I should run today

Well, it's noon already; I should get my butt out there and run. I prefer to run in the sun but I might be running in the rain. So, I won't wear the shoes I want to wear tonight. I'm shy about going out tonight, talking and dancing; same with tomorrow. But, I won't let it stop me.

I'm am trying to lose a few pounds so I can wear more of my pants and look good in them. I must be looking better already to myself; this morning I looked in the mirror while pulling off my night shirt and I had to crawl back into bed again. Nothing like turning yourself on. I gotta tell ya, I do have a nice body for my age. Okay that was incentive, I will get out there now and run!

I have always had myself; I know that sounds weird. I think I'm realizing that I may not be ready for another love or someone needing something from me. Maybe that is how my summer love felt. I'm not ready to give myself or take changes. I't hard to explain. You, summer love, hit me like a tons of bricks; this one not so much. I may be more trying to make it work. I don't know?

Personally, as painful as it might be the head-over-heels or being hit by a ton of bricks is the most exciting and wonderful kind of love that there is. It's the kind where you cherish every moment. It's taking in and absorbing like a sponge; finding too that you love everything thing about her very much. It's wonderful! God, I miss you! And a kiss is the most precious thing there is. That's the way I perfer to feel about love; unfortunately many times, it's a one way street.

You know, especially when you know it's going to end soon; when you can feel the pull begin, the pulling away. I cherished everything more; you are so in my heart. The mess and your system of doing things all here, in my heart. Actually, you are quit easy to know and love. There are just some basic things you wanted respected. I know that the time just ran out for you. I think you only allow so much time for each person. Well, I'll cherish the time we had together forever.

But, I'll give this a try. I'll try to find a new love. She needs to be sexy and alluring with a sense of mystery about her that is what sets the hook for me. Damn I miss you!

I guess I'll pray this evening and see how things go. I have found that praying to my spirit guides on the way there seems to help the situation become extra special. I want to be knocked off my barstool; head over heels in love with a wonderful, beautiful, human being. I want the gift of mystery, challenge and wonder. I want to learn all about her like I did with you.

I learned a lot from you; how to be independent, how to be true to youself first and not totally give of yourself like I did all my life. I learned I could ditch my family easily enough. I have been independent since I was 21. I never needed or asked my family for anything. I always used common sense and was never a fool for anyone; anyway I don't think so, usually people that do that are very needy. I on the other hand I love myself enough. I am not needy. They say you can't love anyone any more than as much as you love yourself. They also say: What you put out there, is what you get back. My other concern is hurting people, I don't want to hurt anyone.

Guess I better go for that run. I'm going to try it today without accel gel. I'm going to run toward the park; through the expensive neighborhoods. It's two miles out and two miles back.

Well, my love, I hope you don't mind that I write to you all the time. Sometimes I just need to. I'm a little scared right now and it helps. I just wanted something good and solid a loving foundation where we slept together once in a while and shared thoughts and feelings and were just there for each other like a support system.

I'll be fine, the run will help. Besides I have myself, and I am pretty damn cool and gifted and kind and giving...

Times a wasting I have to go. Without the gel packs, if I get pooped, I just walk it's only two miles out. I love you (means too, that I love myself. I'm my own best friend and always have been. I had to be there because was no one else when I was growing up. It's a good thing actually; as long as you can let other people in too)

Hmm! Wish me luck this weekend, because if I'm not in love, I don't trust..help me out here okay? Send some positive thoughts my way.

Okay, god, spirit guides, the universe, thank you for my many gifts of good health, pain-free living, youthfulness, prosperity, wisdom and common sense and safety. Please do the same my ex, t, d, my friends, and the young thing in the Internet photo. Please watch out for her and keep her safe. She is so precious.