I'm Better Now, Thank You

Okay, I'm a little better now that I put myself out there on cyber lesbian meeting sites. You know, it's not like picking out a dog. This is hard. I can't just trade her and my feelings for her in. This is a human being that I happen to love in spite of her difficult ways. Damn!

I know connecting and any kind of relationships are hard for her. I know day to day life is hard for her..why in the hell do you think that I love her so much and just can't walk away that easy.

I know I had to rant and rave; I had to shed a few tears too. It hurts to "try" to let it go. I know we have a connection; I can feel it. I know she cares for me. Why we can't even look each other in the eyes or talk to each other about anything is beyond me. I guess, it's just difficult for both of us.

I just don't get it! I can talk easy to everyone else; even the new girl! Boy, is she easy going..well, she just might be perfect for her.

I don't think she wanted me to leave when I left. Or does she just hate me that much...I'll keep thinking..try to or not..she is on my mind anyway.

And in my heart! She'll always be in my heart. I love the little difficult thing all to pieces. She's stubborn, brilliant, beautiful, cute as can be. God, I can just see her as a little girl; I love that little girl in her. I wish I could have picked her up and held her then. I bet she was as cute as can be. You just don't know what she does to my heart! God, I miss holding her! She would say that I have this image of her in my head; a sweet but fault image. No, I believe I can understand a little bit what's going on. You know, I love the good and not so good about her. When I met her and even before she told me certain things; I already had a pretty good idea what was going on because it's all there in her eyes.

She may deny, but, I know she has tender feelings and a warm heart. She's not cold. She hurts. I want to hold her close to me. She says she's not what I have in my head of what she is like...oh yes, she is!

I've got to go, I have to pick up my ex from the airport...

I love you and don't you forget it!

I don't care if you hate me...I love you.

Then stop looking at me like that....