Running, reading, playing

What dreary, dismal, gloomy weather! And cold! It was better earlier this morning when I ran eight miles; from home to the park and back. I literally ran into a shower, about a miles from home. It was great! I love the smells when it begins to rain.

Running, no matter what the weather, always brightens my mood. I'm reading "The DNA of Healing" by Margaret Ruby.

Our bodies listen to our thoughts and subsequently changes our DNA if we are consistent enough. Personally, I'm trying to erase the anger vibrations because those vibrations can attract situations that will make me angry. I just said the other day ..seems I attract morons. Well, if I expect to see them, I will.

I expect to be healthy and safe and I am..trust me I am grateful too. It all goes hand in hand.

Now I must leave the past right where it is...in the past. Before how can I plan my future....if I'm thinking about he past.

I would love to fall in love, only this time I want it to be an easy relaxed love. But, I wan to be very sexually attracted to her. The book suggests we keep our thoughts neutral and open and do not let past judgements creep in...in other words do not examine too closely the characteristics of others; but celebrate the wonderfulness of their being. We already know everyone is different and we all have our own idiosyncrasies. So I'm trying not to be judgmental, but lovingly embracing all of our differences; but, after all, that is what makes us who we are. And we are all unique, wonderful human beings.

I'm looking for a loving, affectionate, warm, caring person who can express her emotions.

I want to be more loving myself. I want to put out there what I want in return. I want to be sweet and loving. Not sweetening, just soft, hands touching hair, kiss on the cheek, listening heart, arms that hold you close when you want to be held or wiping the chocolate drip from the corner of your mouth after a hilling biathlon. How did I ever blow that one.... much to my regret?

I'll be more appreciative next time.... I'll be more conscious

You know I was just thinking this morning as I was running....I didn't ask to be gay. I didn't have a choice..and yet I have only spent just the past few years being true to my sexuality..hmm. Just doesn't seem right somehow.

It's hard enough finding each other.. and yet we are so worried about being cheated or getting hurt? Hey, I'm thinking...life can be pretty short.

Just think about it?

I shouldn't be talking.... I should be making the first move....shouldn't I?

It's only pain - rejection.....it's only heart ache.......nothing new......no pain ..... no gain............