Hallmark Mother's Day!

Well, that's not going to happen here! If I never see her again would be too soon for me!

I know misery loves company. But truth be told; when you get right down to it...I always celebrated the day out of guilt and duty.

That's how society (in other words - religion, the true rulers of the world!) conditions us.

I bought into that crap for a lot of years (by action not by heart choice)..... then one day decided...now why should I devote my life to this woman; she's not any more important than I am. Come on... she screwed and got pregnant and had a kid. She did (somewhat) her social duty to rise the kid. Hey she had to have that man in her life and then do what "society" commands of you - HAVE CHILDREN! Like the human race is just about to become extinct! She didn't have the mind, gut or heart for it.

I already have my next life's mother picked out. I can't wait! She will be LOVING, CARING, AFFECTIONATE, NURTURING like the doctor two years ago who so lovingly puts her arms around me and held me to to her heart.....it was the most love I had ever felt....she saved my life.....I will never forget her.. .. and tomorrow in my thoughts and from my heart I will honor her......it was wonderful to feel such love....

My mother was self-aborbed, controlling, manipulating and always dying of something.. so I had my hopes up for the longest time... and finally gave up when she didn't. The dying act was only to get attention! She always had to be dramatic and the center of attention. I just don't stand it anymore. Toward the end.. I could not stand to be in the same room with her........I had to leave... I had to leave to save myself!!!

From the time was I a small kid, I knew that I was on my own. She never encouraged me; I was there to be her servant. I learned from a very early age never to ask for anything or expect anything....so I learned to become very independent.

So good riddance.....I have not spoken to any of them in almost two years.. and I hope I never do.,..

Now, have a nice Hallmark Day. Sorry, Hallmark.....I never like your cards anyway. I told my therapist one time that I used to start very early, as soon as the cards were on display to find the most mundane, neutral card I could before they all got picked over and bought. She said. "Why send her one at all?"

Wow! An ally! I didn't know that was possible? I didn't know that I could take a stand...go against god and the church? It took me three different therapist to finally convince me I need not feel guilty and that I DID NOT OWE HER ANYTHING. See right away at birth...mothers put this guilt trip on you...Oh the pain! Right away I knew I should have picked someone else...why did I do this to myself... just what lesson was I supposed to learn and I certainly think that I had learned it early on...so can I move on now......just go away!

Oh, don't worry I'm totally not mentioned...she wouldn't want to risk messing up her alliance with the other siblings.

Here's to all my friends...who are in the same situation.

Actually, I feel the best I have ever felt in my life..... I'M FREE! For the first time in my life - I'm free of HER!

Oh father's day is coming up next month. He died in '93. He had him on life support in a Catholic nursing home for three years.....Well let me tell you about him...when I was about six or eight, I don't remember exactly how old I was, We had a german shepard. He made me hold the dog while he went to get a hammer. The dog was company for me. I asked why? He snarled. "To teach the dog a lesson." It had chased the little pigs. He made me watched while he beat, until he was tired, the dog about the head. It took a while for the dog to die. I thought I was next in line! After that I knew I had to just wait out my time...until I could get the hell out of there.

This was the late fifties, there were no social services, only the "church", which was no better. We were isolated in the country, on a farm. Most of the time I was scared and depressed.

Hey I'm free now.......I'm free!