I think I know why now!

I think I can finally articulate my feelings; well I'll try. When I held you and you told me things - I felt so needed! I felt that I had a purpose! I never told you because I guess I just couldn't put my finger on it; what it was. All I know is that you filled my heart that first evening, in the shadows, with your head on my lap, when you told me things. I kissed your head and stroked your hair - I loved you. I loved you the moment I met you and looked in your eyes. I still love you and always will; don't you know that? I know you don't feel love - for me; it's okay! I pretty much have enough love for myself for both of us! You were just icy on the cake. No, you are a gift from god; a little bit of heaven - never forget that! I love your laugh, your giggle (at the cook-out; god you touched my heart. It over flowed with love). You were so beautifully happy. I would love to see you happy again...

From the moment I met you, I saw those things that hurt you in your eyes! I saw the pain! Don't you know how much you touched my heart? Even before you told me, I knew; so I wasn't surprised. I meant what I said that I would love you forever, unconditionally; just because you are you - don't you know?

As you go on with your life, in your heart just know that! It's important to me that you know that! I know that I see you in a way that you don't see yourself. I know! Remember you said: "I'm not what you have in your head."

You are a fine wonderful person just the way you are - you know that. You are brilliant and you know how to get your needs met. I admire you; you are truly a miracle. You didn't hurt me and you gave me more than you can ever imagine - purpose. It's a wonderful thing.

Just because I told you this - there is no need to feel any of the following: guilty, sorry, unable to help me, bad or pity. I'm a big girl! I've had a few bumps and knocks on the head along the way...

Just know that my heart beats a little faster whenever I see you; from the moment I met you and even now, my feelings have never faded; not one bit. I think that you are a remarkable person; a survivor. I love loving you.

You may see this; or you may not. If you do see this, you probably won't know what to do with it; don't do anything that is not in your heart. I am just compelled to tell you this; I'm not sure why. I should just let it go and not mention it. You might just think I'm a nut case! Maybe I better not post this. I just can't let it go that easily..all this love here for you.....somehow, I just think that is is worth just mentioning anyway! No action is required; this is merely an advertisement!

Now, trying to interpret your glances, I'm thinking you think that I am a threat to your happiness; I'm thinking that I am something you just want to go away..remember you told me: "I don't think that I can even be your friend."

It's okay..this holiday season..I hope is peaceful for you. I hope you have love there with you.

But, if you ever need someone to hold you lovingly just let me know. You won't be seeing me around much but, I'll be right here. Frankly, I hope to see more of you..but, I think you would rather I just went away....so I will.

I think I did very well the other night don't you? I'm been nominated for an Oscar! I surprised you didn't I? Damn I was good! Truth is, I was hurting - bad. No body knows that! No body really cares - or even asked; it goes unnoticed. Actually, I cried when I got home. Long runs help! But, that is what love does - and that's okay.

I have no business loving you like I do and I know that......