I guess I was hoping to see you!
Anyway, about me! My knees are feeling better I think I'll meet with the girls in the morning at 8:45 at the skating rink (frostbite series taking over usual place) and run around the park with them...they are trying for six miles. Well, I did it in the snow. Charles is having people at his house afterwards and then I'm meeting up with Liz for a walk in the park at 11:30...then I'm resting. The book club is coming over Saturday evening. I'm free this evening, if you want to see me!
Actually, my knees ache a little when I got up but felt better after I walked. I'm cured. Anyway, Kristi might feel bad if I'm not. She is very kindhearted...I think I'm falling. Who would have thought! We had such fun running in the park Wednesday. But, only had coffee on Thursday because I was hurting. She is very sweet! She gives me things and does things for me....very sweet! I"m "hot" and a "real catch"! Hmm?
Hmm! That bowl of soup was good! I had to have something hot, after the frozen fruit! I love frozen fruit from Sam's; I get berries too! I eat very healthy and I have fun with my friends..and run. What else could I possibly want! I'm happy, pain-free and just plain free. A free spirit! I left the awful family in another state! What a wonderful year I am having!
I played piano this morning, now guitar or maybe I'll work on my novel next. It's a lesbian love attempted murder mystery novel. I didn't have the heart to kill her, so she's still in the hospital...guess I need to write her out of there.
I'm trying to learn a few songs by heart on my guitar so I can play my guitar and sing at the annual kayak trip in September. I have plenty of time and should be ready by then..no excuses!
It's 37 out, will I'm still allowing my knees to heal. I miss you sweet baby! I wish I could kiss you on the head! If she leaves you and you get lonely (whatever) call me! I'm talking to you... my summer love!
I can hear the neighbor below me yell at her dog! Too funny! His name is Lou and he is a golden retriever; a fast growing pup! I would probably have to yell at him too! He needs room to run! She just got in her car and drove away..some days I take my laptop and do the same but Emma isn't dogging me today like she does some days.
I am discovering that I don't love and let go. No, I love and add on! I never did that with men or women in my straight days? But, yes, I guess I'm in a good place emotionally and mentally to love and add on loves. I lstill ove Teresa and I still love my summer love..and like I said earlier, I think I'm falling yet again...
Interesting! I'm excited! I think I'll flirt just a little...
Or, I could do yoga? Maybe real quick first...damn I just ate. I'll do it later. I need to do something today though because I do something every day!
I love you sweet baby!
Anyway, about me! My knees are feeling better I think I'll meet with the girls in the morning at 8:45 at the skating rink (frostbite series taking over usual place) and run around the park with them...they are trying for six miles. Well, I did it in the snow. Charles is having people at his house afterwards and then I'm meeting up with Liz for a walk in the park at 11:30...then I'm resting. The book club is coming over Saturday evening. I'm free this evening, if you want to see me!
Actually, my knees ache a little when I got up but felt better after I walked. I'm cured. Anyway, Kristi might feel bad if I'm not. She is very kindhearted...I think I'm falling. Who would have thought! We had such fun running in the park Wednesday. But, only had coffee on Thursday because I was hurting. She is very sweet! She gives me things and does things for me....very sweet! I"m "hot" and a "real catch"! Hmm?
Hmm! That bowl of soup was good! I had to have something hot, after the frozen fruit! I love frozen fruit from Sam's; I get berries too! I eat very healthy and I have fun with my friends..and run. What else could I possibly want! I'm happy, pain-free and just plain free. A free spirit! I left the awful family in another state! What a wonderful year I am having!
I played piano this morning, now guitar or maybe I'll work on my novel next. It's a lesbian love attempted murder mystery novel. I didn't have the heart to kill her, so she's still in the hospital...guess I need to write her out of there.
I'm trying to learn a few songs by heart on my guitar so I can play my guitar and sing at the annual kayak trip in September. I have plenty of time and should be ready by then..no excuses!
It's 37 out, will I'm still allowing my knees to heal. I miss you sweet baby! I wish I could kiss you on the head! If she leaves you and you get lonely (whatever) call me! I'm talking to you... my summer love!
