Can't believe I ran today...

but some days I just have to...cause my mind is going in all directions. I can tell I'm spinning my wheels because I slinging things (not literally) but I'm messing. Things are not neat. I see things that need to be done, but don't really feel like doing them...instead I head out the door and run like hell for twelve or thirteen miles. Then, when I get back, none of that stuff bothers me because I'm too pooped.

Damn, I forgot to eat the garlic bread with my pasta...I'll just have to have a little more pasta. But, watch it, I just lost five pounds. Running is so much easier if you are not carry a load along. I mean when you are at the grocery store just pick up a five pound bag of sugar in your hand and see just how heavy that is...then run up and down the aisles of the store with it straps to your back. Oh I know, it's not the same feeling as natural body weight distribution; however, five pounds is five pounds.

Damn when I got home from my run, I found I was all out of soda; that all natural 365 brand. I like the cola. It's not as acidity. Guess, I have to run down to the store and get some...scratch that I'll drive. Really, I don't have the time to run (or walk).

I want to stop by Bread company and get some bagels to eat before walk for the cure in the morning. I need to stop by and copy a little something too. I am so glad I live where I live everything is so convenient.

There is a cute girl who lives around the corner. I want to love her! I really do! I want to love her. She has a birth defect or something, anyway she drags her foot just a little when she walks. And she walks all the time, and goes to the pool but I always see her alone. I want to love her! She's very cute! I said "Hi" to her and she said "Hi" back. I hope she has someone to love her. Oh, she probably does. Here I go again. I just can't leave it alone. This heart always has to be loving somebody...I wish I was a cold fish..it would probably save a lot of embarrassing moments.

I loved loving 05SL..I'm sure if you read any of my stuff you know that. I'm always just ready to jump in the pot. All someone has to do is touch my heart and there I am, loving for life and usually in the affair "alone". I must be out of my head! Oh hell, everyone knows that, so what else is new.

I like running with the women's group in the mornings, and plan on doing more of it. I'm going to see Shakespeare in the park this evening, walk for the cure in the morning, be lonely tomorrow evening and go to brunch on Sunday morning. Actally, if it rains I will love being at home reading or feeling lonely and stupid. I'd rather be holding some sweet thing in my arms.

If only I could die and come back and start over. I know that I would do things totally different. Do you think that is what I was supposed to learn in this lifetime. Well, if that's it, then this one was a waste. I'm feeling loving and nurturing. Oops, little to late to have kids. And most women my age don't appeal to me.. except there are some nice looking straight (?) women I run with who are around my age. See, being active pays off! But, I just want to wrap my arms around some sweet thing who touches my heart...I guess I'm missing 05SL. Well, there was a certain side of her that was very sweet. There were/are many sides to her I think. I just hope she is happy. At many times when I think back, she reminds me of me a few years ago. One thing for certain, we are revolving human beings (I guess if we choose to be) and we are growing and learning all the time. Anyway, I hope that I am.

Maybe it's the time I have to think that I think about loving and intimacy more...funny! Too bad work is wasted on the young. Too bad we have to spend our young fun days working....better do something you love... God, I can't wait to come back!

Oops, better watch what I wish for.. Oh hell, I don't care if I die, as long as it's quick and painless.. I'm ready.