Got a Gut Ache..

Since June 2005 I now have 888 entries in this blog. I've been busy!

Finally, I got my butt out to the gym today to swim anyway. I had three days off and see what happens..I get out of the groove to exercise very easily. I wanted to run but it was about 20f degrees and windy and I just couldn't get it up.

So, I swam and did yoga at home and then again with an instructor this evening.

I'm trying to live in the moment and it is getting easier and easier. Right now my water has been turned off due to a broken main outside. They're busting around here all the time; well, I guess because of the freezing and thawing. Well, I walked right past the spraying, spewing water flow freezing on the street and didn't think to fill a couple of buckets before they turned the water off.

I've just watched last Sunday's L-Word again. It's great! Cybil Shepard is a hoot! And Alice is a prize! Good writing this season! I'll be sorry to see Cybil (Phyllis) go. I don't expect that she will be in too manning episodes.

Well, I think my stomach is getting better...too many vitamins taken at one time I think.

I have my afternoon delight coming tomorrow. I wish I could blend two people into one. But, like I said - I'm living in the moment! I wonder if I would still love the love I love if things were different. If miracles happened and dreams came true? Something isn't right with any of this. Having sex once a week with someone and that's it. But, truly I don't want it to be any more than that. She doesn't either. We didn't talk about it but I think we both set the rules in the beginning when we were talking in general terms. She may want more but I can't give her more of my time..she's married. Well, we'll see?

I just need to meet someone special. I need the whole package in one person. I want her to be Teresa or like her. I guess like her - very much like her. She is an angel come to save me. She saved my life that day. I want more of her...more so much more. I want her arms around me all the time. If I can't have her then I want someone just like her. I want to be in love; madly in love. I'm due! It's time! I need to get this going before someone gets really hurt because they have become attached. Maybe, she just can't have it all. But, I don't want her to leave him. I want it just as it is...until another angel comes along to save me.

I believe in miracles and I just got a sign. I'm watching life changing miracles on the Oprah show. Guys pulled a woman out through the front window of a submerged late model Jeep. She survived. But, when they pulled the Jeep out of the water all of the windows were up and sealed shut.

I know she will come to me... I know it. And this time it will be easy and natural. She will meet me half way, if not seventy-five percent of the way. She will want me but she won't be pushing or bossy. She will be my angel. A little taller, just about blond shoulder length. She will look like the doctor and be just like her. Her words spoke spoken; her eyes - I'll be able to feel her eyes on me just like I did with the good doctor - two years ago now..more. I miss her! She is in my heart. I hope she and the people in her life; her family are wonderful. If thoughts are prayers then she is truly blessed and wonderfully successful. I will always love her and feel her arms around me; see her eyes, feel her hands on my face. "Oh, that hurts my heart!" She said. "I'll get it fixed" and "I'll see Sharon"

It's late, my stomach is bothering me again; but, my water is back on.