One sibling helping another

always makes the weaker sibling even more "dependent". I think acts of supportive loves are destroying so called loves. The weaker one is the physically bigger one enveloped in pity. And enablers says yes because they are afraid of the weaker one not loving them. Enablers give out of guilt and a sense of duty. It physically can make them sick. If the supporting factor got killed who would help the weaker one? The supporting factor thinks the weaker one will "get it" one day but that day never comes. The stronger one tries to teach by example but the weaker one passive aggressively becomes even more defiant.

Weakness is pathetic and subconsciously meant to use people through being passive aggressive. I think they think it's there god given right to leach off another. My question is - where do they get off thinking someone else owed them a lively hood?

I say, your healthy and able now get to work. The one supporting the lot is usually the most educated and I think probably feels guilty for being successful. That's bull!

In my opinion religion teach us to feel guilty about any good thing that happens to us. You know why. The church wants you to be a sinner so they can put you down and make you controllable. You must be a lessor being then the church leaders so they can lead you around and tell you that you are weak and a sinner. Oh, and give them large donations out of guilt.

Take care of family members out of guilt. I visited my mother and listened to her for fifty some years .. of of guilt until I one I wanted to kill her. I have not talked to her or "them" in three years. It's the best thing that I ever did. Free at last! Thank god almighty - free at last! I was Catholic enslaved by guilt! I was emotionally drained dry.

You know, I just don't give that much credence to family. I don't care what the authoritarian, patriarchal church espouses and preaches and orders me to do.

The man who ran the funeral home made me move up from the second row, where I wanted to be, to sit next to my mother at my grandmother's (real bitch) funeral. I mother got her usual - I win - smirk on her face. The same smirk she got when my dad beat my German Shepard to death in front of me ( I thought I was next in line). I was eight years old.. he made me stand and watch. I was being punished for letting the dog loose off of his chain so I could play with him. Okay here's the rest of it. I turned my back and the dog ran over to the pig pens and jumped in to get a little out and jumped back out over the fence with a little pig in it's mouth. He was a beautiful god and very smart. Well trained but was killing chickens in town so the landlord... asked to keep him on the farm? Well, we didn't have chickens. Men mentality.

I was a kid. I'm over that. I'm over family crap! There is just no love lost there. My friends are my family. I love and respect them.

Susie Orman says housing conditions reflects your inner self. When your house is junking that means your inner self is messed up.. and that is when you leave the house to go out and spend money. The weaker sister disrespects the successful sister and shows it by borrowing money from her successful sister. She borrows the money to pay her rent and bills but then turns around and buys expensive items like treadmills. And then the treadmill just sits there unused. Psychologically speaking I think the treadmill is a dig too at the more successful sister saying "see I'm buying it because you're a fool and once more I'm not using it and rubbing it in your face and besides that I'm only going to get fatter to add more insult to injury. There are a lot of self pitying people like this. The weaker sister didn't have any self worth and really, truly was pissed at her more successful sister even though unconsciously. I call it passive, aggressive anger and oh poor me. I don't believe it when the weaker ones thinking to use her sister was okay and oh please...she just wanted to use you because he hates her for being "normal" and successful.. whining... now take care of me.

Trust me, from a very young age, I got the message from my folks that they were not planning on taking care of me. Just the basics! Actually, they told me they had me to work for them. And trust me I was to be at their full disposal at all times. When my mother was at home I was with out words spoken knew that I was supposed to stand in the same room and wait for orders. As soon as I would leave the room within minutes I heard her calling my name. "What are you doing?" And then she couldn't hear me so there I was back in the same room. I had no time to myself.

When I was growing up, kids weren't supposed to think but only obey orders. And keep quiet until spoken too. I hated my life. I was sad, depressed, lonely and only wanted to get through the mess...then I was supposed to grow up and marry and be controlled and ordered around by that idiot. No wonder I was depressed. Then there were the ass holes of the church telling me what to do. No wonder I hated men. Men ran and dominated everything. They always knew better. Girls and women were supposed to adore them. What a joke! I hated them. I hated their superiority and mothers supported this mentality. How stupid!

I waited much too long to escape. Mentality I was imprisoned. Why do parents think they own you - for life? I'm not property! But they thought I was slave property. I couldn't stand it any longer. Anyone I took to the house be it a man (I was supposed to date.. what a joke... a lesbian dating men.. but society told me to.. I'd rather be dead now than to date men again and live a lie) or woman (when I finally came out at age forty) began rolling and jerking their heads towards the entrance to indicate that it was time to leave. Although hurt, it did me good to realize that my underlying emotional pain was justified. See a good Catholic kid, I always blamed myself and try to do what was right. Idiot selfish parents, although (oh yeah) good Christians, depend on that - control!

I am so happy now. I have this ache in my heart though.. well sometimes. Most of the time I am so grateful for being free.

I had a wonderful guardian angel come help me in the form of the most beautiful soft, warm, doctor. I still love her. I'll always love her. She was my catalyst to change. I'll always love her. She made my heart ache, because I can't keep that wonderful feeling when I was held by her. My heart ached and her heart ached. She will never be out of my heart. She was god to me!

Funny how the universe works when we need help and just don't know where to go. Be careful when you retire and have time to think. Suddenly you need to live for yourself and heal yourself in the process. In one year, I ended a fifteen year relationship (we remain good friend but with other people in our lives), I ditched the life draining family, and I moved and dropped all contact with these people who were draining the life out of me.

I'm alive now and whole. I believe we vibrate out in to the universe unconsciously our needs and the universe helps us.