Am I feeling guilty?

I don't know maybe I'm just all wrong. Funny, how sometimes after I speak with someone I get to looking at my choices and come to think of the ones I made as possibly being all wrong. I get the what if feelings. But, so far for the last four years it appears that my choice was okay.

It's just that this evening I heard and understood another option that I could have taken. Today I felt things were going great but this evening, I saw and heard different view points...which were okay. I consider everything I hear.

I worry at time about my friend and sometimes I feel very guilty for the pain I put her through. Do I feel guilty? Do I just miss her? Is she confused? Am I confused? Is she acting in retaliation or in desperation? I know that I have caused pain and I do feel guilty for that!

It just makes me sad. I wanted to be perfect. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I want her to be happy. I'm sorry. But, I just had to move outside of our relationship. The time we were meant to spend together had come to an end...that's all. We are still good friends. She's my family.

I just didn't mean to hurt anyone in the process of my life progressing and moving on to meet other wants and needs.

After being together this evening.. I see where she has a lot of bad luck. It seems that there is always something slightly negative eating at her otherwise pleasant life, I hope!

Feeling bad about her made me think of the good doctor. Yeah, I still think about her. I miss her. I must be out of my ever loving head. I know that I was an emotional wreck sitting at the crossroads of my life when I fell in love with her. She, the warmest, kindest, person I believe I ever met. I know she was being her professional self...but everyone real self and personality shines through their professional self. If only I could have gotten to really know her. What a wonderful connection I felt. She was so magical in my healing. She must have really thought that I was nuts. It breaks my heart. My heart hurts! Oh how I fought my feelings for her. Oh well! If thoughts are prayers she is very happy, loved, successful and safe. I think of her often.