If I believed in god and the church...

I would think that I was being punished. My heart is hurting.

Maybe I am being punished? For what? Wanting love, passion and affection in my life.... like any ordinary sane human being?

I thought I was going to get together with someone from online...apparately not. She has already met someone..and the second date did it, I guess. There was an instant connection.

We were emailing and when I read that it hurt my heart.

I was looking forward to spending special moments with someone. She said it sounded like I had a lot of friends already, that if I didn't want another one she would understand. I told her I recently made a discovery when I went to the botanical gardens to see Chihully display with a "friend" and her two friends (a loving couple). The display was lighted in the otherwise dark gardens and in that romantic setting, I realized that I wanted someone special to share those moments with.

I have two tickets to see Melissa and I wanted to go with someone special. I'm very disappointed. Reading her email was a blow to my heart and I told her so. I guess I had my hopes up high.

Am I really destined to be alone? Oh, I could probably be with someone....anyone maybe if I wasn't particular, but I want it to be romantic, special, and magical for me. I wish I would fall in love with someone who loved me too, in return. I'm finding that a hard thing to happen..in this lifetime.

...like Melissa sings from her "Kiss" Cd..."I want to be in love!"

I was very much in love last summer....I just want that magical feeling back..but this time.. I want her to love me in return. Do you think that is impossible?

Maybe never feeling I was ever loved...I would blow another relationship?

My spirit guides and the universe need to help me... cause I'm feeling pretty sad right now..can't run at night.. not this late. I'll run in the morning...maybe running will help.

I could use some help, please!

Where's the good doctor when I need her to put her arms around me...