Thinking about loves...

At the end of the yoga session we lie down and meditate my mind always wanders to D and T. Oh, I think about D everyday; she has a permanent imprint on my heart. I told her I would always love her - unconditionally. I hope somehow my spirit guides and hers get together and she has wonderful blessed happy hearted days. Because if it was up to me..she would and in her heart she would feel my love.

I pray the same for T also. The woman saved my life! I was thinking about that day too while I was lying there today.

I had fallen hard the moment I met her. There was just this warm sweetness about her heart. I so needed to feel it around me...I think now, looking back.

I thought of nothing but her for months, five or more. Finally, I saw her; asked for advice. "You see" I said. " I am slipping out of my relationship, I'm in love with another." She asked. "Are you seeing her?" I answered sadly. "No" I asked for a therapist's name. At the end, she sensed my broken heart and instead of taking my hand, she decided to put her arms around me. I never thought she would put her arms around me...I wasn't prepared. I thought oh no! She wasn't aware that she was the object of my affections. I thougt I would die. I haven't wanted the time to be over...and when she asked is there anything else...I found myself asking for a therapist's name.

I thought I died; her heart so close to mine, I wanted to crawl inside where it was safe and warm and loving and stay there forever. She would have hugged me for as long as I needed...she saved my life that day, you know. I felt a lifetime of love from her heart to mine. It was magical and healing.

Suddenly, as if my spirit guide was there; I think I saw him, there was a dark figure right over my left shoulder. Then for a second my mother came into view her eyes were telling me...no one else but me...I stubbornly pushed her aside. It was the final push. From that day forward, I could not stand in be in my mother's presence....I haven't seen her now for about a year. I do not miss her at all. Then in a nanosecon, my spirit guide said it was okay to let T know how I felt. My arms were still around her, hers around me. My eyes still closed, I turned my face slightly and I kissed her cheek... and whispered it's you. I felt a slight shift in her body; her hair on my cheek. Thinking back I can't believe I did that; but it only goes to prove how injured I was; how broken.

She changed my life that day. She held my face to look in my eyes, and when they met, only for a second, then I had to look down. I was a mess. She sighed for she truly knew then how I felt; what was going on. God I loved her.

I cry when I think about her...her love. No one has even been that tender... and it touches my heart so...

Holding my head, then lightly kissing my cheek.. she whispered.. "I can't do this". She turned and sat down holding her arms around her chest..."oh, it's hurts my heart". She said.

God, I thought my painful heart would bleed out on the floor I couldn't go to her...it was done. "I softly said. " I'll see Sharon. I'll get it fixed".

Sharon, her therapist friend she recommended, when I asked...the good doctor to suggest a therapist...after she asked ...before he held me.."is there anything else"

She was my partner's surgeon...I fell in love with a doctor.

I'll never forget her as long as I live and I will always love her....always.

Things changed quickely after that day. My partner moved out a month later. Six months after that I stopped speaking to my family and moved to another state.

I'm happy now surrounding by many friends, my ex one of them. I think about the doctor and pray for her everyday....I pray for that one who saved my life and touched my heart like no other.