and that's good. I am thinking that I am at the cross roads. I am thinking that I was being used and thinks appeared fun and find. And now that favorite has been completed and I'm in limbo again. At times I do miss being in a relationship. It wasn't that bad in retrospect. Even though she never liked to do the things I liked to do. It's funny too - then we did everything every body else wanted us to do - even more so. I never got my trip out West. I rode by myself.
I don't care what you say, a relationship is never fifty-fifty. Someone always gets lost in it and then wakes up maybe twenty years into it wondering what their life would be like if they could call the shots once in a while.
And I'm sick of families of the proper, straight, goody-goody variety. And that's M. She pretty much just really proud of her straight marriage. I'm a side show.
I'm telling you - life sucks! People love you if you do what they want you to do. I know my mother was happy - bitch! But have a thought or an idea of your own and you're toast! Ancient history!
Love shouldn't have to mean always kissing someone else's ass. But the strong personalities win out!
You know I think I just made a mental adjustment. Hey, I look damn good! I"m cute! Now you kiss my ass! I'm the confident one here! You're the weak one - the behind kisser.
And people in relationships just slay me especially the weaker one who tries to come across as a strong just-as-knowledgable one - like the "strong minded" partner. And watching the strong ones manipulate the weaker is a sight to behold. It's so obvious! I guess I have seen it all just too many times. It's just so obvious!
Maybe I am looking forward to that hilly long ride for a good benefit. Actually, I guess the money just goes to the drug companies. Such a crock! But never-the-less! Because surely by now they would have found a cure. It's all marketing, money and profits and filling the deep pockets of CEO people. Maybe on that ride I can hook up with some slower cool people.
Anyway....
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