Lesbian Love!

My god I skipped a whole day! Where did the 5th go? Well, I ran, worked out on the weight machines at the gym then walked to the market to get dinner for my lover and I.

I'm not going into details here. I will only mention that she is very loving and tender. Just what I need! We are pleasing to each other!

Only things are a little harder for me. I have a trust problem and can't let use. It stems from my childhood I know. No wonder I hate those people and the evil church - and all religions who hide evil under the cloak of holiness. What a sham! The worst of the worst atrocities because in the beginning they work to win your trust then in time use it against you. Such abuse!

But she loves me and holds me tenderly and tries her best to love me and make me feel trust and let go. Maybe in time I will. I know I will. Some life lessons are hard to unlearn. It was the same with 05SL and finally I gave in to the sweet sensations of love - so beautiful and so peaceful.

I'll be better in time. I trust in the process. I trust in the universe. I trust in love and warmth and loving arms around me to protect and love me. My spirit was crushed as a kid - her's too. The church strived on crushing your spirit and holding you down to be their captive. These people are the epitome of evil, the church, organized religion, that tells you how and who you can love. Mainly they just want to rule and abuse over someone broken and easy to control. You can't be almighty and abuse unless you have broken the spirit first. As a kid, I gave me and trusted then was abused for it..made to feel like dirt. I had no love or support. Jesus god, I was a little kid.

My heart so goes out to little kids. I pray each one is loved and nurtured with the brightness of wonder and exploration. With happiness in their eyes and the absence of pain, god please protect them from harm and give them lots of love.

Love was withheld when I was a kid. Spirits broken! Yeah, by strict catholics. According to my parent and Catholics at the time, children were born evil and had to have the meanness knocked out of them.

God, my childhood was so hard. I lived in isolation with them, those horrid people who called themselves my parents, my family. God, how I longed for the likes of a beautiful loving mother like that other kid had. God, my heart aches - for years and even now when I think of it. And up until this woman, who holds me and loves me and kisses my head. As a kid, I had no social services to run to. Going to the priest or nuns was asking for more trouble. I wasn't afraid of them for nothing!

I pray now that the pain goes away; that my heart heals and I can trust again - soon. I have the ability to love, now I just need to learn how to trust and learn that I do deserve to be loved and to feel good.