Getting together with my friends..

I'll see my afternoon friend today. I walked with L yesterday. And I can't wait to see my dear sweet friends tomorrow evening. It seems that it's been forever since I've seen them. I just want to wrap my arms around her and hold her close to my heart and kiss her head. I can't wait to see them tomorrow.

How can someone just be so special to me. We just clicked I guess. She brightens my day and fills my heart.

So, since I got up at 3:30 AM this morning to take a pair of friends to the airport I think I'll go back to sleep. It's 7:00 AM and dawn is breaking. It will rain today and I say good for being cozy in bed.

Yes, my friend dates a woman from the Philippines and she was here visiting for about a week and now they are both headed to San Francisco to do a horticulture retreat with a witch in the California hills on a monk farm - or something. They off to the Philippines from there and my friend will stay there with her girlfriend for three months.

Needless to say, my car was piled with luggage this morning and happy faces. Now, I would like to go to San Francisco...and the Arizona desert...but I'll save the Philippines for another life time maybe.

There are times I think I would like to travel..but not necessary right now. My brain is in a necessary state of "let's save money" mode. It has to be, for I'm living on the edge. Money's tight.

My friend's Filipino girlfriend is very nice and kinda quiet. A few years younger than my friend. I think she would be fun. My friend, however, is a bit neurotic and uptight a lot. There is a distinct difference in her demeanor when she is not happy or things are not going well.

I guess that hold true with everyone..some just handle it better than others. This one can turn rather pathetic and hopeless in a second. She reminds me of my mother...god forbid! Yes, a little manipulative, self-centered and the world is happy only if I'm happy.

This is how I am: I don't usually complain. I have to not think about my past, especially my young life. I have to NOT think about all the wonderful young women I could have made love to because it makes my aching heart cry out. I have to not think about the good doctor from time to time..because that makes my heart cry out in need of her. I have definitely have to NOT think too hard about my very young friend and be very sad about the 33 years that separate us physically. We are so alike. But, would I adore her if we were very close in age. Yes! I think that I would have. It breaks my heart!

So, I'm loving one deeply with a very special love and having sex with another. Well, I care about the other but I'm in love with her. No, I have to fall in love with an unobtainable. Is that what makes me want her so? The unavailability? Or are we such so much alike?

No, I have to think. Hey, it's just the way life is; we can't help who we fall in love with. I only hope that soon I can fall very much in love with someone obtainable. I mean someone who is available to love me too, in return. Someone who truly moves me passionately too. Someone whom I desire more than words can express and I can only hope she feels the same about me. She will be a lot like me in appearance and style and attitude. She definitely will love my friends too and enjoy being around them. I don't want to get into a relationship then "disappear". Too much along time with another solely cannot be good.

It's time for my nap; I hope I can sleep a few hours before m gets here.