Aching, Firm but Tired, Physically and Mentally

What a weekend! Saturday I spent three hours on the park trails with an out-of-towner unfamiliar with the park. Yes, it was an act of kindness. The halo still glows today yet! No actually, I'm sick of being accommodating and nice! Giving in! Being a "yes" lady. How I get myself into half of this shit is beyond me. No it's not actually - I was raised to be a "people pleas er" to appease my mother. You see her love was somewhat conditional. It's why I hate the woman today.

But, anyway, the 13 pace run for 3 minutes then walk to for 1 minute just about did me in. Today I am having a people free moment.

And yesterday I worked my ass off trying to keep up with the racer bicyclist. Little did I know she wanted to complete 42 miles in three hours taking ten minute breaks. Anyway, it became work right at the start as she took off with a shotgun start.

Trying to keep up with these hard cord people is beginning to remind me why some of my best cycling adventure are done solo. Gee, I get to stop when I want and go as fast and as slow as I want. They call it a leisure ride but to me it's a race.

So, morrow of the story: Bike alone! Or find slower people. Seems there is just not a happy medium. Yesterday, I really should had taken the 28 mile route that five other took. But, I thought that I would work up to a big event that is coming up that is hilly and fifty miles. Which I can do - if I can do at my own pace. Or I'll just skip the event altogether. I think I feel a back ache coming on.

And then again I'm rethinking hooking up with M again. I'll have to listen to all those fabulous feats of adventure she so easily completed. The endless orgasms while I struggle. Maybe I'm not ready for this to start up again. I'm tired! I'm just plain tired!

I look good. Oh yeah! My body is shaping up and losing the gut. Fitting into my size six REI cargo shots better and better. She said eight was too big!

I need to get slimmer and stronger before June 7th. I just don't want to have to try to keep up with all these people. You know to ride in a group race even though they say it isn't a race. I haven't decided yet. I'm still tempted to skip the whole thing. Like J said "too many hills". One person had four flats last year. Well, I could keep up with her. Yesterday however, should wasn't a casual ride.

I like riding I just need to ditch the competitive, unrealistic edge, that I have. I would love to whip all of their butts and just go flying by. But there's no such thing - they are all very competitive.

You know I found that too when I was in my thirties. I knew this one woman who could really keep up with the guys when she rode. I mean we were flying up and down hills doing more than twenty five miles an hour. I pedaled as hard as I could. I only got a single break when the one guy got a flat tire. You think I would have learned in my thirties that I am not built for speed. I need longer legs proportional to my body for that. Losing ten pounds would help. That I could try to do.

Well, I'm off to the post office to return a pair of "men's" shoes that were advertised as "women's" . I'm tired.

I should write and a return response to M but for some reason I am just to tired. Everything seems to be a competition. I'm tired! I'm bored!

I must be at another cross roads in my ever people pleasing life. Evidently it doesn't pay for me to be nice to people I only recent it afterwards.