Isn't it funny how...

at first, in the beginning she is so extraordinary. Ignorance is bliss? Then after a while they don't see so wonderful. I'm no longer in awe. The excitement wanders away - fades.

There is nothing wrong finding the authenticity deep within. But then there is. Conversation is not intertwined and exchanged but becomes more one sided. One states something; a comment, the other contradicts. Can't they just for once say. "Oh, never thought of it that way before." or "Gee, never wondered about that" or "I think I see what you are saying". No, it's contradiction and affirmation and confirmation. She knows everything.

I'm tired of people thinking she looks so much older - my mother. People have thought that she was my mother rather than being my age! Well, it is quite a flattering statement to me, on my part. But, do I want to be doing everything with my mother.

She does have one clearly beneficially redeeming quality but I fear too after the "main event" has now passed but that too will probably fade.

I'm a women who wants to love a woman. That mean that I am feminine wanting to love someone who is also feminine. Is that so hard to understand. If I would have wanted a man, I would have married one of the many that I dated (out of social pressure) in my thirties. I cannot connect with male mentality: teaching, preaching, needing to be heard. Can't be wrong! Always someone else's fault.

It's aggravating! I wish I could find someone like the good doctor - since I can't have the good doctor in my life - evidently! I'm very tired of over weight and butch. Guess I better stop watching the L-Word.

I am also very tired of whining and crying. Poor me! I had a friend recently tell me that dating the past two women helped her ego. I can't see how! I was a gold digger and the other is a passive aggressive slightly stalking heavy weight. She says he won't play "second fiddle to her friends". What? She wants a "commitment"! What! My friend tried to end it but soon gave up because of the constant phone calls.

I'm tired! It makes me tired. Why can't people just love each other and inter-mingle without one be aggressive, progressive, authoritarian and demanding. Can't we respect each other's differences. Why do lesbians bring the "U-Haul" on the first date?

I'm tired. I only wanted someone loving, sweet and warm like the good doctor. I only wanted to love her. I know she was straight; is still straight. But, it hurts.