I can hear the neighbor below me yell at her dog! Too funny! His name is Lou and he is a golden retriever; a fast growing pup! I would probably have to yell at him too! He needs room to run! She just got in her car and drove away..some days I take my laptop and do the same but Emma isn't dogging me today like she does some days.
I am discovering that I don't love and let go. No, I love and add on! I never did that with men or women in my straight days? But, yes, I guess I'm in a good place emotionally and mentally to love and add on loves. I lstill ove Teresa and I still love my summer love..and like I said earlier, I think I'm falling yet again...
Interesting! I'm excited! I think I'll flirt just a little...
Or, I could do yoga? Maybe real quick first...damn I just ate. I'll do it later. I need to do something today though because I do something every day!
I love you sweet baby!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Writing a Bust; Yoga a Must
Yeah, the writing class was not for me; I believe the woman worked for a particular publishin company and they were tuly looking to get people with interesting sob sorries that people can relate to published.
I didn't even bring up my story for there was a two religious people in the work group. I would have been ostracized. I don't think the instructor would have went along with my story either; it wasn't tragic enough, I'm sure.
My story is too subtle and straight people think that gay people should indeed fly under the radar. They do not want to know you are there; they don't want to see you. Just live in your misery; kill yourself, we don't care. You're odd! You're just trying to stand out and cause trouble. How dare you be different?
Lay in quiet of your angony; we don't care. Your parents will act like they don't know and ignore your needs of same sex love and how your heart aches. And after you cry and antonize telling them and finally do; they say: "Oh we always knew that!" Then why didn't you support my life style; but no, children are just so anxious to be loved and accepted (tell me why?) by their parents that they sacrifice all to be accepted and loved. I say "bullshit"! That is conditional love, not unconditional love!
Face it people! Parents have hang-ups; they have children to support some social acceptance need too! If their child is different it messes up "their" social acceptance - their needs! It's there goals, their appearance in society that they are worried about. Be yourself! Be gay and be happy - find love and support in your gay friends and be true to yourself.
So, being in a room filled with straight people; parents at that, I gave up on my dream. But, you needs them? If whinning baby James Frey can write a book (A Million Pieces) anyone can. Personally, I have no sympathy for the cry baby!
He got himself on drugs; he can get himself off of drugs! And personally, I do not believe that he underwent a root canal with out pain killing drugs. If you were a dentist would you even try? Bullshit! Memoirs, my ass; it's fiction at best!
Okay, I'm done - for now!
I love yoga! I signed up for another afternoon class via the junior college. So, now, that I ditched the writing class (who needs it? If I write my story, it will be more or less for my own achievement purposes - only a few would be printed - you know just enough to stir up interest and conversation throughout the family circle). By the way, I have had no contact with my family since early May 2005 and I am very happy! I'm a free woman - at last! I ditched the catholic guilt bullshit too! Organized religion is the biggest scam there is - wake up people! Believe in your heart - get spiritual. You have more power then what "they" want you to believe. Organized religion is the highest example of the control of others for mere self-interest and gain that I can think of.
As the day goes on and the Ibuprofen kicks in and on...my knees are beginning to feel fine. Running six miles in the falling snow and listening to the crush beneath my feet was priceless as was running with my running buddy. She's a burst of Spring!
My advice, not that you asked, but take Glucosamine Chondroitin, MSM, and gelatin faithfully. Yoga classes keep me stretched and flexible, maybe you too!
Remember you have more power than what you realize! Think it, dream it and watch it happen..so becareful what you wish for!
Watch "What the bleep do we know"!
I didn't even bring up my story for there was a two religious people in the work group. I would have been ostracized. I don't think the instructor would have went along with my story either; it wasn't tragic enough, I'm sure.
My story is too subtle and straight people think that gay people should indeed fly under the radar. They do not want to know you are there; they don't want to see you. Just live in your misery; kill yourself, we don't care. You're odd! You're just trying to stand out and cause trouble. How dare you be different?
