Busy day, busy weekend

Took the train downtown with my friend to keep up my half marathon package and shirt and meet another friend there for lunch. We had a great time. I was pooped when I got home and had to nap in my chair. Few hours later my poker buddies cames over. I got a little depressed, probably because I was getting tired.

My poker buddies were speaking of an annual weekend golf trip to the Ozarks. This weekend it's on my ex's birthday weekend and that saddens me. I'll miss her. When days pass we call one another cause she says she misses me too. it makes me want to cry. Since I'm alone again. I think I miss the thought of having someone tender and dear in my life and sexual. Seems it's hard to get the package just right. So I'm a little sad. My heart aches a little.

But, like Eckhard Tolle's "The New Earth" says - live in the "now". And I'll do that - I'll live in the now. Actually, I do quit well on my own; by myself. I'm happy. I miss the closeness, the sleeping with someone - the tenderness. The sex. Oh well.

She and I were very mismatched - the last one I was for over a year. So it's sad. She was becoming distance - maybe I was. It just wasn't working for me. She was married. Never sent the night here. Was I being used? She said she loved me. Personally, I don't think anyone is entitled to the best of both worlds. It's not fair. It's selfish! What am I - a side show. Besides she was too butch. Please, I'll drive and I'll carry on own cooler to the BBQ. I can't stand it. Hey if I would have wanted a man - I would have married one of the ones I dated but my heart was into women. I was true to my heart - to my soul. How can you be in two places at once.

Tomorrow I will only run a little bit in the morning than go to breakfast with my friends and then that is it for the day. I'll be in bed earlier and up early Sunday morning to be downtown at 6:30 to get ready - get in line - have the jiggers - pee alot - and get ready for the run. I am very excited. Very! I won't wear the new shirt. I'll wear my old standby Everything familiar and comfortable. Oh hell it's only 13.1 miles - a little over two hours. I can do anything for two hours. I can't wait. I hope I can sleep tomorrow evening. Oh well there is always a sleep aid. Last night they didn't work well, but I think the decafe coffee I drank wasn't so decafe.

McCain, what a character. He goes to a King memorial and while there apologizes for not voting for a King memorial day. And everyone thinks that is just wonderful that he said that. A joke. And McCain doesn't have protection. Will he when he is president? Fool! McCain wants to make permanent corporate and rich tax breaks. Eighty percent of the people think this administration has done a lousy job which only made extreme wealthy CEO's, Cheney, Bush and the other oil men very rich. They sold us blink to make themselves very rich. - Nice good hearted bunch of guys - not! People are very uninformed who would consider voting republican! Totally misguided! McCain has been hyjacked by the right. Carl Rove is grooming him - himself. Mr Biggest Crook there is master mind Rove.

Will I have to go to sleep now. But first.. thank you universe for all of my many wonderful blessings of safety, good health, intelligents, loves, lovers, friends who are my family. Thanks for keep all my applicance, condo contents, and car safe, secure, working, undented, unbroken and my heart too. Keep me in the now - on a higher plane. Rise me above the norm - give me perfect insight. Let love come my way - to me. Fem lovely young spirited and wonderfully warm and caring and sexy. I miss the good doctor... someone like her. Just like her. I want my heart to float with love. I want to be in love - but with common sense engaged fully for a change. Let me see the light oh universe.

Thanks for everything - so far the ride has been by my own accord, I know that it has. Knowing or unknowing we plan our day.