Too Many Choices

But, not any of the ones I really need....intimacy!

So, I run! I should have gotten up earlier the day is beautiful and I'm missing it. There are so many things I want to do today. I guess I really want to run with the half-marathan fast approaching on the 19th. I'll be running next three days.

I could do yoga. I swam for forty minutes yesterday, so that is ruled out. I love the way swimming makes my under upper arms feel....oh so tight! Love it!

I have to check on Emma and I need to take my bicycle to REI to get it tuned up. It's close by and I hate to wast my time driving all over. Oh, I want to get ear plugs too at Sports Authority. Over night my ear went back to normal, finally the pressure from the water inside gone.

I can't be inside on a beautiful day. I just ate ... oh well! I am going to drive to the park and run. It's 10:15. Then after the run when I am all calmed down I'd do my other errands.

Going out with K, T and J this evening to eat and a little dancing.

This morning I was thinking about love and intimacy....it's that time of the year you know.

Oh, god, I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed I was at my old condo, it was bare, I guess I just went back to check on something..don't know why I was there. Yes, it was a last minute walk about or something. Anyway, the wall phone rang. It was there instead of a light switch, on the wall. It was white. I flipped it and it rang. Before I realized I had it up to my ear. It was my sister giving me orders regarding my mother. Do this! Do this! Then do this! I heard myself agreeing and saying yes and then immediately getting horribly depressed and physically ill. I made myself wake up. I would rather be dead.

The good docter did save my life that day...I was near the end. She sensed it and held me close to her...her heart close to my to heal...and she saved me!

Then came my summer love..she saved me too. She brought me life and hope and the knowledge I could separate and live without the negativity in my life. She gave me hope; she gave me love.

I think of them both often..I will love them forever.

They say there is a reason we meet the people we meet.

Now, I only long for one thing...the touch of a woman. I want a relationship, but my own space and time to do the things I nearly love.

Okay, my mind is calming down now. It's time for that run.

I was daydreaming this morning in bed. I love you! I thought about you.....looking up as I rounded a curve seeing you there with the others, cheering. I blew you a kiss and I flew the rest of the way to the finish line....