Lay in quiet of your angony; we don't care. Your parents will act like they don't know and ignore your needs of same sex love and how your heart aches. And after you cry and antonize telling them and finally do; they say: "Oh we always knew that!" Then why didn't you support my life style; but no, children are just so anxious to be loved and accepted (tell me why?) by their parents that they sacrifice all to be accepted and loved. I say "bullshit"! That is conditional love, not unconditional love!
Face it people! Parents have hang-ups; they have children to support some social acceptance need too! If their child is different it messes up "their" social acceptance - their needs! It's there goals, their appearance in society that they are worried about. Be yourself! Be gay and be happy - find love and support in your gay friends and be true to yourself.
So, being in a room filled with straight people; parents at that, I gave up on my dream. But, you needs them? If whinning baby James Frey can write a book (A Million Pieces) anyone can. Personally, I have no sympathy for the cry baby!
He got himself on drugs; he can get himself off of drugs! And personally, I do not believe that he underwent a root canal with out pain killing drugs. If you were a dentist would you even try? Bullshit! Memoirs, my ass; it's fiction at best!
Okay, I'm done - for now!
I love yoga! I signed up for another afternoon class via the junior college. So, now, that I ditched the writing class (who needs it? If I write my story, it will be more or less for my own achievement purposes - only a few would be printed - you know just enough to stir up interest and conversation throughout the family circle). By the way, I have had no contact with my family since early May 2005 and I am very happy! I'm a free woman - at last! I ditched the catholic guilt bullshit too! Organized religion is the biggest scam there is - wake up people! Believe in your heart - get spiritual. You have more power then what "they" want you to believe. Organized religion is the highest example of the control of others for mere self-interest and gain that I can think of.
As the day goes on and the Ibuprofen kicks in and on...my knees are beginning to feel fine. Running six miles in the falling snow and listening to the crush beneath my feet was priceless as was running with my running buddy. She's a burst of Spring!
My advice, not that you asked, but take Glucosamine Chondroitin, MSM, and gelatin faithfully. Yoga classes keep me stretched and flexible, maybe you too!
Remember you have more power than what you realize! Think it, dream it and watch it happen..so becareful what you wish for!
Watch "What the bleep do we know"!
Pooped!
I can hardly keep my eyes opened today; I woke during the night with aching knees. Yes! Me wonder woman!
Yesterday Kristi and I ran six miles around the park in the snow; at least two or more inches of it. It was beautiful! It was exhilerating! It was fun! And I cold keep up with the young pup; but, I'm paying for it today. I had heavier well treaded shoes on too and of course moving more rigid to and conscious of slick spots.
Kristi and I are fast buds easily engaging in conversation and coffee. She's fun!
A little bit of Ibruprofen works wonder. I feel fine today! We just went for coffee and skipped the run this morning giving our knees time to heal.
I was up during the night last couple of nights figuring out the Zen tea has lots of caffeine in it.
Yesterday Kristi and I ran six miles around the park in the snow; at least two or more inches of it. It was beautiful! It was exhilerating! It was fun! And I cold keep up with the young pup; but, I'm paying for it today. I had heavier well treaded shoes on too and of course moving more rigid to and conscious of slick spots.
Kristi and I are fast buds easily engaging in conversation and coffee. She's fun!
A little bit of Ibruprofen works wonder. I feel fine today! We just went for coffee and skipped the run this morning giving our knees time to heal.
I was up during the night last couple of nights figuring out the Zen tea has lots of caffeine in it.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Namaste!
I was thinking about you at yoga today. I imagined you looking at me the other day and it got me to thinking - and wanting you.
I would love to give you a hand with whatever you need...just let me know with a smile.
I guess I've never felt this way before; but nothing has changed. Funny, I don't care that you see someone else. I surprise myself! I was never like this with anyone else.
But with you, it's like you are infiltrated throughout me. Try as hard as I may to reason it out, it's like a bug I can't shake.
Too bad! It's a shame you can't see me secretly on the side. Now, I'm not generally like this - truly. So, I apologize if this insults you.
