I don't Get People!

Well, sometimes, I don't get people! Sometimes I don't get myself! Sometimes I don't understand why I fall in love or why I fall so suddenly, deeply, and for such a long time. But, I know that I love you; there was just something about you!

Well, by now you are well on your way to a long, lasting relationship. You are probably getting a lot of love and feeling very comfortable and you won't be alone for the holidays.

That was quite a performance I put on the other night; I did good didn't I? I deserve an Oscar! I wanted so to talk to you; even the time before when I saw you. I am just so afraid of pushing you further away. I was shaking and my heart was hurting. I cried when I got home. I had to do it to myself to see you with her to make it final; for it to sink in! I guess I have to hurt real bad before I get the message; otherwise I carry around hope within me. God, it hurts like hell. I know, sometimes loving means letting go, but it still hurts.

Don't feel bad, I'm tough. I just wanted you know that you are very lovable. I think you have love in your heart too; I know you feel love. I know you loved me.

I'm doing okay! I'm staying in a lot; however, I don't really feel like being around people much right now. Everybody and everything reminds me of you. Everywhere I go, I look for you. Yes, it is painful. And yes, I'll go on and love again; but right now that is hard to imagine. I will love again, I have to, I have too much love in my heart. I need to touch another and hold another heart close to mine.

But, in time, I'll get back out there. I'm a lot like you sweetheart; I just may start all over again somewhere else with a whole new batch of friends. I won't mix my love interest with my friends. Damn, I want you back in my life, if only to see each other once in a while; just the two of us? No relationships! I want to make love to you.

I can dream! In time I'll be fine. I thought you were brought into my life for a reason! I remember the first day I saw you. I loved you immediately; one look into your eyes and I saw your heart. I did learn a few things from you; good things. I love the way you are - independent. But, you know, you are not too independent to not need to love and be loved - I mean for real. I run from a loving relationship because it means so much to me, I can't find the words, to talk about what is in my heart; so I just separate. I have so many regrets; I blame myself. I pushed you away. I'm sorry I hurt you; I'm sorry I messed up what we had. I wish I could hold you.

I think you dislike me and that hurts. God, that hurts. You shared things with me that touched my heart deeply. I told you and I meant it; I will always love unconditionally; please believe that! Always know I am always here for you; you can count on me!

I'm not lonely, I just have a lot of love to give; and of course, I loved to be loved too. I wish you could tell me what really went on with us. I know that at times they were painful, but I cherish the moments when you shared things about yourself with me. It made me want to love and comfort you. You know, that's not a bad thing. I always thought that was why we crossed paths; to love and comfort each other. It didn't have to be all or nothing at all, did it? We shared so many good things too. It seems a shame to just throw it all away.

But, I think that is how you love; full force, giving it all you got and then..nothing. That method seems hurtful to everyone involved. I think that you are a wonderful person, a real success, brilliant, loving and kind. Yes, you are the image I have of you in my head. I'm intuitive you know, I think I realized some things before you even told me.

Just know I care about you; I can't help it. I keep waiting for my feelings to fad, so far they haven't. I feel and felt a part of you; our hearts and souls touched, I just can't deny that. You are always going to be a part of me. No matter what happens you will always be a part of my heart. I saw all the sides of you from the giggly child within you, the injured one, and the stubborn one. I love them all, don't you know? I understand you, more than you know. I want to love you. Do you know you were my first real passionate love; I will always treasure what we had!

Take care of yourself! Be happy! Feel loved, because you are loved! Sorry, this is my way of working through this. I just have to blog.