I Wonder Why?

I wonder why I choose to be born when I did and to "those" parents! Why, was I so hard on myself? I was born gay and my first really exciting fulfilling sex with a women was when I was 57. Why did I do this to myself. She was 35. I truly loved her! She was very good for me.

See my only regret was that I never got to experience the love and softness of a woman when I was in my 20's and 30's. God, I was hurting. Here I was so in love with women, but they never ever knew..because I kept it so hidden and they were so straight. Same sex wasn't even mentioned in our group of men and women who I hung around with. And pretty soon they all paired off and got married and I was left behind; knowing I would be left behind forever.

When I was forty, it seems a good time, to get together with someone..we were very compatible in all ways but one. Guess which one?

So, after 15 years and an embarrassing crush on a doctor..younger then me of course. I came to my senses and made big changes in my life. My ex and I remain good friends. And that is probably why we could; we were always good friends...much more so than lovers.

So, universe help me out here. I know that I am in control of my universe but I think about her too. I want what is best for both of us. In the mean time please keep her safe and sound and healthy and loved.

I have no idea why this was the best I ever had. The universe is an amazing place. And I am oh so happy.

So, I write to try to decipher and connect the dots of events. But, then I think maybe it's not necessary to connect these dots and find the true reason. Just be happy and enjoy and don't look back..and thank the universe.