Could I handle seeing you secretly. Honestly, truth be told. I would love it.
Namaste!
I would love to give you a hand with whatever you need...just let me know with a smile.
I guess I've never felt this way before; but nothing has changed. Funny, I don't care that you see someone else. I surprise myself! I was never like this with anyone else.
But with you, it's like you are infiltrated throughout me. Try as hard as I may to reason it out, it's like a bug I can't shake.
Too bad! It's a shame you can't see me secretly on the side. Now, I'm not generally like this - truly. So, I apologize if this insults you.
Could I handle seeing you secretly. Honestly, truth be told. I would love it.
Namaste!
Yoga today, Writing tomorrow
I begin a writing class tomorrow evening. I'm a little frightened of the adventure. I may be in way over my head in a room of truly gifted people. I won't be able to think.
My book will be a story of lesbians, murder, and subplots to misguide you into wondering who really did it. It's not murder but rather an attempt at murder. You see I can't bring myself to kill her off. She's the other half of a loving relationship. They finally got together and can't erase her, wipe her out. I guess I take my characters a little to personal. But, in the book, there are several people who would have liked to have bumped her off. So, you'll wonder just which one; and then I'll make you think its for one reason but then I'll surprise you when I reveal the real perpetrator and motive.
Hmm, interesting...in my head I just changed it again..only this time better.
My book will be a story of lesbians, murder, and subplots to misguide you into wondering who really did it. It's not murder but rather an attempt at murder. You see I can't bring myself to kill her off. She's the other half of a loving relationship. They finally got together and can't erase her, wipe her out. I guess I take my characters a little to personal. But, in the book, there are several people who would have liked to have bumped her off. So, you'll wonder just which one; and then I'll make you think its for one reason but then I'll surprise you when I reveal the real perpetrator and motive.
Hmm, interesting...in my head I just changed it again..only this time better.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
No Wonder You Don't Come Out To Play
I was just thinking about you. It has been a while since you have been to see us at the ususal place. Thinking about it, I can't say that I blame you for not wanting to join us Too many weird people? I'm saying that with wild suggestion and including myself in the lot. Well you had E's flirtatious grin, my constant smile, and J's certain sexual jokes that in my mind oddly pop up... Oh I forgot, and then there was k in your way; but C was cool. Anyway, I was just thinking about you. Sorry, I had over extended my boundaries and I know I did; I was feeling a little to comfortable and not thinking about respecting your wishes. E bothers me too; so if I bother you like she bothers me, then I don't blame you for staying away. She has this confidence about her...well, like you said it's what we create in my heads that is not necessarily reality.
I love your principles, the way you think and I love the way you write. I wish you would blog so I could keep up with what is going on with you. I know people bother you and you only know and have a few friends who don't.
I just hope you are doing okay and I think that you probably are.....I truly enjoyed you. You were the experience of a lifetime. I had fun! Please take care of yourself. Remember, if you ever need anything (well, you may change your mind sometime. I know that you are very independent) let me know.
I love your principles, the way you think and I love the way you write. I wish you would blog so I could keep up with what is going on with you. I know people bother you and you only know and have a few friends who don't.
I just hope you are doing okay and I think that you probably are.....I truly enjoyed you. You were the experience of a lifetime. I had fun! Please take care of yourself. Remember, if you ever need anything (well, you may change your mind sometime. I know that you are very independent) let me know.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I run, I ran and I will run some more
You know I ran nine miles yesterday and I don't feel like a did a thing. You see, I feel guilty if I don't work out every day. I did do some push-ups and sit-ups too yesterday and stretches.
I have yoga later this evening. I love it! I love all the stretching. I hope the straight man doesn't hit on me again! Jesus, and they talk about gay people - just go away. He's persistent. "Put your mat by mine." The first week I said no; the second week he comes to my end of the room, so I stay in the middle. "I want to be my the fire." I was a little aggravated but when the instructor put her hand on my knee as she knelt by me my heart turned to jell-o.
