And What About me?

FYI: Golf is the most aggravating sport yet! I did better last year - it was the sex. Damn I miss it. But you can't go back! It will never be the same - because we took it too a new level that didn't work. Is it possible to go back to the beginning? The way it was meant to be - an afternoon delight. She tried to make it more. Planned a vacation - eight months out?

None of that works with me. It was what I set it out to be. I went along with the vacation and in the meantime invited her to other things. In other words, I incorporated her into my life.

That doesn't work with me. She's not my type and she is married. The biggest problem is I'm a softy. I care about her. I miss sex. My golf game is off. I was relaxed last year after a wonderful afternoon. But this evening I felt anxious and easily irritated over things I thought I had over come like that stupid golf marshal saying we can't play five together after the guy at the desk said it was okay. So big deal - two went ahead of three. But we still have to allow the lone "male" golfer to play through. He was like a title wave passing up ahead throwing and stalling foursomes with silly carts that had to stay on the path. I saw evidence of wandering golf carts; however, on to the fairway. I felt rushed all evening therefore raised my head up at the wrong time when I swung.

So anyway. My games is off. What about me? I wonder what the universe has in store for me? Ezekiel told her I would always be there for her. Dang! What about me? Am I not an important factor in my own life's scheme. And why flash the good doctor in front of me? And why have the feelings not faded? That's a dirty treat! I love that woman! I know she is totally out of reach - but why can't you send someone to me - just like her? I need feminine and some one who has a heart, is affectionate and can express her feelings. You know - work with me on this!

Someone who likes to have fun. It was like M thought she always have to prove herself. I know she hurts - but she is part of her own problem. I feel for her. But she is the one who is not true to herself - she won't leave him. And it's the first thing she reveals. This would be okay - if I was truly "hit by bricks on the side of the heart" in love with her, but I am sorry - I'm not.

Hey, remember Edy and Georgette! I believe you owe me a favor? Remember I got M to speak with Ezekiel just like you altered my life, and put that beautiful untouchable person in front of me, to have me do. Why were my feelings so deep for her? It hurts my heart! Don't dangle someone like that in front of me - unless I can have her in my life literally, not imaginary. So, you now what I want.. hop to it. I"ll be expecting her soon - and she will meet me half way - she will want me - for a change! So hop to it - please.