Good Times!

These are good times and I'm not in love! Love is a distraction and no two people love each other equally or at the same time. Okay! Okay! I am in love...I'm always in love with someone. Most of the time, they don't know it. Most of the time it's not reciprocated! And that is just a fact of life. I want to be in lust and love. Hey, I'm hanging on for near life here. Time is slipping away and my tastes are very youthful. I'm not sorry to say. But, I recently had a lover my age and there were magical things about that. She is one of a very few my age who are physically fit enough to even WANT sex, beside look slender, sexually appealing and fit. Most women my age look much older, fat, on medicine for one thing or another and just plain not interested in sex. Actually, I desire fit and physical which equals sexy. Damn, my little young friend looked very cute last night. Just adorable! How could that woman with her not want her... or these people crazy or on medicine. Which brings me to this point. Many young people are on medicine for depression or HDAD, HADD or something or other so they are NOT interested in sex. What I see are some attaching to someone and I think that is called their dating. No kidding! And when that person can't do what they want them to do just one time, it seems they appear to dismiss them. I know it happened to me. In a crowd she talked as if we were dating and at one point when I wouldn't go with her to a family function, I was out of grace then. Dismissed! Life is strange and I find too, that couples will stay together just because neither wants to spend the energy to get out there and start over. They have a fear of being alone. Personally, I love it! I was raised in isolation with angry wolves who continuously snarled at each other. I could wait until I was twenty-one to move out; but she maintained that hold that exceeds all distance no matter how far away you move. Until you totally cut it off and move across the river into another state of the union. I am so free now I'm delirious. My past is that - gone. Except for times when my ex so is extremely family orientated except for mine when we were together (she rolled her eyes alot!) and our visited were short. I never did that with her at her's. Hell they were in their eighties and I thought they would drop at any minute. But, guess what, they're still running strong so is my mother. I thought I could wait it out; but, I just couldn't so I bailed! Thank god I bailed! I got to the point where I couldn't stand to be in the same room with her. I had to get up and walk out. I couldn't stand to be with any of them. They were all hypocrites to me! My ex and I were never acknowledged they were always afraid of what people would think. As I grew up I thought everyone had to be more important than me. I had no spirit. I had no positive self-esteem. I was a dumb puppet and servant for the bitch who was so worried about what people would think! She lied to me. My life was a scam of lies. I'm free! I'm so free. My lover and I hope she continues to see me, brought love with her. She held me close to her heart for a long time and kissed my head. I loved having my heart close to her breast. I love her womanness and her warmth and nurturing ways. I know she sensed the buried pain. she knows! She can't understand my separation from so called "family" (that's a fucking joke!). My friends are my family and I love them.