So after yoga this evening I will run tomorrow. The weather was beautiful today actually better than yesterday. The flowers are in bloom and the bubs are about to burst with spring. Oh yes, we will have an early spring this season. I'm excited!
I am most grateful for my many blessings of good health, wealth, wisdom, beauty, youthfulness, happiness, the loves in my life and my ability to love and reconize love. I am truly fortunate that I dumped the load I carried for years. It's my turn now for me. No body, but me! I am so deserving of this.
We have to think it to make it so...have you ever heard of that? Well, it is true. Watch "What the bleep do we know?" and you'll see it and understand it. You may have to view it several times to get all of the message that lie within. Visualize it, wish it true, dream it true and it will happen...I know!
I have yoga later this evening. I love it! I love all the stretching. I hope the straight man doesn't hit on me again! Jesus, and they talk about gay people - just go away. He's persistent. "Put your mat by mine." The first week I said no; the second week he comes to my end of the room, so I stay in the middle. "I want to be my the fire." I was a little aggravated but when the instructor put her hand on my knee as she knelt by me my heart turned to jell-o.
So after yoga this evening I will run tomorrow. The weather was beautiful today actually better than yesterday. The flowers are in bloom and the bubs are about to burst with spring. Oh yes, we will have an early spring this season. I'm excited!
I am most grateful for my many blessings of good health, wealth, wisdom, beauty, youthfulness, happiness, the loves in my life and my ability to love and reconize love. I am truly fortunate that I dumped the load I carried for years. It's my turn now for me. No body, but me! I am so deserving of this.
We have to think it to make it so...have you ever heard of that? Well, it is true. Watch "What the bleep do we know?" and you'll see it and understand it. You may have to view it several times to get all of the message that lie within. Visualize it, wish it true, dream it true and it will happen...I know!
The Year of the Gay
Wow! What a year for the gay folks! "Brokeback Mountain" up for best picture and now "Imagine Me and You".
Our own cable channel: LOGO
Soon the Republicans will get on the bandwagon. No, too Christian! So full of self-hate! I say self-hate because we usually hate about others what we hate about ourselves. So be careful what you say you hate; you just might "out" yourself!
I use to hated gays when I was very young ( I didn't understand them or I was jealous) and trying to live the straight life. I knew I wasn't gay because I wasn't a dyke. The sprectrum is wild I found out between effeminate men and mannish women to manly men and feminine women. I prefer feminine women...I've dated men already.
It's about time. I think all homosexual sympathetic people should boycote any religion that doesn't opening accept the gay lifestyle. So many of my lesbian and gay friends were raised Catholic and they are so filled with Catholic guilt! Even straight people are so full of Catholic guilt!
It's just a money making organization ran by a bunch of old white males; of which, most of them are gay themselves, wearing designer slippers, little hats, and caps. They are just a bunch of hypocrites out to control you and manipulate you in order to get your money and stick it to your young boys.
Pretty powerful words? Sometimes the truth hurts. Eve made from Adam's rib? Are you sure Adam wasn't made from Eve rib? It's all made up anyway by males! You don't think they are going to put themselves second do you?
Get a grip people; haven't you been fooled long enough?
Do you think god would say he created all men equal and then not intend it to be that way? Males had slaves in the bible and our forefathers had slaves so all men (later they said that the word men emcompassed women too) are not created equal as they promised. Like George Carlin says, it's all bullshit!
I was born just a little too soon and I'm trying to make up time. My new girlfriend is younger, very pretty, slendar, athletic, compassionate, charming, with long blonde hair. We are at ease when we are together. We respect one another. We are knocked off our feet by one another. We laugh alot and we love alot. We feel at home together. I love to watch her sleep. I love when she makes loves to me. I feel completely satisfied and happy. She is truly my ultimate gift. She is younger than I am; she is happy with her work and career. She is at ease and carries no baggage. We concentrate on each other and having fun. It's our turn to be happy and feel loved! She knocks me off my feet! I love her eyes; in them I can see the very heart and soul of her. We love doing the same things. We are so much alike are zodiac signs are identical. We love having our own space and retreive when we need it; we understand and apprecate that in both of us. She is truly a gift from god; she's my heart, my soul with beautiful eyes.
