I have to think cute in order to be cute and youthful; besides taking every pretaining supplement on the planet. I've looked at reflections in shop windows and dressing room mirrors so I know for a fact I'm cute. I'm damn grateful too! So what if I forgot to wear my glasses...my eye sight isn't that bad and I'm wishing it better. You know you can do that?
We can change our DNA you know...just read Margaret Ruby's "The DNA of Healing." I wait in great anticipation for my copy. Because I believe we have much more power than we think. I believe we have as much power as we allow ourselves to believe. But, I also believe we have to help ourselves along.
Excuse me while I swallow a hand full of supplements with my protein drink. Exercise! Exercise is key - and work at it don't just whine! You will soon stop feeling inadequate and sorrowful.
When I become sad I get out and run about thirteen miles or ride one hundred miles and it works. No, it doesn't have to be that much before it kicks in. It's an endorphin high! So go for it!
I think of her everyday and I suppose I always will. I told her I would love her unconditionally forever and I will. Because the hard truth hurts me bad; I know I'll never see her again. But, my spirit speaks to her spirit. She must! You can't love a person this much without that happening. Maybe by next year this time my feelings will fade? But, they won't and I don't want them to... I want to be here for her.. just in case.
Anyway, life goes on. I took a walk to whole foods, but stopped at the book store first. Believe me when I tell you that I read Ted Kennedy's book while standing there because there is not that much to it and there is nothing in there you don't already know. And even if he would have offered solutions, they'll never get passed and we all know that. I can't remember the title but I can remember the content. He recaped statics. There were past minimum wage charts..now this is pitiful. He spoke of inequalities of minorities including gays and women. And yes, it's all true and still goes on. He spoke of an idea universal health plan; well, so did Hilliary, but with no great details or just how he was going to get it past the house and senate and the doopy president! Even when Bill was president, it all got pushed to the back burner. I firmly believe both parties are in favor of big corporations and not for the common depleting middle class. Well, not until it is too late!! Things will ride out that is until the government is forced to make changes; but in the mean time people will lose good jobs to out-sourcing and off-shoring. Even people thriving to hang on to the middle class status will have to work too jobs. Yes the Democrates make promises, but they can't deliver....they are not organized. And Kerry to me looked plan foolish.. show some gut, show some nerve for god sakes. They are all wimps. Now Rosie O'Donnell get up there and speaks her mind..this is what we need; but people are so afraid of stepping on fund raisers contributions that they fold. You can't tell me Kerry was not for big business; not while married to Mrs. Ketsup? Come on!
Question? Who is buying all these big beautiful homes? I know people with what used-to-be middle class jobs, such as teaching, who can't afford a decent home in a decent neighborhood; or a condo. It's ridiculous!
There are stacks of new listings everyday because people are fooled into thinking they can afford to buy a nice home. And after the bank and title companies get their fees, the loan defaults and the same home goes back out onto the market. So, that is what keeps the economy going. And when the market gets to saturated with homes to sell; the federal reserve merely rises the interest rates to slow things down for a bit.
The government relies too on propaganda techniques such as the media and commericals. Sex sells pills! Sex sells cosmetic surgeries! A certain image sells and makes big business profits soar.
But most people only live for the day, I guess? I just want to know why they need that big ass SUV. I hate those things! Have you ever tried to see around one when backing out of a parking space! Just how little is your dick and your self image? I personally do not have a sexual malfunction or image problem so therefore I prefer small economical vehicles to drive and ones that are better for the environment. Actually, I prefer walking or riding my bicycle.
Also, while at the book store I paged through and read some of Jane Fonda's book. She is sensative and I like her. She lives in Georgia and tries to help educate and teach young girls in order to prevent teen pregnancies. Most of the young girls who become pregnant as a teen have suffered some form of child abuse. One of four have been abused as a child. Jane Fonda spoke of visiting a working center for pregnant girls and one in particular a girl was beginning labor pains while she was there. Her eyes were sad. Jane said I wished I would have kissed her. I wished I would have hugged her and hugged her for twenty years. Most young girls only have arms around them during sex. No one ever loves them and tell them they are wonderful, adorable, precious beings.
This made me want to cry for I have seen sad eyes like that. Eyes can tell me a lot. Maybe a whole history. I was not surprised at anything that was told to me when we were together. I just wish I could be in your life and love you. You deserve to be loved. It's not a pity love; it's just a heart felt love that is so consuming at times I can hardly get your image out of my mind..only while sleeping. I know you have a tender gentle heart. So, I can only pray you are happy and feel loved. You know where to come if you want to be loved. You don't have to wait to be invited..you have an open invitation. What ever you do, try not be mad at me and repel. Also, you remind me of myself; well a little. Whenever someone cared about me I ran.. I mean I ran. I just couldn't handle it and I really couldn't explain why I couldn't handle it. All I knew is that I wanted to be free...but way way down deep that love, knowing they cared, was good.
It's raining and dark and Emma lays by the open patio door watching the birds. I sip my coffee and eat my treat (oh, I bought her treats too) a chocolate chip scone. I dip it in my coffee. I love this weather.
I love life. I think that I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.. right now, right this minute. You see, I'm free!
Namaste!
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