getting scared!

I don't like obama but I feel the bandwagon is on a downward flash flying train. I wish more people could get behind Hillary. But as is my love life she is on a down hill spiral. Both are say but were predicted. I agree, get rid of the old man!

I just looked in the mirror you know a casual glance in passing. And I'm very cute. So, I think this thing between M and myself will natiurally resolve itself.

Again I am listening to CNN and Obama and I don't like him. Now I'm listening to Hillary and I like her. But I'm sure she is in trouble. I think she does well relating to people . Never the less I fear for her success. I fear for my suggest too. I want a woman to dazzle me and blow me away. I mean with sex, kindness, warmth, love, fun, just plain magic. Where are you?

I'm making this entry typing with my iPhone. I think that I am getting better typing with my thumbs.

I would love to see Hillary get elected but as with gaining the vote I fear black men will gain it first. She'll take the back seat to Obama. It's nature! It's natural..man before woman. I think Hillary could srand up against McCain much easier. She could ruffle his feathers and get him pissed and he'll blow it himself. He does have a temper so we have heard!

McCain admits he is not economically inclined. McCain wants to lower taxes on business. What else is new? We don't need another G. W. Oh please!

I am beginning to feel emotionally better. I must only see M occasional afternoons during the week. I think what disturbs me most is his (her husband's) crazy thinking. I guess that I can be incorporated somehow into the mess of them. Really, he said her last girlfriend should have had a room there. M stayed next door in a house with her. Very strange! Weird! Scary! She slipped in pictures last night. This is too much!

I have no one to blame but myself. I walked into this with my eyes wide open. She said right up front she would never leave him. I'm such a fool! I don't want her to leave him. I don't want her that bad. It just kind of hurts once in a while not to be in a fun, loving, sexy, hanging together for fun, relationship. Never had it when I was young. My ex and I never fussed over each other.

I am probably better off alone and living in the moment and not thinking about this stuff. I have always desired straight women. M is butch on the streets. Rugged! The security guard making light conversation at the airport thought I was traveling with my mother! She heard the remark and was not happy! But he wasn't the first to think that! I am happy to hear some say it's because I look so much younger! We are both the same age! It's the blonde hair I have. I am fortunate enough to have the right complexion! I am just fotunate - period! I remember when we first got together...she asked my age again. While lying there I felt her fingers on my head parting my hair, I knew she was looking for gray. She only my hairdresser nows for sure. God, I hope they never stop making Miss Clairol! My colors I mix together have a very natural result! You gotta love it! And my hair is shinny, silky and healthy even with swimming almost every other day. Too professional shampoo and conditioners.

Tomorrow will be sunning so I'll run in the morning. Monday I'll swim and workout and do Yoga. My spirits are lifting already. It was next pretending to be half of a couple for awhile anyway! But, I'm okay. I knew I would be. I'm my best friend and then there is my ex. I can't imagine my life without her in it somehow. I like her partner too. I'm the misfit of the bunch. But I know the universe has plans for me - again. Another mission. I want it to be magical, with lots of wonderful sex, fun, love, giggles, warmth and melting together. Only for the greater good of each other. The baggage or very little baggage.

I want someone as sweet, warm and wonderfull as the good doctor. How she touched my heart! I saw her recently on TV. It's her heart. I can see her heart in her eyes. So warm! I can't have her! So, I want someone just like her. An available, fem, very attractive lesbian will do. I want her close to my age. Hey, you can be hot at any age! Oh please? Someone, patient, kind, and our hearts connect. May she comes to me - that's never happened before. Usually I do the pursuing. Universe thanks in advance! Fix my mind, heart, brain, senses, release my fears, then send her on my way. Soon! Make her casual enough..easy to be with. Have her tell me that she thinks I'm cute.