Talk about mid life crisis?

I know I had a mid life crisis but I'm a no body! What did I do. ditch my family; left a fifteen year relationship, sold my condo and moved to another state and didn't bother to tell the family where. I had had enough! My catalyst - free time. I fell in love with a very unobtainable loving, warm, lovely woman - a doctor.

Hurting. I was hurting real bad. I had this void in my heart. I dated a young woman that summer of 05. She helped - a lot. After that - I enjoyed my new home in a wonderfully centralized location close to all my friend and my ex.

In the fall of 06, I hooked up with a married, my age, afternoon delight relationship and she and I are very mismatched. So much that I still need to dream of the good doctor. I've given up on any kind of a compatible relationship. I don't think it's written out for me. The one I see is too butch, not fem, mistaken for my mother, too little and thin, she doesn't do it for me anymore. So, I don't know how much longer they will last. Before I become too frustrated.

I don't really mind that she's married (oh there in their 60's - she's been doing this for years. I'm lucky if I am the only one - she's hot to trot :).

I need the touch of a woman. Oh, fem and desirable and warm and lovely like the good doctor would be wonderful. Some how the universe doesn't agree with me.

The way I see it. Edy owes me. That's the spirit that summoned me to get to know M so I could take M to Ezekiel and Edy and her ex (both in the afterlife since G in 2002 and E in 2003). See I think E had this in the works since 2003 right after she passed. She was an artist. I believe she nudges me with talent but what about love, sweet feminine love. I think that I've helped M enough...what about me? When do I get my needs fulfilled? I've only waited all my frigging life! I grew up with ass holes, as a young adult I had to live the straight life and pretend and love woman in secret. M never - she's always had women - that is not fair. And then she gets loaded one night and tells me all about her escapades which I truly did not care to hear. And then I was in a pretty sexless long term relationship. Through no fault of hers. I will never put any blame of any kind of my ex.

Ezekiel said. "the time we needed to spend together had come to an end." We each had different paths to take. Personally, I think my ex panned out better than I. She has been in a relationship for close to three years now. Pretty much right after we split. So I am happy for her. They are very well suited for each other. She is very happy.

I miss the good doctor. I guess it's me. Love has always been out of reach - so in that respect I guess I don't see it any other way. I do need my space and time. I'm used to being alone..although at times my heart aches. There is safety in that though. It's why I need the touch of a woman. I need the physical contact. To be held - kissed on the head.

We'll see what happens. It's up to the universe and my special spirit guides - they know who they are. I trust they have my heart in their minds and hands and will do me good. I've a little too much love to not love. I'm loving and I'm giving and I'm scared as hell. I would love someone (I know I can't have her) like the good doctor in my life. Someone with spunk and life. Someone fun! Exciting - daring.
Who steals my heart away - makes my heart skip - takes my breath away - so where I can't think straight. Someone who loses me in her eyes.

I think that is the way life should be. A while back, I had a little crush on someone way to young for me. I asked her a question she looked up, cap bill, framing her green eyes that the sun light caught them just right. I was lost in them. I couldn't tell you a thing she told me if my life depended on it. I was giggly when I walked away muttering something or other. She remains my friend..she and her slightly older girlfriend. They are great people!

Sometimes I envy them. Sometimes I wouldn't want to be them - not at all. I always lose myself in a relationship. It's partially why afternoon delights agreed with me. I am free to do my own thing. I was doing pretty fine until I began incorporating her into my social circle. That won't happen with the next one.

Afternoon delights should be just that - she and I - alone in the afternoon. You have your life and I have been. We come together for each other.

But what can I say. I think Mr Spitzer's wife is attractive. She reminds me slightly of the Bionic Woman, Linsley Wagner. She looks sweet, lovely and loving. Talk about mid-life crisis Ashley is 22, 5'5" and 105 pds. Most of the weight must be in her boobs. Client #9 must be out of his head - or weird! Maybe he wanted weird stuff? A homeless, street girl - woman from all walks of life. $5,500. per night. Your buying privacy! They say he might have spent $80,000. in about ten years or less. Say good bye! I think Silva (msp) should divorce the big eared lien looking big shot. I'm sure she'll have her three daughters in mind - up front; but she should do what "she" needs to do to get her heart healed. Apparently he as an ass hole prosecuting attorney. One guy says he is getting his just rewards.

They say the floor at Wall Street cheered when they heard the news that Spitzer got caught. Personally, I don't call a run away street girl - a high class prosecute. And I call him an idiot food who could have been taking disease home to his wife. Man! Some of these guys just don't think - or they only think with their dicks. That's get 'em every time! I think that is what Samson and Delilah was all about. Remember the power was in his hair? Hm?

Anyway. Time to go. It's late. I rode my bike today. Not very far after running 13 miles yesterday. Think I'll swim and work out before heading to the group to draw a 6'6" man - last week I told them I'll bring my big paper then...they laughed.

I like it when I can get them to laugh. One woman complained. "The model is sure favoring that side of the room". I said. "Sure reminds me of someone - oh, she's pulling a Hillary." They laughed again.

Her saying that reminded me of the debate where Hillary asked Brian Williams why she got asked all the questions first (unspoken - to provide answers for Obama). And I saw it myself. It was clear to me. Obama repeated everything she said. Then at times even had the audacity to respond. "Hillary has it right.." Oh please. She provided all the answers for him. He's a nothing. He's fold under McCain..easily. Now Hillary would be a totally different story. she'll crush McCain. Hey, the Republicans have already wrung Hillary through the wringer, they've got nothing on her. I say - go with Hillary!