Might have lost my purpose, need a new one

Yes, I'm feeling rather lost today. Unguided, is the word to describe my feelings. I no longer have a specific spiritual purpose. I'll try to find another by allowing myself to be open to the universe.

You see I believe that since November 2004 when my partner and I of 15 years split; my idea, because I felt I was on a mission "bigger than the both of us".

My catalyst? I fell in love. Head over heels with another woman. That right there told me I was in the wrong relationship; that my needs were not getting fulfilled.

I however now believe that the past three years were guided by souls passed over. One in particular, Edy. I believe she wanted to hook up with her also deceased partner, Georgette. They were together on earth for thirty years.

When Edy met my friend (lover) several years ago she said that my friend was an alien and from another planet. I don't think she was kidding. She believed that she knew her from another lifetime.

Edy died in November 2004 and her partner of 30 years the year before. I think since then Edy has been trying to unite with Georgette on the otherside but need help. Here is where I enter the picture. In November of 2004 my long term partner and I split and I began going to Ezekiel, a spirit guide, channeled by a local woman. I think Edy saw a common thread in the situation. I was a runner, so was my now present lover and her ex lover of an affair.

My mission should I accept to enter the challenge, was to get my lover to Ezekiel so Edy could talk to her. I did that this past week. And my friend asked Edy if she saw Georgette. Edy said no (through Ezekiel, of course) and that she would love to see her because she missed her very much. Ezekiel asked my friend what Georgette's last name was and Georgette was there in Edy's spiritual arms in a flash. They melted together Ezekiel explained and re-united.

My job was done. So what happens now to mine and my friend's relationship? I love the sex. But we truly have nothing much in common. we really don't click. She is pre-occupied and unavailable. She began as an afternoon lover. I guess it's my mistake. I invite her along to things and I shouldn't. But my friend liked her and wanted to meet her. I might be really to bail. If only lesbians were more available. But, unlike gay men, they tend to stay in long term relationships where I think gay men maintain a larger network of friends and lovers. Nothing wrong with that. I believe men maintain their independence; where as lesbians intertwine and blend together. The stronger personally winning out and that is the part that I don't like.

But, I guess in this situation, I am the stronger personality. I believe it's the one who loves less who gains the most ground and leads the way.

Of course, we all want the perfect being as our lover and partner and I guess that will never happen. But, man you look at some of these egotistical lesbian couples and they act like their life is so perfect and that they have found the key. I say, live it up, it's temporary. And it's always the perfect couples trying to fix up the single ones. Makes me want to puke! I say give'em ten years.

I also think the couple who have passed over can have sex through me and my partner as we are having sex. Or maybe she saw us having sex and wanted some of her own. Cause she said she can't do what she wants and as soon as Georgette got there she was as happy as can be.

Yes, sad to say, I guess my mission is over. They are connected now and as a resolve I am unconnected and feel at loose ends. Maybe Ezekiel will send me another mission. I don't care. I need to feel connected with the other side because I find it fasinating.

I do, today, miss the good doctor. I need her in my life.

Time to go, I'm due at the art class and I need to find the location of the building. This should be interesting.

have a great day