I don't get it!

Funny! I miss caring about someone (anyone) and being cared about...maybe that is more of what I need. I just might be getting to the stage in my life where I can accept love...if it hits me just right . For some odd reason, I thought being a lesbian would be easy. With guys you knew where you stood. It's harder with women I think. If you are not a little aggressive, you get nothing. If you are aggressive, you get nothing. I don't get it!

My long term X and I were always good friends. It took me years to realize I missed something I never had in my life and even today I am searching for it still - sweet affection! I want to be loved and made love to. I guess everybody does. I don't get it!

Maybe it doesn't exist for me in this life time. I don't know; apparently not. I don't get it!

I was out with a group of friends this evening. There was a lesbian couple included in the group...they were sweet together.. They were in love and it was nice to see; but it made my heart ache. I have never known sweet affectionate love. I don't get it! Never did! We slept in separate rooms, we just didn't connect.

Don't know...maybe I need to learn to love another better myself...they say we get back what we put out there. But, I need a target... a love interest anyway. I have a "friend" I spend time with...she wants to go on vacation. I don't. I don't want to go on a vacation with a friend. I want to go on a vacation with a lover and that is what I need now. I want to be in-love. I like her (my friend), and I'm sorry; but, I need something else right now (she doesn't)...so. I don't get it!

I'm not complaining....I'm a little confused... and I just don't get it!

I expect more.... I expect to get what I need and to give what I need to give. I'm a loving affectionate person; but it seems people don't want love or they can't handle love and that is so amazing to me
I wish I had sweet love to receive and give back...

I guess I have a lot to learn. I'm thankful for what I had last summer. Guess I
will go to bed and dream about that.

My pen pal is fading away too..she gave me hope. I wish she would continue to write. I hope she continues to write.

I'll probably feel better in the morning after a good night's sleep.

I have never been so out of control of my life...it's probably because I want something

Oh well, I can't keep my eyes open...tomorrow is another day.

I"ll "Ask my Guides" Connecting to your Divine Support System by Sonia Choquiette....that should shed some light on the situation.