Our own cable channel: LOGO
Soon the Republicans will get on the bandwagon. No, too Christian! So full of self-hate! I say self-hate because we usually hate about others what we hate about ourselves. So be careful what you say you hate; you just might "out" yourself!
I use to hated gays when I was very young ( I didn't understand them or I was jealous) and trying to live the straight life. I knew I wasn't gay because I wasn't a dyke. The sprectrum is wild I found out between effeminate men and mannish women to manly men and feminine women. I prefer feminine women...I've dated men already.
It's about time. I think all homosexual sympathetic people should boycote any religion that doesn't opening accept the gay lifestyle. So many of my lesbian and gay friends were raised Catholic and they are so filled with Catholic guilt! Even straight people are so full of Catholic guilt!
It's just a money making organization ran by a bunch of old white males; of which, most of them are gay themselves, wearing designer slippers, little hats, and caps. They are just a bunch of hypocrites out to control you and manipulate you in order to get your money and stick it to your young boys.
Pretty powerful words? Sometimes the truth hurts. Eve made from Adam's rib? Are you sure Adam wasn't made from Eve rib? It's all made up anyway by males! You don't think they are going to put themselves second do you?
Get a grip people; haven't you been fooled long enough?
Do you think god would say he created all men equal and then not intend it to be that way? Males had slaves in the bible and our forefathers had slaves so all men (later they said that the word men emcompassed women too) are not created equal as they promised. Like George Carlin says, it's all bullshit!
I was born just a little too soon and I'm trying to make up time. My new girlfriend is younger, very pretty, slendar, athletic, compassionate, charming, with long blonde hair. We are at ease when we are together. We respect one another. We are knocked off our feet by one another. We laugh alot and we love alot. We feel at home together. I love to watch her sleep. I love when she makes loves to me. I feel completely satisfied and happy. She is truly my ultimate gift. She is younger than I am; she is happy with her work and career. She is at ease and carries no baggage. We concentrate on each other and having fun. It's our turn to be happy and feel loved! She knocks me off my feet! I love her eyes; in them I can see the very heart and soul of her. We love doing the same things. We are so much alike are zodiac signs are identical. We love having our own space and retreive when we need it; we understand and apprecate that in both of us. She is truly a gift from god; she's my heart, my soul with beautiful eyes.
Finally, I am at home!
Better late then never I always say. I've read that as spiritual beings before we embark on our earthy journey we map out a path. We have a path we wish to follow on earth; but society throws us a curve when we get here and it can take years to get back on the path we planned for ourselves.
If I was free to voice my opinion and I am in this country; still, so far anyway, I would say that organized religion is the root of all evil! It's basic principles are the standards by which clergy and politicans screw up what would be perfect human beings' lives.
We are not born prejudice or evil; it's circumstances that greet us when we take our first breathes that shape our lives. So, after childhood we are forced to spend the next twenty years trying to undo what parent, clergy, and politicans have messed up for us.
I beleive all spiritual being wish to come to earth for the altimate goal of finding and living a loving life. We want to love and be loved. What else is there that is of any importance? Not materials things; you can 't takematerial possessions into the next life with you. But, on the other hand, in our subconsciousness which stays with us from one lifetime after another, we can take knowledge, wisdom and love. We come here for intimacy and sex.
I spent my second twenty years on earth, trying to undo the negative imprints of the first twenty years that parent, religion and government done to me.
Think about it? Isn't it about the same for everyone? So, finally around age forty or even fifty we are slowly getting it all spiritually, intellectually and emotionally together. So, now I'm free to love another soul who has had to go through all the same crap! And for what, so we can take the knowedge with us into another lifetime? And the cycle begins again.
The way I feel today is that I could die tomorrow and not care. Believe me, if that would happen I would return almost immediately. Only next time, I would choose wonderful loving, beautiful, spiritual (not religious) parents. Of course I would be a lesbian. Only next time, I'm cutting out all the crap and expressing my sexuality as early as I can. I'm not missing out next time! I'm not holding back or sarificing myself for any one next time. I feel I have lived the first fifty years of my life for my selfish, controlling, self-serving, manipulate mother, the church and the rest of society.
