I Run...

I ran... I ran 13.1 miles Tues in a little over two hours...nothing fancy...and then ran about 3.5 in the evening with the running group

And yesterday I rode 98 miles in 7 hours and 45 minutes.

I feel great! Thanks to Glucosamine Chondroitin and yoga poses first thing in the morning before I do anything else.

Today was a day of rest. I introduced my friend to a woman who channels a spirit. He was right on. I listened to the tape and was amazed! I think she is in a better mental place now and a little more at ease regarding her career.

Me? I am just as confused as ever regarding my relationship. I try not to think about it. I feel a whisper blowing in the breeze of change. Yes, something big is about to happen. I feel another mission approaching involving another "special" relationship.

Three years ago after retiring my life took a major change. Sometimes it's not real good to have a lot of free time in which to think about how your life is going. But, I think and subsequently fell in love. Some people get sick when change is necessary, I fell in love.

It's hard being without a supportive partner. In all honesty now that my mission I was directed on has been completed. I feel a little lost. I'm okay. But, just feel a little empty at times. The relationship I'm in is dead ended....limited. We needed sex.

But my mission for the past two years (or maybe more) was to get her to see the woman I see who channels a wonderful spirit. There she spoke to a loving decreased friend and help reunite her with her partner, there, in the after life.

I believe that her deceased friend placed me on this mission to get my friend there. I told my ex I felt the reason for our split was "bigger than the both of us". I believe my ex had her own mission too which she is living.

You see my friend created a riff between the two long time love partners when she had an affair with one of them. I guess I'm envious in a way. I never got to make love to some many women. It's not fair. All I ever wanted to do was make love to a woman (NOT A MAN). But I was stuck with church and consequently st rick social norms no matter how ignorant and made up to drum up business for the church.

So, yes, I'm slightly bitter. I want that perfect relationship. I want my heart to race when I see her and make love to her. I want to think she is an ultra feminist god. I want her to love me and feel the same way. My heart is empty and I feel that I am missing something.

I wanted the sex. I have it. Pretty much all that I want. but the relationship doesn't stir my soul. I go through the motions. I want to put our relationship back to where it was....weekly afternoon just for us too. I have incorporated her socially...not a good idea.

I need a new mission! I need a new direction. I'm not happy! I want a woman who is loving, secure and feminine. Someone too into fitness and health and sex. The selection narrows....

So, this too will past. I just feel like I need a mission. For the last two year; probably three I've been on one. And after the two ladies got together..it's ended. I was the one would told my friend that her decease friend/lover watches out over her. I was the one who suggested my friend speak to the spirit. Her decease friend's spirit was right there...waiting to speak with her. All was forgiven and the two life long lovers were reunited. The mission was over.....I'm looking for another job.

My spirit friend told me I was going to make a lot of money with my art...what I work on at home...He told me twice at two different settings so I know he didn't say that I would spend a lot of money...besides I have it on tape.

So, here I am determined to flow with the flow and see where I land.....I know it will be on my feet...just don't know where. I am back to thinking about her...the love catalyst who got me into this change in the first place. She is always on my mind. I love her for some reason....can't figure it out. My feelings have never faded..don't ask me why. In fact, my feelings for this fathom love is messing up my feelings for my present lover. Yes! I'm in big trouble. I'm thinking blonde shoulder length deep brown eyes and loving hugs and kisses...getting....not that.

I know my present lover loves me. Is it that I just can't take being loved? The butchness? What is it. At times things are super...well were super. Now, I'm beginning to worry about how I come across.

Oh well, as the wind shifts and turns so will my feelings and my life situations.