If you truly want it.. it's meant to be!

Horoscope for today: "February 7, 2007Not Always Easy Meant To Be
Some of our goals and dreams come to fruition so easily that it is as if an unseen hand has done much of the work for us. When this happens, we say it must have been meant to be. On the other hand, when dreams and goals require a tremendous amount of effort, we may interpret this to mean that our dream is not meant to be. However, difficulty is not necessarily a sign that our hopes and plans are ill-fated. On the contrary, difficulties and challenges along the path can be important parts of the project's overall meaning. When everything goes smoothly, we feel blessed by the universe, as if a fleet of angels is guiding and supporting our every move. When things are rough or ambiguous, we sometimes feel that we have been abandoned. And yet, the truth is that we are blessed in both cases. Our angels and guides are always present. They may choose at times to back off and let us figure something out for ourselves, and this is when things seem difficult. But when things are difficult, we learn and grow in specific ways. "

I have been trying to figure this out all of my adult life! And even as a kid I guess. Something was never right.

Some things do come easier than others and last about as long as I want them too. I just didn't mean to hurt anyone along the way.

I guess a relationship is just not right for me at this time. Another affair? I would love it! I want to be in love.

I am trying to learn along the way. I know she is on her way. I can feel it! If she is right for me, and I for her, it will be perfect. I ask the universe to send what is right for me.

And I got her for now.. but, do I want more?

Oh, I forgot about something! Timing! What I want takes another person and another plan and the timing has to come together. In the mean time she is on my mind constantly. 24/7 I believe is the way I put it a couple years ago!

Anyway, maybe this is the best way for me at this time. I'm not to question? Or am I? I was searching for something when I left the long term relationship.

I probably did her a favor. She is extremely busy and happy. Her girlfriend will be moving in with her soon. She is moving by mail it appears. Sending boxes one by one. It's funny! Well, my ex was out of town and I was bringing in her mail and just happened to notice. She said there would be boxes coming!

Anyway, I am pondering my future and trying to get it clear within my mind. I know who I want.. I just think it is impossible. So, I pray for someone just like her. She was god to me.. so universe! Do you think you can come up with another wonderful woman just like her? The timing was wrong on that one..way wrong. Life is so unreal, isn't it?

Couldn't I have fallen in love with someone who was gay and available? Just what is it with me? I know it was her tenderness... but couldn't you have sent an available person? I loved (love) everything about her. Her eyes, so deep, so dark; and her tenderness, caring, softness, gentle touch, the way she leaned against the wall, with hands behind her and one foot resting on the other. The way her arms felt around me. Her hands on my face, her kiss on my cheek! Heavenly! Is this supposed to last me a life time? I guess?

I need more. I want her with me. Oh well! I'm been kicked in the gut before.. it's why I am as strong as I am. Is this my artistic side of my life. Am I going to be good? Make money? Be happy. Well she love me?

And yes, I want the package of her to be lovely, blond and feminine. Soft and tender. Sexual! I have years to make up! I want to love her and be here for her.

Okay, I'm making a plan.. and sticking to it. I feel her in my heart; I want her in my arms. She is on her way. If I can't have the real thing I want someone gay just like her... just like her... just like her. I miss her.

I'm so messed up.