my day...

Yeah, wish I was that special person that was there for you!

I have decided to create my day and I am creating one of no love feelings. I don't care...I only care about me...from now on... I need no one.. and this yearning, pining feeling in my heart and gut will cease to exist.

Yesterday was an extremely giving day for me. I love my ex and I understand her but she drains me (just like my mother always did). She did help me and for that I am grateful..but she makes me feel guilty in the process and I buy her things...just drill bits. She loves to drill. She had a blast making the back of my cabinet look like swiss cheese. And then we had to cut out a section for the cable box would fit and I could close the doors. So, she had to run home and get a saw. Normally, she would have complained about having to go "all the way home" but in this case she was out the door gone and back in a flash, eager to get it and put it to use.

Anyway, I'm depressed today and it's not the rain. Who knows, maybe because I didn't get to exercise yesterday. Well, I walked a little with Liz. Then we had breakfast. I gave her advice; like take care of yourself and dump that load you have at home that is making you unhappy. Do you think that was a little too harsh. My ex agreedthey should live apart. One thing about her and I we could always have good discussions and we usually agreed on such matters. Maybe that is why we could split up and still be okay as friends. I hope so. She is happy now; so it's okay.

My horoscope says that I have lots of surprises coming my way soon that I may not be ready for them. It also said that I was going to spend money; well, I will be spending money in the next three months to pay for the HDTV 32" flat screen and just bought. I love it! And the HDTV card has not been turned on yet. (damn cable company, always finds something to charge you for. However, I did get them to knock about fifty bucks off my monthly bill).

I wonder what surprising things are coming my way? I know I want love in my life. I wish I didn't feel at all at times; but, I'm not made that way. Damn! If only I concentrated on a getting more sex and concentrated so much on matters of the heart too. In other words only worry about getting my needs met...you know selfish.

I think a new love is coming soon, I can feel it. Once again like last summer, I want to be head over heels and adore her. I think out-of-my-head love is fabulous and magical and it makes sex just wonderfully blessed. Last summer was pure magic! I wish I still had her to love. I loved being loving to her! She was precious to me. I think about every day.

Some days I feel lost. I'm so glad I had the time to spend with K today and I hope being around my friends is okay with her Thursday evening at the film festival. She and I are good friends and I hope it stays that way.

Guess I'll play my guitar now. I want to play every day so my fingers stay calloused. Oh, and so I get better.

I love my life, really. Actually, being alone might be best for me now. I love myself..guess that's enough. For the first time in my life I think I'm cute! It must be all the increased endorphines from exercising so much.

Hey universe and spirit guides, please help me. I'm in kinda of a bad place now. So, please guide me to do and say the things that are best for me and the people I care about and the ones I haven't met yet and will care about. Namaste!