A Glorious Day for a Heartache

Well, you can't be too sad or too miserable on such a beautiful day. I had about five hours of sleep and I've been walking my dog and my ex, L. She hurt her back and they both were moving slow today. Emma starts out pretty good but then wears out fast. We walked slow.

I wonder how fast I can digest this spaghetti I'm eating before yoga at one. I'm on a 365 cola kick too. It's natural and not as fizzy...but sugary. This is my last can. I guess the party is over after this one. I have loads of tea to drink which is cheaper and better for my health, but BORING!

I need my ex in my life to ease the pain of my own self-inflected misery. She keeps me grounded. I really wanted to connect with this woman I was emailing on line. This is the second one now that dumped me before we actually met. Guess I don't come across well. Tell me would you go after younger or older? But she woman's preference was 41 -61..so I naturally thought. I geniunely think she fell for this other woman, probably just a damn smooth talker...I'l given three months. Now, I am sounds nasty and jealous. Well I am!

There are only a few attractive with "good" pictures out there. All the ones at my age are not my type; certainly that my body type. It's depressing as hell. Slim (that's a joke) pick'ens.

So L and I had a nice walk. I might have just messed up my life totally. But, I can't believe that I have just having the love I had last year and the year before made life so wonderful and breathed fresh air.

I think L is happy now. She has a girlfriend who may relocate here.

I am heart broken about the women finding someone so quick. Of course, she's cute and forty-five.

I wouldn't know love if it bit me on the ass. But, I do know to be more patient and welcoming. I am so sorry I messed things up last year. I loved her very much. I think we both got comfortable and then began ourselves. I think we extended ourselves to jeopardize the relationship. I think we geniunely hurt, both of us at the end. I miss her. I miss loving holding and loving her. What was it about her... I just couldn't get enough.. sex? or love? I had an insatible sexual hunger when we were together.

I hope in my next life that love is natural and comes easy and just happens. I have spent this entire lifetime not feeling loved.

I love myself but that only goes so far. "It's a heartache, nothing but a heartache when you hear your heart break.." Reminds me of a song.. now I must go to music.com and buy and print it on the spot.. and play it. Who sang that anyway.. a woman.?

I had a darling 22 year old make my day yesterday all the way from Canada. I thanked her told her she made my day with her smile. Said she was adorable...now go away. I'll use that memory for card playing conversation or when I need an ego boost. She likes older women. She might have been looking to be supported financally. She ran into a snag then in that respect.

It's time to take a shower. I'll be glad when yoga is over and I can take a nap I'm beat today.. I love staying up late just doing whatever, but hate feeling like crap the next day. I almost fell asleep just sitting her.

I ran 13 miles yesterday so wasn't planning on runnnig today..but if I had gotten up earlier I could have rode my bike before betting ready for yoga. Tomorrow I have dentist appointment in the same time frame.

I'm so glad Emma knows not to charge through the screen and leap on the mailman...especially since is are on the second floor. She still; however, gets a charge out of them still, although she has slowed down a lot....

It' s noon already