I'm sick of this..

I'm so sick of this. One dumb deal after the other. And some people just fall into a pile of shit all the time with good and final relationships.

Good thing I like myself. Oh sure she loves me. She loves sex. She's married. Probably has sex with him too. Has the audacity to sit there and tell me about past relationships, sometimes two at a time. Bragging - is more like it. Either she is naive, arrogant or ignorant. I'm done. I know my friends thought I was a self-destructive fool. My ex has a way of putting it to me straight. She reminded me her partner said way back when "you don't know what the husband is doing either?" Maybe he has over active libido too! She certainly does. She's a top. I guess if you are lesbian you know what that needs. She's butch. I'm tired!

I can get into myself very easily. But, I need to concerntrate on not thinking about love, sex or relationship. Okay, I had a mid life crisis - some like to call it. A wake up call? Some people get sick, I fell in love with a doctor... out of reach. I guess people think that I'm a fool.

Yeah, but I'm a free fool. Guess I better get std, HIV, HPV the next time I see my doctor (it's a different one - not the one from above paragraph.

Oh, well, another bites the dust. I just ended it. I think totally. I can't think totally or finally, or I will go sexually crazy. I need intimacy and sex.

I wish the world wasn't so ignorant about maintaining the current social standards (in other words, condemning homosexuality). There is nothing wrong with being gay. Frankly I think about 35 or 45 percent of married people are gay....they're just living the straight life for church, family, friends, and society.

Just as I over look gay jokes at my art gathering with older people. Maybe next time. I'll just admit it - I'm gay. Think they'll stop speaking to me. Now, I'm a mystery - they just don't now what to think because I never talk about a husband or my kids as they do. Hey, I'm not "normal" through no fault of my own. It's the society, especially the church, that has a sick attitude where homosexuality is concerned. Still ostracizing, still segregating, still being basis and prejudice. Hey, so much for the "cherible, live thy neighbor, church. I hate the church, any church. I hate all of them. Bunch of hypocrites.