No Carbs in Booze

Years back I used to drink a lot of scotch and water and since I've learned it was the best thing for me to do if I was going to drink because there are no carbohydrates in hard liquor. And just think of all the water I drank to rinse my system. In later years people would compliment me on my youthfulness and I would response "Must be all the scotch and water I drank" in my straight days. Well, yes, I pretended I was straight even though I knew I was never straight or could be, from a very young age, like six. Yes, I hung out in the bars with the straight people. Oh, I was the only lesbian in my home town. There was a time when my "best" friend actually flirted with me, only because she was horny. I was impressed, even though I secretly loved her. I just laughed off the flirtation I know I could have taken her up on. I wasn't going to be a substitute for a man, just because he stood her up. She said. "I'm so horny, even you look good!" Thanks, but no thanks. Pretty bad wasn't it, I think I loved her a little less after that. She did have to be the center of attention in a crowd..much like my mother. That was my 30's - straight and single and yes, I went out with men.

Well, for some reason when I reached my 40's I decided to behave! I have no idea why? I stopped the bars and hooked up with a gal (total mismatch, except for our common sense and levelheadedness when it came to important business matters). Little did I know I married (coupled up with) the likes of my mother. Well sort of! And she was very family orientated where I wasn't. We were together for a very long time. Sexually, we were not very well suited. Isn't life amazing. I thought I could do with it and my freedom; it was time to settle down and show the world a good example of a lesbian couple. I soon became heavy and butch. Don't ask me what happened to me. Those were my insane years; now I'm sane. I'm finally me! We have since parted but remain good friends. I'm glad we are good friends! But, I'm myself now once again on this time my authentic lesbian self and I am learning so much hanging out with the gals; the younger gals. I love it! Actually, our group is of all ages. I'm not the only one in my fifties or near fifty. Okay, okay, I'm pushing 60; but I look 45 easily! Maybe 40! I have a great body. I'm just down right cute! (might as well think so!) And I'm sweet! Sweet and single!

I think I was meant to be single. I like never knowing what is going to happen next, or wondering just who I might hook up. I love the uncertainly and hate routines and the expected.

I have a lover and we spent our times together every few days just the two of us. No one really knows because we do not make a point of mentioning it. It's our time! She very sweet and the ache in my heart has dissipated. She makes me feel lovely and loved. She smiles because she loves to please me. She holds me. She says she thinks of me. I ask if we wants to meet again in a few days and she says. "Yes, if you are not tired of me?". "I"m not tired of you; if you are not tired of me?"

She's very sweet. We are what each of us needs - for now or for how ever long we both have the same need.

I have another situation going on - which is kind of up in the air. I'm hoping the situation works out for my friend and she and her girlfriend spend the weekend together. I think that would be best. She had asked me to accompany her for an outing but; personally, I think she and the gal she has been dating would make better use of the time and the queen size bed.

In the morning I'm meeting my friend to walk. My walking friend! I think I'm actually beginning to feel better and finally getting over this cold; but I won't run in the morning. I think going out tonight was very therapeutic, physically, emotionally and mentally. And I think it was a good thing I didn't ride my bicycle this morning. And I think the margaritas I had this evening were just what the doctor would have ordered. Speaking of doctors - I miss the good doctor!

God, I would love to have an affair with her! Why not? It would be just time for us. The bottom line is I loved her and know that I still love her. I would love to make love to her. Something passed between us that day when she hugged me and I tenderly kissed her ( cheek). I miss her. She was an angel! She was the sweetest thing I had ever met. Her eyes so dark; I could feel them looking at me so intensely. All, I know is that I fell in love with her. Her voice, her mannerisms, the simple easy way she spoke. I wish I could see her. I would love to see her again. God, I miss her! I was totally in love with her! She would have to trust me to the extreme and I'm telling you right now she would be able to for my lips are forever sealed. Universe, if I wish it could it come true? Would it hurt either one of us. What if it makes us happy and our hearts sing. What if I'm what she needs and she is what I need? What if her heart aches. Can I love more than one? I pray for them both - all my loves. I pray they (and myself) are happy, careful, blessed with magical moments, brilliant ideas, luck, brilliance, good health, wealth, and happiness and me and us for each other.

The day was beautiful the evening perfect to be sitting outdoors. I have my windows opened enjoying the cool breeze. I'm listening to the tree frogs and their perfect rhythm they share. It makes me think of some childhood evenings. There were a few good ones on nights like this when my parents were in a good mood and not fighting.

I"m happy now! I have many friends and a lover whom I know loves me and I her. Our relationship is one of mutual respect and celebration just for us. I hope we can go on like this for a while. Nothing lasts forever. But, for now, it's very sweet! The universe brought us together because we both needed sex. Period! I've known of her, more or less, for a long time. Anyway, I'm grateful for her and what we have. Can't wait to see her again and hold her close to me. Her breast touching mine. Her arms around me.

I love my new group of friends. I say they are new because I've known them for about a year now and they are fun. 05SL was good then too. We had wonderful times and wonderful memories. I hope she thinks so too! Love is always good!

I love my other friends I have known for a very long time; but, they are all in very long term relationships. They are wonderful and fun, but I love the ones who show some spice and vigor and mischief and go out and party. The community is large and I"m beginning to know more and more people.

It's time for bed! I'll fall asleep dreaming about all of my loves - past, present and future. My heart is full this beautiful evening. I'm finally at home in my peace! Universe - I am so grateful. One request - allow me to see the good doctor again, and not under professional circumstances. Make it magical! Make it beautiful! Make it ours alone! But only if it is what she needs...and don't change her life from the way it is now merely make us an "add on"! The few moments we have for each other will be magical and last many life times.