Happy New Year's Day

I am having a very quiet day because I feel like hell! I don't think it was the four or five margaritas I had. I think it was the fact that I ate many chocolate espresso beans earlier in the afternoon. Anyway, I prefer to blame it on the beans. I wasn't sleeping when I got home and up until two and then woke up again at 5:50 AM. But, later went back to sleep.

I had a great New Year's Eve. I spoke to my close friends who couldn't make it to the bar. The ones I went to the ball with and I had a good time. In years past they never went to the bar. I wonder did I have any influence in their decision. I know L keeps them posted on my escapades there.

Most of my friends nearer to my age are more butch in dress. M said she went to a male drag show one evening and the woman dressed in male drag was dressed like her. I thought it amusing; but she didn't.

I dress more feminine like my younger lesbian friends. The younger woman who are more feminine and feel they can be themselves and not in drag do dress more feminine and I love it. Because I love feminine lesbians. So much, I wish I could date one. Oh where are you.

Which reminds me. I smiled at a lesbian feminine the other day and I got notice that she got my email but so far I haven't heard from her. She's 57; I'm 59! So what's the deal ? Why can't she just email me back no I'm not interested? Why is it so tough with these women? What does she have to do get all her lesbian friends together and have a meeting and discuss the issue. My picture is out there...just respond for Christ sake!

Why is meeting someone so hard. Why is asking someone to dance so difficult? And I'm attractive? I guess I have to change my technique and just charge at them and get them to make up their minds. Jesus! You'd think I was asking for a loan! It's a dance! And I'm attractive for Pete's sake.

Okay, so I am a little testy about all of this. It's like pulling teeth!

So, I'm taking it easy today.. Friday is another evening I guess I'll be up there flirting. I just threw a box of Panda black licorice out of my reach before I eat the whole damn thing and can't get into my jeans.

I am begging the universe to send me a love. My friend S last night told me to go after the girl that I asked to dance. I did like her although she said you ask her again later. So we didn't dance. See looked me over but then I moved on later when I saw her. Hey, two can play these stupid silly games. I guess her and her friends had to stand and discuss me for a while. Hey, take a look at this body, and my hair and this cute face. She wasn't any better looking than me! I'm tired of making excuses for them!

I'm one confused mess about my afternoon meeting situation. I care about her but I feel we are not really compatible. I don't want to hurt her. I just wish I could meet someone who would be everything for me. Not a love situation here and no sex and then a sex situation with no love. Why does life have to be so confusing. Am I missing something here?

Well, other than that my life is fine! Thank you universe for my good health, my youthfulness, my attractiveness, my wit, charm and wisdom. Please protect me and all my loves.

I miss my dog but I am sure enjoying a hairless environment. And it's weird not have to go out every four hours to walk the dog in the cold, the rain, the wind etc., And I can sleep a little later before having to get up to get going to an appointment or a run. I do miss her! She was good company and I never really felt lonely when she was around.

But, since my dog has died and I do have extra hours in the day, I plan to write my memoirs. It is much easier to work without own warranted interruptions. Also, I want to concentrate more on my sketching abilities.

Life is good! I wish I could read other peoples minds like this one guy on "Heroes", just how convenient would that be?

I was getting a kick out of my neighbor, L, today. Man, was she happy and in a good mood. I think she really enjoyed the bar and the New Year's Eve party she went too last night! It's good to see her happy. I'm glad we are still friends and that we suppose one an other's freedom for new romance. Why not - we only go around once (well, not really, but in this lifetime - yes!)