I have been cheated out of a loving life and I recent it! These idiots, (and it seems like a life time ago, who raised) cheated me out of love, affection, nurturing, caring, education, and a sense of adventure and exploration. I was stiffled. I was merely another piece of farm equipment or or fram hand to honor and serve the adults adults. It was demonstrated I had no worth, especially since I was female; males were so much more valued. It was an awful time to grow up in, just awful! It's a wonder I survived. God, please take care of the ones who were truly abused!
And now I filled with anger driven determination. I will have beauty, youth and love in my life. I will be honored with love and nurturing.
Finally, I saw the light by my spirit guides help. This has been the past year of my life! I am refreshed. I have started anew. I have been reborn into my own, no one elses life, only my own. I ditched the family! I should have done it years ago. I moved amongst like minded; like spirited people. The gay and lesbian community is where I am at home. Finally I am at home!
If only we all were free to love and grow and be who we are from the very beginning of life. If only people didn't try to put people into molds and reshape them; and for what? Diversity is a beautiful thing and should be embraced!
More people lives have ended or have been ruined all in the name of religion.
If I was free to voice my opinion and I am in this country; still, so far anyway, I would say that organized religion is the root of all evil! It's basic principles are the standards by which clergy and politicans screw up what would be perfect human beings' lives.
We are not born prejudice or evil; it's circumstances that greet us when we take our first breathes that shape our lives. So, after childhood we are forced to spend the next twenty years trying to undo what parent, clergy, and politicans have messed up for us.
I beleive all spiritual being wish to come to earth for the altimate goal of finding and living a loving life. We want to love and be loved. What else is there that is of any importance? Not materials things; you can 't takematerial possessions into the next life with you. But, on the other hand, in our subconsciousness which stays with us from one lifetime after another, we can take knowledge, wisdom and love. We come here for intimacy and sex.
I spent my second twenty years on earth, trying to undo the negative imprints of the first twenty years that parent, religion and government done to me.
Think about it? Isn't it about the same for everyone? So, finally around age forty or even fifty we are slowly getting it all spiritually, intellectually and emotionally together. So, now I'm free to love another soul who has had to go through all the same crap! And for what, so we can take the knowedge with us into another lifetime? And the cycle begins again.
The way I feel today is that I could die tomorrow and not care. Believe me, if that would happen I would return almost immediately. Only next time, I would choose wonderful loving, beautiful, spiritual (not religious) parents. Of course I would be a lesbian. Only next time, I'm cutting out all the crap and expressing my sexuality as early as I can. I'm not missing out next time! I'm not holding back or sarificing myself for any one next time. I feel I have lived the first fifty years of my life for my selfish, controlling, self-serving, manipulate mother, the church and the rest of society.
I have been cheated out of a loving life and I recent it! These idiots, (and it seems like a life time ago, who raised) cheated me out of love, affection, nurturing, caring, education, and a sense of adventure and exploration. I was stiffled. I was merely another piece of farm equipment or or fram hand to honor and serve the adults adults. It was demonstrated I had no worth, especially since I was female; males were so much more valued. It was an awful time to grow up in, just awful! It's a wonder I survived. God, please take care of the ones who were truly abused!
And now I filled with anger driven determination. I will have beauty, youth and love in my life. I will be honored with love and nurturing.
Finally, I saw the light by my spirit guides help. This has been the past year of my life! I am refreshed. I have started anew. I have been reborn into my own, no one elses life, only my own. I ditched the family! I should have done it years ago. I moved amongst like minded; like spirited people. The gay and lesbian community is where I am at home. Finally I am at home!
If only we all were free to love and grow and be who we are from the very beginning of life. If only people didn't try to put people into molds and reshape them; and for what? Diversity is a beautiful thing and should be embraced!
More people lives have ended or have been ruined all in the name of religion.
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