Taking a break!

I'm taking a break from cleaning my carpet.......pet accident. Good thing I bought the Bissel cleaner of few years ago! Such a beautiful day too....good bicycle riding day. Hmm. Oh well, I have yoga class at 1:00 PM anyway..

Yes, taking a break from cleaning the carpet, drinking my soy protein drink and taking my handful of vitamins I take twice a day. As I read the Daily OM horoscope...the subject: Comparing our selves to others, thoughts of my childhood come creeping into the forefront.

Funny! One of my earliest memories was of my mother scoldingly saying (she was not a hugging warm woman!). "What will other people think?" I heard it often! She was very worried about appearances. It taught me to believe that everyone else on this planet was much more important then myself. I had no sense of self. So, most days I spent hours trying to guess what other people would think or would want..never about me or what I would want. I was hollow and lonely; because it's impossible to try to please everyone all the time, or know what they were thinking...my mother was the worse one to please. I have since, finally, separated from all of "them" (too bad I waited so long to do it!). I no longer care what "they" think. I know now that I am important and successful..I've proved it many times over...so there Arlene! Hope you are happy! I would wonder what you are thinking of me now..but I don't really care! I know you can't stand the fact that I am happy...in your mind I must be mentally ill to not speak to you - the queen!

She would set-me-up. For some reason she thought she had to be controlling and manipulative, tricking me into doing things for her...after a while I lost trust. I always felt she had an alterior motive for any kindness I would receive...the outcome some how would be to serve her, and only her. It's been a year now since I've seen or spoke to any of them. It's not hard, I was never close to my siblings either. I've never been happier or felt more free!

Namaste! Life is good... back to carpet cleaning now.