Endorphin HIgh

Endorphin: a group of peptide hormones that bind to opiate receptors and are found mainly in the brain. Endorphins reduce the sensation of pain and affect emotions.

I just rode my bike hard until my thighs ached. I would yet up and do it again...the results an endorphin high. Or is it because I was with my friend and we have fun together. She works all hours tours and so it works out well that we can ride together. Hopefully, she'll get back to running. She has knee problems. She's 32.

She makes me realize that I am damn lucky! I mean damn lucky! And I truly appreciate all of my abilities. If sex is a trade off (if there has to be one?) then I guess okay. It seems that is the way it is working out anyway.

Now you know why I ride and run hard......endorphins. Sexual frustration? It's the touching, closeness; the intimacy that I miss.

If I think about it, so I try not to, or sometimes it just creeps in on its own...I have this nagging little ache; like a longing, in my heart all the time. It's like a little empty space. It hits me at night. It was there this morning, when I got with my friend. We get along well....but it's something that will never happen. After a while I just think about something else. I like the age difference and I don't know why. But, I can act silly around her..has nothing to do with age I'm sure just our combination of personalities. She makes me appreciate what I have in my athletic capabilites. She's refreshing and I get a kick out of her. She is mature beyond her years; she might even be more mature than I am. She is articulate (I envy and promise to improve but it never happens that I can tell. I'm just more cautious). My friend has traveled the world while working for a travel agency as a tour director at the young age of 26.

My last summer's love is mature too beyond her years. She packed a lot of living into her young 34 years too. She had an troubled childhood. She would tell me things and my heart ached for her and loved her. I loved holding her head on my lap, kissing her forehead, and stroking her hair. I loved loving and I loved feeling needed.

It's raining. We just managed to get our ride in.. we'll ride again tomorrow. We rode about 28 fast hard miles. I'll never be a speed demon but maybe maintain 15 MPH . I love thunderstorms my dog, hates them.

I promised to drink and eat healthier and suddenly this cheap store brand cola is sickening. I know it's all wrong for me. Maybe I'll make some decafe.

Speaking of decafe I slept well last night after my yoga class yesterday afternoon which consisted of at least twenty downward facing dogs for sure. I love 'em. I love the way they make my stomach muscles feel. I have another yoga class this evening too.