company? I am! So am I weird? I love to run, swim, sketch and go to yoga class. I have a lover but I'm not in a relationship as "all" of my friends are.
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable around them because I think that I should be in a relationship too. But, I really don't want to be..not unless I'm very much in love with her.
And the person I love and want I can't have! Now why is that? Subconsciously am I really against being in a relationship; so much that I select people to have crushes on that are totally out of reach!
So, here is what I think I should do. And that is just hang out once in a while. I may not really want to be in a relationship..like I said. If she is hot! Fine! Hey, there are attractive women of all ages. I want a classy, woman!
Am I living in a dream world? Why must be partner up? Where is it written that I need to be in a relationship so people do not feel sorry for me..because they are so in love and so happy!
If I suspect couples are not really happy and can't be..therefore; I guess that I am setting myself up for failure! Just like I don't know love! I have a crush inappropriately with a doctor.. see I am totally out of my mind! Totally! Once more - nothing has changed! She is still in my heart!
Don't people believe in magic moments. And how do people find each other so easily? And why haven't I? This one woman I know just got finished putting her profile on AOL and within minutes she hooked up with her now partner of four years. I see two people come together within minutes at a party a year ago.. they are still together. And another taking in a park met someone and is still with her. Not me? No Karma I guess! So what's the deal?
"The Secret" says that like attracts like; that it's all about the power of attraction and positive thinking. The secret says know what you want, visualize it, plan it, dream it and forget it and allow the universe to make it happen. Okay! I've done that!
Maybe I'm flip flopping! You can't flip flop when you do this dream and planning thing. It's like going into a restaurant and placing an order because what you order is what you are going to get! Remember that! Okay! I wanted an afternoon lover and I got one.
Well, now maybe I want more.. can't I have a good lover in a loving, warm, sweet, precious relationship. I want the good doctor or someone just like her. I want to feel overwhelming loved and adored. I have a lot of lost time to make up. So make it happen!
I think things are better since I dumped the family! I hope I never see them again! Too bad everyone says - while it's just the way I feel. I don't miss them. I cried a lot when my dog died and didn't shed a tear for my dad. I was glad he was gone. I tried to wait around for my mother to die..but she could probably go on for twenty more years. Although throughout of whole existence you would have thought she was dying on a daily basis. Everything was fatal.. too bad it wasn't.
I guess some people think they can do anything to you and treat you like shit and unconditional love prevails. I got new for you! If you treat me like shit, I'm not hanging around and I'm no longer caring about you. What a bunch of ass holes! I've have strangers treat me better and more lovingly.
Oh, I have a lot of learning to do and many experiences to gain and I'm ready. Where are all the loving, caring, feminine, pretty, affectionate and warm lesbians? She needs to be just like me: Happy with herself, physical fit, attractive, cute, fun loving, knows what she wants and very loving. I mean very loving. And she comes to me! I've gone after every woman in my life. This time she comes to me or meets me 75% to 25%. Me with the 25%. Yes, it's possible! I can create this and it's happening now!
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2 comments:
I do understand your desire for a partner. It is human nature.
However, I think that you spend a lot of time wanting a partner. You write about it constantly. Maybe you're thinking about it too much?
Again, this is perfectly understandable; most of us have "been there".
Writing is a very powerful thing. Like speaking. When you put your thoughts down on paper, you are creating your reality.
Perhaps writing a lot about wanting a partner is not quite in-line with the "Secrets" philosophy of making your request of the Universe once and then letting it go?
Food for thought anyway! ;)
Notice I havne't been writing about wanting a partner lately. I take your advice to heart. You are so right! According to "The Secret" philosophy we should want it, plan it, and then let it go for the Universe to turn into reality. I love being surprised and then in retrospect realizing "Oh Hey, it's exactly what I wanted at the time".
Thanks! Have a great day!
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